I am sexy and I finally feel it


“Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature” – Marilyn Monroe

WHY THIS QUOTE ?

We are all adults- at least I hope you are and if you are a teenager reading this post, it should empower you.

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I am not shy to speak about sex, my sexuality and my experiences. I won’t go into to loads of detail. So this is not a post that needs a adult only rating.

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I’ve not had any positive male role models in my life who have shown me how a  woman and her sexuality  should be treated: with respect.

My Dad and I had a distant relationship. I mean this in a role model way.

I can say that almost all of my life, I have felt like I have had to serve men. I’ve never thought about my own pleasure.  I always found myself needing to fake it ,to get through it as quick as possible ,so that whichever partner I was with at the time got what he wanted.

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I have never, in all my years experienced a sexual experience where I felt safe, sober,sexy,adventurous for my own gain and respected.

It is no secret that I have been exploited by men from the age of 5 years old. I’m not going into this now because this is not what this post is about.

However,  at this age , was  the starting point for where I set my bar for what I would allow a man to do to me sexually. I have never enjoyed being touched. I  have always felt unsatisfied.

 Before G,I can recall one occasion when I had sex and felt connected and fulfilled and respected

.One of those moments where I woke up naked in the arms of this person and all our parts fit together. Each body part found a way to be not two but one.

It feels like I have had this sexual exploitation radar switched on for 15 odd years.

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I didn’t know what I liked or how to enjoy myself. I attracted men who didn’t get me. In all fairness I  was a  a mighty glacier to contend with.

Some men tried to be patient but I gave nothing of myself. I didn’t know how to give anything. It all felt unnatural. They tried to chip away the ice but mostly ended up chipping away more of my self esteem and confidence.   Their words always sounded  a bit like this to me

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I COULD ALWAYS SEE THROUGH WORDS DRESSED UP WITH FLOWER FOLIAGE

 

 I forced myself to buy into to it but I never felt the urge to just go with that feeling.

In all honesty, the feeling of losing myself and expressing myself sexually terrified me, in some ways it still  does.  Saying that, these days I am not so afraid to express myself.

We are all different.

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What I thought I enjoyed sexually, was aggressive and all for the taking. I gave and the men took everything they could. This power over me usually trickled over into the areas of my life.

I found that because I was not treated as an equal in bed.  Men picked up on my lack of confidence  and this automatically took away more respect they had for me as a  person, outside of the sexual arena. I was constantly mind fucked and used.

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I allowed all this.

If sex were likened to golf .I didn’t know my handicap score  – I didn’t know where or how to measure it so, I lost frequently.

In ditches,

sand pits,

places that went way yonder in a forest somewhere.

Forever lost.

It became  harder and harder  to even think of trying to find my sexuality.

So, I shut down.

I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD EVER BE A CREATURE WHO DESIRES SEX.

I’ve realised that respect and patience can’t be time limited with me.

I am that really difficult oyster that refuses to be prised open . I finally realise I  am the one with the pearl inside that has the most potential to mould and solidify into  a Somebody to be valued.

We all have varying degrees of states of sexual confidence.

All oysters have the potential to become a fully formed pearl so do humans. It is a process and a process cannot be rushed. That is unnatural . I don’t like anything fake.

 Trust and true love can’t be rushed.

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so here is what I have learned about me and my sexuality

  • I can’t enjoy myself knowing there are heavy expectations on me with sex as the end product. 

  • I get turned on by the mind. Banter and talking and allowing another to open up their mind and emotions to me is sexy. It turns me on.

  • Laughter and not taking sexual innuendos too seriously is my kind of foreplay. This fore play is not time specified.

  • It is more of a build up. It has no expiry date or use by date on it. 

  • I need too feel relaxed and I need to feel safe and this takes time. 

  • I don’t use drugs or alcohol when I want to be sexually satisfied.

  • I don’t want to miss a thing (thanks Steve Tyler) I want to be fully present.

  • I only enjoy taking control when I feel like I am taking control to make sure I fee I am getting something out of it by making love or a quickie and then I find I naturally become a flirt and a bit of a tease – I do deliver but on my terms. 

  • Taking control in my way makes me feel sexy.

  • Sex doesn’t have to be aggressive. It is more fun when it is playful. 

  • I don’t enjoy gadgets and movies and lying motionless.

  • I want to move .

  • I love to be dominated.  

  • I am not turned on by  TOO much  oral sex. It is not for me. As my sexuality and experimentation grows things may change.

