ADVICE FOR THOSE IN A VIOLENT RELATIONSHIP WITH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES
Once you’ve been knocked about and taken a couple of punches to the face DO NOT run after your partner and console him and say ‘We will work it out’
Do not have sympathy for his anger/ low self confidence issues and his ‘justified’ reasons. Just because he got bullied in the army ,it does not give anyone the excuse to abuse some one
Don’t kind of) move in weeks into knowing the guy/gal
Drinking may seem like fun at the time but if you wake up and you take a good look around you and see the house is a tip/ filth everywhere, and you are a neat freak. Don’t offer to stay and help sort out the house
don’t allow yourself to be manipulated into ‘liking’ his sexual fetishes. If you feel dead inside while you are screwing, then it may be a sign that you are not in a relationship with healthy sexual boundaries
Don’t use all your money to keep him going
Don’t stop looking after yourself – if you love to wear make up. Don’t stop. If he loves your hair up, don’t stop wearing it down sometimes
Don’t fall pregnant 5 weeks into the relationship.
Do not allow yourself to be coerced into taking your on/off partner with you to get an Abortion. He will make you feel like a murderer for the remainder of your days with him
Don’t start drinking heavily after the Abortion and sleep with on/off ex days after the abortion -you may just fall pregnant again
Do not feel you have to take the blame for the reason he can’t keep hold of a job/ house/ or pay the bills- this might lead you to taking him and his two son’s( who he sees on weekends) to set up bunk beds in the living room and use your your one bedroom cottage as a ‘family home’.
If you take a serious overdose and your partner does not seek help in the 4/5 days you are unconscious -it is not a good enough an excuse to say he knows ‘First aid’ and didn’t feel the need to ring A&E
If he knows you have an eating disorder and he starts to call you ‘affectionate’ names such as ‘elephant feet’ – you will probably feel shit about yourself and rate yourself a zero
If your cat won’t leave your side and growls and runs under the bed every time she senses your partners presence – Your cat/dog/pet might be on to something
If you want to get married and your partner is already married but separated and has no money to afford a divorce– maybe you need to assess your priorities
Don’t drink and take drugs or benzos – you will probably black out and stories about you being violent may crop up.
If you want to move and get out of a room and your partner blocks the way, don’t cower away
Don’t let your partner threaten to make you homeless if you don’t buy him a new car, because you apparently lost the keys to the car. You then find the ‘lost’ car keys in his sons drawers, after you have bought the car,with your student finance money.
If you need to have micro surgery on your arm after your partner smashes your arm into double glazed window. Don’t allow him to stay with you at the hospital, especially when the doctor wants a private word with you and you only
If you suddenly start losing all your friends and ignore their advice then you are probably firmly tangled into your partners web.The predator’s rules rule. You are more likely to believe your friends are false and affirm you are not likeable
If you have an argument on Christmas eve, when you are both drunk and you black out, and then find yourself in a cell on Christmas day. Don’t just believe your partners version of events and what he tells the police.
If your partner keeps on making you homeless. DO NOT write emails back and forth begging him to let you come home and begging him/her to love you. It is a mind game. One of many that your partner chooses to control you. rendering you weak and inferior
If you are in a crowd with people socialising don’t look at your partner. He may give you looks like what you are saying is stupid, it may make you stop talking because you think that his manner and expression is what every one else is thinking
If your partner threatens that if you ever try to leave him he will make sure your child will be taken away from you – you need to do some serious thinking
If you are arguing and he punches you n the stomach when you are 3 months pregnant – think about the life inside you and what his motives are for punching you where you baby is growing
If you go out and come back home and you get the silent treatment. Don’t fall into the trap of asking him what is up with him. He may use this as an excuse to throw you around and accuse you of flirting/ kissing another guy/s. It may also give him the excuse to ‘punish’ you sexually.
If your mother sees red every time his name is mentioned or when they meet up -maybe your Mom has a good reason. Ask her.
The first time your meet his mom and have a girlie natter over coffee and his own mother warns you not to give up your home and questions you about his drinking habits. She may be telling you something – In fact this is a BIG RED WARNING SIGN THAT THIS MAY NOT TURN OUT WELL.
If he sits in a corner rolling his eyes while you are in labour screaming and grunting and pushing your baby out of you -he is possibly the biggest dick ever
Don’t tell him he has a small dick when you are drunk. You will probably pay for it somewhere down the line. Mental abuse is pretty potent.
If you have to stay in hospital for longer than necessary due to mental/ physical health issues and he won’t leave your side -not even to brush his teeth or take a shower- he may just be worried someone will want to talk with you.
If he has to leave your side to feed your cat and the midwife asks you questions about your relationship. Talk to her!
If you are afraid to leave him with your child,or even for him to hold your baby -trust your instincts. Something is probably seriously wrong with this relationship
If you are advised to put your surname on your child’s birth certificate -maybe ask why. Someone may be trying to tell you something
If you keep on over dosing regularly in the relationship. Perhaps you are not happy and need to think about your options
If you find your partner talking to other girls on-line and leaving the laptop wide open for anyone to see – you are been played and there is some serious mind fucking going one
If you have given up your home and have had to find a new home, seven months pregnant, because you have been thrown out AGAIN – perhaps this partner doesn’t give a shit
If your partner lets you do most of the painting in your new home and carry most of the shopping bags in the latter stage of your pregnancy – this says a lot about his character and his views on how he sees females
If you are watching the ‘X factor’ with him and Nicole Sherzinger comes on in dancing and singing a provocative dress and he slams his beer down and starts shouting, that she deserves to be raped, No child of his will be allowed to dress like that- RUN!
If he puts his other two sons before your child -this too says a lot about his character and possibly what he thinks about the female gender
If you splurge out on loads of gifts for his birthday,. say you get him a watch with the names of his children and the date of each of their birth dates engraved on the back. When you present him with his gifts, and if all he has to say is ‘you got S’s birth-date wrong’ -He is a cunt.
If you are in the worst place mentally and physically and are finding it hard to cope when he is around. You carry on drinking too cope when you are around him and have another black out. You may wake up in a cell again and be told you need a lawyer.
Why? because your partner may have said you assaulted your child and shook her. Then he goes to seek legal advice the next day to try and get full parental responsibility over your child- due to your poor mental health:it is time to get your armour on and prepare for battle
If social services become involved and it looks like he is losing the battle and he agrees with social services to have your child adopted at 12 weeks old. Try hard not to pay a sniper to take him out
If you get your child back after 16 months of fighting social services and your ex partner -and he then wants nothing to do with your child ever! THANK THE BASTARD for finally doing something positive in the entire relationship.
Finally can I take this opportunity to tell you about the global event on 05/03/2016 –ONE BILLION RISING CAMPAIGN . Do try and get involved wherever you live in this world of ours. I’m trying to get to London to be a part of this revolution. Money permitting.
thoughts especially scattered petals are encouraged to make contact.
Monthly Festival : Turn your book into a movie and get it seen by 1000s of people. Or garner FULL FEEDBACK from publishers on your novel and help your next draft. Or get a transcript video of your novel performed by professional actors.