When my Kalinda peers into his reflection he see’s jagged, ragged parts of a body


Staggered yet separate. -body parts sewn together haphazardly.

The truth is stranger than fiction.

How can it be!

his soul mate doesn’t mirror the effort in his deeds.

ffinger nails claw and pierce at skin -prolong hanging flesh separated from bone

VIP’s seated , assume an opinionated speculation into the art of this self destruct –

The blown up bags come from the baldy eagle, wearing a t-shirt that says ‘corrupt -will sell poison to feed my ego.’

Skullbones crossed.

Point in rage to pandora’s obsessive flirtation with suicide.

Maidenhead Hymen annuls her delusional animas.

Make her believe!

it helps her to inhale insecticides.

What is wrong with all that is her?

doesnt she get that her life can be more than a bargain plea?

why does every stonewalled chamber gather breathe from disjointed words,

instead of radiating from true love’s scribbled scribes in blank verse.

Write to recover. Recover to write.

Perform this pantmine on las ramblas , in the hope the days will turn bright.

Supportive cups hold up the excess mounds.

‘damn you look good, healthy, put some weight on’

Must she hear this now? or indeed ever!

It’s too avant garde even for Gaudy.

Face swollen from a sting with an arbitrary drone.

Monthly luna flickers up sheds of decrepit blood clots;

compund that to a portrait that makes her face plump–fits of

dis – ease

– please,

stop with the back handed compliments, hun.

Hands hesitate over arms once scrawny, cheek bones sliced inwards.,

She’s rather own her shame and reach every gaze at her in a state of lean chronic thigh gap syndrome

spongy Food floats


-drowns all sign of hope.

enough self loathing to remedy it with a calibre of a gun.

Date with Russian roulette –

6 chance distractions from this body, this mind ,every part called forward into existence.

five rounds until she lands in the seat of a crash test dummy.

Grief , guilt ,

unpleasant to the taste.

fret bursts in beads of sweat – her few will revolt into petulant demonstrations of




and when?

Get by on hope and luck and a fine mother hen

A good sized egg , pair of irises that delude her into feeling all her sins have been revoked.


Be careful what you wish for.

Days go by and merge into one long never ending Groundhog day at times. Well it does for me -every now and then.

I create excitement in my life by signing up to do things that I think are going to get me out of the slump. Give my life a wardrobe of scenery changes and with that  hopefully comes new feelings.

These feelings are my drug- the euphoria I crave . The rush of blood to the head.  Anything to make me feel worthy.

Be careful what you wish for.



In all the time I have wished for things to change and  things to not stay the same. It is has had good outcomes and bad.

 I guess the crucial question is what is it I have been wishing for that I have created  to become my reality. 

What about relationships?

We can all get into “are we doing enough” in our relationships?

Are we living life together and truly going for it?

Be Careful what you wish for.

Sometimes it is okay for things to stay the same.


What am I going on about?

Say someone you care about has an appointment for an eye test or a medical review.

You then get a phone call saying that person has to go to hospital to get another opinion on their health status.

Why didn’t this person tell me things could get so serious?  

I’m in shock. I don’t react.

This second opinion then turns into a third opinion.

No more mundane sameness. I have got my wish.

Am I prepared?

To do surgery or not?  This is two people I know and love now, one is definitely   having invasive surgery on thursday and the other person  is to find out if they should have surgery.

You can’t buy health.

You can try…..

 When your health is steady and away -this is a good time to not wish that there was more going on in your life.

I would rather live the rest of my days partying hardly if it meant the health of the ones I adore didn’t go from not something to worry about, to

fuck what am I going to do if I lose you mode.

Accept that whatever/whomever you have in life  is a blessing.

So what if you don’t have a model’s clothing wardrobe , a TV. the size of an over inflated sponge bob character?

So what if you don’t get a loads of  likes on your posts, status updates and profile pictures?


Yes, all of these things can give you that high we crave. The one that gets our heart beating like a wooden drum.

Success after hard work or not is an exhilarating feeling.

Personally, I just don’t think it would keep my happiness momentum going say, for as long as I had the people around me- well and in my life.

I too want to better myself and have everything better .Sometimes it’s alright if something is serving it’s purpose and is good enough.

I don’t believe we are put into the world to seek validation from others.

