Sunny disposition’s shadow.


Harried. Hurried. Life pulls me into its vortex.

 Tears dripping,  sealing up  presents protected in pink wrapping paper. 

She is growing too old, too quickly . Nauseating -leaves me sickly.

Guilt erodes my cavernous mind -echoes dart all  around.  

So triste. If only I could plug in a pair of earphones so you can hear my   heart’s melody- a  melancholic  cacophony of unequal distributed  sound.

Courage,

bravery.

A new day and it’s time to celebrate.

Cake and food and balloons to check off the list. 

Snacks, goats cheese quiche.   They don’t do a version called hashish.

Khaleef.

Relief.

Slide my cell phone out,  to check how many  miles I’ve clocked on my fitness app. Gravity does an honorable job of conforming to what I’ve been told it should do when my phone disconnects from  my hand.

Shattered glass. I scream:

No, not the screen! 

Smoke ablaze, allow me to atone for my karmic debt. Soul let me be clean.

God theory – Spiritual . Analytical – my faith is still reciprocal. 

Hope making up  punch in  the fruit aisle. Grapes ,peaches, grab a sack of bananas.

The  educated children won’t remember the birthday girl if we don’t get 22 packets of individually  wrapped Haribo sweets for them to take home. 

Sugar rush -sweeten the crush . No huge party –  with a whole class invited to practice nurse and doctors with up to date human body scanners.

Time.

Pressure.

Stress.

Masters of writing .Deadlines.

Party time or Mommy will get stuck with the craziest  fine.

 

Sunshine? 

Rain – divine. Only when wrapped up  in a duvet in my precious bed – liken it to someone’s favorite merlot wine.

Bus. Wind. Howling and scowling. A face – a perfect reflection of the weather.

Dentistry. High priority. Teeth fixed.

Smile and show off your invisible vulnerability.

Pictures dating back to the 1920’s – Man with 1000’s of vintage cameras has a hobby, he can unfreeze time and develop older pictures into negatives. It’s all about integrity.

Pass them down to your future generations – remember those who came before us. The ones we inherited our addictions, maledictions. 

Nose catches a whiff- a sense of  a DNA code .

 Imagination.

Frozen Snapshot! 

Talking to myself -creating characters in  a place of puffed up, cloudy mindfulness.  Not so sure that inherited  gene  falls under the category of serious afflictions.

Not crazy perhaps a mere case of  unharnessed creativity.  

What is so wrong with  riding  on an elated bull of mimicry?

Smokescreen – less hazy. £100 bill to fix my technological , grave -sadistic error in clumsiness.

PC world.

Would you rather pay £1000 for a new mac laptop or £49 ?

 Ex-navy man, stop skirting around the gravy line, drop it on me like an anchor. In my world money is your pay packet. All I have is a sense of running out of time.

Rabbits late. Missed the date , bounced cheque couldn’t secure my  delivery bundle, all inclusive with the hottest corporate communication and logistics  stork delivery enterprise.

Maybe next year I will miss the pill. 

Phones for you.

For me?

For you!

Warranty does not cover intoxicated phones. 

Why did you have to get  giddy and go bonkers at the mention of a few smartie infused cocktails,  for a party happening at 4pm ?

 This  is festive stuffing  prepped for nightmares. 1000’s of drones willing to commit mass suicide – I don’t think bee heaven has parties streamed with foam slides  and glow in the dark stick tones.

Deaf – no  jam. 

Talking in my ear. Three wise men chasing a star .

All I need is one competent man. 

Pass me a fan. English turns  into piggish. 

Yes, the laptop is exactly what I need. 

Writer? -one of the things I do.

Student debt.  This mute starts to laugh .

 Their bombastic moves to persuade me leaves me with the taste of  lead. I’m tempted to walk out of here as a woman converted to the  Amish

My specs are more concerned with software. 

Microsoft,

Sound cloud. 

Insurance?  

Don’t make me use my collateral. 

Figures ruminating around my mind – 400 – 500.

Add-ons.

More fad songs. 

