Category Archives: GIVE BACK -VOLUNTEER FOR YOUR PASSIONS

My experiences volunteering

A jar of Hopourrie

Caught up on a few of your posts tonight. ūüėÄ

 

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A sense of accomplishment!

 

 

Short reflection (First day down) onWRAP( wellness recovery action plan) facilitator   training.

A stream of consciousness.

Heart beating, struggling to breathe, it’s my ¬†turn next to have a go honing in on my ¬†public speaking skills and being a co-facilitator, speaking about one core value and ethic ¬†of what the ¬†WRAP self-management program means ¬†to me ¬†and why.

  • Breathe.

  • Make a few bullet point notes.

  • Listen to what others are saying. Listen…….¬†

  • Don’t pre-empt¬†what I am going to say while listening to others.

  • Try and understand where that person ¬†who is currently in the hot seat,is coming from.

  • We are all¬†nervous – we all have feelings.

  • Oooh, look! ¬†A ¬† squishy ,colorful ¬†ball to play with,it lights up. I hope ¬†there is no one who is sensitive to ¬†flashing light in this room . Just Fucking do it.¬†

  • Remember, my reason for doing what I am ¬†doing.

  • This is not about what others think but about how I develop as a person and what it ¬†means to me,in my life – there is a bigger picture.

  • Smile.

  • wing it.

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  • Look people in the eyes when ¬†I speak.

  • Acknowledge my nerves if need be.

  • ¬†stick to the topic.

  • Believe in my ¬†own worth.

THE PRACTICAL EXCERCISE:

Choose one out  of the 15, WRAP ETHICS AND VALUES  that form the basis and success  of the WRAP  self-management program, get into pairs to practice co-facilitating  (with someone I have never met before). Here is  what I chose and what I had to say.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED – YOU SHOULD BE ūüėÄ

 

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HA HA!

 

 

 CHECK OUT THE CORE  VALUES AND ETHICS CHECKLIST THAT MAKE WRAP WHAT IT IS

HERE   ( there are 15)

¬† Here’s another link if you enjoyed what you read ūüėÄ

VALUES AND ETHICS -MENTAL HEALTH RECOVERY

  MY CHOICE :

Difficult feelings and behaviors are seen as normal responses to traumatic circumstances viewed in the context of what is happening, not as symptoms or a diagnosis.

 

What I said: Three minutes starts now: tick tock

 

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MAKES MY OWN TICKER BEAT FASTER

 

 

“Long story short, I grew up in what is commonly referred to in society as a dysfunctional family and upbringing. Grew up around mental illness, addictions¬†/ people who used ¬†bad coping mechanisms .

I , family members of mine were Stigmatized because of that.

The global / U.K. NHS model for dealing with Mental health is not working.

Change is needed.

Labels and diagnoses should be a guideline -not something that you are stuck with for life.

We all have feelings Рnot all  most feelings are irrational/impulsive.

Society is uncomfortable with ¬†dealing with other ¬†people’s feelings.

Feelings can’t be reduced to mere symptoms of illness¬†

We all have Mental health. We all have a mind and a body. 

We are all subject to episodes of good and bad MH on a  sliding scale spectrum.

People with Feelings should be encouraged  to share them. 

We are all unique. 

We share many similar qualities and are complex beings.

Our narratives Рour  personal story.

how we came to be who we are today and who we will become should be  determined by being able to express our feelings and thoughts without being labeled in jargony terms ( if we want it that way).

We are¬†human. ¬†Let’s stop hiding it and act like it.

There is no shame in being human and feeling happy/sad/ insert emotion.

I believe,there is this cultural mentality that people with Mental Health “issues” ¬†( every human being on this planet btw) ¬†who have come out or indeed still continue to suffer in silence are ¬†deemed incapable of taking true, positive ¬†personal responsibility for our own health in an empowering manner.

I think,We are afraid because we have been told we don’t have the mental capacity to manage ourselves in the current medical, prescribed ¬†model set- up ¬†that we rely on still to this day.

This links into another crucial value and ethic of WRAP ¬†which is ¬†what my co-facilitator will touch upon now” ¬†

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CO -FACILITATOR’S¬† CHOICE AND TURN IN THE HOT SEAT.

Self-determination, personal responsibility, empowerment, and self-advocacy are key aspects of this program.

How I sum up what my three-minute co-facilitator said, in my own mind, is:

Understanding and wanting to understand how to manage your own issues in new ways Рsafe ways , different ways requires determination. One step and that is already a person taking responsibility for their path Рtheir mind /their body. 

The result – I have found, is usually empowering.

I can do this.

Why ?

I have just done it.

WOW! Fucking shit man…..¬†

Carry on working on ourselves and focusing on what makes us well, unwell, etc…. is a great prescription. Self-advocacy is a prescription a person gives themselves.¬†

WHY?

Because I know myself better than anyone. I don’t care who believes it or not.¬†

You know yourself better than any Doctor, family member or friend. You live in your head and body.