They may not.

I know I am having sex for me when I am asked if we should carry on. If I kiss back -pull away and kiss back and then pull away  again then I’m usually turned on and the foreplay can start moving forwards.

I didn’t realise how hard it would be to write this post.

The body and mind is a fascinating machine. It can  re learn to trust and respond.

I love to close my eyes and lay back and just enjoy the direction of  where my  body takes me.

Yes, I have had issues but all the other men (bar one)have made me feel an oddity because of it.

 The sad truth is some women never get to experience what a truly equal sexual experience is.  They may think the way they play out their sex live is truly what they want.

I have felt this too in my life. my gut instincts told me I was wrong.

If you are not getting an orgasm or somewhere close to it – bearing in mind that an orgasm doesn’t always have to be physical ,it can take place  in your mind.

If none of this is happening most of the time,then in my experience, the sexual pleasure is one sided.

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DON’T LOSE FAITH LADIES!

To want to reciprocate for myself has been my biggest indicator yet that I am owning my sexuality and enjoying the reaction  I get from getting naked and being touched.

 I know I am loved  unconditionally.

There have never been bribes or guilt trips or “let’s try this” to elicit some response(even if it is pretend on my part) so it feels like “we” are both getting something good out of the experience.

I’ve had to go through my share of men – consented and not –to get to this point in my life.

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I never ever thought, I would desire and lust and  want  to  look and feel in control. I’ve never felt sexy until now and it has been worth  been 100% worth it.

Fuck me, this was a hard post to write.. 😀

If you reading this I kind of hit publish !

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45 thoughts on “I am sexy and I finally feel it

  1. Good for you for finally learning how to come out of your shell! Love and sex take time, patience, and trust to reach full understanding and pleasure. I hope you continue to find more fulfillment in your passionate endeavors!

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  2. Hi Daisy, I clicked through from Deb’s post. This was a fantastic piece of writing. It reminded me of an interview I read recently In Salon magazine about women’s sexuality. If I can find the link, I’ll try to pass it on. The author pointed out how girls are never told that sex is just as much for their pleasure as their partners’. Sex ed focuses on procreation and pregnancy, disease prevention and so forth. The conversation never gets to the point of talking about the female orgasm. When young women embark upon their sexual journeys, how often are they coerced into performing for their partner and not asking for what they want in return? For example, in the context of pregnancy prevention, oral or anal sex is often substituted for traditional intercourse. Are the young women getting the reciprocal treatment? Do they know it’s ok to ask their boyfriend to pleasure them? Young women need to know it’s good and healthy to get what they want and need from their sexual encounters. Sorry to ramble on! Anyway, wonderful post and glad to meet ya!

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    • Hi Doctor Sorick
      Bit formal 🙂
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and then comment. Please forward the article if you can find it. It is so true, we as teenagers should learn about how to perform safe oral sex and focus on safe sex and enjoyment from both parties. There is a gap and a place for sex education to step up one and explore safe sexual satisfaction boundaries. I think about it now and it is so obvious that it should be something we learn from a young age. Nice to meet you too. 🙂 thanks for the follow 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • You’re welcome Daisy! Please call me Meg. I’m the least formal person in the world. It’s nice to meet you too. I look forward to following along on your blog! As you will see, there’s a lot of fun and nonsense going on over on mine! 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      • Meg it is 🙂 some people are a bit iffy with titles ha ha. Yes. Your blog was not what I was expecting at all. Can’t wait to read more posts in the future . I write about anything and everything – I WILL NOT BE LABELLED! me screaming in defiance 😀

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  3. Pingback: Vagina Class(AC) – DebWasHere
  4. I can’t tell this was hard for you to write. But you have been honest and forthcoming on how you feel about sexuality. I give you kudos and applaud you of your braveness and the truth.

    Your right about something, the equalness of both male and female should be fair and respected.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I can’t really say much as my sexual experience = 0. But I can seriously give you kudos for where you’ve reached. For such a lot of shite that’s happened in your life, and you are still willing to open and trust the right people. And that you are clear with what sex is about for you; I think so many people (men and women) just sort of rush into in the heat of passion or lust, and don’t enjoy it in the right way. They don’t get the benefits of what can be something amazing and relationship changing (or so I’m told).

