Friendship (T Y 2 Untangled blog)


I didn’t think I would want to write tonight. Then I started catching up on your blogs and once again you inspired me.

THANK YOU TO UNTANGLED -your post inspired this one.

Friendship is a theme I feel embarrassed to write about.

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WELL THAT IS A  RATHER PESSIMISTIC WAY OF LOOKING AT IT

 

I could blame my lack of being a girl with loads of girlfriends on being an only child but I have to be honest and say I was unofficially  “adopted “by a family of three brothers and a sister when I was 8 years old.

Life was good then. I know I have always been overly sensitive – blame that on insecurity perhaps.

Insecurity is a learned emotion. I’m learning to unlearn being insecure and vulnerable. I’m doing surprisingly well to be honest.

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Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t friendless. I always had friends in some shape or form but I never could make that full sorority  sister- hood connection.

It’s not me!

I was the reader. The one who loved to look at family pictures and laugh about  silly shit.

I also moved around  from place to place -country to country- a lot. I don’t think that helped.

I appreciate the travel and the different cultures now but then it wasn’t so cool.

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I don’t know if this  is a mental illness “thing”. I do think having mental health issues took a lot of my time.

A lot of my years, to be exact. This is a valid point I am making – it is  MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK FROM 16TH -22ND MAY2016– the theme this year is coincidently about friendship.

This post is kind of coming together.

I like.

I  have had so many extend the hand of friendship over my life so far and I try . I do try and reciprocate….

….then I doubt myself.

I think are they pitying me ?  WHAT IS THEIR TRUE AGENDA? 

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I have been used -soemthing we can all relate too? Or is it just me?

Isn’t that sad – in a pathetic sort of way?

I don’t think it is easy to make genuine friends who will stick by you through everything.

I’ve had quite a few people( who seem to have the rock star of friendship crowds) – reach out to me to ask for my opinion or to talk.

I wander around my mind questioning why not their closest friends?

 

I’ve got my hen do coming up and I suppose that has got me thinking a lot about friendship too, for obvious reasons.

There is random assortment of lovely people invited.Some  I have known for many years in different ways and some not so long.

Surely, I can’t be the only one who feels this?

I don’t think people would volunteer if it wasn’t for at least part of the potential  social life aspect.

I see these girls with their girlfriends and I wonder…

I don’t wander.

I wonder…..

If 

How

Why

Why not?

Am I lonely? 

I think the saying about being in a room full of acquaintances and friends and still feeling alone and lonely holds true.

I sense  I could be on stage -people come to see me and still feel alone.

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I was feeling kind of emotional a few days ago (that time of month, wedding stress and life ) and a bit insecure with this whole hen do coming up.

My Ma is organising it and she has invited a bunch of people –

I got it in my head that these people were using the pity card and I cried to my Ma on the phone – (yes, 34 year old women do cry sometimes)

“I don’t have any friends “

My Ma  was on the other end of the line and said

“I’m your friend” 

She is -possibly one of the best friends I have ever had.

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I said my good byes and wiped away my tears and then one friend I have known for years rang me. She is not very well. We have one of those when I see/speak to you -we pick up where we left off.

She wasn’t doing too well and I listened like I always do but then I had to tell her to listen to me.

This is new territory for me.

I told her all about my crap day and week  and the shitty people I had to talk too and she just listened. We ended the phone call -laughing.

Another friend rang me and again – not a person I see all the time but we had a good giggle  too.

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So this brings me to the question can a person who services your car, as an example, become a friend?

I am supposing yes. Especially, when I consider the amount of life details and secrets we know about one another.

To me  that person becomes my friend when I feel a sense/duty of loyalty towards that person.

I get on with guys but it would be awesome to find out what the whole ‘Sex and the city’  or ‘Friends’ friendship life is like.

So, yeah, I often took the lonely route to wherever I was headed -forever getting lost…

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…even when the phone was shrieking at me to pick up  – people were reaching out to come and get me. I couldn’t reach back.

I can’t have regrets.

Not all people are meant to be friends.

Some I am glad I am not friends with. I have seen many fickle people in my time too. 

DUPLICITOUS is a good word for how  I’ve seen some people do “friendship”

I don’t need a hundred- a handful of close and true friends would be one genie wish.

I don’t know….

What I  do know is, that the ones who turn up to my hen do – there is a bunch of people I have known for many years and some only a few. We have all had our lives to endure and I’ve noticed a lot of the people I’ve got to know -hold back too.

So what?

I may not have a thriving social life with a hundred and one mates but the ones who let me be me and genuinely are there for me are the ones that count.

It only takes ONE to make it count…

Thanks for the inspiration….

I don’t feel embarrassed any longer.

I feel free and I feel authentic and I never want to fucking change that part of me.

that’s it. I guess 🙂

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33 thoughts on “Friendship (T Y 2 Untangled blog)

  1. God we are sooo much alike!!! Lol! You wrote my life to a T. DaisyWillows, I am the only girl of 3 and spent most of my youth years alone, reading books and in my own little world. I was different from my peers with responsibilities I probably should not have had as a kid. My mom was single and worked a lot so I had to be a mom to my younger brothers. I never had a bunch of friends. One bestie at a time and then seasons changed. I suffered from depression most of those years and thought it was a flaw to feel so alone even in crowds. I envied people magnets and thought they had the best lives ever! Today much has changed for the better. I no longer suffer chronically from Depression, have more friends in my adult years than I ever would have imagined (3 in total! That’s a lot for me!) lol! And I love the woman I have become. No regrets! I still have my dark moments but I shake them a lot faster than I ever did early on. ( Ain’t nobody got time fo dat! LMBO!!!!) you’re my virtual friend so maybe I have 4! Love this post and so glad you shared!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Chanel, thank you so much for sharing something obviously very painful to you. We all have out problems and it’s great ot know we are not alone. Suffering sucks but knowing that there are others like us who don’t have to hide how we feel and can be genuine. This I think is the best start to a great friendship. I’m honoured to count you as my friend. . I so get the whole people magnet thing but there is no one way to be a friend or how a friendship should be like as long as it doesn’t get toxic ,we can do what we like and make up the rules as we go along xooxx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. How I wish online is somewhere we could step into physically, I would so love to come to your hen party and cluck along. I bet it will be fun. The thing with friendship is that you get to choose your friends and you are running in the right crowd Daisy 🙂