I am the expert on me and I can be pretty fucking resourceful if I am pointed in the right direction.

That’s it.

I’m Knackered.

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My Bella Bee is ¬†back at school. ¬†Missed her ¬†first day at ¬†BIG ¬†school. ūüė¶

My GHD’s ¬†said a big F U ¬†to me this morning ……

but…..

I did it.

I can’t even focus on the words ¬†on my MA in Creative writing ¬† on the Open University website that is finally open and we have full access ¬†to use.

Finally!

What do I want to write about?

Social issues/ issues that affect us as humans.

I do know that my first Tutor marked assignments  (TMA) is going to be an 18-minute play about a homeless person and how society and the community can succeed in aiding  a vulnerable person  to help him/herself.

Be kind to yourself.

Be kind and rewind. Remember that one?

 

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YEAH, PRETTY LAME…..

 

 

Catch up soon!

Loads of shout outs as promised  at the end of the week.

Can’t wait to explore all the new blogs and Bloggers in the Willows and beyond.

Good night!

Daisy ‚̧ ‚̧

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WRAP -OFFICIAL PROMO VIMEO

MY WRAP FACILLIATOR TRAINING STARTS SOON, SO EXPECT  SEPTEMBER POSTS  TO BE FULL OF NEW WAYS OF IMPROVING THE QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE.

ALL FOR FREE.

THE ONLY CURRENCY REQUIRED IS COMMITMENT

Daisy in the willows

I have been quiet on the WRAP¬† front ‚Äď wellness recovery action plan . Only ¬†for the reason I knew this testimonial video would be available for YOU and others who want to take their life in their hands and have a plan for if it all goes down the toilet. ¬†Eeeugh!

WRAP TESTIMONIAL PROMO VIMEO

Anyway here it is. I think it will have more of a powerful effect on those of you who do decide to watch it. Instead of me waffling about it over 12 weeks on camera. If you want to ¬†to do WRAP and are not in a physical place close to where I live. You can still do it via my WRAP¬†page. No costs ‚Äď for free. ¬†Or you can go to the founder of Mary Ellan Copeland¬†and pay for the various material (if it is not free) that can be‚Ķ

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Stand up and be counted.

DAISY MINI LIFE UPDATE

No more wallowing in the pit of my mind- beating myself up.

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Time to get back out into the world and live.

These are my plans for today:

https://www.facebook.com/events/680311768773774/

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I have been thinking to myself , what is the point of just arguing my beliefs and doing fuck all about it? The least I can do is show my face and lend some support. I also think it is important to let my daughter  know I stand up for what I believe is right and wrong.

I can only be the best role model possible and I won’t get it right all the time. Whatever she chooses to believe and value in her life as she gets older, I want her to be active and be a part of her community.

Change only comes about from action.

What is happening in America is disgusting. I posted this on my personal FB time line and I am posting it here. It is  not just about the refugee situation but it has everything to do with humanity and justice and equality.

You think we would have learnt something from the Civil rights movement in America – Song dedicated to to all the people who have lost their own lives and their families who are suffering . It is not about Black or White but about what is Right and Wrong!

DAISY WILLOWS

If you don’t know the meaning ¬†behind this song and how this stirred ¬†more outrage hatred in the White Americans. Read about it here. This song was revolutionary. Martin Luther King was murdered because he wanted justice and equality for his people. He spoke up for his people. Nina Simone had to leave America (whose ¬†own life became at risk), she had a 2 year break down and was diagnosed with Bipolar. She risked her singing career for politics and I admire this woman. Such a loss. She lived a long time though.

Simone is singing to an audience that enjoys her, but does not understand her. Any hope is balanced: “You don’t have to live next to me/Just give me my equality.”

http://www.newstatesman.com/music/2010/03/mississippi-goddam-nina-simone

I’m not usually one to get political on ¬†my Blog. At least I don’t think I do.

I will then come home and do my SHOUT OUTS ready for Monday morning and check out some new Blogs Рand read as many of the the  epic Blogs and thoughts of those I already follow.

Going to push myself to give LINDA G HILLS soCS a bash.

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Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: ‚Äúconcentration.‚ÄĚ Use it any way you see fit. Have fun!

LINDA G. HILL 

The lazy version of this prompt is:

I refuse to live in the concentration camp that is in my mind for another day. Beating myself up, gassing myself with guilt and thoughts of rejection and ideas that I am not good enough. ¬†ūüôā

HA HA!

 

THANK YOU  to those who have stuck by me with all this shit going on but I am back in business.

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Laters ¬†xoxoxo ‚̧

 

PERMISSION: to Fuck up and pick myself up

“I fuck up all the time. I also make sure I get my shit together and fight for what I want ¬†and who I want in my life. I can’t fight for the ones who give up on me but I can only wish them the very best “

DAISY WILLOWS

Apologies for not reading as many Blogs as usual. I have read as many as my mind can take in. ¬†It’s been pretty rough for me lately.

