Inside Daisy’s mind: Running on fear.


“There is only one great  tragedy in  a woman’s life. The fact that her past is always her lover,and her future invariably her husband”  -AN IDEAL HUSBAND– By Oscar Wilde

My G had his detached retina surgery yesterday and has just come back from his post surgery consultation.

He is a Jammy buggger- so lucky. He gets away with being on bed rest. It couldn’t happen to the most deserving man.

  It is no secret I have my own mental health issues. I didn’t know how I was going to cope.   Here is how I coped.

I remembered my Mantra:

“I am successful in everything I do” (including being an epic nurse)

I remembered a quote on a  trinket that my Gran gave me -along time a go.  It says on it.

“Happiness is like a butterfly it  settles on you when you least expect it “

Well that worked to our advantage as well as turning out TRUE.

I watched this a lot. I needed to keep my sense of humour going.

I read Oscar Wilde Quotes from a book G bought me  and went straight to the quotes about women. These had me in ninja attack mode and in ‘ You damn right mode’  in no time.

“Women: Sphinxes of secrets” -A WOMAN OF NO IMPORTANCE

“Every women is a Rebel, and usually in Wild revolt against her self” -A WOMAN OF NO IMPORTANCE

“She looks like a woman with a past. Most pretty women do” AN IDEAL HUSBAND

“Every women does talk too much” -VERA

“I prefer women with a past. They are always more damn interesting to talk to” Lady Windermeres Fan

“It takes a thoroughly good women to do a thoroughly stupid thing”  PICTURE OF DORIAN GREY

“I have met hundreds and hundreds off good women. I never seem to meet any but good women.The world is packed with thoroughly good women. To know them is a middle class education”  -LADY WINDERMENRES FAN

 

The  most therapeutic thing I did when I was waiting in the hospital was to take out  my pen and paper and attempt to write out my anxiety and fear…

Here is what form it took…

NOT MASTER PIECES but tools to cope.

THE EARLY MORNING POEM -WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I WAIT AT A HOSPITAL

Dawn to Dusk

I wait in patience – the air lingers with a scent coated in musk.

Ashes to Ashes

Dust to Dust.

An eye for an eye,

What will the results be from this riske buy?

Vision colours

Colours vision.

It is a case of an option- from one to another -of the same type of prison.

Will he see me with my full Maquillage .

I’m petrified he won’t recognise me to the point that I won’t even ever need to adjust my many vis(ee) age ( a bad poet pronouncing French very badly)

Does it matter if he is blind?

I swear to look after him because he is simply-

Divine.

Tick Tock

Waiting with the flock.

Patience wearing -thin.

Detached as retina.

Wearing from within.

TAP TAP TAP

My converse trainers  make a huge commotion of one that refuses to take a nap.

Health.

Wealth.

Stealth.

I have it all.

Here,I complain almost insinuating I am all alone

Bullshit.

How can I not pull this off like only the finest cologne.

If you are ever in doubt about your social life  – I incur that you take a trip to you local hospital. The amount of people I knew in some form or another, whom I bumped into, confirmed:

I DO HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE.

I started reading about about Religions around the world from primitive to Modern times. Interesting  choice of book to take to the hospital.

My number one support met me at the hospital. SUPER MOM!

I decided to get some lady things sorted so I wouldn’t need to leave the house today.

Dashed back to the hospital. Insisted on the nurse ringing the ward my G  was in at least three times.

The only information I got was – wait…..

aaaaaaargh!

Second attempt at writing out my anxiety in poem form.

Please feel free to mock it .I do with great gaiety.

THE I HAVE BEEN IN WAITING IN THE HOSPITAL FOR OVER 8 HOURS POEM.

Love seems to come with a package of the finest rum.

Sometimes we must only keep it for times to celebrate when we have jousted out the scum.

Sometimes we have to hide it away.

Fear takes hold if we touch it

It will drown us and flick us like a flee into another day.

Lost and found.

Please, collect on the ground.

Lost wings .

Can’t another find another way to jolt my heart so it sings.

Surgery.

Vision.

Mon Amour.

A painful division.

Comfort on the rocks.

Not stable

Bur enough to secure a foot with  temporary  padlocks.

Emotions run high .

It’s a betrayal of the inconvenience of a lovers try.

For better or for worse.

In sickness and in health.

May I seduce like a  Godless Goddess.

Unafraid to drop my mask and undress.

Waiting.

Time.

Is the outcome going to be fine?

Time is a great healer.

But, alas, it also encourages growth of demonic horns to gouge out the part who plays the feeler.

The outcome is in the future.

To what means can nurture’s success be seen?

Hope is what keeps me from debasing into an emotionless suitor.

 

I then remembered the movie we watched the night before the op. Dark comedy at its best.

 

The final 10 minutes of waiting took on the form of this.

 

 

 

THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT, MY FRIENDS.

G IS ON THE MEND.

LIFE CARRIES ON.

Hopefully I will  be able to catch up with some or all of you if not tonight then tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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35 thoughts on “Inside Daisy’s mind: Running on fear.

    • ha ha. G is not the type to not do anything. So this is his worst nightmare. being told he can’t do his share. He is mending well but I have to tell him off every now and then. X

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  1. Excellent News! Love those pictures of you…They speak volumes of your experience…not without plenty humour.
    Glad ALL IS WELL! Now for the ‘After Care’……. Hugs! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love the poetry, it is a great way to dissipate anxiety (and I would have used it that way in your situation as well)! And the selfie montage at the end was fantastic! I thought it was very interesting (and amusing) that this post began with the expression of a little justified anxiety that built up into selfie anxiety (a little known form of impatience and nervousness that confuses strangers and passes the time). 🙂 I wish you all the best, Daisy!

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  3. Waiting in hospitals and Dr. office waiting rooms is so nerve wracking and boring. I do a lot of my writing while waiting, just my thoughts, and observances of the people, and things around me. I like your poems, and glad that the surgery is over, and all seems to be going good. Enjoy the weekend! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much. Woah- it is not a good thing to go through. The least the hospital could do was give out proper pirate eye patches 😀 . I know you are taking a break but know your words will b missed. Enjoy you sabbatical and have a good one too. 🙂

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      • DOH! I do actually remember you mentioning that now. Well three days is better than none. Hen do tomorrow night and wedding on 22/06 .. It’s all just bit mental at the mo. Me and weddings is not soemthing I considered a fine pair until a few years ago. But life does these little tricks 🙂

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  4. Wow! Zippidee -do-da. It is so very true. We create our own life. How we choose to look at it is usually how it turns out. Everything will be fine… in one way or another. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I love your poems, and then the post becomes a true classic when I see the montage of photos of you at the end!!! Brilliant! Did you explain to the other people in the waiting room ‘all this pulling crazy faces at my camera phone is totally normal! for my mental health blog’ 🙂 haha 😉 PS. I love your tattoos! I’m going to get some more done myself for my birthday next month x

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