It has just dawned upon me that I am getting married on the 22 nd of June 2016. How did that creep up on me so quickly?
I never wanted to get married. EVER! I was an idealist. Why do I need a piece of paper to tell the world I love some one? No one had come along in my life to really test out that belief.
Of course, being human, I sometimes had thoughts about what it might be like to have a child and be a family. Marry, but that notion usually ended up in a bin bag or worse with the end of each relationship I had.
So how did I get to this point in my life- a wedding looming in sight?
I wasn’t forced into marriage, I wasn’t bribed by shamed family members..
Here is how happened:
My daughter had been in care for 2 weeks and a bit,I was all over the place mentally- emotionally. I went round to a friends house for support and I was stung by an arrow from Eros. There,sitting on my friends sofa, in my friends lounge, was this gorgeous guy. I mean he was seriously hot. If you could see what was going on my insides.
My blood was like a fine champagne- bubbling away and filling it up like my body was a flute shaped glass. I couldn’t help being drawn to him.
NO! I had to shut him out, I needed to focus on getting my daughter back. This was no time to think about another guy. My life was seriously messed up. My ex accused me of shaking my child! My ex relationship was violent and perverted and had messed with my mental health.
the chemistry between us was too strong.
I laid down the rules fast. I told him my daughter would be my priority and she would always come first. He understood. I was overly wary at the start.
I got loads of disapproving raised eyebrows, ‘Are you mad?’ phone calls.
Social services tried to use my relationship with some one else so soon as a weakness, like I was doing something morally wrong.
Last time I checked I was not living in the 1500’s. I wasn’t living in some puritanical town. I am a proud feminist who has free will and choice!
Let me tell you something I have learned. I was doing a lot of stuff in the back round to strengthen my case to get my daughter back. I was attending Domestic violent groups. What ever service I could find in my community to help me: I went to.
You can’t put a time limit on when you find someone you love and who you have feelings for. In my 30 years. I had felt that feeling once.
What I did do was be straight up with him. I refused to get bullied by social services. I fell in love with some one the opposite of me or anyone I was ever drawn too. No drugs and alcohol. Stable, loving and he is a true diamond. True respect for me. Chivalry was not dead. There is not one person I know who doesn’t love my husband to be. I joke that he needs his on T.V. show- he is that popular.
If anyone keeps up with my posts, you will know that it is nearly 5 years later. My daughter is back home with me and my hubby-to-be and as I’ve written above- we are getting married in 6 months.
I am panicking now.
- Nearly paid off for the wedding venue and food
- paid off the civil ceremony. We owe £35 to the registrar so my partner can give his 7 days notice
- I have my beautiful -all lace dress.
- The bridesmaids have their gorgeous dresses that they picked themselves 0- bar my chief brides maid.
- We are having a southern belle/ jazz theme / New Orleans style – need to learn to download music for free – HELP!
- Sun flower and yellow is part of the theme
- What the hell is my partner going to wear? He won’t tell me!
- We still have to pay the photographer off.
- organise the cake
- Pay off my daughters dress
- sort out favours
- invitations and other bits and bobs
Have I left anything out? We don’t need lots of decorations on the table because we have opted for a high afternoon tea reception. No evening do. That is our idea of hell.
By June 2016, I will be termed a wife, A Mrs. -I will no longer be a Miss Willows.
I have just read what I typed above and sat back and let it sink in. My skin absorbs the words like tattoo ink. I like tattoos, thank fully.
So what happened to my ‘never getting married’ vows ?
TRUE LOVE happened. It has to be – other wise I am certifiably insane.
We are only having an understated, small and intimate wedding. We don’t need anything else. It is a day about us and we decided from the start that it would not end up a circus -for loads of people.
So, me -the rebel- the contrary idealist has sort of become a traditionalist. Only this once may I add.
My biggest act of rebellion so far is I refuse to wear a veil. My Ma has begged me to wear one. Why won’t I? I have to rebel at something and I need to piss someone off. Sorry Ma!
This is my beautiful dress. I am not superstitious and my partner doesn’t usually read my blog.
I’m getting married.
I’m getting married.
I AM GETTING MARRIED!
…in 6 months….
Fireworks have just gone off in my brain. I better get this post published and start to act like a bridezilla. I’ve been way too laid back about this.