All posts by Daisy Willows

Death rattle

* This a poem that I wrote whilst waiting and comforting my mom and my gran before she passed over in March 2018, from vascular Dementia and Alzheimers. I wrote it while waiting for her to let go of Life. It’s a Morbid (and possibly strange) thing to do when someone you love is dying in front of you. This was one way of expressing my powerlessness, over a period 3 days watching someone cling on to this Life).*

Death rattle

Reminiscent of an uprising of crickets ready to battle.
Stare at a puffed updiamond heart
Drumming inside an empty cage.
Birds ripped apart.
Gargoyle stares ignored.
Folk bumble about unaware of what’s in store for us all,
eventually.
The breathe of Hades lingers
then makes a dash for scant flesh and bones.
Meat is not this gods instrument
Lust causes the call for more drones.
Sponge, moisten parched parted lips
Raven signals the ire of its whips.
The ones who don’t loose it in bedlam excite
Death,
Invites all loved ones to rally around
Stands by door.
Stands back a while
Admires its own power.
A moment to savour
Every door closed,
Each breath cloys,
Begs for enough fare to cross the distance to embrace Elysium air.
Today everyone shall know how close we are to parting from brown soil.
Lambs,
Hatched chickens,
Babies born in Cumbersome air.
The cycle must complete before we can emerge reborn.
Death is inevitable as necessary as life is to the Cumbaya of springs first show of petal.
When you look at the beginning of this new dawn,
Know that when you stand back in awe
Its because you have felt the chill of winters soul depart.
Shed a tear for the snowman who brought our youth so much joy.
Appreciate death.
Stare it in the face.
The sun chants
counting his rosary beads.
Tomorrow never dies.
Trying to type something while listening and watching my grandmother dying.
Rasp
Gasp
I support the assisted dying law.
This is inhumane!
A selfish farce.
Happy mothers day,
Wherever you go
Wherever you roam
I hope that it is a place as magnificent as earths revellers make it out to be.

Ma petit fripon. Je t’aims toujours

 

Blood equality syndrome

The red army draws collective breath whistles it out in a  howling gust of wind snarling.

She stands tall – her long  tresses raised to the heavens

A subtle message from Hell’s dwellers:  it was back to attack.

Every month,  they stalk her just as night follows day, full-mooned. Hairy palms, yellow slit eyes – she would rather die of an internal haemorrhage than be demeaned.

They see the blood trickling down her legs.

Draw in closer –  metallic scented pack.

Pro-choice in an era where science can make the dead come to life – yet still she must bleed whether she carries life inside her or expels the botanist’s seed.

Condemn her to a life in pro.  Micheal Jordan had space jam. A notorious – well-received flow. She blushes every time her breasts swells – nature twists in a  smile. Nipples point straight at the mouths of the hungry -ready for their feed.

To be Anonymous in a WikiLeaks world. Memes, social media information convulsing out  statements of change:

 Did you know?

 Think about how brainwashed – your mind is!

She knows she still rolls in her own shit.

Unfit for a carry one movie with Benny hill and the league of justice.

Dead pool eyes.

She knows this world is too abrasive

Her skin smooth

Her passion unhinged

One straight jacket away from having the whole collection of brand unfit.

‘It’s a happening, baby ‘-throwback to Allan Kaprow.

Everyone is crazy. Everyone has issues.

Everyone stand and link arms at the toll bridge

show solidarity for your fallen foes.

The ones who fell 20 feet from the building or overdosed on legal high drugs brought from some hoodie called  Jack Wills.

How to be seen and have her privacy in a cyberbully surveillance world?

Charity matters.

Throwdown your sticks allow overgrowth to infect the anti-stigma hedges trimmed neatly in a row.

She screams out in shrill

Ears sharp enough to raise the dead.

How is it possible no one sees or hears of her ills.

Despicable matters in the eyes of the living dead.

An out or an in.

A place that stirs broth from her blood flow  waits until her insulin levels drop to an all-time grave

So shallow.

Sugar-coated words nauseate her.

