SINK,SWIM,FLY,CRAWL-how I fought social services to get my child back

First posted 2015

Content: How I got my daughter back-  and issues of control/ being out of control

Well bloggers we are already into week three on blogging101 course. Today’s topic is about when you hit writer’s block and using a prompt and to make that prompt personal to your blog.  Let me know what you think.


This morning I woke up with a feeling of loss and  a heavy anchor weighing me down. I should have been buzzing. I was three hours away from meeting up with a girl who works with a mental health charity and to work together on a one off workshop to close the stigma between the volunteers and the people they help. Below is all I had to type this morning: warning alert: very woe woe woe is me and not WOW WOW at all. BEFORE I CONTINUE: It came about that THIS LOVELY LADY has recently launched her first novel. How amazing is that? I can’t wait to read it. 


Why do I only see ugly? What is wrong with me.I can’t love my cat or daughter or partner cos I have trouble accepting me. Why is outer beauty so important to have when I see the beauty of people in all their different guises. My heart has been rung out . The salty ness stings increasingly as it courses through my veins. pumping –you are ugly  you are not good enough.Why now? why these feelings now? My next challenge – like a bull waiting , snorting – A Red mist descends. Red mist that at the end will be..  I had writers block I couldn’t think of anything poetic to say. All words seemed shit and I felt shit.  

So let me get real and tell you what is really on my mind My head has been doing 360 degree turns lately like that possessed chick in every movie about hauntings and possession.  Except it has been me not some movie.  My weight has been going up and  up – I have had no control. Even with me eating healthily. The numbers have  kept on  going up. I have been getting a  daily beasting from the  Goddess of hard core exersises -Jillean Micheals. No bullshit. No pansy-ing out. No quitting. I am no quitter.Not a sinker. No Titanic. Why is this fucker in my head fucking with me now. I’m finally getting somewhere with myself and what I want to invest all my working time in.

Yup, so I have really been struggling with my mind for a few months Isn’t that crazy? Me wanting to help people who are struggling? I’m struggling. . I had to let go of the figures on the scale. I’ve never done that. How did I  do it?  well,  I decided  I like eating (yes, Anorexics can like eating)  and I eat healthily  already so, I was not about  to go hungry and become ill again. No, this is my time. I wasn’t going to start taking overdoses to cope with the madness inside me – skewered. grilling me .It was bedlam in my head. True bedlam.

I stopped weighing myself every day. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT EITHER.  I carried on with 40 minutes of  an intense cardio workout . I didn’t carry on doing 3-4 hour workouts like I have done previously. I did not start monitoring my fluid intake.  In fact I did the opposite and btw  my skin looks the best it ever has. I had to get moving. Get out the house and live.  The critters inside jittering and chattering and  fluttering  chaotically in my mind could carry on.I  carried on with life.

I got out there and I followed through on my next goal. I have my daughter back . I’m already a student with full BA(hons) in Arts and the humanities. I’ve booked our wedding for next year. The one I was never ever going to have. I am finally in a place to help people.

I don’t care if I don’t get paid I’m getting so much back from this.

You know what is even more chaotic than my recent state of mind?  okay -ready?  The training I have been put on to do, is all stuff I worked out on my own and with my family when social services wanted to put my daughter up for adoption.

Why didn’t they get HOMESTART in first?


How come they didn’t tell me about a 12 week course called called WRAP ( WELLNESS RECOVERY ACTION PLAN)  that helps a person put together a support package if a person’s  health starts to get distressed?

This is not some new concept or specialised training. It’s been going on for years and being taught in prisons and schools today. Why didn’t any of the social workers I know signpost me in these  directions?

I stayed up into   the early hours of the morning for weeks. Researching online to find an answer to convince  social services that I could be a mom and  have times when my mental health isn’t all that cracking.  In my research I came across something called ‘ the circle of protection’ (very Lion king – the zulu bit -youknow what I’m on about? an epiphany or something.

Why had none of these highly qualified social workers, guardians of the court, these professionals.. but me thought to put a contingency plan in place?

When my daughter  was put under an interim care order. obviously, I  attended court. The letter for the court date arrived days after the court hearing. I was lucky that I had my family to give me the heads up. I didn’t know that the  alleged assault charges against me , that had been dropped (because their was no physical evidence to suggest that I shook my 12 week old daughter) was only the beginning of  an incredibly long fucken journey home. I was like Hercules and his 12 labours.

