It’s easy to get caught up in the negative jumble yard sale and pick up everyone’s discarded trinkets or junk. Gladly, I’ve handed over my money – my energy and the energy of the remnants of the previous owner’s objects stain my fingertips.
The swirly parts on my fingertips- the ones that make me one of a kind – mutate into something I am not.
” call the Priest -exorcise this impurity.”
How do we pick up other peoples junk that looks pretty and appealing, without losing our confidence, and faith in who we are and who we have become?
It sounds so clinical to state:
get a pair of synthetic gloves on and retain your true essence- don’t allow the memories and beliefs of others,to poison your very own mind.
But, isn’t that artificial ?
I pride myself in baring my soul. Telling it like I see it. Standing up for my beliefs.
I get shot down many times- Cry for a bit – tell the world:
“I give up! ”
Then the boomer rang effect inevitably comes back around – smashes me in the head with the haunting words “I give up!”
I hear this echo .
” Oh no, you don’t.”
I start counseling this echo – It’s distant from me, not me.
I don’t have to take my own advice if I have released it into the universe in one exclamation of defeat.
It’s a reverse psychology technique that works its groove on me. The equivalent to some hot guy actually bumping and grinding against me and not pissing me off.
A feat that is almost impossible.
It doesn’t sound like my voice. I can give the echo advice. I can “big it up”
I can talk to it into standing up and fighting for its right to be heard and I tell it
“You can evolve from a mere echo – fuck narcissus literally or metaphorically and leave him to it. “
“Let him drown in his reflection – pooled – snookered. chalked – marked . boxed in.”
When you challenge what others say about you , to you or what they think of you – you may come across as confrontational and emotional -defensive even.
Only you can allow yourself the chance to evolve from an echo that gets lost in the underwater caves – that will die when the tide comes bubbling in.
Don’t let it die in the spindrift.
Let it evolve into a voice.
Your voice can speak on behalf of so many who don’t even know or even have to know what you are doing.
It’s allowing growth to occur – it’s building character.
Someone , who hasn’t found their voice yet- somewhere down the line – possibly living the bear necessity life, will hear it.
It could come from another voice – passed down like a traditional story Isn’t that how stories first evolved?
Isn’t that people first learned how to take in information that we feel is important to pass down ?
Isn’t that why we can write paint, talk, act, dance, move , protest, make peace, argue ,debate, remember,honor, create?
It can take one person to blow apart everything I have worked for.
I throw out my’ I GIVE UP’ boomerang – it comes back in another form
I write about it- moan , grumble, collect evidence to fight my very own standing rock.
I, too need clean water to live. Pure Air to breathe. I need passion to live.
If I allow one character to crush my passion – what then?
What was the point of baring my soul to the world?
Of not being ashamed airing all of my experiences, who I am and what I’ve done ?
Hang out my entire newly washed, passion fruit scented lingerie collection ,in the densely packed , over populated jungle I live in . Free to be dissected, analyzed, mocked ,admired ,mimicked, ignored.
I write plagued with doubt .
I hit publish.
I take the time to thank the people who inspire me and get me, and then all of a sudden – the world – parts of energy sense a spirit giving out and not holding back.
These energies group together , have a cup of herbal tea and a catch-up and then -I get an email – validating my voice, what I do.
I get a:
” Wow thank you – I needed this – I can’t accept it in the way you want me to but I will give you this….“
This gives me the strength to fight my wars, my battles – a new era begins tomorrow.
I’ve developed lock jaw – not letting go of this one just yet.
I want to see what doors close and what doors open
I want to see the lights illuminate the path I am on.
If only to see the shape of it;
If I can’t see that – I have no hope.
Without hope, I have no beat- then it is time to call in the clubs and spades.
So, give up , take a breather , read the terms and conditions, ask for feedback from more than one source, look at those around you- those strong people who manage to carry on with a smile their on the face.
I don’t know the outcome of this particular situation or most situations I put myself in.
I do have a goal no matter how blurred.
I do know I have to go into every experience with an open mind, a solid form , confidence, boldness and the idea that:
I may be wrong,
I may be right.
Maybe a bit of both ?