Panacea TMA 3 update.

I always used to think I was a bit loopy because I created characters in my head and-and acted them out. My family teased me and people must have thought I had multiple personality disorder (it was the 80s/90’s). My daughter does the exact same thing and I now realise that my mind creates stories and the best way to reveal those stories is by writing them down.

Here is the second draft for my TMA 3. I’ve finished the entire second draft this morning. YAY!

I’ve taken inspiration from the morality plays that were popular in medieval times. I hope that my tutor will see the relevance this play has in the message it sends out despite setting it nearly 90 years ago.

I think that all three characters have a bit of me inside them. I’m working on making the characters more well rounded. The next two scenes I’ve written shows a different side to the characters.

The play is set in the  mid-1920’s -after the World War one and the Russian revolutions.

I want to thank Clarissa @  POETURJA for helping me develop an intriguing plot with her grimoire and insight into her ancestry of being a descendant of the misunderstood Roma Gypsies.

There is still a lot to polish and make it submission and MA worthy

Let me know what you think.

CAST LIST: (so far)

EVE

VLADIMIR- always wears gloves 

PANACEA

THE CROWD- actors and the audience

AMERICAN MAN

AMERICAN WIFE

EUROPEAN WOMAN

LOCATION: Paris, 1925

SUGGESTED STAGE DIRECTIONS (my undeveloped vision) bare stage – (audience act as the crowd for further scenes) are seated in a circle. All action takes place in the centre of the audience. Characters sit amongst the audience or come from behind to enter the performing stage. All props are simulated by actor’s mannerisms and minimal props. A box can be at table, piano, bench.   To evoke sensory surroundings multimedia like audio-piano music/ screens/ lightening etc. used to set the scene example to create the illusion of shadows, or people, to set the mood of the scene.

EVE is already playing as the audience find a seat.

NOTE TO SELF: BE VISUAL include all people who will be in the each scene setting. Hot seat 20 question for characters

SCENE ONE

EVE sits playing the saddest most melancholic piece of music at an old piano, in the jardinière outside. She sits in the centre of the room.THE CROWD sit and stand around her forming a circle. EVE plays on as the audience find a place to sit. EVE is absorbed in playing her music. After some time EVE stops playing. Bangs on the keys of the piano and begins to cry. EVE cries and cries and cries. Nobody comes to her. EVE stops crying.

EVE: Who’s there?  I know someone there is there. Show yourself.

(EVE seems to gaze through the audience. A spotlight comes up and sweeps across the audience illuminating them. The room goes dark. EVE begins to play again –a wild angry, jazzy piece of music.EVE plays until she falls off her chair. From out of the audience PANACEA, plainly dressed in dark colours approaches EVE. PANACEA attempts to help her up)

EVE:      Who are you?

PANACEA:  Hush, I am but an old dear who admires your music.

EVE:      How did you get in here? This is private land. If you are Vladimir’s friend…

PANACEA:  Who? I was merely directed to your playing.

EVE:      I tell you what I told him. No. I won’t do it.

PANACEA;  Do what, dear?

EVE:      You don’t know?

PANACEA:  No. I found the gates open and was guided by your playing.

EVE:      Oh.

PANACEA:  You seem almost… disappointed.

EVE:      I made the right choice. It doesn’t matter.

PANACEA:  A problem halved and all that.

EVE:      Yet I feel so guilty

PANACEA:  You seem /quite

EVE:      I don’t even know who you are. I can’t even….

PANACEA:    As you can see I’m rather old, nothing special – just a mere human – an old lady –nondescript

EVE:      You blend in with the crowd.

PANACEA:  Almost like I don’t exist.

EVE:      But people can see you and you –you can see them?

PANACEA:  Yes. I do and I suppose seeing they do. It is not the same as looking

EVE:      All I want is to be see the people Vladimir says we help.

PANACEA:  You have such a gift. The world must hear this and your face is –

EVE:      He did send you! Times have changed. These new admirer’s talk so strange. So many people are poor. I wonder how we can maintain our standard of living just because I have a gift. How can they just ignore and approve?

PANACEA:  Approve?  I don’t see many who wouldn’t. We do have mirrors nowadays.

PANACEA:  They don’t do me any good.

EVE:      they aren’t much good to me either.

PANACEA:  Who is Vladimir?

EVE:      Someone. Someone who wants the best for me.

PANACEA:  You have had a disagreement?

EVE:      I can’t shift this feeling -Something doesn’t add up. How can one girl ease the suffering of a nation- a world trying to make sense of all the lives lost? All those men dead.

PANACEA:  Is he ONE of those sorts of men?

EVE:      What? A soldier, oh no.

PANACEA:  The Don Juan types.

EVE:      Don Juan? I can’t even visualise what that looks like

PANACEA:  You know- charming, good looking. A bit of a lothario. Gets the blood rushing to the ears.

EVE:      Oh no, nothing like that. (blushes) He’s more of a guardian- a brother of sorts.

PANACEA:  Well, has he hurt you, dear? Roughed you up?

EVE:      No, nothing like that. He cares for me. I owe him all this. I should be begging in the streets for my bread like the rest of them.

(Silence)

EVE:      Hello?   Are you still here?

PANACEA:  Yes dear. I will sit next to you then perhaps you can see better.

EVE:      That is part of the problem.

PANACEA:  Well, turn your face to me. I’m not exactly beautiful as yourself. I get that reaction all the time.

EVE:      I can’t see you.

PANACEA:  You are…

EVE:      Yes. I am –that is why I’m so flaming mad. How can he expect me to be on show? (takes on mock man’s voice) Entertainment is what the new World needs. The old world’s need. We are doing A service to our people, he says. I feel privileged -far too privileged.

PANACEA:  I wish I could feel the world the way you do. It’s unique.

EVE:      That’s the problem. Everyone always goes on about how unique I am. How lacking in sight makes me special. Everyone wants to take my picture with me or listen to my music, but then, soon, people seem to grow weary and they just disappear, and I’m left alone in the darkness again.

PANACEA:  Some people only come out when it’s dark, child.

EVE:      How would I know? My darkness is my light and I have nothing to compare it to.

PANACEA:  I blend in with the world. Just another face in the crowd

EVE:      You sound saddened by it?

