LOOKING BACK TO GRAB MY HAND FORWARD


It was the 13/10/2011 . Icelandic temperatures   in the U.K. We had zero cash and I was not afraid. Everyone around me; My Nan, my Mom and my Aunt were giving me advice and asking me questions.

“Have a bathe. Have sex. Have a curry. Have a bath.  Have a” … inundated with many opinions and suggestions

My daughter was still not due until a week later. In one week I had  had three stretch and sweeps.My Nan had to give us money for fuel to get back to the hospital.  After my lovely bath I went to lie down but I felt rather  contrary and decided to check back into  the hospital. The midwives said I still had at least 5 cm to go.

So we trudged back into our car for the seemingly long journey home.  10 minutes into the drive home, I felt something that I thought could be a contraction. It wasn’t painful but it was consistent. and it was a real ‘feeling’. I turned to my Nan  and said I think I may be contracting. The car swerved  and headed back to the hospital. At the hospital the contractions started to pick up in intensity (not sore just an ‘alien’ feeling). The nurses led me to a room and said they would be back with all their midwifery gear . My Mom and my Aunt arrived.  By this time I was going into panic mode because I didn’t know what to expect. I demanded my drugs and started hitting the gas and air (That was all I asked for). If only I  knew how ill too much would make me. I sat on this massive pink blobby  ball, bobbing up and down like a  confused Buddha . Mom was massaging my shoulders like I was in the wrestlers seat ready for round one in the ring. DIN! DING! DING!

Out of nowhere I had the urge to get to the toilet. I don’t want to be vulgar though the feminist in me wants to flip the bird and give all the gory details. We need to get over the fact that birth can be ugly. Moving on, this immense pressure hit me and it felt like I  needed shit. REALITY PEOPLE!  Though, it wasn’t the same feeling as the usual order of  the bathroom purge. I ran/made a move to go to the toilet and I sat down on it. My mom followed suit   and said to me,

” No grandchild of mine is going to be born on the toilet” so her and my aunt took an arm each and propped me up and headed in the the direction of the bed.

I got on the bed and screamed  out what I needed to  do. I wanted to push.

“PUSH”  they cried.

Okay…. so I pushed really hard. I heard my Mom say,

” I can see her shoulders, push! ”

I gave one almighty push that started from my head (with thoughts of ‘ ‘one more push’ ‘body will obey’) One more push   and it was ‘SHOWTIME’,I felt her shoot out of me. A chill stirred by my snakelike placenta laying frigid  in between my legs.  No cry. The midwives burst in at this moment  with a Spanish inquisition  manner of urgency about  them. All tooled up for their big moment.

“we need to pierce the placenta‘ 

My little girl was born in the full sac. My body didn’t even have enough time to send a message to tell my body  ‘waters you may now  burst’.

Still no cry.  Then a tiny mew of a cry and they placed her on my chest for a  nano second and then took her away to make sure she she was in top form. They took my girl to another ward to observe her breathing and to make sure the medication I take had not affected her in any way. The midwives broke my waters! My Mom and Aunt were clapping like a bunch of sea lions and then kissed me on the top of my head and dashed out the hospital  to catch a bus to London! I almost looked around for any discarded popcorn.

GOOD SHOW!

GOOD SHOW!

I did grab for the gas and air because my daughter had torn me   and I needed to be stitched all the way around like a hem of a skirt. I needed some  post labour-pain relief. The whole drive back to hospital and the labour lasted less than three hours. My baby girl was born  on the 13/10/2011 at 03:15 a.m.

All the other Mom’s were super jealous. The easiest birth ever.  The worst part was actually having to go to the toilet and not scream out in pain when my stitches had been so cruelly awoken.She has never been a hassle from her birth right up to her fourth birthday. She is such

a placid kid, she is always smiling from morning till night. She tells people they are beautiful and she comments on what people are wearing. She sings and dances. She shares. She is so courageous. There is an old wives tale that children born in the placenta sac are ‘special’. Centuries ago  men travelling at sea would wear a part of the sac around their neck as a talisman – it was thought that it would give them protection and stop them from drowning at sea.

So sweetheart you are four tomorrow. So much has happened in four years .People expected you to act like some feral child but no you are the most chilled, charismatic, hilarious, intuitive and smart child I know. I see you blossom and I blossom too. When I hug you to my chest that connection .That surge of emotion puts everything in perspective. I LOVE YOU!  

Our pinkie promise: I promise to love you for ever and ever and I will never stop loving you and  you will always be my baby girl,pinkie promise.

I know a special girl whose heart is full of sunshine
She dances her way around the world to deliver her own special punchline

She laughs so distinctly that people cannot help but become infected
It is a sight to behold when this observation is detected

She is gracious and kind and is delicately inclined
the phrase 'she is an angel' are the only words that come to mind

Her name means beautiful-that  of body, mind and soul
and to have her touch so many lives confirms her title role

She is my modern day princess -so noble and full of grace
I love her with all my being and she is a person that I cannot replace 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my sweet child. You are the true gift
I found it in your innocent eyes and that was the day my world truly began to shift

written by a shitty poet - me= Daisy in the willows

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