Her duty to be human and keep her heart on the ticker – inside she knows the hurricane won’t stop swaying the palm trees until she is torn from her roots

From below.

Mr Big has an acute perspective unable to see she is drowning with every weapon she draws.

It doesn’t take a hostage negotiation expert to know that eventually, even the savviest terrorist can be worn down to drop its ammunition.

Stockholm! Place of the cordial juiced up paedophiles.

Intensive herbal essence conditioning treatment is their only hope of showing her how to be free.

A Jesus embellished slice of toast to honour her first Butter valley communion.

She thinks she is free.

She knows it’s part of her syndrome.

 To admit her state of inferiority to herself would mean she ‘s dubious about her declaimed existence.

Her mind is her prison. She has the padlock and the pin number. She sits up to 24 hours a day punching in the password, unlocking the clunk of metal chains – on a loop.

An exercise in futile persistence.

The ending is found in her very beginnings  born out of blood, stained, crying

Pulled out with forceps the white coats defined her form from the moment they beat her into breathy life.

Smiling jokester with  broad shoulders fighting all corners of the globe

Her last breath will be when she lets go-

Stops giving.

In her state of   cocoon  expose her true misery to the world – look at her in  her strife

Don’t worry, folks

Blood will flow.

You will get your show.

Just know that she put up one hell of a fight

In order to finally see her vision of light.

 

Grateful Milky chancer

(2 months ago and scroll down  to the bottom for today’s inspirational  track & lyrics – I’m so grateful)

 

We all say we want to disappear

By God, I truly want to conjure it and truly never come back from this planet.

I’ve tried so many times

And this might sound like Self -pity ( perhaps it is).

But I’m not here to get into it.

These are about my feelings.

I’m not a poet. I am just a person who has feelings & thoughts,

I’m not trying to hurt anybody.

I’m trying to live the best way I can,

I’ve tried to take my life many times (and) yet, here I am.

I do the best I can.

Deep pan Pizza, Fried chicken,Sushi, Proscecco.

Get my fringe trimmed,

My daughter, a mermaid’s tail.

My husband. Yes, I have sinned!

But I’m still here.

And all I want to do is disappear because I know that,

Eventually-

Everyone I love,

Everyone I know is going to be gone.

And I wouldn’t have made the bonds with the people who I brought into this Life

And the people who I’ve… met or come across.

I wouldn’t have secured any bonds.

I am lost

I am always forlorn.

Flawed, I wear my heart on my sleeve and

I cry. I pace this kitchen over & over

And no I don’t have an excuse for relapsing

And I don’t have an excuse for what I have done.

I just know that my heart was invested in it all and I’m trying to do the best I can!

I wish I wasn’t here. I have plans- is this a death threat?

I don’t know.

All I know is there is pizza cooking, and I’m on my last tether

Overdoses don’t do it.

Maybe hang myself?

I’m (just) so far gone. This is not even a poem.

 

 

(Today)

GOAT Feature interview with Hessian

 

I first came across Hessian’s TOLD YOU-on Soundcloud. I find most of the tracks I’ve listened to of his are transcendental and epic (it wouldn’t fit out of place as a backdrop to a movie.

 

 

Hessian is Bristol based electronic music producer. His music is an infusion  of  enigmatic textual soundscapes. Some of his  music has been likened to Bonobo ( ninja tunes records) & Maribou State. 

 

Who is Hessian?

Matthew de Souza (aka Hessian)

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What (if anything inspired) ‘Told you?’

I like to build a solid soundscape before I start arranging anything and this is exactly what I did for ‘Told You’. Once I had got the sounds I was looking for I then started to arrange. A lot of the inspiration came from the vocals I had previously recorded. I love messing around with vocals as they can provide textures that no instruments can.

Where are you from originally?

 Born in Twickenham, London. 

How old are you?

28

 

Why do you live in Bristol?  

The music scene in Bristol is amazing and everyone is so welcoming where ever you go. I live on one of the most vibrant roads in Bristol, there is always something exciting happening.

