This little light of mine


I’m a Jedi at laying my heart and mind and soul for all to see in the written or oral form.

This post, I’ve been putting off.

Why?

Self-doubt gremlins.

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Wondering what I’m doing with my life?

My life looks amazing in black and white and pink.

It is amazing!

 Until, I focus on perfecting something to the point where I know that I will never see perfection. It is something I am yet to put a limit on.

I push the goal post of perfection every time I think I’m nearly there.

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I stepped back from blogging, volunteering and doing work in my community to essentially focus on this Masters.

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Not a bad thing.

Since I started out on this particular path, I’ve become over consumed with it. Nothing else exists in my mind but this.

An unhealthy obsession?

Here’s me laying myself bare. No cameras – ha ha! you will be put off for life.

I didn’t think I would be accepted or get help to get on this Masters degree. I  went for my goal like a rabid dog.

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I got what I wanted.  A death wish.

I’m stubborn enough to know how to get what I want. Or,at least what I think I want.

Reassessing the situation in the place I am in now, I’ve realized my reasons for doing this degree is not to write novels or random stage plays or just any genre of fiction.

My main goal has always been to use it as a ‘feather in my cap’,and an added bonus to use it in my C.V. so, that I can continue to work in my community with the people and issues that I am passionate about.

Vulnerable members of our community.

I want to do this in a creative way.

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 Not a let’s go to the doctor and get a script and go to CBT and get in the system.

I started this blog around the time I was doing a 12-week programme called WRAP. (September 2015)

  I wouldn’t shut up about.

 I still don’t.

Then, this summer I was given the opportunity to do an intensive 5-day training course to be a Wrap facilitator.

I worked my ass off. It was rough but I did it. I thought I was losing my mind.

 

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I AM A BELIEVER.

 

 

I write about themes such as homelessness mental health issues, inequality, politics.

I did get a decent mark on my TMA 1 – but most of the comments ( in my humble opinion) are patronizing, insulting, subjective and contradictory  – to not only my own experience, knowledge, and research of stagecraft and the subject I choose to write about.

It was insulting to the people I work with and where I want to establish myself in the future.

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So, on principle, I am still going for a remark.

In order to get a Switzerland reassessment, I have to appeal for a remark to get another assessment.

I’ve stuck up for myself when I felt like hiding away from the life.

I’ve  had my viewpoint heard.

I’m still doing my MA.

I’m already on to the next TMA and I have hit all my deadlines so far. I’m still in the same writer’s forum group I started out in.

I don’t mind feeling uncomfortable. I’ve lived with myself for 35 years.

Others might have a problem. I don’t! Not my issue.

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I am open to learning from my tutor who I am entitled to disagree with and within my rights to question. I might not get an answer 😀

I don’t know this person well enough to make a remark on their character or who they are.

I can only go by the feedback, my work and my ‘come back’ to answers and things I don’t agree with or that I’ve already referenced to back up the decisions I made.

 

Back to re-evaluating where I want to be and where I want to focus my energies.

I’m not going to stop writing or talking about my passions (in a way) that show a true representation of the subject and the people who inspire me to write.

Fuck writing to tick boxes and conform to one person’s idea.

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I’m  enjoying learning.

There’s  a wealth of resources and information that I am picking up with the academic side of writing, reading others work,  reading other writers feedback -this includes the one/people who mark my work.

I’m open minded.

I  believe I can learn something from anyone, anything- doesn’t have to be human.

 My daughter teaches me several things on daily basis. She is 5 years old.

I’ve decided to go with my heart and my passion and get involved in a project that allows me to get creative with others and use   WRAP’s   key core concepts and ethics.

I get to be unconventional. A responsible rebel! EPIC!

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I get to be a part of something that could help others before their issues become diagnosed illnesses in the current model of treatment we rely on to live our lives in as well as a physical and mental state as possible.

My MA is a bonus, in my opinion.

WOW! I get to be creative in my work life, social life and I get to have fun blogging and learning from so many different people.

Someone is getting paid to read my work and mark it!

 True, I am paying them ( MA’s are not cheap)

 I asked to do this degree – knowing full well I put myself up for the role of guinea pig.

Of course, there is going to be teething problems. It’s a learning curve for everyone involved. Students, tutors, the people who fund it.

I’m in it.

I’m committed to doing this first year, on the condition, that I will make it less of a priority to where I have placed it since  I started it in October 2016.

 

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THIS IS MY COMMITMENT FACE. IT TOOK A LOT TO GET TO THIS STATE. DON’T LAUGH. 

 

 

My people – my circle – my family are my priority. Yo dawg, gone all ghetto!  😀

My interests, my passion, what I do on a day to day basis to fulfill myself and bring in some cash is my priority.

Blogging is a priority – I might go under the radar for a bit and miss out on reading some of your posts.

 I’m not going anywhere.

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I don’t do  New years resolutions.

 I prefer to spread my goals out over a longer period than one month.

It does work for me. Less pressure.

Since I’ve realised my priorities , I’m enjoying life again.

Writing, studying, reading.

 I’m so excited and honored to be a part of something I feel so much passion for in my community.

We are all stars.

 I felt as if  I was dying – burning out!

 I found out I’m not.

I just needed to scout around to find a place in the sky that allows me to shine a little more brightly.

EVERYONE SING 😉

‘Twinkle twinkle little star…’

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Of course, it’s awesome to receive praise.

I use it as a self-motivation tool to achieve my goals.

We are all different. We all want different things.

I am no different.

Seems obvious. ha ha!

 I’m  doing what I feel is right for me and my health and the people I surround myself with.  They have to live with me.

That’s it.

Nothing complicated – just plain writing with no fancy flowers around it.

I’m the best decoration I have -I make no apologies for figuring my shit out.

 

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31 thoughts on “This little light of mine

  1. Pingback: This little light of mine – In through One door and out the other

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