PANACEA:  No, it’s just normal.

EVE:      That’s what I want. Normal. I feel everything.

PANACEA:  To see is not-to-not feel.

EVE:      Yes, but there are these things – filters. If I could see maybe, my other senses would be diluted. Not so overpowering. Not so smothering, I feel unbalanced.

PANACEA:  Yes, a woman at odds with her world. I’ve seen years of the world. Felt it too. I often wonder what it would be like if I lacked in sight and well……

EVE:      It’s frustrating. I feel the need to increase all my other senses to make up for what I lack. If I could only see with these eyes, what other people see-

PANACEA:  What will you do about Vladimir?

EVE:      I trust him but he doesn’t understand.  He believes if I could see this world that my beauty would be lost. That me not seeing what I look like and the world looks like is what makes me- this “unique” word. I hate it.

PANACEA:  So, he saved you….

EVE:      from a life living on the streets, from the orphanage. With his business acumen, we are still able to afford all after all the devastation.

PANACEA:  Doesn’t sound like such a bad fella.

EVE:      He’s not. He just doesn’t understand how much I long to see Miss, Mrs?

PANACEA:  Call me Panacea.

EVE:      …Like the word? How droll.

PANACEA:  Yes, I was born with a gift to help those at odds with themselves.

EVE:      You can give me the sight I crave?

PANACEA:  It’s not a simple process. It requires/

EVE:      I don’t care. Name it. I have money. Anything. What is your price?

PANACEA:  Money is useless. The elixir needed to seal this contract is what is known as trading your essence.

EVE:      Essence? my soul?

PANACEA:  Not quite. I’m not the devil. Think of essence as an ingredient. If you barter, your unique essence say- to me. What makes you taste different from the other cookies of the world is your flavour- your essence. You want vanilla. You inherit my essence, I yours

EVE:      I wouldn’t even know where to find my essence. What would I gain?

PANACEA:  you could gain your sight.

EVE:      And you would want to lose yours! why?

PANACEA:  I’m an old dear. I’ve seen enough of the world. You, however, have so much living to do. You have these unique gifts yet you are not happy with them because you can’t see them like the others.

EVE:      You make me sound ungrateful.

PANACEA:  Now that is what you said. Not I.

EVE:      Forgive me. DO you have all your senses?

PANACEA:  (laughs)I can hear you. Your music. I see your apparent beauty. I feel your soft skin, smooth – no wrinkles. Untouched by sunshine. (breaths in to smell EVE)

EVE:      Why are you smelling me?

PANACEA:  I long to use my other senses more…I’m not going to eat you, this is not a fairy-tale

EVE:      I’m sorry. I feel so stupid.

PANACEA:  Never mind, it shows you have a highly active imagination. Much sought after in the world where vision is so vital to be a part of this world.

EVE:      How could you possibly have had enough seeing?

PANACEA:  Maybe it is because I met you. You captivate me.

EVE:      I wish I could see what you mean.

PANACEA:  Maybe your male friend is right. It would ruin you to see the world. (begins to get up)

EVE:      Where are you going?

PANACEA:  Leaving you to work things out. All feelings pass (small pause) eventually.

EVE:      No, that is an untruth. Mine grow. Intensify. Mine never leave. They haunt me day and night. Please don’t leave me alone.

PANACEA:  (sits back down) Will you play again and let me consider your eyes.

EVE:      I can’t see you, though.

PANACEA:  (frustrated)I know a way to access your essence.

EVE:      Panacea you can give me sight?

PANACEA:  If you want it as much as you claim, then perhaps it may work in your favour.

EVE:      Why?

PANACEA:  You question far too much and believe in far too little.

EVE:      Okay, I will play. What do you/ want?

PANACEA:  Play me a song that reveals everything about you to me

(EVE begins to play, looks at PANACEA. PANACEA touches EVES face, her lips and leans into EVE as if to kiss her. EVE stops playing.?

EVE:      What are you doing? You ‘re not one of those Lesbians are you/?

PANACEA:  Does it matter? (laughs) More a Thespian.

EVE:      what does kissing me must do with giving me my sight? I may be blind but don’t mistake that for being a fool.

PANACEA:  Me? Mistake you for a fool. (long pause)

EVE:      I apologise. I /just want….

PANACEA:  Have faith that what we do on this day will give you what you say you desire.

EVE:      I’m scared.

PANACEA:  Scared didn’t win the war.

EVE:      I never thought of it like that. Could we try again?

PANACEA: One more chance. In hindsight, I may change my mind and decide to keep my sight at this rate.

EVE:      No! I mean, it’s yours of course, but I really want to see.

PANACEA:  Let me taste your tears. (leans in to lick EVES tears) Such melancholy. Such innocence…. Play on, child. I must know your name.

EVE:      I can tell you. My name/is…

PANACEA:  (shouts) Don’t speak it. I will find your name. That is how I will find your essence. Now play.

(EVE begins to play, looks in the eyes of PANACEA. While EVE plays, PANACEA licks the tears from her face and begins to suck on the air of EVES parted lips. EVE falls to the floor. PANACEA looks down at her, PANACEA sits at the piano, begins to play a neurotic piece of music. PANACEA finishes the piece, gets up, nudges EVE with her foot.)

PANACEA:  I dedicate this piece to you. The essence of Eve – foolish. foolish Eve. (gets up leaves pushing past the crowd)

(Lights down)

SCENE TWO

(Outside in the garden, EVE sits at the piano playing – she keeps making mistakes. Stops and starts. VLADIMIR paces up and down wears gloves)

VLADIMIR: No. That is not it? Where is the haunting draw, the sweet enchanting forest where we forget all pain? Start again.

EVE:      (hesitates) Can you just listen, please.

VLADIMIR: I am. This is not good enough. (realizes) How many times, Cherie?  You are already behind and the show starts in less than a fortnight.

(EVE begins to play. EVE stops and puts her hands to her forehead. VLADIMIR stops pacing and rushes to EVE)

VLADIMIR:     I know I push you. You know I want the best for you. You have another headache?

EVE:           yes.

VLADIMIR:     (takes a bottle from his jacket) Here take one as precited. This is all nerves. The mind plays horrible tricks on someone who is utterly gifted.