 Though I can’t tell you how many times and years I have wasted seeking it.

There is so much that is superficial – nobody knows what is real.

I watched a  documentary on the fashion industry last week. Watch the TRAILER if you can.  Us ladies and now men strive to achieve to fit into clothes made to look good on a  13/14 or 15 year old child. 



The targets are the coy lolita looking ones that , say a  girl  out of Siberia -living in a world of poverty at the back end of a communist regime era , with  the promise of earning loads of money and travelling the world off the back of their one playing card- their looks. 

There are children going over  to Asia or the West and can’t speak English and are children and get exploited. There is no glossing over it.

These girls start going to modelling schools as young as 5 years old learning to manipulate the camera –

Make love to it !


Isn’t it crazy that most of us humans in this world are  brainwashed into having sick minds?

Isn’t there enough disease and suffering for the taking?


We get older and still strive to dress in provocative clothes that  can only look good on a 13/14 year old model!

That whole sentence is just incongruous.


This is the extent to how ill our society is.

How ill we all are.

We get older – fashion can’t survive on yesterdays’ image!

We don’t even have time to get the ‘today’ look off the hanger.

The fashion world and society won’t let us enjoy a moment that extends further than a sales transaction and a bag of goodies ,that mainly ends up as close to your body as,  that sinister lampshade you inherited from some distant relative.

It makes you  shudder every time you pass it or look at it. Epic impulse buy. I buy into it -a lot of us do



So, we are always chasing the ‘look of tomorrow’,  usually a younger version of some ‘ideal image’ that could easily have found it’s way into the Deity section in the Roman world.


It is an illusion.


Our bodies and minds change in our lifetime.  Nature dictates and  so does society.

Often both are in conflict.

We are not meant to be trapped in a peter pan -esque body for the rest of our lives.

I’ve kind of digressed.

Well, I have made it less personal.

This is how the post started-  health and my loved ones as being something personal to me .

I guess I have taken the model industry and society as an example of what our t idea of what healthy and successful is.

 It then becomes something that is hopefully a post we can all relate too.

If it is personal to all of us, maybe we can understand or start to question what is the picture of  true health and success. 


What is true happiness?

What is true?



There is no need to go chasing dreams and filling other’s pockets if it is going to make you ill.

Instead of being a small dot in soemone else’s story go and make your own. I’m sure you will get to the end of your story  in a better mental and physical state . HAPPY EVEN!


Be Careful what you wish for.



Okay so lately I am mostly talking about embracing ourselves with love and shit. The last couple of days. I  have felt less like a Hippocratic student of healing and self love  and more like a  Hypocrite.

I am not but I feel like one.

My beliefs haven’t changed. I do believe in the content of my posts. I just want to say that I also have shit days when I don’t feel so accepting of my looks and body and the rest of all that is me. I also want validation through superficial social media websites. The last two days have been pretty fucking miserable . Usually exercise, blogging, interacting with blogs,volunteering, working on new projects  and finding ways to be positive with one or two of ‘mothers little helpers; help shift the doom and gloom.


Got to give myself a break.

Talk and write the truth. This usually works. Write -freestyle it and post. Don’t check if some one may or may not like what I have to say. Minimum editing. None if possible. Small spell check . Hit the publish button, making sure I have attached all files titled ‘vacuous  negative energy’ to it,blast it into   the blogospheare -somewhere- all the words unravel and collide with an infinitum  of other unread words..

They may or may not get read. Usually people who enjoy jigsaw puzzles get these kind of posts.  Guess what? I hate jigsaws!

Bit blunt?  Sure?

 I guess the whole aim of this post  is to free myself -Let it all hang out.

So, yeah. I’ not happy and self accepting  all the time . I work at it and I don’t give up. I’m not one dimensional.

I try.

I try give Happiness and Self acceptance a secure bosom to lie their heads against.I don’t want doubt , negativity and self hate to  nestle it’s way onto my bosom and go

“Oh look tits! We are gonna suck every last drop of Happiness and Self acceptance out of them until they a flaccid, wrinkled and bruised.” 

Villainous  laughter like “mwhwhwhahahaha” or some other shit. Then they take my head full of shit and slam dunk it. Yes, those three


they will make me think that me accepting myself and being happy can’t happen outside my mind. They will try and repress the independence of my native toungue. They will find a way to make my rediscovered language seem like a myth– folklore…

It never happened.