Back to the morning of 14/12- Confused, in a state of panic -The former manager of social services – I like to call her Miss Hannigan-you know from ‘Annie’ the movie?  I swear she looks and acts like Miss hannigan – every professional I described her too- could not keep a straight face.

Do I hear happiness here?
Do I hear happiness here?

They knew exactly who I was on about. Anyway, so after court, the wooly and rather snivelly  cardigan came into view- like a red flag. Her voice was the second thing I noticed ,she sounded like one of Marges sisters from the simpsons.

I was like : Where is my daughter going? you can’t just take her from me!

She spluttered in that voice.  

Stop the drink- stop the shit and sort your life out . I wish she could take her own advice.

I found out about a 12 week group called the  FREEDOM PROJECT that was running in my neck of the woods. In a nutshell it is a 12 week group that helps women understand why we  enter and stay in abusive relationships. I took Miss Hannigans advice  and self- referred myself to my   LOCAL SUBSTANCE MISUSE TEAM and  I  engaged with a wonderful woman to work out what my drink issues were and how I could manage them. We tried various plans until we  both agreed  that whilst all this was going on, drinking was probably not going to be drunk for the ‘right reasons’. I went to every mother- baby group I could could go to.  I could only see my daughter 10  hours per week. I missed 7 contact sessions in 12 months. There was  a local contact centre only 5 minutes up the street from where I lived. I had no problems with anybody in that contact centre. Lots of positive feedback.  The contact worker who had become emotionally involved told us she had been taken off  as  our contact worker. Social services and my ex felt that the contact worker was being biased. It is not my fault that every other person who met him thinks the same thing. Whatever that may be.

So,a new contact lady comes on the scene. We did not mix well. It happens in life. I can’t love everyone 😀 Next thing I know and I was now taking  two buses to go and see my child – in a contact centre monitored by cctv like a criminal. This is how the dynamics of our relationship went. If I got on with spending time with my child and didn’t talk much with the contact worker-  she said I was being hostile. If I did chat with her -she said I was distracted and not mentally focused on my child. This contact person has no mental health qualification. Her job  is to collect children from carers/family homes and take them to  a ‘neutral’ meeting/ contact centre and to make sure the child or children get back home safely. She is a fucken flawed human. All her notes ( she was a fan of all the disney songs – those notes were just as agonizing to hear)  were being gurned  into the social workers reports.This is one opinion from someone who was not even qualified. It felt like she was there to prod and provoke a reaction out of me.

I asked the court to authorise  a hair strand test for alcohol and drugs  to be done. The test was only done 7-8 months after my baby was taken into foster care.  It came back negative that I was an alcoholic and drug taker. I am on prescription meds  so that obviously came up.  The non alcoholic levels  of drinking found in my hair proved to them I had drunk alcohol but not at the levels they were making out.From  the period  I decided  to go teetotal the levels had reduced even more.  It all  came back negative.

I was in a very violent and manipulative relationship. This  ahem.. man treat me like something he found in the gutter. He warped my mind.  My mental health was exacerbated in that relationship. I dealt with this issue and I don’t want to say more on here out of respect for my daughter. He walked away when he lost control. When my daughter is at an age she can make and formulate her own opinions  that will be the time I decide to give her the information about her paternal father and seek him out and ask him whatever questions she wishes too.

I paid nearly £400 to do a parenting course online because social services stated I could not do a certain group because my ex was attending it and my daughter had to be over 5 years of age.  He got on it because he has two sons under 18. I got my daughter back under a  full care order -on the 28/04/2013 .  She was not even three  years old and all of a sudden I could attend this 12 week government funded parenting course for free. I had THIS IRO ‘professional’ come into my home and threaten me. She tried to wind me up because I made a comment about her not even having met my daughter and she was the person to ratify the adoption plan. She sat on my living room suite and re-iterated that it was her that ratified the adoption plan and still held that view.  If I had a problem with her then I could change  IRO’s.

I looked her straight in the eyes and I said “NO, you and me are going to see this through to the end” -It was like something out of a western movie. Eyeballing one another.

“Yes. we will” she puffed out her chest and chuckled to her ‘henchman’ .The person she brought with her to intimidate me. What makes me want to poke out her eyehole is at the final LAC review meeting she was hugging me and saying I had taught her something about people with mental health issues and  she realised how ignorant she had been. This woman works with dozens of cases like mine everyday. Mental health is not a new endemic in society. I hope ,you the reader can see why I am ranting at this..

