I thought I’d succeed this time .
I’d die reciting poetry under my favourite duvet ..
Perhaps listening to music.
Nearly ended up sectioned .
Making the most of a new day.
No serious damage except to my ego.
I’ve never felt so ashamed at failing to take my own life as this attempt.
Why ? Cos I’m still fucking here.
Apologising to people for not wanting to be here.
Time to keep going.
Moving to a new home is a priority..
This house is a poltergeist.
It feeds my need to keep bleeding.
I love my husband
My mommy & daughter.
3 good reasons to state that I’m
She gets on with life as a wannabe music journalist,
She’s a charismatic kinda gal.
She likes chilling on Sundays,
She likes reading in the week.
She likes to contemplate owning a goat.
But when she starts to daydream,
Her mind turns straight back to her cat-Tatty Anna
Sometimes I look at her and I look into her eyes,
I notice the way she idolises about Tatiana with a smile,
sensual lips she can’t disguise.
But she thinks it’s GOAT making her life worthwhile.
Why is it so hard for her to decide which she loves more?
She likes to use words like ‘eish man
She likes to use words like ‘sorry.’
She likes to use words about GOAT finds
But when she stops her talking,
Her mind turns straight back to Tatiana having a heart attack.
She likes to hang out with Pinkie
She likes to kick back with Belle,
But when left alone,
Her mind turns inwards she obsesses over losing her Tats
She’s not too fond of gossip,
She really loves cheesecake & wants a goat
But she just thinks back to Tatiana
And she’s happy once again. knowing she is owned.
All we need to survive is the hope that we will get better. An insight into my mind when I feel like escaping from reality forever.
These are my words. They are all I have.
I threw it away
Not realising I would come to call it my most favoured crown.
Fascinated seeing my self riding waves of the guilt
drowned in salt tears of rumination to the hilt.
letting mom down
all my fam too.
Those who truly love me.
There are but few.
Hot damn! That’s better than cool.
Gave self-destruction a permit to ride out a course of self-flagellation
decorated in sleuth
The truth hit me oops upside of my head
Discombobulated -I saw the truth.
I let myself down
Take me back to my roots.
Be nt over crooked
wrung my hands for people who haven’t left my life
Anticipate gloom & doom.
allow these drum beats to perform
my body afloat
on cloud nine singing cheerfully to the staying alive tune…
Regrettably, I’m responsible for this present predicament.
There goes a fully armed disorderly platoon.
folded like that grieving widow.
She had a reason
I still have an abode
I’m not a widow.
I’m down on my knees & up off them almost like it didn’t happen
Stood defiant still feeding an outdated superstition
of other motives
This is my prison.
Trust in people
Risk my heart
Yes, It didn’t go my way
This was a time to not fall apart.
A glimmer of hope I’ll grow strong
Make mirth and merriment
not misery & disappointment.
I have only one person to blame.
I disappoint myself over and over again
then Surprise myself by what achievements I continue to create.
How am I to play this next move?
escape to another alternative reality – never to bloom!
Or talk about my feelings -is anyone listening?
Cos they have, what is the problem, strewth?
facing all that ‘I feel fat’ STUFF
Makes me wanna holler hey you, cat, scat!
Look me in the mirror & be proud
of my deeds for seven consecutive weeks.
Nor ask my loves to keep turning another cheek.
I am to blame.
I have to fight
My mother is alright. I mean my mother is right.
This half-hearted escape acts
attempts on my life.
attempts to self-harm
They come & they go.
If I can keep this train of thought
the cravings of self-hate might go
Perhaps I will still hold on to some of my dignity
or become a statistic…
We all end up a statistic one way or another
What statistic do I want to come under?
Now there’s a question to ponder over.