Yeah, The Bristol sound has been quoted as “possessing darkness that is uplifting, a joyful melancholy” 

Random fact:  Trip-hop band, Massive attack member/graffiti artist  – Robert Del Naja hails from Bristol.  

 

 

Why do you continue to do music?

I have always been a very creative person and music seems to be the perfect outlet for my creativity.

Music helps me express myself.

If for some reason I end up not composing/producing anything for over a week, I  can definitely feel the difference in myself not being able to release that creative side of me. I am also very interested in finding new and unique ways of making sounds. I don’t think I will ever stop making at least some form of music.

 

 Have you had another career that wasn’t in the music industry?

No not really, I have always had other small jobs to support my music but never another career.

When/What made you start playing music?

I went to a music specialist school and so from that point I had always been interested in it.

 

 

14. How did you get started in the music industry?

After learning the basics of music at school and then music technology at collage, I then went on to complete my degree in Creative Music and Sound Design. From here I learnt about the industry and gained connections enabling me to start my career.

What kind of people connect with you and your music?

 Looking at the statistics on Spotify/instagram and other social media platforms. The majority of my listeners range between 25 and 40 year of age. I think this is because the sound I try to portray is slightly more complex/intricate than your standard house music.

HESSIAN03365124341760_o

What genres of music do you like/would like  to perform in?

I love to DJ the entire spectrum of electronic music. Taking people on a journey I personally think is very important when performing live. 

Do you write your own music?

Everything I write is my own work.

 What other roles do you play in the industry?

I make a lot of sample packs and background music mainly to help pay the bills but the more connections I can make, the better.

What are you trying to do in the industry?

I have started my own label which I hope in the future will be the hub for all my releases, maybe even some other artists. I don’t like the thought of contracts which essentially gives away the ownership of my work. I want 100% of what I have made and starting my own label is the best way to do so.

 

What are your view on mental health issues and the music industry? 

I think mental health plays a huge part in every industry but especially the creative industries. The expectation to perform and provide for audiences/fans is becoming more and more demanding and there doesn’t seem to be any more help. Fortunately I have been lucky enough not to experience any mental health issues myself but I know a lot of people that have and it makes a huge difference on that person even when doing the smallest of things. It is different for every person but I think in general it isn’t addressed enough and more should be done about the issue.

Indeed. It seems you have used music as a positive creative outlet.  

MUSIC MINDS MATTER     is a charity for UK musicians /artists mental well being & is worth checking out.

What is your favourite quote?

I don’t actually have a favourite quote. I feel when having a favourite ‘something’, you tend to favour that way of thinking and so I like to leave my mind open and just see what happens

Yeah… I liken it to a “mini” prayer or mantra & I can see why you take such a strong stance on not having a favourite quote. 

What quote/sentence would you say best describes you and your music?

I always struggle to describe my music. I would probably put my music under ‘textural/ambient deep house’. Something like that. Most of the time I just end up showing them and letting them decide.

What are your 3  favourite songs ?

Fwoooah, tricky one. It changes almost ever week as I’m always finding something new that I like. But at the moment I would have to say:

  • Apollo by Tourist

  • Sonnen allee by Ben Bohmer& Hifi Brother (and finally I recently went to see Deadmau5 which brought a lot of love back for him so I’m going to say)

  • 4ware by Deadmau5.

What is your perspective on the current state of the industry?

I personally think that the music industry is one of the most dynamic and adaptive industries out there and if you can stay on top of things and keep with the times then everything will work out fine.

What do you think will help the industry survive/what do you think the industry needs in order to stop its decline?

The only thing I think the industry needs is time to adapt. There is always new companies and start ups pushing new ideas and the full transition form analogue to digital will be a long process. I have no doubt that the industry will survive. The decline will stop once everything else adapts.

 

 Finally, what are you currently working on?

I am currently working on a new 4 track EP which features a selection of singers. It’s a lot more clubby but still represents my sound and style through the vocals chopping and textural elements.

 

Hessian’s new EP has dropped. 