I always say ‘ I hold up my hands  I am far from being perfect‘. I would actually like this to be emgraved on my grave. I have said the phrase so many times.  The thing is  but I put in the effort in and they did not want to own up that they fucked up and I wasn’t what they read on paper and what they thought I would be like. ALL PEOPLE WITH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES ARE DELUDED RIGHT? HAVE NO SENSE OF REALITY..

Here is my point, It didn’t have to go straight to adoption but it was easy for them to place  my innocent  12 week year old child. Blue eyed  with blonde hair and  not soiled and tainted from being ragged around a defunkt system.  No behaviour issues. An easy adoption case. They call it ‘twin tracking’

Ha , you should have seen the  guardian’s face when I told her that the chances of my daughter being adopted after being told that mental health issues run in her paternal and or maternal family drops. She was 25% less likely to get adopted.  Oh they loved me. My legal team were ace. I communicated and I asked questions and I researched.

As a volunteer I have a ticket to go to this PARENTING AND MENTAL HEALTH CONFERENCE

I hope a few social workers will be there to learn something about mental health .

I’m not angry. I finally know why I went through all this shit. now I  can do the professional training and help other people.  I’m not bitter- AM I FUCK?  Thank you social services for giving me such a hard time. It has led me to take the actions to   where I am in this new chapter in my life. I am strong and empowered and passionate and every time I have fallen in my life,  I get up.  Everytime. These other less invasive  helpful  services should  be taken into account and be brought to the attention of a person before they start taking kids off their parents and family without the full facts. I’m not talking about the families where abuse goes on. I’m telling you what I have experienced  There is so much wrong with the system. I’m gonna volunteer my heart out.

Thank  fuck for silver linings. I not only have my daughter and my partner and my beautiful  family and friends  to live for but I have been given a gift of knowledge and I will be trained to help people who need some support and advice. I must share this knowledge of how I got my baby girl back and how much I have changed and how fucken exhilarating and terrifying   it is but it is worth the fight. I’m not the only one. There are so many more who are terrified to talk because they feel threatened and bullied by social services. CHANGE  must happen and I will do anything I can to be a part of that.  If you have read this far. Thank You. Never give up your right to speak . I had a  ‘gagging order’ imposed upon  me when my child was a ward of the courts( This is the law in England) . I don’t anymore and I am well within my legal rights to post this.  I want to use my skills and my creativity in writing and acting to help people remember  how to communicate again and it is a right of theirs to have a voice…

P.S. I still am partial to a cocktail or two  when I’m not looking after my health  for one thing or another -usually for a dress to fit in to  go somewhere.

P.P.S. I have written a stage play inspired by these events with a Brecht like influence. I wrote it for my final end of module assignment for my degree at the Open university and I got a 1st for it.  I might put it up sometime . I might not.


politics in ‘the willows’

*politics for me, is a mind, body, and soul connection*

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In 2008 I watched this video of 12-year-old, Severn Cullis-Suzuki,  delivering a speech about the state of our planet and a plea to humanity at a global U.N. conference

I’ve watched this 5-minute clip more times than I can possibly count.

Here it is

The point to all this is that I shared this video on my FB personal profile and  received a fair comment

‘Wonderful, inspiring girl but what good has it done the world?’ 

This prompted me to do a bit of research on who and where this girl or lady is today.

Read more about this incredible woman

HERE  – you won’t be disappointed.



I can assure you, I feel more optimistic about our future. This empowering person continues to make positive changes to healing our world. She works her ass off. I hope my daughter and future generations follow her example.

Randomly, (that’s me) I  sent a message just to say keep up the good work and got a reply!

As if!

Here it is

P.S. I’m so happy, I’ve figured out the reason I am not getting all of your updates in my emails! Go me! Thank Gary @ food is fiction for helping me organize my blogging world.

Expect me popping up more in your blogs 😀


 JOIN EARTH CHARTER- Values and principles to foster a sustainable future  – You can keep your money to yourself if need be – just be a part of the environment you and your family and loved ones live in!

the ungrateful one

Higher  broadcasts live video of a man flying in outer  space.

Caption : What are you THANKFUL  for today?


I  go against all those who fold in with

it’s a day to count our blessings.

Slavering ,table drummers –we will rock you with our forks and our knives.

