A picture tells a thousand words
up close a real human face obscures,
Hides the truth of what is on the tip of its tongue.
Disapproval met by vibes in thrumb .
Pledged to one other
stand with an umbrella ready- for when in need of cover.
Sometimes dripping in regret is
the only way to salvage how we love and why we forget.
tempers threaded with dynamite.
Will of one -stubborn as a carnal idol fight.
sweet words passed along fingertips
pattern swirls over your lover’s body – a pulse – blood rush, skin on skin
not a touch that is fleeting.
Prolong the ecstasy. Uncode the quest in me.
Moths flutter to the nearst light of anxiety.
Love me – hate me – accept I am my gracioust deed.
Trust , how much I am in need.
Drive love away with a belligerent fiaxtion of desire.
arousal and connection fused to spark up the dopamine wire.
Explosions of division. Sweet kisses, bites to the neck -won’t go unhidden.
Pain is pleasure -without one the other can’t exsist,
One lover looks to the West
the other lover to the East.
dichtomy driven by a modern day beast.
Will we grow?
Will I become the mother who knows how to sew?
Sounds elementary, I know.
Cook from scratch.
Laugh at my attempts to create another botched up cookie batch?
sentiment is arousing.
stimulants keep the thought from dousing.
I never want to hurt you yet I hurt me and have no idea how to grasp a different intellect.
Too many have raided and pillaged me. Today I stand, remembered by one otherwise a forgotten derelict.
Never knew there was a word to describe their combined fate.
Never knew Shakespeare studied the stars and knew much about lovers who mate.
Never knew they were lined up as opposites-never to align on the same side.
Thoughts of opposites attract are magic tinted Methos applied,
so people can trust to confide
in each other.
Always end up leaving one for another.
A summer’s day, sitting, drag remnants on a Marlboro tab.
Destiny reeled her in like an unlicensed cab.
Doomed. Life growing inside – feelings of Rigor Mortis was all she could summon to transpire.
The truth was the loss of her will
She had lost that inner fire.
Under a freckled thumb- tangled in a webbed lie
through it the sun still shone.
A shadow emerged from the light, and a heart realized its given art.
Fairytale savior- a hero always ready with a smile.
Swallowing down screams.
into a false smile.
Their eyes connect – should she tell him what she has done?
It was never to be.
Swallowed a lethal poison in an effort to be free.
Yes, she intended to take the life with her she had growing inside.
It was a desperate plea.
Shades of nausea, don’t you see?
Coins fall to the floor along with all the great works of Wordsmith Shakespeare.
It was easier to think unlovable thoughts
imagined hatred in speech bubble form.
To hear him say you are not for me
distilled in clouds of fear.
Bus stop revellers turn heads
eager for a spectacle.
He walked away.
Not trusting him still burns her cheeks
to the same Fahrenheit, she felt that day.
Rain lands on penetrable skin,
wanting much more and expecting the very least,
set the fickle tone for the rest of this cycle of the ‘beck and call’.
Inevitably Seasons passed.
A winters day,
he called out her name.
His smile cleared up the fog of habitual trudging through the every day
blurs into arts of abstract- more imposing than some great display admired from afar.
Swept up with day to day folk uncluttered by star-crossed philosophy.
another chance to show him- somehow he would think.
that girl -WOW!
Fight for her
over imbibed, arguments stippled in blackouts.
with sand she dug up for her own grave.
Dirty bitten down nails,
silent punishment for things that could never be undone.
Who’s to say who was truly in the wrong?
She can’t remember much
past walking into the house promising the most fun.
Dressed and forgiven – ready to wed the worthiest white knight to ever traverse her path.
Dichotomy sanctifies such a union.
Tear’s splotch faces, toasts, fuzzy memories.
no need for a tuppence
Freely sung the newlyweds a blessing.
Something along the lines of tinkles chimes and her laugh.
Afterthoughts cushioned by rose petals
a lavender fusion
flagellation on self
imposed by guilt
deepening the confusion.
How do we wake, make our move if caught in the spin cycle of punishing our souls?
her thoughts told her.
If indeed they were merely star-crossed
She would willfully find a way.
Barefooted, she soberly walked into a live fire burning on coals.
Figure out what she felt she owed or indeed was it all a division in her head.
Passions stunned into a state of arousal
Who’s to say if it fulfilled her?
Tears wanton to overflow
nearly lost sense of all ground.
37 days she had not bled.
There are only four seasons.
winter clearly signaling death and rebirth to come.
His posturing lingered long in her mind.
the duresse of her thoughts;
permanently fixtured her by the spun out Catherine wheels.
Clarity comes in an obscure fashion.
Manner and presentation are not facts.