    You’re sexy and you feel it – you go girl! Proud of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I could say so much, but I will only say this. Way to go! Nothing like knowing you and what you want. I simply hate/detest having to satisfy a partner and left feeling unfulfilled. Doesn’t work for me and thankfully my husband has the good sense to know this. Very open and honest post.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think we truly want to be equal with men -us ladies need to not be scared to speak our mind about sex- we should be able to do it in an authentic way. I don’t have to talk about it like a man might. It is scary being so honest but I think this communication is so important. I too found a good man who 10o% respects me- from day one. It’s taken time to get used to it but he has helped me -we work a partnership. I have never ever felt so empowered as a woman as I do today. I think a lot of women are coming out on blogs and the media to say what they want and don’t want. I mean this in the most gentle way. You don’t come across as a lady who suffers fools gladly xxx 😀

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  7. There are so many things I want to comment on, but then my comments would be longer than your post. First, I love your strength and honesty. Sex had become such a complicated topic nowadays. It is so open and often discussed it has lost some of its magic. Especially after the invention of the internet where porn is confused with sex. Discovering yourself and your sexual likes and dislikes is what makes you sexy. A woman who knows what she wants is the most sexiest of all. As for a statement about a glacier, men need to be flexible when it comes to love, love-making, and sex. A wise man understands one woman is turned on by ABC, while another prefers DEF. It is up to the man to discover the wonders of his partner. Great post my friend.

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    • Thanks for reading. This post left me feeling super exposed but then I thought fuck it. If I can’t express my feelings and thoughts on my own blog then what is the point of having a blog. It is so liberating to feel sexy in bed and to be able to express that. My partner has told me from day one how sexy he finds me. He has been exactly how you describe how a man should approach sex if he wants a great sex life. You are so right about the confidence bit. This works for all genders. If a male/ woman/transgender/ whoever feels comfortable enough to take control in ‘their’ way and not feel like thy have to ‘perform’ as portrayed in pornos or the media that is a sexy. Thanks for reading as always. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Sex is a delicate thing. Of course, I never write about it on my blog… it would definitely be a shock tucked amongst the other subject matter. Lol! Anyway… I applaud your bravery in approaching the topic. Like most things, getting to the point of getting it right, takes some time and bravery with yourself and your partner.
    I might mention this, at first, sex was not all that good… pleasureful to an extent… but good? Nah! It wasn’t until I understood my partner and her needs more perfectly that it got good. The more we understood each other and fulfilled each others needs and desires, the better it got. Now it rocks! I hope that’s appropriate. 🙂 It is really about becoming one and sensing the other’s feelings and emotions, relaxing, and at the same time, going for it.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hey ART – so glad to have you back. Yes. I don’t know what readers would make of your content and this content. There is a place for the two but I’m still trying to understand fully on focusing on being one with all. I can see how sexual content in your blogs could be seriously misconstrued and interpreted in perhaps not the way you wish to come across ;). It is true the longer you are with someone the better you get to know what that person likes and doesn’t but a lot of people forget how to communicate. Communicate and be consistent. :00 -I think everything you have stated is very appropriate. Thanks for the support.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Brave, authentic, touching post….Hopefully liberating and therapeutic not only for yourself but for many who read this honest ‘opening up’. For me, the most significant little bits that ‘grabbed me’ :
    “All oysters have the potential to become a fully formed pearl so do humans. It is a process and a process cannot be rushed.” and
    “Trust and true love can’t be rushed.”
    Hugs! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Babs!All my writing is therapeutic. It’s one way of expressing myself I feel 100% comfortable. You have summed up post – time and time and respect and experimenting and opening up is definitely the way to flow with having an equal ,respectful sexual relationship. Some people get it straight away others are a bit like me. We all come to an understanding from different back grounds and beliefs. Hugs back at ya 🙂 thank you for supporting my posts as always 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. This hit home in so many levels. I am so happy you made it here…I am yet to. I have instead opted to omit sex altogether instead of going through other unfulfilling moments. I have been celibate a while now…but I really need to get to this point. I am just never sure how to start.

