*Things/thoughts society urge people not to talk about or write about*
If you believe everything you read then I should have gone into the media business.
thanks for this. Meg is highly artistic and creative lady who only sees a hint of her talents.
She is a friend and the reason I’m writing this post.
song inserted to listen/lyrics at end of post (optional) – It all ties up at the end……
DISSIDENT DAISY THOUGHTS
How to know if you are not a weakling sap?
You do everything wrong.
starve yourself, stay in bed, pretend everything is okay, hoover crap up your nose, watch and wait for your grandma struggle with death for 3 days.
Forget about what makes you well and happy.
Fallout with everyone you would die for
Think you have ignored your daughter’s needs and are dismal parent
then, still say
I’m sorting out my priorities.
H20 AND O2 🙂
moment by moment
I tumbled a fair way -off the waggon wheel.
This is not just about drugs – in fact, drugs are probably the only dysfunctional part of me that looks so horrific and doomed because it is so visceral.
People can’t see my other issues.
Okay, maybe a bit of weight loss- not so shocking that people turn around and gawp. I cover it up well.
I slipped off the waggon – mentally and physically many months before I decided to reach out for coke.
Point is, I did a three-week drug binge – hated every moment of it.
It took the announcement of my Gran being given the short straw of life to stop fucking about.
She may or may not be in heaven. I hope she is.
This may or may not be a piece of fiction. I hope it is.
Research for my EMA? ( one of my characters is addicted to drugs and is homeless)
well, he was when I last looked at the script back in November…..
I told the supplier not to supply me. He respectively hasn’t and I respectively haven’t had the desire to ask.
I don’t like the way drugs or alcohol make me feel or act. I don’t like how denying myself food I like and love makes me feel.
I don’t like what the symptoms of my issues does to my personality, how I behave when caught up in it.
People slip everyday.
How many accident claim adverts have you seen lately?
Slip up, is what meant. 😉
Most people don’t talk about it.
What have I got to lose?
I have everything to gain.
War is peace
Truth is Freedom……….
Ignorance is strength ?
ha! got you
George Orwell is a pseudonym 😀
bloggers who know the real me – bloggers like Meg.
People in my real life may read this and go………………
I’m not telepathic and I never ever want to be.
I DON’T GIVE A FUCK, WHAT YOU THINK. EXCEPT TO THE ONES, I SPEAK TO BUT I ONLY SPEAK TO PEOPLE WHO GET ME. ( maybe that would sound better in a ghetto lingo)
I’m on the mend. I still have issues – just cos I’m not hoovering shit up my nose doesn’t mean I’m 100% healed.
What about your business Daisy?
Business is growing.
How did you support your habit?
I rented out my body …
(FACT OR FICTION )
does it matter?
I have a personal account and a company business that is separate and I have another issue where what I would spend on food gives me overflow money to spend on prostitutes, porn, dunking doughnuts, Cider, cars, gambling, clothes, shoes, drugs – illegal and legal self-medicating.
Yes, love a bit of Erotica – Anais Nin 😉
The point is the waggon is not electric and it is in sight. I’m running alongside it.
What about your Master’s degree, Daisy?
Doing it. On track. One more scipt to write and year one down.
I can tell you -100% truth that having mental health issues and reverting to my default coping mechanism has done NADA for my creativity.
Me being me and writing from my heart and keeping my head just about screwed on is why I have managed to come out of this with flowers blooming out my ass.
Bit of a rant…
for the tag.
I TAG (optional)
I LOVE A CHALLENGE.
I LOVE MUSIC.
Combine the two together and I have put myself up for a HEALTHY CHALLENGE.
It’s going to be a busy couple of weeks sorting out the funeral with my Ma.
I need to help others to dig myself out of my own shit storm.
I’m committing myself to this challenge because I can.
A song I currently love is this
It gives me hope that the youth of today are thinking like this young lady.
My quiet observations on the bus city people lost trust
Maudley’s out patients are shouting with the pavements
They looking rough can’t get to grips so they end up looking worse than shit
Maybe if I can see who there talking too I might talk to them to so they can prove
The spirit never lies but before I get to try the clouds open up and let god cry
Why is this white lady nervous cause 3 black youths come on so she checking were her purse is
Make me feel nervous like they ain’t my country like they don’t really want me
But mummy always love me I never had a daddy it was me and my mummy
Mummy was my daddy I can either cry or see it as funny
How you can have a child and then just leave
Now I’m walking around with my heart on my sleeve cause I’m effected anytime anybody leave
You can see my scars and hear my silent screams
I been reading books to analyse my dreams and to me it seems
The only chance we get to make sense of it is when we put our heads down a little bit
That’s why I’m spitting it cause each one teach one and you can take it how you want don
Right now I got a lot of work to do
I gotta smooth out my edges
Eat more veges
Listen to my elders
Vibe with my peers
Confront my fears and
Finish this album
Right now I got a lot of work to do
I gotta represent the youth
Speak more truth
Eat more fruit
Get wise with my years
Confront my fears and
Finish this album
But it seems I get side tracked it’s like a mind trap I get a call real late bout were the foods at
Cause certain man a certain place got certain food to taste so my Nikes are laced
And I was never really one to stay awake through a working day for them little bit pay yo
This nine to five is just killing me slowly but quitting is for quitters so I wait until they fire me
But now no one will hire me cause I got more lies in my CV than a pro’s had STD’s
When will they see I was born to reign entrapment is my pain I need to feel alive again
I need a man that compliments my style overstand I’m this way until I die
Has ambitions of his own so ovastand i don’t wanna be alone I just need a little time in my zone
This one goes out to my shotters in the alleys were all brothers and sisters were all family
All my sisters trying to raise there babies all the youth man with court cases crazy
It’s like the smarter you are the bigger your worries stupid people are lucky trust me
This one goes out to my people with ambition I’m still learning I’m still trying but for now
Honesty is courage and since I got the heart of a lion then there’s no sense in lying
I portray my life over violins no matter what it brings least I’m being real
When I look at my future I fear failure I fear the fact that you might not like me
I know I’m skilled but just maybe slightly what if my light don’t shine so brightly
I’m scared of that I’m telling you the truth I’m scared of that
What if the doctor said you couldn’t have children
What if the system they tried to topple what I’m billing better living for all my ghetto children
And I don’t mean were you live I mean your state of mind
Cause ghettos not just a place ghetto is a vibe
And I don’t need no boastie words or complicated flows
If I know what I gotta do then I flow
But sometimes I get tired sometimes I lose faith I guess that’s the reason that we got to church
Cause when you at the bottom of the barrel it hurts need something to believe in and God works You think spiritual is just hocus pocus what you really saying is you have not noticed
Inside us all is a silent protest you can acknowledge or ignore but me
SPEECH DEBELLE – FINISH THIS ALBUM