Facts -harsh and cold.
unveiled decision in an exposed mind, scuttling in the dark
not even aware he let loose his redundant rats.
Infiltrate every corner of her mind.
Passively they sit by,
osmosis eyes watch a happy family in a tourniquet.
Forced to apply more pressure.
Open up the wound.
Calculated a reactive to get one man’s truth.
Perhaps Star-crossed lovers are indeed something to be forgot .
Her silence is her answer.
Silence sees her own worth, she sees clarity it doesn’t bother her if the passion died,
Along with the whereabouts of his existence
Shadows move all the time,
even in Beirut.
She walks along her path with a smile on her face.
Her silence doesn’t require her to look up for another clue.
He was never a star-crossed lover but merely another.
* remember: just because one person/people reveals their opinion or truth about what they think of you to you. This is not the whole truth or even half of it. You are not other people’s opinions. Never let people wear you down into believing you are merely what say or what they think you are. No one has their shit together all the time or even most of the time 😀
I just wanna be free from this heartache.
I don’t hardly know you and you bewitched me, yeah you bewitched me alright.
I know I can go acting all crazy – I have nothing but my insight.
Bliss bliss – just wanna feel this bliss.
I got scared I felt like I got bypassed – missed -dissed .
I covered my true emotions from you cos I was afraid you was gonna reject me .
See, I didn’t know…..
I didn’t know.
I don’t hardly know you and you bewitched me – yeah, you bewitched me alright.
Didn’t mean to cause no fright .
Connections were made when I felt your beat – it moved my feet.
You got me dancing – all I wanna do – all I wanna do –
is dance – feel these beats – merge , combine.
sublime – is that truly a crime?
I don’t hardly know you and you bewitched me – you bewitched me,alright.
I just wanna be free of this heartache.
Checked every lotion I got to remedy this potion.
Stuck in reverse.
My heart is not well versed.
All I wanna do is reach out – yeah, reach out.
I keep getting rejected.
Emotions are not my rationale.
I consume triple portions –
I am about to implode.
All I wanna do is reach out – yeah reach out to you.
I just wanna be free,
wanna be free,
free to dance and merge our beats.
Sensations to make me feel, something resembling a full pie chart -a work almost incomplete.
I know I can go acting all crazy. I have nothing but my insight.
This is my soul bared- naked as they day you undressed me.
I came to you.
Yeah, I came to you; bare, vulnerable.
I just wanted you to know – I wanted to you to know .
My heart can’t be reasoned with. I’m breathing.
It is real.
Not cognitive dissonance.
Laid myself naked and bare.
I just wanna be free from this heartache……..
* Inspired by…………. lol . I’m a tactile person*
“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: Start your post with a two-letter word. End it with a two-letter word for bonus points. Have fun!”
To be or not to be.
I could have stopped right there. 😀
Today I choose to be. I am sat in bed with my G, my Bee and Miss Tatiana watching ‘cirque de Soleile and there is no better feeling than being together and connected.
I think our family in all fairness will grow and grow. Hockey team?
Feeling like I do!
Score as many times as you like.
Surrogate needed ?
Suffer we must- those who refuse to eat and instead are force fed like chickens in a battery farm.
Cow or Bull?
Why do men get to enter and exit when they want?
Why do women only have the key to the door and the will to want to or not want to open?
Which is better?
I suppose both is just as fair.
‘Blue balls’ is not a medical condition but if one must act this way
a medical solution,
It has been used since the most ancient times.
a cold blast of water
Ask any lunatic worth his marbles.
That one rolled right under the door. A space for an eye to peek under.
Not so fair when we cheat.
How to end #Socs with a two letter word ?
Shall I be a rebel and give not one but two fingers up to the rules?
a wooden leg tries to stick his in one hand.
Running away – I don’t want to see red.
Let me rather see yellow.
if you want me add to it,
put a rose on the end and forever more will you have my friendship,
on every level of grammar school we enter.
enter in to.
‘I have given you words of vision and wisdom more secret than hidden mysteries.Ponder them in the silence of your soul and then in freedom do your will’ Bhagavad Gita
Why have I chosen this quote?
For those who read YESTERDAYS POST- I STILL GET TO CHOOSE
My fears were indeed unfounded. I think of my psychiatrist when I decided to use this quote. Yesterday,
We are open and honest with one another. The beauty of this kind of relationship is he leaves the control of how I use the concoction of medication I am on in my control under his guidance of course.
I don’t know many doctors who do this.
Yes, I am on far too many anti anxiety tablets.
Addictive ones. I have been on them for years.
I know there is day that I need to get off them.
There never seems to be a right time. I need to create that time.
Doctor J. put the words out there:
” You are on too many benzos”
(panic starts its drum) .I acknowledge this.