EVE:           But don’t you find it most peculiar? What an unusual woman. It felt so real. Are you sure you didn’t see/her?

VLADIMER:      Mon Cherie, no more with this talk of absurdness’ have a duty to provide for our community. (motions to ENTOURAGE to make EVE presentable) ah, here come the publicity people. (to EVE) Not now, Cherie. Performance face – smile –a little more- higher. Manifique (ENTOURAGE fix makeup and hair, take pictures. Flashes of light and voices commanding EVE what to do. EVE poses then frowns)

PHTOPGRAPHER:  Turn left. No left. Chin up – Aliyah fix her make up. Liberty her hair is not staying static. Eve, place your hands just so. More delicately. Girl, move her into position.

EVE frowns, VLADIMIR with a wave of his hands clears away the entourage. Everything is quiet again.)

VLADIMER:      Cherie, what do you want me to tell you? An untruth. I saw you were fatigued, I found you at the foot of your piano. I picked you up and called on Doctor soigneur immediately.

EVE:           Please, Vlad. I haven’t stopped having nightmares. I don’t feel myself. The boy…He is Everywhere.

VLADIMIR:      And that is precisely why you were to take the prescribed pills for your disorder. We’ve all been through a lot (more patient) I can’t collude with these fantasies.

EVE:          I feel lost. No – I misplaced. Since Panacea, all I see is this boy. I feel more sickness in my heart/than ever.

VLADIMER:      Ha! What a perfect name for someone to help you regain your sight. (laughs) I love your imagination. You cannot grasp how important this next performance is. People ae coming seeking for jubilee, peace, coming from afar, the Americas, England. Important writers, artistes. Don’t you see?

EVE:           No, Vlad, I don’t.

VLADIMIR:      Come repose with me on our favourite bench in the jardinière. We can play our favourite game. (helps EVE up and walks to the bench in the garden both sit down)

EVE:          I don’t want to guess what the colours look like. Everything has become so triste. I know you want the best for me.for our community I – can we stop for today/ I..

VLADIMER:      (Sits EVE down on the bench/VLADIMIRE sits down and admires the Garden) Feel the wind. Smell the fleurs. This always lifts your spirits.

(EVE puts her hands to her cover her face and screams out)

EVE:           Don’t touch me!  (lights flicker in multi colours- EVE stands up and stumbles backwards. VLADIMIR rushes to catch her) Eve, what is it? Control your senses.

(Sounds of houses exploding. Windows shatter, Gun shots. Screams of men, children and women.EVE points to a war zone. EVE starts to run towards the noise of screams)

EVE:           The war. It’s started again. Run. Vlad.

VLADIMIR:      looks around to where EVE is running. Looks confused)

VLADIMIR:      Cherie, calm yourself. There is nothing there. Let’s get you back to your room.

EVE:         It’s happening. I have sight. Can’t you see? Hear?  What is wrong with you? They are shooting innocent people (A woman’s voices cries out as she is being raped. EVE runs to towards the attack, VLADIMIR stops her. There is a struggle, the cry of people burning alive and dying. Silence and then a BOY starts to howl in pain. EVE cries) That boy, he’s in pain. He’s oh – Mon Dieu -is ablaze

VLADIMIR:      Enough! (picks up EVE and attempts to take EVE back inside)

EVE:           There is a boy. He’s on fire. You can’t leave a child. (to DISFIGURED BOY) What is your name child?

VLADIMIR:     (firmly)There is nothing there.

EVE:           Look! That poor boy. (to BOY) It’s okay, we’re getting help.

VLADIMIR:      (looks back and puts EVE down on the piano chair.) Take these. Now.  You need to stop this. You want people to talk. Say how you are a crazy fool.

EVE:           Talk? About what? People dying. Innocent people. We are at war, again. Why did you not summon the staff to help? We were the closest to -that boy.

VLADIMIR:     There is no one there. (shouts). Nothing. No boy on fire. No war, you are hallucinating. Shut up!

EVE:           That boy. (looks up and past VLADIMIR’S shoulder. Frightened she points) There he is, right behind you. His face. (walks towards the DISFIGURED BOY) How can you be alive, child?

VLADIMIR:     Enough! I’m trying to look after you.

EVE|:        (EVE touches VLADIMIR’S face) You know I wouldn’t ever lie to you. The boy is a mess. Disfigured for life. Who will look after him if we don’t? (to the DISFIGURED BOY,in  darkness) Don’t be afraid- We can help you.

VLADIMIR:    (slaps EVE across the face) How dare you! You vexed wrench

EVE:           I’m not crazy. I’ telling you the truth.

VLADIMIR:     Who have you been talking to? Tell me now.

EVE:           Nobody, Panacea. She gave me. I can see…

VLADIMIR:      She must be some spy. I get it now. Oh Merde, alors!

EVE:           A spy? Why would you have spies? That is irrational.

VLADIMIR:      What witchcraft is this? (Grabs EVE’s arms) close your eyes, wretched girl. You ungrateful wretched girl. Everything I’ve done. For you.

EVE:           Why can’t you see him. He’s right behind you.

VLADIMIR:      I forbid you to speak. Spies trying to plot my demise. You see nothing – only what you have ever felt. You see the real me. (places EVES hands on his face)

SCENE THREE Pain

(It is the day of the concerto. EVE is led by VLADIMIR to her piano in the centre of the courtyard. It is a bright day. EVE sits down to play. EVE starts and stops. Composes herself. A collective intake of breath from a crowd. Silence. EVE looks around and then begins to play a song so painful tears stream down her face. There is the wail of cries from THE CROWD. They are being drawn into EVE’S song. The song takes on a hauntingly melancholic tone. MAN cries out from the darkness of the crowd)

MAN:      I thought you were here to light our sorrows not waddle in them

(THE CROWD murmurs in agreement. EVE continues to play. The melody grows more and more melancholic. Then furious and choppy)

MAN:      (to VLADIMIR) What’s wrong with the ole girl, Scar?  I want my heart to forgot about all my woes, little dove. Play something else. Play something else.

CROWD:    (whispers and chants over and over) play something else.