Salacious portions of the second road runner-up to the national bird, cooks amongst natures already  abundant  offerings of food.

No meat!

 Poor hostess.

The feeders  may all come at you in unhinged straight jackets, disturbed little bees in honeycombed hives.

 We don’t get the message – our mother earth  shakes her head in dismay.

Excuse me for the cynical distaste.

Maybe -it’s the Black Friday orders of the soon to be  penniless mourners that leave me to wonder,

if I’m the only one who believes in the promotion that counting one’s blessings should cover more than one  day.

Awareness of what we have and have not.

Awareness of what we know and should know,

should not be chalked up -spelled out in the toddler soup of the day.

Tomorrow -one  damp rag across the blackboard , one teardrop of rain – one scribble away,

can change all we are a boon for.

 One day is not enough to keep up the movement -that unifies us – when we come together to complete mandalas sun – each  our own  beatific ray.

Orphans of humanity  we plead for more.

Callous rant – as rough as  the skin on my feet – routinely  massage cream into them every evening ;

 be consistent with our moral compass .

That is how we can land on our feet- no cat with nine lives or suspicious  minded dreaming.



every day of the year.

Call out your own judgments when it flashes past -cognition held up -brain powder – slow  control release,

 regulate the filtering in  and out of brainwash  sluice  glugged down in unrecognized fear.

Fear of what?


Nothing will change if we don’t make it so.

Sow what we reap -reap what we sow.

I sense a preacher inserted that quote in serendipitously ,only so I could attempt to allow this rant to flow.

So be it.

Of course, I am grateful for all that life has given me – dazzling in wealth of the simple things,

all there- for me to quietly contemplate upon bestow.

The furies, the mad rush, the gluttony,  the ego of humanity – homeless men and children invited in for one meal – one day .

Please don’t touch  the brand new fluffed up hand towel.

Would a homeless person even have the culture to know to wash one’s hands before praying for this feast -making sure to appear humble in the glare of your Lords softened scowl?

Bacteria – one culture – it’s enough to let him wash his hands in the kitchen scullery sink.

What is he to know ?   water is water – surely this should cleanse our conscience   attempt to pummel fists at our conflicting thought process arena- enough well placed blows and we will return to our white sheep – one dip – one vision – contemplative blessed day, lucky are those who can think.

envision a person who swoons effortlessly – a  home is no show museum in an attempt to wow family and friends to incite:

 Don’t you wish you could pull all of  this off on this most  thankful besmirching day?

Newly formed speech bubble  of Radical  congregation thought -branches of hate and envy.

Group Faction fractions,

was never my strongest subject at the school of life in preparation.

Soul hack – stumped and blinded .

I left young – fled.

I knew it was a ploy to mollify me.

I’m no Einstein  at arithmetic but may I be so  bold to ask surely there is more in the power of one?

We have the ability to stand down in peace, for one day, in our millions – united in blessific glee.

Or, do we all have continue consuming archaically stoned ?

Prompted into Martyrdom ,

to accept the first prize of a well acted boon?

In the promise of 50% discounted TV.s and-and Suv cars with 0.1 miles on the clock, ready as an incentive to  live as we  already should ,

with a marked line, curving upwards indicating we have enough and are already happy?


Shrouded Screen

*photo credit Francesca Woodman, Space2, Providence, Rhode Island, 1977, © George and Betty Woodman*

‘Always wear sunscreen’ – comes from a song .

Wisest life advice I’ve ever heard?

‘Don’t read beauty magazines they will only make you feel ugly. ‘

Quoting like I’m toting.

Screens -Scenes. Teams. Streams.

Rhyme it out until I get an inspiration to scream.

I Love screens. What to watch ?

Birthday party. 35 years old. I never wore sunscreen.

I went under the artificial  tan beams when I hit the isle of  Blighty. Cancer, I probably have.

The world is full of it. Boasting in its insidious arrogant fashion. We can’t slip away from any malady.

Life is a parody.

Stage screens. Projections. People hustling and bustling about in the form of shadows.

Cue: Audio – people chattering, laughing, Christmas jingles pop out like a pack of Pringles.

‘Once you pop you can’t stop’

Stream of consciousness interrupted by my very own human Bee.

How you doing ? – A total Joey from  the series ‘friends’.

Beware of enemies posing as your bros and sisters. Cut out cardboard – fake , one-dimensional – prankster – inanimate.

Politics have got me in the corner of a boxing ring, cutting teeth on my mouth guard.