WWJD?

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WWDD?

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All very “woe ¬†is me” and it has got boring!

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 but it is a  new -ish day!

I needed too get something optimistic out into the Blogo sphere

My tuition loan for my MA in Creative writing has come through- waiting on  one more loan to come through.

I don’t take no for an answer!

Then 2 years from now I will do a mini PHD top up and go and rule my world!

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Oh and in other great News,

I’ve been officially approved on the WRAP training facilitator course in September. If you don’t know about it yet. You will do. I will merge my own personal WRAP PLAN and journey with my new role of holding the space for others to have courage and believe in themselves and feel safe to go on their own journey .

I’m not a teacher, merely a person who has ¬†a chance to offer support.

Volunteering with  charities in Mental Health is the best thing I started doing with my life.

They know I have been ill , may even get ill again. ¬†The point is, if I don’t put myself out there I will not have a chance to seize any opportunities.

Volunteering gives me drive, Keeps me focused, empowers me to do my best in life and if I manage to help a few people out on the way then what more can I ask for?

 

 Oh and here is how I was able to get on this course. Scroll down to check out my PLEA to get on this training.

Just hit scroll if you don’t want to hear me go on for oh 5 minutes on my video cam… ūüėÄ

This is my career. I take it seriously.

If you want to listen to me waffle about how I felt about WRAP way back in December 2015 – feel free. 5 minutes of me talking!

Oh the excitement! ūüėČ

¬†Oh ¬†and if you don’t want to know about WRAP.

I’m offended.

Ha ha! I’m not.

My WRAP page needs updating but if you want to know what Daisy get’s like when she is passionate and determined ¬†CLICK HERE.

Never thought that me filming myself nearly a year ago would lead me to this.

Carpe Diem!

MY PLEA

  1. I, Daisy Willows,agree to abide by the WRAP ethics and values.

*PLEASE ANSWER THESE FOUR QUESTIONS TO CONFIRM YOUR PLACE ON THE TRAINING*

 

  1. ABOUT MY WRAP EXPERIENCES AND HOW I USE WRAP IN MY LIFE

When I was given the opportunity to be a part of WRAP, I didn’t know how much it was going to impact on my life and the lives of others.

I was and am by nature sceptical. I have relied on medication and psychotherapy and in patient treatment as a way of managing my mental health for most of my life.

WRAP was a three-month period where I began to realise that I could have more of a say in how I want to be treated and how I could cope differently.

I learnt so much. I now have so many different ways of coping and I find that when my mental health does dips, I do get back to being in a better mind state more quickly because of some of the techniques I have learned and adopted.

I believe WRAP is personal and unique to everyone who participates. I don’t think I took away the same thing as any  one of my peers.

It was an opportunity to discover more about myself. How I can help myself.

I learned to work as a team. I felt safe and I didn’t feel judged.

3.MY REASONS FOR WANTING TO BECOME A WRAP FACILLATOR

 WRAP has given me the confidence and skills to live a life I want to live. I want to be able to share that with others

I am able to take every aspect of what is covered in WRAP and either use it myself or pass on what I have learnt to others who may need advice.

I believe WRAP is the way forward with the CPA. I have given a plan over to my professionals who support me about my wants and what I don’t want to happen if I go into a crisis again.

I have alternative ways of coping with my wellness toolbox. I also have a post crisis plan to let people know when I am getting better and I can start taking more responsibility for what I can’t when I have been unwell.

WRAP is truly the best gift I ever received.

Is there anything bad to say about WRAP?

Well I suppose an open mind helps.

It requires commitment to wanting to improve my life and consistency.

4.WHAT I WISH  TO DO WITH MY WRAP QUALIFICATION

Spread the word. Let  people know there is another way to manage Life in many different ways. I want be a Wrapper. Use my qualification to just offer support. I am no teacher but I can give my time and my energy and my listening skills. I am enthusiastic and passionate about WRAP. I believe I will be a great asset to getting this programme and alternative way of living out into our community. I use WRAP every day, even when I am not even aware it.

Daisy is a sentient “monster”.

We all have to start somewhere to get to somewhere else right?

A year of volunteering and training done so far and all of the effort has been 100% worth it.

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So, today I am very proud to say I successfully helped to put together a Mental health awareness workshop and co -facilitate it.

I felt so at home. I felt the most comfortable I have ever been. I’ve helped out with a few workshops before but this was like my mini baby step to doing something I didn’t think I could do.

‘Be your greatest cheerleader – nobody else is likely too.’

DAISY WILLOWS

Upon reflection I realised we still have a long way to go to reduce and breakdown Stigma against Mental health issues in our community and society.

I stick by my rule of always being authentic. I have nothing to hide.  The more I shared, the more  I felt I connected with other people.

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People opened up  and it was awesome to observe this.

We all have mental health and I discovered a lot of people have similar issues. We deal with them in different ways and some can have more extreme ways of coping than others or vice versa.