(EVE carries on Tears streaming down her face. VLADIMIR comes into the arena and whispers in EVES ear. EVE changes the tune to a more upbeat piece –one with more cheer and spirit. The crowd cheers- shadows draw closer to her like a moth to a flame. EVE bangs hard on the piano. EVE stands up. She looks to the crowd – the audience and points out at the AMERICAN MAN)

EVE:      How can you delude yourself – when last night your honest and loyal wife questioned you about your whereabouts/ You beat her. That is why she has pain around her eye. (All lights focus on AMERICAN MAN and his WIFE.   WIFE takes a hand to her battered eye to hide it.)

MAN:      What would you know about my whereabouts when you can’t even see?

EVE:      Your wife knows the truth, you should leave her to get on without you.

MAN:      You leave my business to me and you concentrate on yourself on entertaining us. Don’t need some woman thinking.

EVE:      (to WIFE) You know he’s with another. Day and night. He beats you because he knows she will never leave her husband. You don’t have to live like this. You don’t have to live with this abuse.

MAN:      (shoves  WIFE behind him) how dare you speak such lies.  You are a witch.  A temptress. An evil mark shows itself on you. You may be fair but those exotic features.

EVE:      No. the evil mark likes on you.

MAN:           You are supposed to be blind. What a charade – looks at this trickster (to THE CROWD) How would she know I am in the crowd if she has no sight?

EVE:          I’ve been cursed with sight.

THE CROWD:     (CHANTS) Gypsy! Gyspy! Gypsy

EVE:           I’m not a Gypsy! France is my home. You flock to me to forget about your vices, your impulses, your humdrum existence. I am not your remedy. I play from my heart. My heart sees what it sees.

VLADIMIR:      Eve! Enough, Sit down and play for your welcoming audience. (softer) Now.

EVE:           In my heart, I see your old man and you (she points to EUROPEAN LADY in the crowd)

You! that sparkly watch that doesn’t fit your wrist is from a day haggling at the market. Ripping off fancy men. After this show, you will sell all you have – including your flesh to escape from the world you despise.

LADY:          Trollope- we’ve heard the rumours Gypsy girl .

VLADIMIR:      My esteemed friends. – this is but part o the show. An experimental piece, if you like. Our eve here is tired. the gifted do sometimes have a bit of those head malaises, non?

EVE:           You all pour your sorrows into me-I can only play what I see and feel and this is what you will hear tonight.

VLADIMIR:      sit down (THE CROWD jeer at EVE. VLADIMIR forces EVE down into her seat.) Play. Do your job.

(EVE sits still, the light is dim, so dim and when she begins to play again she pounds at the keys with anger, cholere. EVE cackles sneers – kicks at the piano in rage)

EVE:           Damn you  – all of you!   I’m not your plaster. I’m not your cure. I am a young woman who absorbs all your pain. I want to be free. free. Go all of you.

(Silence)

VLADIMIR:      apologies friends.  You heard of her fall. The accident? she has been unwell. (EVE doesn’t look at him or the crowd – she walks out of the circle of the crowd and into the dark. A moan comes out that doesn’t sound human.  An animal sound of a cow being slaughtered. EVE stands and looks past VLADIMIR’S shoulder)

EVE:           Panacea!   You. What did you do to me?

VLADIMIR:      (carries on trying to calm the crowd) Please, apologies. She is ill. She – I will make sure you all are reimbursed for this terrible, I mean uneventful experimental performance.

EVE:           Don’t just stand there. You lied to me. You lied. What is this curse you give me? Why?

(PANACEA comes out from the shadows and walks through the crowd and past VLADIMIR and EVE and sits down at the piano and begins to play that frenetic piece of music – ‘Eve’s Essence’. VLADIMIR freezes and goespale. The CROWD quieten.)

VLADIMIR:      How?

EVE:           My song. (runs towards PANACEA) Give me back my essence-evil woman.

VLADIMIR:      (catches hold of EVE by the arm) How can you know this song?

EVE:           Now? Now you can hear what I hear. Why not what I see, your stupid fool of a man. Look! I implore thee.

VLADIMIR:      (To EVE) Enough with these games. What is it you want from? Tell me. Who corrupted you?

EVE:           That is my song. My essence. She is playing my song.

VLADIMIR:      Your song. Ha!  Who told you? Don’t make me strike out at you again.

EVE:           You know this song?  I’ve tried to remember since Panacea stole it from me. Sight she promised. A gift. A trade off. I’ve been bamboozled.

VLADIMIR:      Don’t make me turn around and march over to that damn piano and chop it up then burn it. I gave you everything. After everything I did for you – for us. This. (THE CROWD is silent. Shadows of THE CROWD draw to PANACEA playing ‘Eve’s essence’.

EVE:           I’m not doing anything. Please, Vlad. I would never hurt you.

VLADIMIR:      Who found you at the orphanage? Took you in? promised to nurture you? Who promised to take care of my blued eyed Fair haired gypsy girl?  you betray me- like this.

EVE:           Gypsy girl?

VLADIMER:      I can never forgive you. This is not the girl I knew. You are ruined.

EVE:           Vlad, (looks over at PANACEA, eyes widen) Why is that boy there?  ( to DISFIGURED BOY) come here. Stay away from her.  (to VLADIMIR) Why is that boy close to her. He is beckoning you….

VLADIMIR:      (begins to cry) You can’t do this to me.

EVE:           Do what? See with your own eyes. Don’t do this to me! Make me out to be a mad vexed woman.

(PANACEA stops playing, abruptly.)

PANACEA:       Don’t be afraid boy. (VLADIMIR jumps in fright) You can’t escape who you are. Don’t worry I can assure you I can’t see. Not even your bloodied parents anymore.

EVE            What are you? What is she talking about?

PANACEA:        You were all I had… you deserted me. And I’m evil? I didn’t choose this gifted curse. I was born with it – Just like Eve except she saw nothing

VLADIMIR:      No, you are not real. I don’t believe it. (to EVE) Stop torturing me. You are playing with me.

PANACEA:       Boy. I don’t blame you for leaving the revolution but to leave a lady to those priggish animals and steal my money.

VLADIMIR:      Shut up You evil wrench. I left you for dead. It’s impossible. That was my family’s inheritance.

EVE:           Impossible? what’s impossible? How do you know this creature? Answer me. Who is she?

VLADIMIR:      No woman in your condition could have survived – in those conditions. I refuse to /believe this.

