The price of life


‘When you die,it will not be  because you are sick,but because you were alive’ – Seneca  (c.4BCE 46BCE-6FCE.)

I’ve  mentioned in a couple of posts recently about my plan to get my spark back. My passion for life and my passion for   being mentally well.

Life is a funny thing. I’ve been ‘umming and ‘aahing’ about my life and how little I have accomplished.

VERY POOR ME, POOR ME, POUR ME ANOTHER DRINK-  but I am not drinking at the moment due to my wedding 😀 but you get the message.

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I see everyone doing their thing and they all seem happy and got their shit together.

Have you ever  met someone?  and you think ‘I’m kind of excited  how big a part this person may be in my future? 

I met this guy at a volunteer get together just over the month ago. This charismatic character introduced himself – all dread locks . An open face -a smile that reached up to the crinkles if his eyes. Someone I saw and thought:

He has his shit together. He told  me about his experiences with volunteering with Health minds.

Early last month, I received a FB email one night from this dude and he told me he reads  my blog  he found it was inspiring .  I was touched to my very core. It was just the boost I needed .

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I was going through one of my  cartoon storm clouds, thundering and lightening following me everywhere I went. We became FB friends and had a few conversations about how excited were were had a place on the upcoming 4 day ‘ facilitating   group’  training.

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I was looking forward to be able to get the chance  to work with someone not afraid to role play or laugh  and bring a vibrant energy to the training.

A few weeks have passed,as time does, I’ve been doing my thing.

The doctors made a complete balls up with my medication on Friday. They forgot to inform my pharmacy that there was a new script waiting to be collected with my medication change.

So, Pharmacy had not script. My partner and I spent hours ringing 111 ( which is a  bit like 999) but they tend to go through a series of questions to gauge if A&E is  necessary.  A highly under rated and over looked medical care  service in the U.K.

They were fucking brilliant.

My local pharmacy stayed open until  11 pm to get a fax /phone call from an emergency out of hours doctor to sort out a script for the weekend to tide me  over until next week.

Same day before I knew of the epic cock up with my medication. I came across a new innovative mental health on line community  #SickNotWeak. 

I sent them a message and explained about my blog and experiences with my own mental health. I was blown away  by the responding email I found in my in-box  on Saturday morning..

He made me feel like I was some kind of super hero ( my thoughts wouldn’t allow me to accept the power within me. They suggested I still needed props)

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I’ve been  welcomed into this community. I’m officially going to be starting moderator training soon to help people struggling with Mental health and life  with a chat on-line support system . He has also expressed his interest  in me writing for TELL YOUR STORY CHRONICLES

Of course, I am over- whelmed- in a good way.  My path keeps getting brighter and brighter.

I woke up yesterday like I had had a collision with a heavy duty truck and survived with severe brain damage. This was with all connected with  the stress of  the medication  balls up caused me.  I read #SicknotWeak’s reply message (heartfelt, personal) , a lot of time went into writing it. I read this message and  those negativity  thoughts beamed around  my mind with precision like  lazors

I can’t do public speaking . I am shit and rubbish..I can’t do doing the anti stigma workshop with homestart on Monday.

How the hell can me?-who has so many ups and downs be able to help facilitate  groups and provide a supportive role  for people who are struggling, to feel safe to talk and just be in  group .

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I thought I had lot every last spark  in me. didn’t think  have it it me to go through the facilitating group, until

I logged into my FB account. A lady I  do not know messaged me and   asked my if I had spoken with the volunteer dude  recently. I was a bit wary so being me being my usual  blunt self, I asked her what she wanted.

What she wanted were answers. It was his aunt who got in contact with me. His mother is looking for answers. He passed away  date. 

Epiphany moment- laced with bitter sweetness.

I  got thinking.

Maybe

 if this dude – if he knew there was a place he could access on line and vent, may be he would still alive today.

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The anti stigma workshop I am helping with on Monday is to re reinforce the message that their organisation – the volunteers and staff are usually the first point of contact for vulnerable families. Their role is not ‘just’ a volunteer . They can be the one determining  factor that can help a family get help from the community.  Be it practical support or sign posting families to agencies that can help them, or to  having the heavy duty local authority/social services getting involved.

All the training I have done and will be doing ,is one step closer to helping me  be a part of  co- producing and co-facilitating a support group for people with eating disorders. – possibly even on-line.

Sometimes, it takes a tragedy of another to put into a brighter  perspective.

I  have my mental health and I have goals and purpose and skills.

I can use them.

I haven’t fallen so low I can’t pick myself back up.

It’s a funny thing is fate,

I believe we create our life experiences, I also think whatever path you choose, signs to lead you further down that path start to pop up-

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a bit like in ‘Alice adventures in wonderland’.

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THE CHESHIRE CAT

OR

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TWEEDLE DEE AND TWEEDLE DUM

OR

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THE SINGING FLOWER

OR

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THE MAD HATTER

OR,

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It might not make sense what these pop up signs and messages mean at the time but if their is a pull or an intuitive feeling that gets your gut instinct rumbling,   this  is usually a sign  there is something worth pursuing . It is up to us to make the wisest choics

Not easy but possible.

 Please, can I ask people to light a candle for  one’s who we have lost to illness here is a  link.

Samuel Templeman : Obituary Published in the Halifax Courier on 11th March 2016

I have my spark back, my passion. I know what I need to do and want to do and it al makes sense why I am doing all these things and meeting all these organisations and pushing myself to reach out .

Rest in Peace

Have a great Sunday

It’s date night in the Willow household.  child free zone! 😀

 

 

 

 

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