I’m on a roll here . ha ha

I know what you are thinking. Just let me have this moment? Please!

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United, we can break down the stigma attached to mental health and address the issue properly.

We all have a mind and a body -so no one- unless a person defines themselves as an actual (not metaphorical)   robot- is susceptible to having Positive mental health and Negative mental health over the course of a life time.

Why do we feel ashamed to be labelled?  We quite happily wear labels like Prada , Gucci, Matalan , doctor , chef , cleaner, politician ?

I don’t have any shame in what I have done or what I have been through. I have so much respect for the people I meet here and in the real world.

I am truly on a mission.

Perfection is unattainable!

We need to leave that with the Romans.

Look to the future .

Even better pause and take time to enjoy the moment. Look around you and be happy with what you have.

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Don’t read beauty magazines or buy into the celeb media market.

Pick up a book and expand your mind.  Take pictures. Paint, draw, act.  Get creative.

I have recently found out that a lot of people Photoshop ( I mean really Photoshop) their social media images.

No wonder I don’t recognise people when I am out and about in the big wide world.

I am kind of ¬†joking . ūüėÄ

 I do day dream when I am out and about.

I always have a million things going on in my head.

Not everyone does this Photoshop thing  but to know that people do, just made my jaw drop.

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So I am going to stick with being real. It seems to be working.

I can smile at strangers in the street and they smile back.

We are all human.

We need food, exercise ,sleep, a toilet……. ¬†Can you see where I am going with this?

That’s it for now.

I did it.

We did it.

Totally motivated and ready to break down stigma.

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My  mantra is:

‘I am successful at whatever I do.’¬†

no matter if that means getting out of bed or getting my degree.

 

Happy healthy minds

I’ve been a bit of a mess – mood wise – this last month. I know I am the only person who can change this.

So time to move forward and look to the future.

THANK YOU Morgan @ UNIQUELOVEHARMONEY  for this awesome tag. I love your heart and spirit. You write straight from the heart and you are just a wonderful spirit I have connected with in the Word Press community.  I have been saving it for a day like today. When I need to give myself a kick up the back side.

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SIMPLE HAPPY RULES

1. Name 5 things that make you happy
2. Name 5 songs that make you happy
3. Nominate 5 bloggers to continue the tag

DAISY IS HAPPY BECAUSE:

  1. I’m co ¬†producing and co facilitating my first Depression and Anxiety workshop for Parents, in Boothtown, U.K. , with Healthy Minds tomorrow 27/06. I did most of the ground work before the wedding and I can’t wait to hook up and finalise details and then roll on Wednesday and BOOM! We get to do something creative and hopefully helpful.

  2. I have officially been given the go ahead to do the 5 day 9-5 pm WRAP  Facilitator training in Mirfield , in September with Hope charity. I have done this 12 week WRAP course myself and I now get a chance to turn other people onto the power of WRAP- CHECK OUT WHAT WE DID .I am beyond excited! 

WRAP PROMO VIDEO

  1. I still have motivation to keep fit and do exercise. I had a really good one hour session this morning and my mood has lifted a little bit more. 

  2. I’m moving to France in the next two years. A new start. I a proud to be a part of the EU. I spent two days crying after the result. I am a humanist. I hate manipulation of the working class people and then them being told that they exercised their democratic right to vote. I love the French public because they give their government hell. The public demand to have their voices heard and I want to live in a place where my voice is truly heard and actioned

  3. Finally I am married. I have a few more pictures from the day that just makes me smile every time I look at them. The people who were there made it even more epic!

Here’s what is getting me to smile:

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FIVE SONGS THAT MAKE  DAISY HAPPY

THE SONG I DEDICATED TO MY GAZ AND OUR FIRST AND ONLY WEDDING DANCE

 

EMPOWERING AND GODDAMN BOLD!

 

MY FUCK EVERYTHING SONG

 

JUST A GREAT TUNE

LOVE SNOOP – YEAH, IT’S SEXIST BUT I HAVE GOT A SENSE OF HUMOUR. – I’M A SUCKER FOR A DUDE WHO CAN MAKE ME LAUGH … SHOOT ME!

 

¬†I could go on all day with music….

Oh okay – One more

5 BLOGS THAT NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME SMILE – TAG YOU ARE IT!

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  1. QUEEN BEE РI SING THE BODY ELECTRICР a great friend 
  2. SIMPLY ETTA D.– someone who motivates me
  3. LINDA G. HILL   -Always inspires me to write
  4. CHARLIE ZERO  РThe sickest poet I know. The biggest heart too x
  5. Send Sunshine -Again she never fails to lift my spirits
  6.  EVERYONE ELSE I FOLLOW AND AM YET TO!

 

24 hours

Today- the present.

If you read what I refrained from posting yesterday, this will give you a clear perspective on how our thoughts and feelings change constantly. I wasn’t going to to go out yesterday. My feelings on how I ¬†was feeling was that I was being ¬†all very ‘woe is me’ and I ¬†had a ‘doom and gloom’ outlook.