EVE:           You know her. (PANACEA laughs)

VLADIMIR:      These are… Eve, these are extraordinary circumstances I find myself in. Stop laughing your old cow. Stop it. (PANACEA begins to play ‘Eve’s essence’)

EVE:           These are certainly not circumstances I foresaw.  If you know something about this then spit it out or damn you both to hell.

VLADIMIR:      (quietly)We never spoke of –well, I demanded that when I took you as my own we would never talk about how I found myself in that orphanage.

EVE:          You are an honourable man. Are you not?

VLADIMIR:      You were born in Romaine. The orphanage-  was both of our home’s. Few places like that are kind and they were, especially during those times. Our country was in flames. Blood everywhere. Corpses. Vile acts. There you were- abandoned.

EVE:           No.

VLADIMIR:      We survived. You were a baby. I didn’t know you were impaired. I knew what our people would do to a fair-haired Roma like yourself. We escapNo-one-one would suspect us, they said. They promised freedom, n new life. All I must do was help smuggle in weapons.  You were the only one who wasn’t frightened of me. You only saw the good in me. Your lack of sight was my rebirth- our rebirth

EVE:           Lies. Obsession with fame and my looks and glory and… I thought I was helping people.

VLADIMIR:      You are. You were… The world with eyes is a hell of its own, I tell you. Your greatest gift was to give your heart to those who so desperately needed to forget – what they see- have seen.

PANACEA:       Boy. How long are you going to drag this out? Get on with it. We shall make a man out of you yet.

EVE:           (to PANACEA) Who are you?

VLADIMIR:      (softly)My grand mere – she was – is (turns around see’s PANACEA is horrified) is… but how?

Silence

PANACEA:       No, boy. I’m not a ghost, not a witch just cursed with unusual gift of seeing the past of every filthy boar piggish human. Yes, what are the odds? I should never have been discovered but life has its twists… and magic of sorts.

VLADIMIR:      I didn’t mean to leave you.

PANACEA:       I have been waiting for the right moment. Biding my time.  Waiting to sense what kind of man you become- and Eve was truly a find.

EVE:      you can’t see, Grandmere. Only the.

PANCEA:   Past- I struck a deal with mad Bolshevik. I got more than I bargained for. The senile old man missed his wife –wanted to live in the past and I would settle for the future – we merely wanted it so much –we got what we wished for.

EVE:      What have you inflicted me with?

PANACEA:  How he adores you, loves you. You see Eve. Vladimir for all his grandiose gestures is superficial. Not the benevolent man he pretends to be.

VLADIMIR: Grand’Mere stop. I’m sorry. I was a child…

PANACEA:  (ignores VLADIMIR) The only reason people accept him is because of you. Or what you had. Beauty, innocence, the gift to soothe all pain from others with your playing.

EVE:      No, he has been there for me.

PANCEA:   If you had eyes like I now do or indeed like the rest of this crowd you would see he is a monster. A disfigurement. You were his key to this fickle world accepting him.

EVE:      What is she talking about?

VLADIMIR: Grand’Mere I was haunted by your recantations of my dead family. You terrified me. I still don’t understand this curse.

PANACEA:  Maybe you understand it a little better now – it is your curse too. Life is all about lessons and there is as lesson to be learned here. Something about appearances etcetera etcetera… but what do I know? (starts to play – THE CROWD are lured by PANACEA’S playing, under a spell)

VLADIMIR: You must restore her. Grand’Mere –she is innocent. Please.

PANACEA:   We all are at some point.

EVE:      I wanted it so much. I wanted to see. How wrong was I?

VLADIMIR: give it back. Give Eve what is rightly hers. It’s me you seek to punish

PANACEA:  (stops playing) Stop trying to fight it. You know what you really want to do.

VLADIMIR: She is an innocent

PANACEA:   Used by the likes of you, boy.

VLADIMIR: I can take care of you. I have money, estate everything. Let me make it up to you.

PANACEA:  Doesn’t work like that. I’m not some conjurer. I was merely born into this world with my fate and somehow that fate changed. I haven’t the answers.

EVE:      But I don’t want this sight. I don’t want it.

PANACEA:  Those touched can’t ever be untouched again.

VLADIMIR: But you. You see.

PANACEA:   Keep up. I saw the future. Now I see nothing. Just like Eve. I feel and I play and I have what I want.

EVE:      But if you can see the future, how is it I can see the past?

PANACEA:  Obviously, I should have taken you for a fool. I think you are missing the point. I don’t decide how the universe decides. I saw an opportunity and I took it. I’m merely human after all. (starts playing again)

(EVE and VLADIMIR look at each other)

VLADIMIR: I’m sorry Eve. I was…

EVE:      I can’t bear to live like this.

VLADIMIR: Yes. Life is…. You didn’t have to see that.

EVE:      We can’t undo this? (unwillingly moves towards PANACEA.)

VLADIMIR: I’m sorry, mon Cherie but I can’t stop myself much longer. I must forget. I must forget if only for a while.

(VLADIMIR walks up to PANACEA and strokes her hair, kisses her, then listens to her play.

EVE:      You can’t leave me. I can’t do this. Panacea please! (starts walking closer and closer to soft music) I will never forgive you but alas, I can’t fight this pain any longer. Make it go it away. (slumps at the feet of PANACEA who plays on. lights down.)

IF YOU MADE IT TO THE END. I SALUTE YOU 🙂

 

(copyright Daisy Willows/ Natasha Bodley)

 

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loop of mankind

When I think of the word History, I think – ha ha!

No- erm….

I think of all my experiences.

I think of all the times I never listened to others, all the adventures -risky and dangerous -that I took myself on.

I think about where I am today – or rather how I think about my personal history.

I find it useless to blame my parents or ex-partners or people who abused me at whatever age- not because I don’t think they had an impact on some of the decisions I made in life.

Some people were held accountable either by the law or good old karma and others went and still continue to go through their own life shit.

I can’t do anything to change my history. I can’t make a person talk me  ( I can try to and have done) or love me or want to know more about me.

I find the more I rag at my past or people in my past – the less productive I am in my present life.

When I come to terms with say, a childhood experience or heartbreak/betrayal and  I decide to forgive (not forget);

I’ve seen how this conscious act to look ahead instead of looking backward has helped me deal with my past, in unexpected ways.