Inside, Hurricane Matthew remnants rattle Mount cranium.  Hurtling through the air – a   cow  passes by me in flight, with a courteous: moo. 

This  is my despair.

The carefree  and serene  look is the only bargain  I am  looking for.

 Time is  zig zagging up behind me  in crocodile form. He has that tick-tocking  swag -his tail -swish swashes-ear drums deafened.

Momentary  paralysis.

Mentally confused. 

Mindstate?  Ready to light the cannon ball.

Scream: terrorist.

I am that bemused.

I will give you £60 worth of Morrisons grocery shopping if you stop selling to a seller – trying to service  a servicer 

Yadda yadda yadda. Green is  grasser. 

Too much fodder . Where’s the  verbal shredder?  

Noise pollution.

Recycle your position.

You can choose to not tick: employment occupation – Ass wiper.

Sit down. Take it all in. Funds ready to transfer. Card amped to stick it in and spread that green cum from within.

No protection.

Dirty laundering.

Hand wash only.

I’m thinking my accepted friend V has an addiction .

 I satisfied him last night. Friends do that caring thing.

 

 All week I have had him in and out. He doesn’t even remember most  of his hits.

I spent most of Wednesday washing out bloody sheets, stained with a not so virginal hole.

Sinful statement – let’s sing a hymn for her cheery soul.

 Disease seems not far from our midst. 

 I need to contain it and stop passing it on and encouraging sharing.

Vee – I don’t want to lose you to a pair of sharp tools.

Poodle-haired lady bitch behind me – tit tittering.

Leave empty-handed. Priorities in order.

Not High street fashionable but then again I have always been drawn to disorder.

Time to leave consumer society hill. 

I’ve  already taken  a shot to the shoulder with over a hundred pound bill. 

Narcotic.

Alcohol  arises from its slumber. Coughing,cunning and conniving.

Remember next Thursday.  All day Worskshops  on how to handle stress, delivered to four back to back classes of teens in year 10. 

Safety zone. A place I have to call my own.

Rant. communicate. 

SURPRISE!

Look at her face – full of delight. Illuminati – unbelievers. 

The power of love and humanity – cuts deep – penetrates  the  core of the bone.

Stress reliever.

Tearing open presents. Lighting candles. Rule of thumb. Forget the inside out rule. 

Hey, I’m a Mom – it’s cool. My  Family praise me -a  palm leaf sways-  cool wind.

Time to break away from the frenetically paced  fever. 

No grief.

Not a cracker dares to show its face after seeing what I have just pulled off. 

 Top draw. classy.

Good night. sleep tight.

No time to study or do any work.

Always have to tidy up. 

Wash my makeup off. Comfortable pajamas . 

I hit my bed  ready to recharge. Refill my cup.

Madness, the Cure, the Pixies, Red Hot Chili Peppers.

I made it through another day:  no breakdowns, hospitalizations,no  close encounters with mind-bending lepers.

 Don’t mind if I treat myself to what I fancy? 

No need to answer.

I don’t listen to pessimists swimming in a sea of ever mutating, nuclear Cancer. 

 

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36 thoughts on “Sunny disposition’s shadow.

  1. Total quality Daisy (long time no visit….sorry !!)

    What this has done for me is follow the post watching all those things that get packed into a day without even realising it. New thought or action rushing and colliding into the next one, no time to breathe, to think, to pause and take stock. Seconds, minute, hours racing ever on, scrambling for the tech, juggling it with scrambled eggs and breakfast for two…it would be three but in doing the kids I forget about me…ever onwards….one update becomes hundreds as, like buses all arrive at once…pray for no power cuts lest the beast machines fail to recover….did I pay that bill? Why didn’t I switch the kettle on…too late coffee has to wait…

    And breathe….well, that was the message I took from your post at least 🤔

    Hope alls well 💐

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love the metaphor of plugging in headphones to your heart so that we can hear your heart’s melody. ❤️🎼 I love your writing style, I’ve never encountered anything like it, and that’s a good thing. Also hard to do in a world with so many writers. Keep it up 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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