 

SPOTIFY

Nefarious dove

I’m searching inside for something to help define me

All that populates is the emotion –

Weak –

inside me.

Over and over – the word like  a strained bacteria multiplying in a temperate  simmering heat.

Don’t want to speak -move my feet.

Feel like a caricature  of a human being.

Falling,

Let me fall into some black  abysmal seeing.

You are the strongest person I know ,says he.

You mad fool!

what has love done for  you,

Too be so possessed by the voodoo in me?

Stop.

Stop.

I want to stop feeling.

Yellow, blue ,red  little pills rally around me.

These little friends have mastered their great skill to feed me and confound me.

Blister packets pop festive like its the the fourth of July.

Muted  slumber please come and and blind me – let me just lie

Still

Waters.

Values made of plastic.

Bottled up emotions.

Swallow.

there is no  nectar sweet song in my voice that follows.

Anxiety pervades. I have to shout  out – GO THE FUCK AWAY!

Petrified

Timid

A creature crawling out the wood works.

the first sign of stress and sorrow.

A trail of slime leaves evidence   that this creature has no courage to face life’s cruel, sooty smirks.

To hell with it all

Horror.

Take me down — let me fall.

Sleep?

make sure the crash  comes from somewhere steep.

Don’t let me   wake up -covered in wet rags.

The apology  of my life will be over when I wake up and grab for my fags.

Smoke screen.

It’s the best way I know how to protect my own self esteem.

Selfish.

shell fish.

Lost my nerve.

Caught  and quartered in the nets  of the absurd.

Find myself served up as a delicacy dish.

Eat me

Drink me

Consume me -if you must.

Just don’t make me face this reality

for my soul has gone  and inanely  combust.

A Let down.

 Shaking out Scraggley hair

This is  all I have to show for the  one I claim I hold in my heart – dear and fair.

Slumber come and give me my du.

Infiltrate my blood with toxin.

That takes my body and locks in .

Show the true colour of my heart –

a dismal, manic smudge of dark blues.

Singing.

I’m sorry  my love

I am that nefarious dove.

Aces .

hearts.

we are meant to be the best pair.

Now I lay me down to sleep,

Tomorrows’s bells   will awake me  to  a harrowing  carnival fair.

A Rendez vous .

no time to be fashionably  late.

My dearest,

 if I let you down and forget to close the gate-

may I  languish in my putrid stench of cowardice.

Have no fear. Please rest.

May I never truly fully  awake from this hell I have made my  home state paradise .

 

Trail my Sole

https://youtu.be/RPS-Cq4uMFs

 

 

I followed that trail
my underbelly led it to a rock
Semi Submerged in seasick emotional flotsam invading my inner core.

What to expect?

Great waves crashing down all rage.
Great waves licking at my ignorance.

These once still waters bleaches out the silent promise of a future sapling tree.

Astrology serfs over destined seed in future sprout.
A reveller over imbibed on a sea of nostalgia

Caught up in the ebb of the past
Questioning this quest within.

Shirk off Encouragement’s reflection of this monstrosity.

The seeker detracts all light
Preventing it from bursting out into a blooming melody of melancholy.

Hushed by the primal scream of inflammation.
A shout
Unravel this life – its pathetic parody.

Self-doubt over spills
I see Antarctica.

It isn’t sole Lee fish from the Abyss leading ours to a final resting place.

It’s all about
Me
Me
Meme

Pronunciation vows clear
Lee clueless to his commitment.

Vagabonds vogue
Postering frigid between two sparring states
Hell is bitterly encrusted under layers of hot ice.

This Casual Tee
IOP[UHcaught in the middle of a fight or flee.
Its position caught in the middle of stagnating breathe

Overhead speech bubbles crystallise an outline of security.

*To be continued… 10 more pages to edit.  🤣😣.

Life -unbitten by bitterness

Don’t let life, and how other people treat you to allow you to become bitter. Don’t expect people who keep the same company to be on the same level as you. Be a good person.

Remain honest, full of heart and genuine.

You do not owe anything to anyone who chooses to disrespect you or your values.