Classic example:   I was very hurt about the relationship I had with my Dad for many years and then, when I decided to focus on how I could try and move our relationship forward, Life found a way for us to have some kind of relationship.

He lives in Africa. I’m in the U.K. and I really love those silly IQ tests /knowledge tests on Facebook and so does my Dad!

 It’s our time together. It’s a way I have found to get to know my dad, have a laugh, feel connected to him and it’s helped me see my Dad as a human.

 I have been able to talk with him  on skype and let him see who I really am- Who I have grown up to be. I’ve had the uncomfortable ‘I don’t know what to say’ and worked through it. 

This is just one example.

I think if I had carried on being on the offensive – not being contact with him and thinking and feeling whatever it was I did, I don’t think I would have some part of my Dad in my life today.

Should he have reached out? I’m not even going there.

The point is I know how to reach out to people, I know I’m in control of me.

I don’t always get it right.

When I think of certain people and situations I’ve caused or found myself in- I can be confrontational and maybe those people aren’t ready or in a place to be a part of my life in a way, I want them to be.

It’s hard for me to accept other people’s choices.

 I don’t give in.

I’m stubborn.

The people I make time and effort for in the past or now- I do genuinely care about these people.

Eventually, I have to respect that not everyone wants me around or likeS me or …..who knows what they think!

 So, I have to suck it up – cry, refocus my energy and live my Life.

I don’t forget these people.

I often want these people to succeed even the people who made life hell for me.

The people who tried to bring me down – one  example,

At my hen do. I was looking good, my mental state was great and I felt good about me and I had an energy around me. I invited a bunch of friends out and one of the girls who I met through a relative – made the remark

” You’ve put on weight haven’t you”  

My mates were horrified knowing how far I’ve come with my issues.

 It took a couple days for my rage to kick in. I had it out with her and then I decided this girl has a LOT of her own issues.

Her life hasn’t been easy and isn’t and I’m not going to fall for it.

So even today, I big this person up. I encourage her to achieve dreams. I’m not best mates with her!

  Fuck, I’m not stupid. ha ha!

I need positive people around me.

I just realized that she saw something in me that maybe she didn’t have and it’s easier to try and bring a person down than be happy for someone.

Not everyone is on the same level of thinking you and I are on.

We all have a narrative, a past, a history. We deal with ourselves 24 hours a day.

Sometimes we try to escape from ourselves,

We drug ourselves to get away from ourselves.

Be it with sugar, food, cigs, weed, prescription meds, alcohol, crack, spice, legal highs, extreme sports, sex, porn, money.

I’m glad I’ve had people run me down in life.

 I’m not ecstatic about it but I can see the benefits of it – looking baaa ack over my shoulder…. ( like the song)

I am a person who is genuine, I have empathy, I filter my judgments, I forgive, I set boundaries, I reset boundaries.

I know what I believe in- what I am passionate about.

People do still challenge me.

 I’m  an observer and I ‘ve learned how to respond to certain types of people. Some people need to be spoken to how they speak to others.

If someone doesn’t get me -I’ve learned there are many who will and do.

I just put myself out on a limb and it feels like torture but I hang in there -until I’m just about to give up, then somebody or something comes into my life and reaffirms what I believe in.

I’m not saying my beliefs and values and the way I live are right for everyone but they are right for me.

I know what I need to work  on and I do ask for help.

January is coming to a close –

no more Just January Jots.

 

 

I’ve enjoyed the word prompts. I never know what will come out of my head.

 

It’s sunny and I have lots of work to do and I’m feeling optimistic, scared and determined.

Thanks for reading

 

Street life #soCs

Anno Domini, episodic moments of yore.

Excalibur sword wielding, mind-bender moments – mind your step and hit the dance floor.

Decadent, whisky on the rocks, Drugs fresh from the Durban harbour  docks.

Uncut,  fresh,this shit gets you in a state of euphoria that makes you a natural at dancing the charleston without spilling a sip.

Ice cool , candy flip – time to get a grip.

Eyes close, pass the ball to a fellow game player.

Eyes open – the dancefloor has become a  party of howling werewolves in clothes ,time to  shake hands with the new  mayor.

Heart palpitations – this is no comic strip . Pushing past the  furred crowd, talking animals in their lairs .

A hit of  oxygen to the lungs – knocks away  the culpable  house with its cymbal, progressive climb up the winding stairs.

Walk into a  potential crime scene – apparently, a runner  doing his job running – his boss not far behind him.

He falls to his knees – mercy -covers his head. A steely glint of a revolver aimed-  to the back of his head, ready blow him into Infiniti tum

Deities break out through the stars.  One last chance for this soul to retrace his steps and get creative, cough up not shades of red  but sprightly    hues of   fresh Mint .

Apollo  wakes up  long enough to gives the  thumbs up and then goes back to  a golden age of sleep.

The beats  will consume my soul again – this  vessel  will not become a  nazi graffitied derelict.

 Gulping  down sugary drinks.

Recovering from nearly hurtling  into a  trip- blindingly.

A mole hole, abyss-  deep.

Music, life is my school , my community , my church.

 The orphans , the lost , the ones called ET who wanted to have a place  to call home.

We had to put up with the freaks coming out ,once in a while – ogres, pixies,  a dreadlocked gnome.

Education doesn’t have to start in an institution called school with a ‘YOU must think this.’  mentality.

Where Black people are called  ‘Kaffirs’ – ‘they are simple’ – learn the truth early on.

Gunshot – start running at an age of  infantility.

The street life takes you around twists and turns.

Left , right , left again.

 HOW do you want to think?

Why do you think this way?

Drop out, dirty stop out, learnt more about how to protect myself – when I had to defend myself  against 5 skelme tearaways – half baked under a drug sway.

Wasted lives,

wasted dreams.

Time has been kind so it has been worth every second-  even the tortured screams that have come out from me.

The years have gone by – damaged ,

omniscient,

 played ,

player ,

yearned ,

yearner –

the most blessed scat cat to come out of the debris.

 

WORD PROMPT: YOUR/YOU’RE/YORE

 

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Poison #soCs

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DRINK ME!

 

Really , it that even legal? how do we get away with with alcohol being consumed with out getting arrested

The truth is:   society is infested with  Greedy politicians.