Betray my thoughts and beliefs  when I mention the pantomime that is crawling underneath the flesh of America’s skin.

I don’t want to share any posts on this farce. Spread more hate and give more time to something that makes me want to spew my guts out.

Angry on behalf of  all that is left of humanity.

The stupidity line is growing longer than the start of the  poverty sign.

One screen dividing the people  and oh wait they are all in the same queue.

Branded – I can’t stand it.

Fuck Kim K and K west and all the KKK’s  and the rest of the Hollywood bandit Muppet crew in folly land with extra zest.

All lives matter. The best show on the cinema screen.

I’m about ready to pack my bag with the bare necessities. Head out to the jungle and live life with my true fellow earthlings.

If I could grow fur ,I wouldn’t need sunscreen.

What the hell are we humans even doing here when we can’t even adapt or evolve in our natural surroundings?

Destroy, conquer, divide- it’s a woeful stuttering thought.

Soon we will be paying for the air we breathe.

“Water is not a basic human right” Just  a thought from Nestle.

Stop polluting what was given to us.

Stop changing the screen to the scenery you want the commoners to see.

We are dying.

Hairdresser fed up of listening to other people moan .She applies for  a job to treat people in a morgue.

Silence .

Now you listen to me!

We all need to talk even if it is behind a screen – a mask .

I’d rather bleed from my eyes than cover my true feelings, opinions, and thoughts.

People can laugh. I don’t care.

Scan my soul  and I will pass every scripture criteria to go to any  one of your chosen heavens.


Perhaps .

I reflect what I see in others. We are but mirrors of another.

Despise me?    Something inside me resonates with you. What are you hiding?

Drawn to me?    remove the smoke screen – brave soldier-admits and refuses to deny that we all share common dreams,

feel similar emotions.

Have days when it’s all commotion after commotion.

I scream – a throwback to the bairn I never intended to wean.

Heartless – that would mean I am aimless.

I’ve had my eye on a spot . That takes more heart and commitment than spouting out hateful , denounced rhetoric.


Grief- ridden, sick chick .

She should have grabbed the knife.

She should have locked the door.

She should have put more clothes on .

She should have done the cha- cha- cha.

Would it have saved her?

Polo – life mint- raspy breath in need of sprightly death.

It’s fun to dream. It’s even better to live it.

Wear sunscreen?

Protection –  duty to our children- the ones who love us .

I say be reckless -not with others hearts- but be a part of the movement to dine with the  Ming dynasty, hovering somewhere above, a local art museum,in some loco town down in  Acapulco.




The song I was on about when my thoughts were rambling.

Beliefs(2) Even a Rock has a spirit

*I want to point out that I write about beliefs with a light heart. Look at what happens when people distort a religions teachings to profit from chaos #Brussels  *

To stick with the animism theme from yesterdays post , my research has taken me to Japan,Siberia, Canada and Alaska.

There is a group of people who call themselves humans.  Or Ainu  people.  How many people do we really know or see in the media that can be called humans with humanity theses days?


They believe that any being and object can walk, talk and act all by itself. If you want proof that this is true you have to watch this exclusive footage of a celebrity in the fruit world. I’m a massive fan of his.

The annoying Orange

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These people believe the living and the unseen world are divided by a thin penetrable membrane.

Their beliefs

  • They believe that our bodies are mere vessels and carry what they call ‘kamuy’ – which is spirit which passes out of the nose and nostrils when we die and is reborn into the next world

  •  Spirits are immortal. This ‘kamuy’  can be reborn again into the real world in another form but it has to be the same type of form -so a man can’t come back as a tree or a rock.

  • The new form will always be the same gender  too

Damn! I’ve often wondered how I would be treated if I was a man for a day.  😀

  • Everything even a tool or house has a spirit. The Anui often burn down houses and break tools of the deceased to break the spirit of these inanimate objects so the new spirit has a home and a few comforts in their new world.

How compassionate for what we call a primitive community of people ( I say this with heavy sarcasm on the primitive part

  • The most important spirits are the Gods- this usually manifests as an owl.

  • These people believe that they can argue with the Gods.

What a hoot!


I mean how awesome is that!

So I  am a Ainu person. I do my thing. I am good. I am helpful. I strut about not harming anybody  but every time their is a storm my house gets struck by lightening. I raise my palms to the heavens and cry out


” What’s with all the bad luck?”

