Unhelpful Prohibition ban


When in doubt or clouded by fear, I communicate.

How you communicate is less important – write, talk, draw, paint, act, dance, create, do anything to express yourself in a way that promotes a healthy mind and your well being.

Heard of the saying: Write to recover?  I do this all the time.

This is how I dealt with today’s unhelpful thoughts and emotions this morning.

I feel you looking at my face, wanting to see it crumple – leave a salty distaste.

I feel you making a mockery of me by playing on my fears, wanting to swallow me whole-see my goals run into arrears.

I feel your idle bones creep and finger down my spine, wanting me to body jump, do justice to my shadow self -engage with a sardonic crime.

I feel you urging me to split in an 180-degree motion, wanting to leave your signature in the air. apocalypse 2017 style,  obtuse firework display.

Future appropriated by an indent eerily hanging in a feckless grin scented with rotting seaside -once a place of value in its prime.

These are my goals, my dreams, my choices. You can continue to dance in ritual, with odd bones, contrast black disguised in a beastly carcas- throwing out chanting voices.

I will cross from the stark white to contrast black. I know that gray matters vigilante’s courage will aid me in reaching the other side of the fog-drenched in echoed noises.

Mist, hurricane winds, cows moo-ing past in circles, the pressure to unveil my true self is marked down in these words I type in small spaces.

Don’t forget to inhale and exhale, life can’t move if forever enclosed in the darkest, somber of places. 

Doubt, Overthink, Overanalyze.

I think therefore I am? 

Scrambled, boiled, poached, deep fried, my mind waits in watch for its own demise -it will overthrow itself, find itself sunny side up. A successful conclusion and coup with my own prohibition ban.

I did it!

 I have expressed myself – in a way,  I feel less unsure of myself. I have released toxic energy from my mind to allow me to break through the fear and move on with my goals- Ongoing and new ones.

Fear or Goals.

I can only have one.

I choose my goals.

Objectives to reach my goals:

  • Continue taking responsibility for my physical and mental health. I’ve reached out to my doctor and asked to be put on extra supplements to make sure I’m feeding my brain and body.

  • Continue to be a mother to my daughter, I am not her friend- I am her mother, She needs me to encourage her to try out new experiences- starting this week. We have ongoing goals to persist with to help her become the best person she can be.

  • Continue to challenge myself, educate myself and learn new skills and techniques for my work life, volunteering life and my academic studies.  ( I’ve already written three drafts of 3 completely different fiction pieces for my TMA 2)

  • Pursue and engage with my goal to do an 8-week Drama workshop because I know what I will get out of it. 

  • Take time to have fun and laugh and do things that don’t involve me working all the time. Socialise, plan time out with my husband and friends, blog and connect with others. 

  • Take a break from social media.

  • What other people think of me is not my concern, unless I have a direct effect or influence on these people. Other people are not allowed to take my energy. I will not give thoughts or energy to those I can not and will not help.  I’ve already committed my time, thoughts, feelings to projects I want to.

That is it for today.

I have a new keyboard so I can finally type and write and blog and comment on blogs -YAY!

 

 

 

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29 thoughts on “Unhelpful Prohibition ban

  1. it builds up immense pressure if you cannt communicate ..as you said, communicate with words, paints or poems or anything.. and be happy daisy, this virtual world is always patient to hear what you say..

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  2. These lines really are powerful and everything you wrote on this blog is inspiring to me.

    Future appropriated by an indent eerily hanging in a feckless grin scented with rotting seaside -once a place of value in its prime.
    These are my goals, my dreams, my choices. You can continue to dance in ritual, with odd bones, contrast black disguised in a beastly carcas- throwing out chanting voices.

    WordPress is the best blog community that anyone can express themselves. Daisy, you bring me so much positive in my life. You are the reason why I am here today. Thank you Daisy for you always being you. You are an incredible person. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love WordPress community too. You always praise me so much and I get so embarrassed because I get to delve into your mind and I think – oh! Now, that there is a mind/ a person so radical and way ahead of his time.
      You are the reason you are here today – ha ha! It is all you!

      Keep doing what you are doing. Please don’t praise me so much- I honestly don’t feel it. I know you mean well but……. ok. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I have been engrossed with Social Media lately, it is a horrible non-thinking distraction. It has pulled me away from important wants and needs in my life. Blogging being one of them. Writing is the emptying of my soul, the baring of my mind, and the peace within my spirit. Missed your words, and I think I am back for now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I hate social media. Blogging is different than just surfing and looking at the same stuff reposted over and over. I don’t get much out of it. I am so happy you are back. I will Defo come and visit. It has been a while xxx

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  4. Your mornings ramblings on dealing with negative emotions (and don’t shout at me!) were quite humerous…why? Because it reminded me of my internal thought processes jumping all over and Alice facing the Jaberwocky thinking of six impossible things before breakfast. In my case, I find mind jumping a mindfulness issue. If I find myself doing it then, like you said, it’s a form of avoiding or reducing anxiety potential. But, at the same time it’s like admitting my mindfulness has failed in that moment thereby allowing the negative thoughts to creep in…almost a cycle on repeat….negative….thought distraction….normalise…..negative….thought distraction…etc… Mindfulnes awareness, I find, makes me stop and think, actually No…that thinking is wrong so breathe and reset. I guess it’s similar in some ways though because if we both end up out of the bad zone then it’s worked!
    Really impressed by your goals too…VERY postive indeed 🌹

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    • Ha ha I love the rose. Me shout? Off with his head. I love that quote about thinking 6 impossible things before breakfast. One of my favourites. What you say about . Mindfulness and telling your thoughts to stop is something I do (and should practice more of 😉). This is what I was on about the other day about how I do mindfulness. I have to be doing something ( bring aware) as it forces me to be present and writing whatever is going on in my mind does orientate to the moment. I remember I need to breathe etc… I’m do glad you can relate. I’m not one to write loads of posts in a day. I find trying to fit what needs to be said in one post more manageable. Who wants loads of daisy posts in a day ? Ha ha .

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      • I think I talk about that mindfulnes lark to remind me more than anyone! I actually think there are a lot of methods or approaches to achieve the same ends. That said doing something of any description is the best way to void overthinking and staring! As for post rates…yes….I’m reviewing my emails….anything that sends me more than three emails a day might find notifications turned off to start with….quality not quantity kind of thing! Mind you….yours get sent to a separate reader list so never get lost anyway 😊

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    • Ha ha. We all get their in our own way. I still need to set up that list of my faves. I remember you told me how to do it a while back and life got in the way. I think like you. I follow a diverse range of blogs and I can’t get round to everyone if I’m reading several posts of the same blog. Each to their own. We are thinking on the same level. 😀😀😀😀😀

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      • That’s the thing about life…it has a tendency to get in the way all the flipping time 😜
        On your reader screen there should be a panel on the left side headed streams, Followed Sites [manage] and so on. Where it says LISTS click on it and it should take you to the add URL screen. That’s where you put in the blog URL you want on that list. You can also rename it and add more lists. I populate them according to topic..eg authors, best blog friends, food, motivation and so on. You are on the second one 😇

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