We talk about factors that may explain why I am still not stable (as I have been) with my moods .
not eating correctly
been on the same antidepressants for over 10 years
the pharmacist’s mistake in the dosage one of my mood stabilisers
Benzo’s make you depressed.
So what is the plan?
Up the mood stabiliser.
Think about reducing one of the Benzos by a half -a tiny little speck of a half
. Follow up with my C.P.N. three weeks from now.
Gauge if the increase in the mood stabiliser is working.
Decide how I want this to play out.
do I feel ready to start reducing the benzo’s?
No! (my automatic response)
Okay, chill, Daisy there is no pressure.
GO back to the quote:
The seed has been planted.- I have received ‘the words and vision more secret than hidden mysteries’
‘Ponder them in the silence of your soul and then in freedom do your will‘
It is only my will that can lead me to true freedom.
How many other doctors do you know who are like this with their patients?
He trusts me. I do honestly try to use the least amount of benzos in a day. If I want to have another child after I am married.
I will not repeat past mistakes.
My next child may not be so lucky. He or she may go through severe ,life threatening withdrawals.
I was ignorant the first time round. I have learnt the lesson.
My child is a daily reminder of what I wish for her and my future children.
So, for now. I get back to my passions: volunteering and training, get my confidence and focus back- then I am in a stronger position to make a decision that will benefit me in the long run.
I read so many other posts where people with Mental health issues don’t get the kind of support and trust I get.
Yes,I am blessed.
I am also honest( to a fault).
There is some kind of message here: Not speaking up for Fear and acknowledgement of how we cope, can be a natural reaction to protect our mind.
the word- petrifies me
What will I do without xyz.?
Anorexia and many other Mental health illnesses have a strong component of control as a symptom. The way to empower us to to give us some control over how we want to be treated and how we don’t want to be treated.
I put together a WRAP plan last year – my whole professional support team have signed it.
what makes me happy
early warning signs that all is not well
breaking down signs
post crisis plan.
WRAP TESTIMONIAL CLIP ( it may just be the best gift you ever give yourself or to someone you love. All it costs is a bit of time and effort, I contributed to this testimonial )
I think more mental health professionals should move towards this approach. When a person with mental health issues is relatively well, that person is the only person who knows what will get them back on track.
I know I am going on a bit here
if we do a bit of work on ourselves and find out what makes us tick -we stand a better chance over improving our mental health and our quality of life.
Just an opinion from a person who has mental health.
Don’t I mean mental health ‘issues’
No I mean – MENTAL HEALTH.
Do you have a mind?
Then you have mental health.
Different life scenarios and experiences constantly change, so that you are always sliding along a mental health spectrum between good mental health and bad mental health.
I have bills to pay and grocery shopping to do today, I neeed to get my booty in to action.
So for now, to a person reading this, who doesn’t think they are susceptible to poor mental health;
I propose an exercise.
A challenge, if you will..
Where would you be on the scale of mental health? ( good feeling 100% well – bad being 0%) if
your cat/dog died
you got a job promotion
you got divorced
you won the lottery
you child is bullying at school
you find out your loved one is dying from an illness
you win tickets to go see your favourite band
you fall pregnant
you need to move home
you are moving to a new country
Just something to think about.
Can’t wait to read what other people are thinking about, what is going on in your lives and everything thing else. Thanks for reading. Time to hit the real world and get broke!
I’ve been on Facebook and twitter this morning and came across this status update
“How can a Utopian exist in a Dystopia ?”
( author of source has rights to privacy without breeching any rights/ plagiarism)
“It can only exist for the minority and the ones at the top. One great way the elite create an illusion of Utopia is by conditioning.”
I get mentioned in a comment with this reply- from the author of the status update
“Maybe I have conjured up a perfect paradise in my mind. A place where there is love peace and happiness. A place where everyone works towards the betterment of everyone else. A place where people go out of there way to help and support each other. An environment where laws are just and true.
A place where truth, honour and justice is aspired by all.
A world where equality, brotherhood/sisterhood and fraternity is second nature.
A place where war and the wholesale slaughter and genocide is abhorrent and inconceivable to all the inhabitants of Utopia. T
he Utopian being born in this ideological setting then wakes up one day to find himself or herself trapped inside this present reality of modern day existenc”
I think: what an idealist- how can I respond ? My Brain is doing overtime.
“That place in your mind is a place in my mind of what I think would be the ‘perfect’ society. I don’t know why we need to suffer and why suffering continues to go on mercilessly.
I see so many FB posts of quotes about wanting to wake people up to what the governments of our world do, how we are slaves , To stand up and unite against all the injustice, the crime of pain . I have got bored of these posts for what is enlightenment without action?