“seven doors down is another Ainu dude who made you angry and they still haven’t even tried to reach a compromise.”  I shake my head.

“It’s been two weeks since you got angry with that dude several doors down and he shows no remorse. He hasn’t even done a ceremony- nothing-”  – I tsk –

“what the F*ck? ” I’m kind of angry now.

So I go and consult  ‘Futchi’ the Fire God and I say

” Hey futchi. This is not fair. Sort this shit out. I want an apology from that God.”

One of the most beautiful facts I found out about these lovely people is their belief in the power of words. The ONE thing only they have. No God or animal has this gift.

Words are used to bargain with the Gods and also to sing to the Gods. Their Gods appreciate a good tune. They enjoy a bit of dance

Party time!

Here is a snippet of a folk tale that will get the feminists riled


   The Ainos think it is very unlucky for the woman to move ever so slightly during the act of coition. If she does so, she brings disasters upon her husband, who is sure to become a poor man. For this reason, the woman remains absolutely quiet, and the man alone moves.—(Written down from memory. Told by Penri, July, 1886.)



Traumatic or what?


Beliefs (1) keep a sense of humour,please

*Disclaimer I have a sense of humour*

In order to even comprehend religion we need to  take into account spiritual, personal and social elements. It’s a complex subject.

I am going to have to go on a journey that starts way back in the past. Funnily enough it starts in the place I was born – Kwa zulu Natal, in South Africa. It starts with the  Xam san people.





They also had questions of how to make sense of the world around them just like we still do today. There are caves with cool drawings on them with animals and shit( YES, Literally shit or dung if you want to keep it child friendly). We can’t ask them so we can only try and interrupt  how they came to believe what they may have believed.


It’s no new concept that we humans try to fathom some reason as to why we have to go through life suffering. In the time of the Xam San people-they  lived an arguably more  dangerous life . By that I mean there every means of survival was at the mercy  of  the elements- wind/fire/earth/water. and  their need to interpret feelings and desires.

Okay let’s pretend

I am a Xam San person – my father dies.

Where does he go? His body is still present.

Why does the sun still shine and the moon still come out.

Everything moves forward yet I am stuck in stillness,confused and grieving. There must be an invisible world I don’t know about.

I go to sleep and I can’t remember what happens.

Where do I go?

I have a dream about my Father- there must be some other world  – he has crossed over into.

I run and tell my people there must be some connection with death and sleep. I don’t know what. But we are going to figure it out.  The elements may change  but my feelings don’t!

I can’t move on without trying to understand the world around me!

We have all heard of the ‘twilight zone’  that moment where hallucinations take place, dreams occur, altered states of conscious occur.


It is another dimension: A dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. A land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas.

You’ve just crossed over into… the Twilight Zone.

We dream we are flying like a bird.

It is real.

It must be.

We feel it.

It is easy to see how the unseen world and it’s occupants  could have such a persuasion over not only humans    minds but also  those of animals and objects and natural phenomena like storms .

The San people believed whatever happens in one world has a direct influence over whatever happens in another.

What they believed

They believed that the world was created by a trickster called Kaggen and his family.




They shared this world with what is known as the EARLY RACE – a community of hybrid creatures half- animal half -human and had the power to create, shape and transform.(The earliest discovery of animism)

Pretty powerful shit if you ask me.

Me, in my  San persona , thinks

“wow this amazing  . What respect for something so unexplainable .”

Yes there was respect for this race but they did not worship them. Instead ,this race became a way to make sense of the world. The San came up with  seriously trippy  way to access this supernatural world.

And so  THE TRANCE DANCE  was born 🙂


Shamans enter a state of trance (or altered state of consciousness) by intense dancing, audio-driving and hyperventilation. Unlike many other hunter-gatherer societies around the world, they do not rely on the ingestion of hallucinogens. Shamans both male and female harness spiritual potency by dancing around the campfire while women clap ‘medicine songs’; in this way the shamans are transported to the spirit world.

Sorry ravers but you never came up with this one 😀 You ravers can’t even make a claim over your glow sticks. WHY?

Today San shamans in the Kalahari say that, as potency boils in their stomachs, their muscles contract and they bend forward, often requiring the aid of one or two ‘dancing sticks’. Sometimes when this happens shamans suffer nosebleeds. The San believe that the smearing of nasal blood on people keeps sickness away.

