(2 months ago and scroll down to the bottom for today’s inspirational track & lyrics – I’m so grateful)
We all say we want to disappear
By God, I truly want to conjure it and truly never come back from this planet.
I’ve tried so many times
And this might sound like Self -pity ( perhaps it is).
But I’m not here to get into it.
These are about my feelings.
I’m not a poet. I am just a person who has feelings & thoughts,
I’m not trying to hurt anybody.
I’m trying to live the best way I can,
I’ve tried to take my life many times (and) yet, here I am.
I do the best I can.
Deep pan Pizza, Fried chicken,Sushi, Proscecco.
Get my fringe trimmed,
My daughter, a mermaid’s tail.
My husband. Yes, I have sinned!
But I’m still here.
And all I want to do is disappear because I know that,
Everyone I love,
Everyone I know is going to be gone.
And I wouldn’t have made the bonds with the people who I brought into this Life
And the people who I’ve… met or come across.
I wouldn’t have secured any bonds.
I am lost
I am always forlorn.
Flawed, I wear my heart on my sleeve and
I cry. I pace this kitchen over & over
And no I don’t have an excuse for relapsing
And I don’t have an excuse for what I have done.
I just know that my heart was invested in it all and I’m trying to do the best I can!
I wish I wasn’t here. I have plans- is this a death threat?
I don’t know.
All I know is there is pizza cooking, and I’m on my last tether
Overdoses don’t do it.
Maybe hang myself?
I’m (just) so far gone. This is not even a poem.