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Such an unproductive way for me to think.

 How did I get myself from my bed to out and about and carrying on with my life?

  • I COMMUNICATED.

  • I talked about my worries.

  • I explained my anxieties.

  • I spoke to my Mom and My G.

 

Mom’s great advice was

“You do not know what the future holds”

“Live for this moment”

My four year old daughters advice was this:

” Mommy, I have a good idea . Do you want to go to Asda with me and Daddy and then I can ride the bull/ car ride?”

 Here I was worrying about so many things. I should have been getting excited about getting married.

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I ¬†know I am not ¬†the only person ¬†who over analyses and catastrophizes things. It’s a shit mind set to be in but I do work on it.

Catastrophizing is an irrational thought a lot of us have in believing that something is far worse than it actually is. Catastrophizing can generally can take two forms.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-catastrophizing/

I have really missed doing my volunteering. I’ve been so focused on the wedding. I am so happy to say that I have a chance to co -produce and facilitate a mini workshop for Healthy minds at the end of June.

It is in connection with the OPEN MINDS PROJECT.   Рthat Raises Mental Health Awareness and helps to fight against reducing the stigma around Mental Health issues. 

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Fingers crossed!

Please send me some positive vibes. ūüėÄ

 

 

I get the opportunity to help Healthy minds   do a mini -workshop ,to help  raise awareness around how    parents can  manage  Depression and Anxiety, in a  more holistic way. The other  aim of the workshop is to also sign post people to organisations where they can access help.

I may share a very small part of how I  personally handle my mental health as a parent.

I’ve got a meeting on the 27th June. ¬†The wedding will be over and I can get back to doing something that gives me a sense of purpose.

What a difference a day makes!

I’m so glad I used my care plan and my coping skills yesterday and pushed myself. I can 100% honestly say that when I came home I felt I had accomplished something. I paid the bills, I went to Asda, I popped in to see a friend. I had a chance to laugh and I got to spend time with my daughter ( in the U.K. it is half term holidays.) .

If I had shut myself down completely and said no which is what I initially did. I wouldn’t be feeling like I feel today.

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I will post details of the workshop in a post  as soon as possible.

24 hours ago Р My mind state. 

As you lose your youthful Strength,and your body acquires a “more lived in look”, meditate on your true self, your essential consciousness. Body consciousness has no place in your thoughts. You are old enough to know what really matters.” UNKNOWN.

You would this I had this one quote sussed already, right?

WRONG!

Yes, I look more mature these days, I’m getting married and I have a beautiful spirited child who gives me more joy than any drug or party ¬†or person ever did. I’m turning 35 in November.

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As many people say:  I have come so far.

I have cheated death more times than the luckiest of cats.

I’ve gone from a 5 stone , skeleton to a 10 stone toned person full of child¬†hearted¬† playfulness , a life, friends and ¬†love.

What comes after marriage?

YOU MUST COME OFF YOUR MEDICATION DAISY! IT IS ADDICTIVE AND YOU DON’T WANT TO CHANCE ANOTHER CHILD ¬†BEING BORN WITH WITHDRAWALS FROM PRESCRIBED MEDICATION ¬†DO YOU?

No. Of course I don’t. I was ¬†put on these meds to drug me into staying on bed rest.So, I didn’t burn off more calories when I was ill and severely Anorexic in 2005 . I also use them too hep me eat. Sometimes I still get anxious when I eat and after I have eaten.

One part of my eating disorder that hasn’t disappeared.

I do love food. A great anxiety reliever for me is exercising (in moderation).

I’ve been on these meds for over 10 years! Along with other medication.

I’ve spoken with my support ¬†of a reduction plan at my own pace. I am up for it because eventually ¬†we want to extend our family but today ¬†I have suddenly been struck with the blood of a lizard.

Pale and anxious.

How am I going to cope without this shit that keeps me okay?

G ¬†is an epic Dad. He deserves his hockey team. ¬†ūüėÄ ¬† -(He is ¬†not getting a Hockey team)

I haven’t touched cigs since my Aunt died of Lung Cancer in February 2015 ¬†but I am still addicted to nicotine.

I E -VAPE.

I can go without alcohol . That is not an issue for me.

So on these terms and as I stand today, what kind of start would I be giving our child (if I can conceive) ?

It is not  good enough.

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I’m trying to get my career back.

Since I have been focusing on the wedding, I have stepped away from volunteering and I feel a great loss in my life.

Volunteering and training in various courses was my career and still will be until I can get FULL  TIME work to pay the bills and maybe even take a holiday.

My previous pregnancy was a disaster because of the place I was in at that time.

I am utterly terrified of my body changing again, I’m afraid I won’t get an easy labour now I know how it all works and feels.

So do we wait a few years?

I’m less likely to conceive as each cycle goes by.

We want to move to  better place. A place we will be happier.

There are no chances of any accidents.