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  3. I am not an only child but your post echoed some of my thoughts. So maybe it’s not really an ‘only child’ thing. I make a lot of friends…but the friends don’t really get to know me. I am covered in way too many layers and sometimes it feels like it’s easier to let go of friendships than to stick around and see them react to some hidden layer being exposed. That Sex in the City vibe…I dreamt of that too. Just for the record, I will not make it to your hen party, but I consider you a friend.:-)

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    • I suppose life experiences can make us wary of people or we just don’t have that kind of way of being. My heart has melted. Thank you for being my friend. Wish you could make it. THAT WOULD BE EPIC! xx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Yeah. I am an only child too. I think this somehow affects you in terms of loneliness. Of I were to ever buy a pet, I don’t think I would keep it alone, I would buy another one to keep it company. That just made me wonder. If I can’t have any animals to be friendless in my own hiuse (If I were to get any pets) then why am I so hard on myself for not having friends?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I like your logic about if you ever get a pet. I think I will do that if I get a chance too. We are so hard on ourselves. We try and live to a set ideal created by media and held up by society. We are all trying to look the part but I think most of it is an illusion. No one is going to post pictures of themselves on a Saturday night alone. We present this image that we are so popular and wanted but are we wanted for the right reasons?

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  5. Heartfelt post ….I don’t have tons of friends, and I am fine with that, I have one really true friend. For me I feel a friendship is like a relationship and needs be worked on from both sides….it is either there or not. I also, don’t do ‘fake’ and I have seen a lot of that in my life…so…yip there is not too much hope for me. 🙂

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  6. I’ve had many friends come and go in my life, but I’ve had a problem holding on to them. I think my insecurity and feeling no one would really want to be my friend becomes self fulfilling prophesy.

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    • Yes Bradley that renders true in my mind and heart too. I always say what we tell ourselves are like many prayers. They can become manifest into our reality. The solution is to change our thoughts into something more productive – Good insight. 🙂

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  7. I think we all have a bit of loneliness feeling when we’re not preoccupied with other things in our lives. When we pause for a while, we are reminded of being alone. Depending on our mood, it might be a welcome feeling and you just do what you want. Then, there might be times when you feel like you want to do something with someone, but who to call? Could we be a fair weather friend? Nah, I think it’s because we are so busy we tend not to prioritize certain relationships. It’s a priority thing, I believe.

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    • I think there is a lot of truth in your words. That is is we are so busy. We have to prioritize and when it comes to that moment – I speak for myself here when I want human contact – and the kind that is not fair weather friend as you say -it is hard to find because other priorities have taken up that time . So there is some space perhaps for me to make more of an effort perhaps – thanks for your view. I’ve taken a lot from it Karina 🙂 x

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  8. I’m so bad at keeping in contact with people. It seems everywhere I’m at in life I can make some friends, but I can’t stick with them. There’s only one person I’ve stayed close to my whole life besides my sister, but really, she’s always there for me when I need her so I’m not complaining.

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    • Hi Serena, I wouldn’t complain either.:D -Unless we had a bit of clash of opinions- 😀 ha ha. It is lovely that you are so close to your sister . My sisters live in South Africa me in the U.K. so it is hard to maintain regularly contact which is a pity but it is what it is, right?

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  9. Hi Daisy, I’m an only child as well, and it does make a difference on all kinds of levels,but I think you may be very surprised at how many friends you have right here in the blogosphere, I know it’s different, but at times through our writing we really show who we are, and what are worth as people truly is, and that says alot about us…..that maybe in years of friendship is never shown. So I just wanted you to know that I really liked your post and wish you good night, my friend !

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    • Morning Brooke! lovely comment to wake up too. Thank you ,my friend. What you say about building up friendships here in the BS so true. To be accepted for your words and thoughts alone is rather empowering xxx I have found a good bunch of gems so far and I know we have never met but you guys have read stuff I’ve never told anyone so that has to count for something xxxx Yay! Have a great day

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  10. I’m very much an introvert, and I prefer a small cadre of friends. I need to know someone quite well before the friend label is pulled out, which isn’t often. When I do, it is because I sense a unity of feeling among us.
    Also, just like you, we’ve moved a lot. This doesn’t always allow me the time to slap the friendship label on people. There just isn’t enough time to know if it was or wasn’t friendship.
    Anyway, enough about me. Friendship is something we grow into. It either does or doesn’t happen. Our mate usually turns out to be our best friend ever, if they are not already that person by the time we get married.
    I look for someone who will stick by and understand. You seem to be that kind of a person. You may have more friends than you know. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Sorry for not replying fully last night my eyes were stinging from tiredness. I want to thank you for you un wavering support. I have know more about you now through our little chats. Never in a million years did I think that we would support each other but time reveals us something extremely special and look at us today. Stuck in the mud friend and we support each other.

      Liked by 1 person

      • That’s right! No apologies needed. Dig the friendship, made all the more excellent perhaps, by its oddity. We know each other’s heart is in a good place. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

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