There were never words such as Happiness and Self acceptance. There was never a language that was not approved by them. 

This is why I won’t stop writing empowering posts. Like ‘body image awareness’. Yes, I agree when I try and speak this language,sometimes, I feel like an idiot, a foreigner. I quickly lose my confidence  when I pronounce  it wrong. Use it in the ‘wrong’ context. Oh how quick my enthusiasm to live freely is  so quickly caught up in a net -stenched  in mockery and  jibes. HOW DARE I ? 


I fight to be happy -truly happy- no superficial bullshit

I fight to love my body and me- no superficial bullshit

Always keeping it real


Some THINGS  we can change by effort

Some THINGS  we can’t change

Some THINGS we have to wait a bit until we can change













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(All pictures sourced from Google images)


We hear so much about equality and diversity these days. If I asked you what each word meant, off the top of your head could you tell me?

 Mine goes: well, Equality is about fairness and being just with all people while at the same time celebrating our differences (diversity).

It’s so frustrating why can’t we accept what we can’t change?

 You accept your friends for who they are.

Your children?


 Why can’t we accept that there are some things that we can’t change about ourselves, no matter how much we try?

What You Can Change: You can work on eating cleaner, healthier foods that leave you feeling full of energy and in a good mood throughout the day. You can find an exercise plan that suits your needs and also doesn’t leave you feeling as though your life revolves around physical activity. You can wear clothes and style yourself in a way that makes you feel attractive and healthy, while still being aware that your physical appearance does not define you as a person. You can pursue a balance in life that involves both indulging yourself and treating your body with respect.

What You Can’t Change: You can’t make your body be naturally predisposed to a different shape. You can’t guarantee that you will always be in a certain weight range. You can’t ensure perfect skin, or find a diet and exercise regime that works without fail. You can’t spend your entire life denying yourself the things you want every now and again, nor can you give into every craving or whim and deny your body the care that it needs to function normally. You can’t make the scale replace every other source of value in your life.


Our main focus should be on being healthy and maintaining that health. That saying ‘you don’t know the value of health until it is taken from you ‘seems apt –I may of made up that quote.  I guess we can to some degree alter our physical appearance. It is harder for us ladies when we go through puberty and when we go through ‘the change’. There are loads of traits we can change about ourselves if we are unhappy.

We can change

  • how   we do certain things

  • how we act

  • Our attitude.

By the end of this ‘Celebrating your unique qualities’ challenge. I challenge you to find three things that YOU can do to help promote acceptance of your own unique qualities and appreciate other people’s qualities.


Taking some needed TLC

Rome wasn’t built in a day and if it were it would not be the tourist spot it is today. Today I’m chilling. I managed to catch up with on some posts I’ve missed. I do find reader a bit irritating because sometimes I’m scrolling down 10 posts of the same blog. I think it’s awesome you have so much to write about and the topics are mostly awesome but I want to catch up on more than just 10. I’m ranting.

While I am at it. I’m working on this project – today I will share the link with you . there it is TAH DAH!  At the moment you will have to work from the bottom to the top until I figure out how to make it more reader friendly 😀 – Think of it as a bit of brain gym for the day.

It’s all about challenging your body image. I am getting a lot from it because I am forced to research on each body image related themes and then post my feedback. I do realise that not everyone has time to do thesesactivities but it would be awesome to get some feedback on what I am feedbacking if that makes sense?


RECENT NEWS: I had a huge panic attack yesterday in front of a bunch of people I didn’t know.I don’t think they realised it but I ran out of that place terrified -got on the the bus and was seized by my ex’es nasty side kick friend, Duncan Doughnuts’ looming face,  not  in a security guard uniform, following me and my daughter around the supermarkets and generally intimidating us, instead  he is now a bus driver who looks like he is on a mass unaproved suicide massacre mission. clearly he is still hating. I was like -‘fuck why now?’ and then I thought ‘Get over it!’ Lose the grudge, you know what I mean?

NEWS UPDATE: I’m mainly chilling today. Catching up on blogs, working out. Doing things that make me feel good and chilled. NOT  having panic attacks. Researching and putting together the next part of my ‘body image awareness project.

Oh and of course being an awesome Ma, daughter and wife to be 😀