I am responsible and have the Non hormonal IUD fitted in me.

There are so many quotes about trusting your heart and not your mind. I yearn for another child. I want the chance to be excited and be a life  giver with a whole new outlook this time.

Time is working against me. I wouldn’t worry ¬†so much if I was in my 20’s.

I looked up 50 great reasons to get pregnant. There are some gems in there. I never felt my Bella Bee move as she was snuggled behind my placenta.

How shallow does this sound.

I want another girl.

I don’t know what is up with me. I should be happy I have a family already.

I am.

I am scared of  having regrets too.

I am scared that I have a limited chance of conceiving again.

I am terrified of losing what I have (including control of my body)

I am angry that I worry about my body when the bigger picture is the miracle of life.

So I should know better.

I don’t want to go down the IVF route.

I’m not to posh to push ( gas and air will do)

I don’t even want to carry on with this post because I get so emotional.

I’ve never been great at planning. Impulse has always been my default mode.

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TEMPORARY FEAR MELTDOWN

 

 

THESE ARE ALL  THE  THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS I HAD RUNNING THROUGH MY MIND YESTERDAY.

Today, I am not magically fixed.

I may look like I have my shit together and most days I do.

I am also a human  being who has thoughts and emotions just like everybody else.

I just  choose not to hide the fact that I have bad days.

Why should I?

¬†I am not saying it is easy to shift Depression and Anxiety. It isn’t.

Finding  Good coping skills  and using them are the key to helping  you manage yourself .

  • It takes time to find healthier coping skills.¬†

  • New Coping Strategies take practice

  • Be kind to yourself.

  • Remember, whatever coping skills you are using now, you have probably used them for a long time.

  • It will take time to gain confidence in using other coping skills.

  • There is no time limit on change- it is constant.

  • Be easy on yourself but try and find the balance to challenge yourself too.¬†

  • Know where to access help¬†

  • Ask for help

  • Establish and use a support network .

  • ¬†Consider making a some kind of contingency plan like WRAP

Courage @Curious Queendom

Thank you Sharon @ Curious Queendom .

Queen Daisy

It has been a pleasure collaborating with you to help other Bloggers over come their fears about communicating wiht other Bloggers and Blogs.

This is not you average Q&A Guest Blog. It was done organically and at a pace that we felt comfortable.

I love how Sharon has actually taken parts of what we discussed and put her own reflection and spin on what was said.

She also makes me sound like I am half decent. ūüėÄ

Proud to  have my place in the  Curious Queendom Collaborator  room. I can officially add this to my Blogging C.V. Рit is all great experience.

For those who want to know what was discussed and what the end product looks like, ¬†check it out . It’s not ¬†long and boring.. I would say that because it is about me but you just have to trust me, I guess .

LOUD LAUGHTER. My petals are a shaking.

FINDING THE COURAGE TO BE OPEN [DAISY IN THE WILLOWS INTERVIEW]

Have a great weekend.

Me and the G are going to try and find soemthing wacky to watch this fine evening.

Have a good one!

 

Local community update – The Freedom programme

I am doing this post for my local community. Specifically, for the women in my community who every second as I type and  every word you read, are  being abused.

People get frustrated wondering why women don’t leave ¬†or ¬†won’t leave abusive relationships.

‘If it is so bad just leave’– is still a mind set of many.

¬† I have decided to waiver my anonymity and tell anyone who cares to hear my story and experience with ‘The freedom programme; because I want to reach out to those who are ¬†affected by an abusive relationship.

I also  want raise awareness to those who  care  or know about some one  in an abusive relationship.

I want to emphasise what I gained from reaching out and doing something  that I saw as bat shit scary.

First of all,

WHAT IS THE FREEDOM PROGRAMME? Please take the time to read the blurb bit .

The Freedom Programme is a domestic violence programme which was created by Pat Craven who holds the copyright (all rights reserved) and evolved from her work with perpetrators of domestic violence. We provide information, not therapy.

The Programme was primarily designed for women as victims of domestic violence, since research shows that in the vast majority of cases of serious abuse are male on female. However, the programme, when provided as an intensive two day course, is also suitable for men, whether abusive and wishing to change their attitudes and behaviour or whether victims of domestic abuse themselves.

The Freedom Programme examines the roles played by attitudes and beliefs on the actions of abusive men and the responses of victims and survivors. The aim is to help them to make sense of and understand what has happened to them, instead of the whole experience just feeling like a horrible mess. The Freedom Programme also describes in detail how children are affected by being exposed to this kind of abuse and very importantly how their lives are improved when the abuse is removed.

http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/index.php

CLICK HERE  to find out about the referral process.

* THE CALDER DALE AND KIRKLEES GROUP HAS STARTED ALREADY. I AM WAITING ON CONFIRMATION FOR  WHEN   THE NEXT ONE STARTS LATER ON THIS YEAR 2016 *

Read more about what you will cover  HERE

MY STORY:

This is the short version.