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    • My friend, I am touched by YOUR honesty. I respect you for your decision. I did that too at certain points in my life. It’s starting that is the hardest part. It is so easy to lose motivation and have that urge to want to do it. Especially if a person has been hurt or felt exploited or used. I have a good man. There are a lot of them out there. I guess for me- I guess for me putting out what my boundaries were from the start helped. In other relationships I never openly challenged a man if something didn’t feel right. I thought that this was just the way it had to be. I did end up having to be drunk to sleep with any guy and that did not help with boundaries. It blurred everything. I look back at the men I chose to let into my life and bed and I see that 99% of them had their own issues but I felt like it was me! I took on my issues and theirs. So yeah, I’ve had time to get to know who I really am and who I am not. I also have some one who empowers me with his own belief in me. I’ve been lucky that my partner was happy to take a passive role in my journey to really get in touch with the real me. Men need to know that if they want a great sex life -both people have to be respected and fulfilled. I better stop now….. I could go on and on and I need to get reading some blogs tonight – haha. Debs thank you for being so supportive of me especially in this post. I read your comment and I thought to myself thank fuck I didn’t delete it. So yeah, thanks ❤ xx

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  11. Fantastic post Daisy. I am so pleased you didn’t hit the ‘delete’ button. I saw a bit of me in your post, thank you. But, more importantly, I am even more pleased that you can be you now, and will have a happy and fulfilled sex life. hugs x

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    • Oh thank you hun. I felt very alone hitting the publish button this morning. My heart was racing. I thought shit…. what have I done and then I thought well fuck it. I can only be myself and if I can’t be myself in my blog and my real life with people I know here and in my non blogging life . If people don’t get it or me well they are doing me a favour and making space for all the people who do get it and get me. I only want to be around people I can relate to in life and who make me think and feel good and I want to do the same for the people in my life. Thanks again for the support with this post. xxx

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  12. A candid, and well-written post … I admire your courage ….

    Welcome to a new world. I think those of us who really enjoy sex arrive along different paths … it seems the more I learn from others, the more common it is that the process of getting to a point where sex is truly enjoyed does not have to be an enjoyable one. Perhaps this helps people who learn to enjoy sex to cherish it all the more – on this I could only speculate. I’m sorry for the hard experiences you collected along your way – in my estimation, a part of manhood / womanhood / adulthood includes a strong, positive regard for one’s partners and their needs. The people who use, abuse, or exploit others do not deserve to be called men, women, or adults by this estimation … and a little secret that doesn’t get very much attention is that they aren’t really enjoying sex, either. They are using it to fill a hole in their spirit by taking from others what they are missing for themselves – this is not how sex is enjoyed, it’s simply how sex gets employed sometimes.

    I hope, now that you have a clear idea that sex can be enjoyed, and what it takes for you to enjoy it, that you won’t forget these things … I hope you will enjoy sex, and continue to enjoy it, for a very long time 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Cheers for commenting. It is a hard post to write. I mean there is a part of me that wants to hit the delete button but then again there is no shame in wanting to be sexy and wanting to enjoy sex and wanting to talk or write about it. Let’s face it . Most of us have sex. I agree with what you say about the people who exploit others sexually usually do so to fill a void. I hope to enjoy sex for a long time too 😀 It is a good job I am marrying the man who I have been able to be myself with 🙂

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      • I would be sad for you if you were marrying someone with whom you couldn’t enjoy sex! I don’t think there is anything to be ashamed about when it comes to sex – our ‘modern’ society seems to be conflicted about this point, and still seems to promote the shame factor when it comes to sex quite often. If it’s not something to be ashamed of, it’s something dirty, or secret, or who knows what else … and those celebrities who take a stand against this are judged and labeled. All of this because for a few thousand years we’ve had a religious text (or two, or three) telling us to be ashamed of our own bodies … this is also evident in society’s fixation on physical ‘perfection’ as a requirement for entertaining the notion of good sex. How many good spirits has this attitude crushed, I wonder?

        The fact remains that we all have bodies and emotions, and these things are not meant to be locked away in shame. Society might tell us otherwise; but sometimes society is wrong. This is the courage of yours that I wrote about before, that I admire – you had the guts to speak what you felt to be the truth, despite what society or even your own negative experiences might have led you to think was proper. For this, you should feel no shame – and hitting the ‘Delete’ button would be an insult to the courage that led you to write your post in the first place.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Oh, and one other thing you touched on with your post that I thought was a really good point: laughter is one of those things that should be a common feature in the bedroom 🙂

        Laughing good … pointing and laughing, not so good 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you for this comment. I agree 100% . laughter is the best bit. I’m lucky ot have a guy who I find genuinely belly aching inly funny most of the time and he finds me funny ALL the time 😉 – We are friends -I think that is a big factor too. Our partners should be our friends – it’s a good base to start a solid relationship .

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