Remember – we all have our own way of coming to a conclusive thought or opinion. We are human and we feel and it’s okay to talk about our feelings and thoughts.

People are influenced by the company they keep (an observation).

Protect yourself, keep yourself safe -especially when you are a person who has a lot of empathy, and time for others.

Let other people talk, critique, gossip about you. It doesn’t matter what people do or don’t say who isn’t in your life.

Remember who you are.

We learn every day of our life.

Stay around people who ask how you are, who cares, who stick up for you. Forget about those who don’t.

Give people the benefit of the doubt but don’t ever allow anyone to disrespect you or bring you down. Or make you feel that your values are being disregarded.

Don’t hate. Let people find their own path.

Lessons I’ve learned lately. Opinion is not always the truth. I can’t be responsible for what a person understands.

Copyrighted Natasha bodley

Pushing up Daisy

“… It’s passed on! This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet it’s maker! This is a late parrot! It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies! It’s rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot!”

Monty Python

In my darkest moments when air extinguishes all light

Hopelessness hangs heavy above me

It hovers

Spongy , dense

A Cloud with a fierce clout.

I scramble around seeking for a match

I hear the mirthful giggle of a child

The purrs of a blissed-out cat.

My senses are aroused -Suddenly

The rain pelts down, the wind whips, lashing my face, arms- my entire mortal skin.

Eyes filled with tears of rain

Eyes filled with tears of despair

I’m reminded to look up.

I see a glimpse of a silver lining

My soul is weary

yet

a form of hope crystallizes.

Sealed into my thoughts for this second

I’m the Daisy that keeps pushing up

I’m the Daisy that proves that Life must go on.

My soul is renewed with a melancholic joy

I’m not dead

still,

I’m rejuvenated once again

It’s only fear, flower

Someone once told me, there is nothing to fear except fear itself. Well, obviously… I thought to myself.

Then I grew up & came up against many obstacles and challenges- Fear itself. I became afraid of it.

It led me to self-doubt, self-destructive behaviour, self-denial &

ignorance.

 It led to this moment -many moments like this something left behind in the past.

The future has always something to fear.

F.eel

E. motions

E. very day to

R.eveal the undiscovered.

(and eventually, recover).

I just wrote that -easy peasy -now time to feel the fear or become a part of this monstrosity.

Fear is about discovery – take the good and the bad.

So, I think to myself,ride the wave till I see the right side of fear.

An unruly pet -temporarily subdued, happy to indulge me.

Until time nudges me to wake up, clean, feed, love & encourage it to grow to

Challenge it so it can challenge me.

A Symbiotic relationship.

On the other side is where I find what/who is worth it.

Another monster unleashed?

Or a character carved with an adornment perhaps another chip symbolising its resilience? its temerity?

Something I’m proud of ? or something I  just accept is a part of me?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love set free #poetry #haiku #tanka

Love set free captured in verse & imagery. Simply superb

tales told different

image

Stormy gray nimbus
how you struggle with emotion
withholding your love
,
,
Listen! You can hear it in her midnight sigh
a whisper of secrets from her dreams of you
Close your eyes and feel it by your side
the caress of fingers demanding their due
Don’t think, don’t reason, alleviate your mind
let soul preside, let heart steer you true
,
Lone thirsting daisy
beauty coaxing the heavens
till nourishment falls
gray clouds glow white with relief
the sun shines on you and me.

image

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Mr Tut Tut

I thought I’d succeed this time .

I’d die reciting poetry under my favourite duvet ..

Perhaps listening to music.

Nearly ended up sectioned .

Making the most of a new day.

No serious damage except to my ego.

I’ve never felt so ashamed at failing to take my own life as this attempt.

Why ? Cos I’m still fucking here.

Apologising to people for not wanting to be here.

Time to keep going.

Moving to a new home is a priority..

This house is a poltergeist.

It feeds my need to keep bleeding.

Tired now.

I love my husband

My mommy & daughter.

3 good reasons to state that I’m

Still breathing.