I was in a high risk abusive relationship for four years. I became pregnant and because of the medication I was on , the state of my mental health and the relationship I was in I had an abortion. I regretted the abortion even though I still believe it was the right thing to do and I  hit the bottle hard. Me and the ex were always having bust ups Рsometimes daily.

We were meant to have split up but I felt I couldn’t live without him. The only way I knew to please him was sexually so less than a month after the abortion I fell pregnant again .

I couldn’t go through another abortion. I was on a different medication that was not as toxic to a growing child in the womb and very quickly social services became involved.

The reason. I ticked all the boxes for high risk harm to  myself and to my un born child.

THE TOXIC THREE

  1. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

  2. SELF MEDICATING /SUBSTANCE/ALCOHOL/SELF HARM  ABUSE

  3. INCREASING CHANCE OF DETERIORATING MENTAL HEALTH

I couldn’t walk away from my ex, as many times as I tried. He couldn’t walk away from me. He was and most likely still is a very damaged individual. ¬†We were told that if we wanted to keep our child ¬†and be in a relationship together,then my ex would have to engage in another project called MAZE

The Maze Project supports people to make positive change. It works with women who are affected by Domestic Violence, their partners and their children, who are not accessing services that could make a difference to their lives.

The service has a male worker so that the service can work with couples who are choosing to remain together; the male worker works with the male partner alongside a female colleague working with the female partner.

http://womencentre.org.uk/maze/

The ex was not happy to accept this new label of his but he agreed to do it. For the following ¬†reasons that didn’t transpire.

I will never know why he did what he did and why it seemed like if he couldn’t have me and our daughter then he would make sure I wouldn’t have her at all.

People who know my story will know that I ended up fighting social services and my ex  for 16 months to stop my 12 week (and growing) daughter from being put up for adoption.

I am not going into how lacking in resources the local authority is, but many mistakes were made. I acknowledge that people were trying to protect my child but even professionals can make mistakes.

We did not end up doing the Maze project because my daughter ¬†was taken from me at 12 weeks old. ¬†finally ,that bright light came on –

My daughter  became my life .

I had to jump through so many hoops. I know people reading and connecting with  this, will get what I am saying about never seeming to be able to do enough for social services.

I was told I needed to sort my shit out.

I was not given any advice on how to do this so ,I stumbled about my community grabbing onto every thing I could find to help me.

Luckily because my ex and I  were already enrolled to start the Maze programme , I explained my new single status and they offered me a 12 week placement on the Freedom programme.

I sat in the room that first  Wednesday  evening wondering what the hell I was doing here. All I saw around me was shattered fragments of human beings.

Abuse?

What did I know about abuse?

I listened to others experiences . It was emotional and painful.

The parts of the session that  really hit home for me  is when we  focused on working on each topic/type of abuser  identified in  the programme and its opposite..

This is when it hit me how numb and manipulated I had become by the situation I found myself in.

This is  not a programme about blame.

 It is about recognising the different  types of abusers and abuse that happens and how they  can over lap. It also taught me what a non abusive man is like because there are many men out there who are not abusers.

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It is also about empowering women to educate themselves and hopefully get to a point where we question ourselves

WHY  DO WE ATTRACT ABUSIVE PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES? 

It is hard work but once I began questioning why , things started to make sense and I was re born.

¬†I began to see ¬†how ¬†hard wired¬†in ¬†my brain that¬†the idea ¬† ‘abuse was almost normal ‘.

WHY?

 because I was a  second generation survivor  in the  cycle of Domestic violence abuse. Family members being abused was  something I experienced as a part of life.

The freedom programme helped me  to decide I was going to stop the cycle,

Make  a clear break  for me Рfor my daughter  and for her life. I finally  had the understanding and knowledge and I would have been a fool to ignore it.

This helped me  access all other kinds of projects and community organisations that could help me with the other parts of my life had become unmanageable.

Two being: excessive drinking and over dosing.

A lot of the people accessing the Freedom programme around the U.K. have usually had  social services involved in some form.

Accessing this programme was my light house. It was showing me I had a chance of making it back to shore. I would have to navigate the logistics but there was hope and that is all I needed.

I don’t want to go on too much about my story.

It is a happy ending as many of you know.

What have I learned and gained

  • Self respect

  • respect of nd for ¬†others

  • respect of my health and the health of others

  • independence

  • success

  • confidence

  • a sense of some kind of belonging

  • ¬†acceptance in the community

  • a place of safety

  • friendships

  • the value of privacy

  • the responsibility that comes with being a parent

  • I don’t take shit off anyone – not just men .

  • my mental health has improved

  • I use healthier coping strategies

For any readers who think they may benefit from ‘the Freedom programme’ but can’t find a free group to go to where ever it is that ¬†you live. You can do the programme on-line.

Here are the details 

I have done the on-line one too Рto refresh my memory. There is a one off fee of £10. I have nothing to do with the monies and costings. I am merely here to give you information.

