I’ve been partly inspired to write this post because of a post I have just read and also because. ME, yes me is getting married in 4 months.
We got engaged in 2013. I don’t think I really ever thought we would actually get to a day that we would get married. I mean, I never thought about not being Miss Willow. Now there is some kind of self pressure to be Mrs pillow ( random surname).
I’ve never particularly liked my surname -people always pronounce it Bode –lee. and not Bod -lee.
What are the odds that me,a person with an Eating disorder has the word ‘bod’ in their surname?)I’ve never been picked on for it, but it has been a part of me for 34 years.
When did I want to be a Mrs?
Oh, I want to get married now. I never ever wanted to get married.
What difference will getting married do for our relationship?
Well ,we get to have an awesome day with a small bunch of people to celebrate it with. My Ma is helping to fund a lot with our wedding. She has become Mama Bridezella.
I’m reaching out for the Valium. I am getting panic attacks. Some idea that started out so small and on a low budget has eloped. In its place something quite extravagant has unpacked it’s bags. My wedding board on Pinterest in just full of beautiful picture after picture. The theme is vintage, lots of lace, Jazz new Orleans style music and High afternoon tea. My dress is all lace. check it out. There are pearls and blinged up converse trainers. All bouquets and the corsages and made out of l silk with gems. Here take a look
I am, for the first time, allowed to embrace me me me me !
. It’s all about the bride. I get to have it all my way.
Be a Diva. Every one has to put up with me for 24 hours!
I’ve been a bit of a Diva most of my life. The wedding has deported Diva to wherever evicted divas go.
My mind is like a rickshaw.
Fragile. I am panicking.
My head is now a vintage tea cup – a spoon stirs around sugar cubed thoughts- one thought – around and around. The spoon stirs ‘hang on’, I jump up high and try my hardest to hold onto a thought and it dissolves in my hand. A sticky syrupy mess.-all thoughts coagulated into some horrific family heirloom I want to throw out. I have a new condition, Bullied bride syndrome.
Can I just say? My Ma is epic. She wants to give me the best day of my life. Not many people have some one like that in their lives. I am blessed.
Apologies, I have digressed.
Back to the concept of me and a man/woman getting married. I’ve always been anti everything. -if society does one thing: I will do the opposite . That stubbornness could be the only thing that has stood in the way of me wanting to get married. I am getting married to my soul mate!
How do we know this?
Have we convinced ourselves that we are because we can’t back out now?
WHAT A CREEPY QUOTE-AAAAAAAARGH!
Have we just got stuck in a routine and the next milestone of life is marriage and then children?
I have a child btw ,so I am not traditional(‘at all’) is what I want to say.
Do I want to be pregnant again?
Can’t I hire a concubine?
These thoughts are mental.
Do I even know my hubby-to -be as much as I think I do?
Am I good enough to be an awesome wife?
I am good enough but am I a wifey type of person?
What happens to wives?
what happens after the big day?
What is my role?
Are there any lines I need to know?
Is their some secret script I get once the rings are exchanged?
What if I get stage fright half way through the marriage?
Forget my lines….
AWARD GOES TOO ……………
I refuse to be called ‘the missus’ or ‘the wifey’. I hate those terms. I want to be adressed as Mrs dame pillow.. I’m waffling.. I wonder if we should have waffles with our High tea?
This post is starting to get far too silly.I have always thought I was super organised. I’m not in this setting. In this wedding-y context.
When I wanted to get stuff done -everyone was like,
‘ Oh hunny, wait. we have oodles of time.’
Now they are saying,
‘We only have four months! There’s the invitations, the cake- sponge or chocolate? Make it ourselves? no order one! how many tiers?, a tea cup on top? , Head pieces? A veil? no mother no veil? NO VEIL !, No veil. Flowy braids in our hair?, music?, personal vows? If it is so personal then can I keep them to myself?
What if I fall? Or need the loo ?
What if everyone hates the day? I’m not having an night do.There will be an after party for two guests in the bridal suite. The noises- the screams- all mine, the banging of my head agaisnt the head board
‘ Can you stop snoring and interfering with my sleep?’
Can you tell I am just ever so slightly panicking?
Do I know the true meaning of love?
What does it mean again?
Oh dear. My heads inn a bit of a tizz.
I know, I will post some pics for you to take a look. The sunflower theme has faded and appears rather jaded now 😦 . It’s all about the pearls.
My mother is a bully.
The worst thing of all is, my Nan, gets back to the U.K. from a 3 month holiday in ,South Africa,this month!She is a bully too.
Just call me Mrs marionette from now on……………………………………………………………….. somewhere in this post there is a message that ‘love is the answer…