Here are some beautiful  concepts they came up with

  •  The trance dance was a way to to launch themselves from the top of their head into the supernatural world and ask for healing powers to cure their beloved ones .

  • A beautiful belief of theirs is their relationship with the sun and the moon. Obviously there were no microwaves and takeaways just popping up casually– yonder – they had  to hunt for their food . They prayed to the moon and sun for super natural powers to help them find a meal.

  • They believed that when they were unconscious that their hearts became stars – how beautiful is that?

  • Humans and the stars were so intimately linked,  so that  when people died

… at the time when our heart falls down,
that is the time when the star also falls down …
For the stars know the time at which we die

WOW! That to me sounds like pure poetry – raw and untamed.


  • Dead peoples hair turned into clouds and sheltered the San people.


Another beautiful belief they came up with is

  • that death – was described in the context of being something elemental. It is the wind (energy) that live in all human beings.The wind was believed to blow away the deceased foot prints, which made the transition from the living world to the supernatural world. one that was not in the power  of the humans.

“The day we die a soft breeze will wipe out our footprints in the sand. When the wind dies down, who will tell the timelessness that once we walked this way in the dawn of time?”


I’m blown away. I think I have found a new interest to explore…… Oh no! not another one Daisy!




The globe is spinning and spinning and spinning . Where will we stop off today to find some secret global happiness?







I had a hell of a weekend. I don’t know how I got through Monday but I did.

YAY! I’m still alive.

Not enough hours in a day to do all the things I want. And I want to do A LOT. I’m sure I am not alone.

Who doesn’t feel  a bit unbalanced  these day?

  • We   have our children and family duties

  • Work obligations and commitments/ volunteering

  • Organising weddings and holidays

  • Planning and working on our goals

  • finding time to take out the time to blog and find a balance and catch up on blogs

  • Scream at incompetent professionals who can’t get a medication change right

  • Find time to eat

  • find time to read all those cool books we  buy

  • find time to exercise

  • food shopping

It goes on and on and on…..

I don’t know about you but it feels like I work  way more than I play.

I love to play. I feel like I am missing out on so much.

Doesn’t this image below make you want to down tools for the day and release that goofy inner child of yours?


Getting out is  more  of a privilege. The computer is our master. I’m starting my first out of  four day training on co-facilitating  support groups today.

I’m amped –  it’s going to be a long one today and Wednesday too -10-4pm. I  usually run home, exercise and then hit the blogging world. Oh but what about my family?

Any western personal growth guru worth his chakras, will dictate how important self care is.

Seeking harmony through balance has been ‘a la mode’ for longer than most of the top  western gurus ages combined.

Cultures across Asia believe that the five elements

are the energy filled building blocks of the universe.


In Korea – the obansaek (traditional five colours)There are five colors – known as ‘O-Bang (meaning ‘five direction’) Saek (meaning ‘color’) – which are considered especially significant

.These five colors are blue, red, white, black, and yellow. You will find these colors to be prominent in ‘Hanbok’ (Korean traditional attire), Korean paintings, musical instruments and festivals, architecture, flags and traditional symbols, and of course – Korean food!


BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS – yes this is Japanese but it is colourful .

These five colours and elements correspond to to our five basic tastes

  • bitter

  • salty

  • sweet

  • spicy

  • sour

images (5)


This seem to be  turning in to a food blog post -not my domain at all….


There is a point to all of this – bare with me , PLEASE!

So, what the Koreans cooks  do is balance all these components into one dish, which they believe creates harmony in both colour and taste. This helps them draw power and promotes happiness and health.

Of course not all of us,( me included ) wants to spend hours cutting carrots and other colourful vegetables as a meditative exercise.

I don’t think there would be any food left if I was left to the chopping and cooking,in all honesty.

How boring is peeling potatoes?  zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz  already snooozing thinking about it.

I’m not going to get stuck with the tear gas –

here you can have the onion 😀

The question  to ask yourself is:

Which elements in your life do you consider to be out of sync?

Do you spend most of your time on your career and neglect your family?

Do you do a sterling job on improving your physical health but neglect the spiritual health side of your life?

The message is simple: There is a lesson to be learned here.


Maybe we can learn a big lesson about this colourful cuisine..


By simply mixing it (food) up more equally can be a beautiful thing; not only pleasing on  the eye but enough to  feed the soul  and nurture more balanced  and harmonious experiences.

catch up with you all later 🙂  have an epic Tuesday