I have done both and I would always recommend doing it the group way but for whatever reasons, I ¬†do ‘get it ‘ that it may not always be ¬†possible.

It is better to do it than not at all.

This has turned into a longer post than I intended. That is the way it has to go sometimes.

If anyone wants to ask me any questions. I will try and answer as sincerely and in a way that I hope may help you or some one you know.

If you wish to contact me privately you may do so HERE

 

 

 

Exciting new radio project opportunity

PHOENIX FM RADIO  AND CREATIVE MINDS COLLABORATE TO BRING AN EXCITING NEW PROJECT TO THE CALDER-DALE AND KIRKLEES COMMUNITY  IN WEST YORKSHIRE, U.K.

Read for further  information .

  • Do ¬†you like music?

  • Do you like chatting?

  • Interested in what goes on in a radio studio?

  • Want to lean more about technology?

  • Do you want to know how to upload audio onto a website?¬†

  • Do you want to create audio pieces/ play lists

  • Do you want to get creative ?

  • Do you want to try some thing new?

Casual /laid back sessions Рhosted by Creative Minds and delivered by Phoenix radio. coffee and tea refreshments available and a chance to hook up and meet new people and possibly learn new skills too. 

keep up to date with all exciting projects and creative events happening in our community  at CREATIVE MINDS FACE BOOK PAGE

What is creative minds?

Creative Minds is all about the use of creative approaches and activities in healthcare; increasing self-esteem, providing a sense of purpose, developing social skills, helping community integration and improving quality of life. We develop community partnerships to not only co-fund but also co-deliver projects for local people.

http://www.southwestyorkshire.nhs.uk/quality-innovation/creative-minds/

Further opportunities  available to become a part of the creative minds radio project.

DETAILS 

The workshop is on the Wednesday 8th June  1-3.30pm at the Link room, Pastoral Care, Learning & development centre, Fieldhead, Ouchthorpe Lane, Wakefield,WF1 3SP .

 

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Get Creative

Monday has  automatically become awesome when  the word creativity is put before or after the M -word.

I’m really excited to go down to my local radio station- PHOENIX RADIO¬†and learn a bit about recording pieces of audio. I touched on this in one of my modules at college – I had to write, produce and cast a radio play. I did an adaptation of one of the scenes from the movie ‘Natural Born Killers’.

The most fun I had was putting the SFX – sound effects in.

I also got to act in another colleagues radio play. It is a place I felt quite comfortable acting.

CREATIVE MINDS – a charity I’ve yet to do anything with yet will be hosting this workshop. It will also give volunteers like myself the opportunity to get to know more about the CREATIVE MINDS PROJECT.

I know that I  thrive in creative environments so I have been looking forward to today.

I have a couple of ideas I want to thrash out and hopefully by the end of today I will have something as opposed to nothing. 

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Yeah, it can be scary getting yourself out there and of course I want to be a credit to whatever I get involved in.

So to all of you who are trying new things today. Be it a

  • Job

  • Course

  • Diet change

  • new driving route

  • sport/gym

  • Moving home

  • Date

  • new holiday destination

  • new school

The list is endless.

It’s okay to feel nervous and scared. I may not come across as a nervous and scared person but I too am just a human being, I feel the nerves too. I have my own way of dealing with nerves.

I’m going to learn or expand on ¬†my learning, give my time and possibly talk about future plans.

I’m trying not to expect too much. I think that is the key..

Being scared and anxious is normal. Meeting or working with new people can be daunting. It’s not a bad feeling to have.

In my experience when I have these feelings, especially when I am doing something different,I see these feelings as a positive . It reminds me that I care about what I am going to do and it tells me I am passionate about whatever it is I am going to do.

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There is nothing wrong with wanting to be successful and to want to  have the ability to learn new skills and be credited for them.

All these skills and things we do make a great base for what we set up for ourselves in the future. We may not know what is going to happen in the future.

That is cool too.

What is important is that you never stop developing your skills and you never stop working on yourself.

You never know what it may lead to and who it might help.

Sometimes just your presence can be seen as support for whatever it is you sign up for or do.

Give yourself credit for the space you rightfully take up in your world.

A lot of the times what you do has a huge impact on helping others who are doing something new too.

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The best way I can  explain this is

I’m going to this workshop today. I may or may not think I will be useless. I don’t know much about this project.

How long it has been running.

If it is a new idea or project that someone has put together to see if something creative and productive can come out of it.

Using myself as an example.

If I don’t put myself out there and engage I may never know what could happen.

I may be the only person who turns up.

I’m NOT saying this is the case in this situation but I want you to see how important you and your presence ¬†is in the world you live in.

Don’t be afraid of creativity.

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There is no way you can get creativity wrong. What is creative to one person may not be to another.

That is the beauty of it.

Have an epic day.

Try be creative in whatever you do. I am going to have a bath after gym. I may sing in the bath.

I’m being creative.

It’s that simple

Seize the day and be counted!