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EAT ME!

 

 

Had a look at what ingredients/drugs are approved by the FDA to eat. Can’t pronounce some of those words?  If I can’t pronounce what I want to eat it is only because I am on holiday learning about good  food and dishes  from other cultures.

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SMOKE ME!

 

Oh,only if it’s tobacco -sprayed with  pesticides and cut with rat poison  and the like.

The truth is society is being carbon monoxided by those who profit from illegal drugs and it isn’t just drug lords but our own civilised governments.

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SMOKE ME!

 

I’m only a weed and yet the world is going crazy over me. I offer more medicinal benefits than most drugs. Legalize the good shit – erase the solar powered bad shit.

The truth is governments and pharmaceutical companies profit more by making un natural ,. manufactured, prescribed drugs. Without illness there is no money to be made.

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SNORT ME!

 

Only if it’s come fresh from Bolivia and hasn’t been cut 50 times before it reaches our shores

The truth is our governments make more money out of keeping three quarters of the the global population in poverty. More than one kind of pig snorts on a regular basis.

Give these people legal jobs .

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INJECT ME!

 

Only if it’s safe and you use clean needles and it is licensed and controlled.

The truth is governments need to deflect on their own scum secret society actions.  worthless junkies are a perfect Scape goat.

Here is the big news – legalise drugs and governments will fold and other governments will rise . Western and not so Western ones.

Many Wars will stop.

Crime will reduce.

Less people will die from bad mixes.

What is the big deal?

Black market dealers are never going to lose it’s swagger.

Think rationally about this folks.

Drugs can be taxed,

made fair trade.

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Deal with the problem by facing it head on.

Straighten the economy

Communities and the government  can work together. Side by side .

Improve economies globally.

We all know what happens when we swim against the tide.

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Less money will be used treating people with addictions than what A&E  has to deal with at the moment.

Move forward .

Progress with the movement

I swear to you when I have picked the DRINK ME option. I have got into to way more trouble than when I have ever done any other kind of drug.

Alcohol  is poison. One  of the more poison-est of them all.

The truth is you are deluding yourself that it is okay to drink just because the law lets you. How can you sit there and take the moral high ground?

A law does not mean that it makes drinking moral.

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Regulate the quality of current illegal drugs.

Watch the prison population fall to at least half of what it is now.

If I  ever want to poison myself I want my Democratic  right to choose my poison.

Let the justice and criminal system deal with true crime.

Say goodbye to Gangsters and pimps –

The mafia and the government -who is the true Bud –

weiser?

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WHITE WASH

 

Feeling  the effects of it yet?

 

The most productive way to  bend and alter the  mind is educating yourself -become  less ignorant , look at the long game-  the long term benefits and who in our society is likely to benefit the most from it.

No need to fraternise with  L.S.D. to open your mind – just a change in attitude.

Witness change.

Case closed.

Just because it is legal doesn’t mean you have to do it. 

Daisy putting the rights to the world 😀

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HEAD OVER TO LINDA g HILLS’ soCs and get writing….

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “drink.” Use it as a noun or a verb. Have fun!

THE PROMPT

Letter M reveals a true cool story

M

I’m on the letter  M . I think I skipped  couple of letters.

Today is super light hearted. I have a story about monkeys and my once upon a time ago- relationship with them.

I grew up in Africa. Monkeys were like naughty pets and  thieves.

One morning. I’m chilling watching cartoon network. I still remember what I as watching – Johnny Bravo .

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 I had the sliding door open and I hear some movement behind the sofa. I turn around and there is an entire family of monkeys on the dining room table trying to steal our fruit out of our fruit bowl!

 

I screamed for my Ma. She came down and shooed them away with a broom stick.  Speaking of broomsticks I also have stories about snakes but let’s take it easy.

One story at a time .  Calm down Daisy...

My most frustrating story with monkeys goes like this

It is no secret I was a drug addict from the age of 12/13 years old.

It get’s hot in Africa and in those days keeping every window and door open was normal.

I went to have a bath or some thing and when I came back into my bedroom ready  to smoke a spliff.

No ganga.

No ready made spliff.

I DON’T NEED TO DRAW THIS OUT

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The freaking monkeys came into my bedroom and stole all of  my weed and my pre made joint. I looked out the window watching them run away.

To add further insult they didn’t even smoke the shit -they just sniffed it ,handled it and threw it on the ground.

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My Ma thought this was hilarious. She didn’t like me taking drugs.

Bit of a no brainer..

I did not see the funny side that day.

I do have a lot of heavier stuff I want to say about monkeys being used in research experiments but I haven’t got the time today  to give it my full attention and awareness it deserves

So this is my blogging A-Z challenge for today.

Hope you enjoyed it.

Sadly the place I was born, is now an metropolis of hotels and business developments that have driven the monkeys from their natural habitat.

But that is another topic  for another time

Wish me luck.

My final facilitating support groups training day with Healthy minds.  It has been challenging and a huge commitment but it has been totally worth it.

 

 

Crabs: have every right to get drunk and walk sideways

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 I had so much choice to choose from with today’s Letter and my animal theme. I think you may be surprised that I have chosen the humble  crab- a  crustacean.

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  It’s not even a proper animal you may be thinking. Bear with me. It is an earthling friend and  in  my humble opinion,it does have a say  in the grand scheme of nature and our world and our responsibilities towards remaining humane and sentient beings.

No, I am not saying don’t eat meat, or poultry or fish or crustaceans- I am only making you AWARE of the choices you have and what you can do.

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Every Christmas it was tradition in our family to celebrate the European  way or just my families way 😀

We would always have lobster or Cray fish – plenty of sea food to eat. I remember walking into the kitchen  one Christmas and hearing this horrific screeching sound. It was coming  from a boiling pot on the stove with steam rising out off it.

I knew something was crying out in pain.  I burst out crying. My Mom came up to me and asked what was up with me

“Why are they crying? They are hurting” . My Ma patted me on the head.

“Silly girl. They can’t feel pain – it’s just their shells that make that  noise in boiling water.”

Oh silly me.

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The years have passed and I have loved my prawns and eating sea food but I always got turned off eating crab of other crustaceans. It was probably to do with the look of them  more than my feelings for them.

