I didn’t think I would want to write tonight. Then I started catching up on your blogs and once again you inspired me.
THANK YOU TO UNTANGLED -your post inspired this one.
Friendship is a theme I feel embarrassed to write about.
I could blame my lack of being a girl with loads of girlfriends on being an only child but I have to be honest and say I was unofficially “adopted “by a family of three brothers and a sister when I was 8 years old.
Life was good then. I know I have always been overly sensitive – blame that on insecurity perhaps.
Insecurity is a learned emotion. I’m learning to unlearn being insecure and vulnerable. I’m doing surprisingly well to be honest.
Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t friendless. I always had friends in some shape or form but I never could make that full sorority sister- hood connection.
It’s not me!
I was the reader. The one who loved to look at family pictures and laugh about silly shit.
I also moved around from place to place -country to country- a lot. I don’t think that helped.
I appreciate the travel and the different cultures now but then it wasn’t so cool.
I don’t know if this is a mental illness “thing”. I do think having mental health issues took a lot of my time.
A lot of my years, to be exact. This is a valid point I am making – it is MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK FROM 16TH -22ND MAY2016– the theme this year is coincidently about friendship.
This post is kind of coming together.
I have had so many extend the hand of friendship over my life so far and I try . I do try and reciprocate….
….then I doubt myself.
I think are they pitying me ? WHAT IS THEIR TRUE AGENDA?
I have been used -soemthing we can all relate too? Or is it just me?
Isn’t that sad – in a pathetic sort of way?
I don’t think it is easy to make genuine friends who will stick by you through everything.
I’ve had quite a few people( who seem to have the rock star of friendship crowds) – reach out to me to ask for my opinion or to talk.
I wander around my mind questioning why not their closest friends?
I’ve got my hen do coming up and I suppose that has got me thinking a lot about friendship too, for obvious reasons.
There is random assortment of lovely people invited.Some I have known for many years in different ways and some not so long.
Surely, I can’t be the only one who feels this?
I don’t think people would volunteer if it wasn’t for at least part of the potential social life aspect.
I see these girls with their girlfriends and I wonder…
I don’t wander.
Am I lonely?
I think the saying about being in a room full of acquaintances and friends and still feeling alone and lonely holds true.
I sense I could be on stage -people come to see me and still feel alone.
I was feeling kind of emotional a few days ago (that time of month, wedding stress and life ) and a bit insecure with this whole hen do coming up.
My Ma is organising it and she has invited a bunch of people –
I got it in my head that these people were using the pity card and I cried to my Ma on the phone – (yes, 34 year old women do cry sometimes)
“I don’t have any friends “
My Ma was on the other end of the line and said
“I’m your friend”
She is -possibly one of the best friends I have ever had.
I said my good byes and wiped away my tears and then one friend I have known for years rang me. She is not very well. We have one of those when I see/speak to you -we pick up where we left off.
She wasn’t doing too well and I listened like I always do but then I had to tell her to listen to me.
This is new territory for me.
I told her all about my crap day and week and the shitty people I had to talk too and she just listened. We ended the phone call -laughing.
Another friend rang me and again – not a person I see all the time but we had a good giggle too.
So this brings me to the question can a person who services your car, as an example, become a friend?
I am supposing yes. Especially, when I consider the amount of life details and secrets we know about one another.
To me that person becomes my friend when I feel a sense/duty of loyalty towards that person.
I get on with guys but it would be awesome to find out what the whole ‘Sex and the city’ or ‘Friends’ friendship life is like.
So, yeah, I often took the lonely route to wherever I was headed -forever getting lost…