I read an article a few years back explaining that scientists have discovered that crustaceans feel pain.

I KNEW IT!  no body believed me of course – maybe not but I am the voice of the crab and his fellow  earthlings today.

My aim :  is to inform you.  Not make you feel guilty.

This is what I have learned.

  • Crabs are more complex than we give them credit for

  • They have the ability to learn

  • When one part of their body dies they don’t immediately  die. They feel pain and this could mean that  the pain they feel is long and drawn out .  In other words they may suffer

  • unlike say a vertebrae -(horses, frogs,cats, dogs, whales) – if you shoot a vertebrae in the brain it will probably die instantly. The crab’s nervous system does not allow them to die by killing off one part of it’s body.They don’t have a spine.

  • There is research that has looked at inhumane ways of killing and possibly found a more humane way to kill them -if you wish to eat them.

Here is the science bit

Crabs have the same kind of or some form  of  pain-relieving   system that most other animals have.

 

 Hi, I’m crabby, the crab .

I have just been caught for research purposes..

Every time I go to a certain place in my new home I get an electric shock. I’ve done this,  oh ,say about several times now and I remember not to go back to that  specific place in my  new home because it fucking hurts. Now I know I am am a hard core mofo….

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So scientists,I HAVE A MEMORY!

Finally I have been re classified as a sentient being who feels pain. This means researchers are now looking at ways to decrease any suffering I may feel before I become your next meal.  So how do we deal with this?

I ,crabby ,the crab is far more lucky than say my fellow lobster, because I only have two separate nervous  systems so you can spike me and I won’t feel too much pain ,  Now, my other fellows from the ghetto  are not so lucky and have at least four nervous systems so,

 humans , yes you!

Lets get humane about killing – okay?

A definition of humane killing

“As with mammals, a humane slaughter is one that results in an immediate loss of consciousness, or if slow acting, induces unconsciousness without discomfort or pain. This unconsciousness should persist until death intervenes

http://fishcount.org.uk/welfare-of-crustaceans/welfare-during-killing-of-crabs-lobsters-and-crayfish

Let’s take a look at traditional methods still used to kill  to eat me or my brethren, Luke, the lobster:

BOILING

I struggle violently and it takes two long excruciating minutes to die. I have seen my friends trying to crawl out of the boiling water because I’m still fucking living and been boiled alive!

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CHILLING

I remember going camping with my Dad to some cool place near the ocean. We were in the car, driving to our destination and in  the middle of the road was one of the biggest crabs I have ever seen. My Dad and his mates got out the car. They turned the car off first obviously. Picked up the crab and threw it in the  beer and meat chiller. I don’t think he was chilling in the  quite the same way we do. I think he may have said:

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As a Crab I ask you not to do this. I will go into  osmotic shock- it fucking makes me pass out and you need to be a scientist to know the exact temperature I need not to feel pain.

There are many other ways that you may think I am not hurting.

SPIKING

CHILLING – not the kind of chilling I am into.

CARBON DIOXIDE GASSING

FRESH WATER IMMERSION

ANAESTHETICS 

How do we know if we or any other earthling is in pain?

Look at my behaviour. If I’m thrashing around and screeching and generally am not dead instantly. I’m fucking in pain.  Maybe I am showing you what we humans call “emotions”.

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Something to think about.

So here is the deal. Eat me but please let me have a choice in how I die so  that I will suffer less.

Stun me– instant death,

or  at the very least drug me. give me an anaesthetic.

I don’t want a salt bath, I don’t want to be put into varying degrees of temperature that cause me to go into shock and hurt me.  I may be unconscious after a chilled bath but then  I come round all dazed and confused and you gonna spike me or cut me and I am going to feel it.

Don’t warn me!   That is what you are doing with that knife- warning me.

If you are going to kill me, respect that you can kill me humanely.

Thanks , any last words?

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Crabby and and his brethren  and sistas

 

 

 

Nebulous

 You  know when you fall out with someone? Say you kind of knew one another years a ago and then met up again and had to meet up again. We made that happen- well I did- one night. I wanted to drink. I wanted to get pissed, soak up as much nostalgia as I could. 

Cocktails in a pub, turned to vodka, sambuca, dagga and my  extensive benzo cocktail medication at his house. I got ridiculous. Something happened. An argument? We fooled around. I’m going to say common sense and a conscious stopped anything too serious to occur. I admit that may just be  the glossed over version. 

Psycho!

 I didn’t have a knife in my hand. I was in the bathroom not in the shower. No blood but looking for my mobile phone. Stumbling about in a nebulous haze.

‘1984’ the book that first drew your eyes to that word ‘ nebulous’ . The person to make me look up its meaning .  If I could sum up that whole might in one word -NEBULOUS  would be it. 

An argument. I took offence  to the the word ‘psycho. I’m too sensitive for my own good. You were going to call the police.

WHAT WARRANTED THAT?  I walked home. Again I was told I am mad because I wouldn’t get a taxi. I was drunk, fucked up -confused, sad- offended- my pride……

Indeed my pride is why I sent you that email – everything thing I knew about you I used against you. You retaliated. I cried. But what did I expect after calling you what I did. I deleted the messages and blocked you. I forgot and then I remembered. We had fallen out before. 

Lately I have been wondering if you meant what you said. I’m glad I deleted the message because I can’t go back and read what you thought of me. I want to reach out but pride won’t let me. I’m sorry! I know we were both fucked up and you were just a bit of a dick and I  was reckless- a bitch? A psycho ?  but I know that is not the true you and I know who I am and what kind of person I am. 

This is the best way of getting YOU out of my system. What I really wanted was your friendship but I guess impulses got in the way.

Do I feel better?  

I will. I mean,

I’m only human.

Only?  

I mean I am human.

Being human doesn’t come with a Genie with the voice and comic timing of Robin Williams…  

It does come with a daughter and my husband to be,  a wedding,a trip to Orlando and a career. I’m not Daisy circa 2009 or even Daisy circa last night. I do however have too much heart and not enough sleeves to show it. 

No regrets. 

Only silver linings….. and  a heart free of anger and one filled with ‘I wish you well and have to let you go’ Your happiness precedes my Ego,my  pride and my curiosity.. 

Daisy 

(Image sourced from Google images)