I take small steps to not be so influenced by a world of decay and diseased minds and I am not talking about people with MH issues. We have been conditioned to be ignorant for so long that it has become an automatic default- we go to ignorance because it is exhausting to challenge our perceptions.
I still do it.
If this world we want existed how would we know we are happy ? Does suffering and evil have to be a package deal to experience or wish for something better? I don’t know the answer”
What do I think when I re- read these comments? is, what do we as a society symbolise ‘Freedom’ with?
If you can picture the generous extension of France’s ‘Statue of Liberty’ gift to symbolise the centenary of the American war of independence and a symbol of the solidarity of French and the American friendship?
The burning torch is the ultimate emblem of freedom. When I look at this statue and go back to all I have read about it’s true meaning. I see a darkness. I see lies. I see people thinking they are walking around with freedom, to be who they were born to be.
I’m trying to come across as really clever here :D, I studied ‘myth in the Greek and Roman worlds’ in Uni as one of my 30 credit modules. This symbol of fire goes back to Archaic times.
The myth of Prometheus – the Titan who made humans out of clay.
The Titan who went against the Gods and tricked them.
As punishment the Gods took fire away from the humans and he stole it back and gave it back to the humans. . In occult terms ,Prometheus would be associated with the name ‘Satan’ or ‘Lucifer’.
He betrayed the Gods and tempted to elevate humans to God-like status (in the context) of knowledge and free will. I use the term Satan and Lucifer in a metaphorical/philosophical way. He is the symbol of betrayal.
Helena Blavatsky explains in her classic occult work, The Secret Doctrine volume 2 (page 244) that, “The allegory of Prometheus, who steals the divine fire as to allow men to proceed consciously on the path of spiritual evolution, thus transforming the most perfect of animals on Earth into a potential god, and making him free to take the kingdom of heaven by violence.
Hence also, the curse pronounced by Zeus against Prometheus, and by Jehovah against his ‘rebellious son,’ Satan.”
I’m don’t wan’t this post to get too complicated.Here is a summary of my opinion of the duplicitous meanings of symbols of Freedom.
Freemasons/Illuminati – members, know the power of using symbols in business and in governments, to manipulate events so that these events go in favour for the select few. Guess who?
Read these quotes by Adam Weishaupt founder of the Illuminati ( he later said that he didn’t mean what he said)
“There must not a single purpose ever come in sight that is ambiguous, and that may betray our aims against religion and the state. One must speak sometimes one way and sometimes another, but so as never to contradict ourselves, and so that, with respect to our true way of thinking, we may be impenetrable.”
“This can be done in no other way but by secret associations, which will by degrees, and in silence, possess themselves of the government of the States, and make use of those means for this purpose.”
“The Order will, for its own sake, and therefore certainly, place every man in that situation in which he can be most effective. The pupils are convinced that the Order will rule the world. Every member therefore becomes a ruler.”
Us commoners are told that knowledge is power – yet they hide a large portion of that knowledge from us.
We are told:
Freedom is being able to vote democratically.
Freedom is wealth.
Wealth = happiness.
They don’t reveal how they use these symbols to condition us to thinking we are happy and successful. We are mere slaves and help a very small elite portion of the worlds population live,in an almost utopian life, of their making, creating a dystopia for the rest of us.
Most of us don’t know we are anything but free.
Think back to the decade before the roaring 20’s.
Victorian times – solemn ,sombre, emotions in check moderation, void of emotion.
Then, BOOM! The age of decadence arrives.
Diamonds become ‘A girls best friend’-worn by all the stars in Hollywood –
The film industry tells them to wear diamonds. Advertise them.
The message: If you love me -you will buy me a diamond because diamonds = wealth and success which makes me feel happy and loved.
When I am happy and loved I am truly free. There is nothing wrong with this statement
This was a well thought out and executed propaganda . The problem with the above statement is we still believe freedom comes from external things. Cast your mind to the slaves mining for diamonds under the watchful eye of the corrupt Congolese Dictatorship . Not so Utopian and free for all after all ?
Another symbol comes to mind when I think of Freedom. The dove. Here is a bit of information for you – ever heard of the term Augury?
The definition of augury is the practice of clairvoyancy by a prophet or oracle, or is a sign or harbinger of things to happen in the future.
An example of augury is a priest explaining a divine act.
An example of an augury might be the flight patterns of birds.
Remember knowledge is power. What greater power is their than predicting the future? There is no mystical bullshit – governments and people who have their own interests at heart, use the symbol of a Dove to signal that the future holds peace and love.
The dove represents peace of the deepest kind. It soothes and quiets our worried or troubled thoughts, enabling us to find renewal in the silence of the mind. The dove’s singing is most prevalent when the veils between the physical and spiritual worlds are thought to be at their thinnest – first thing in the morning and last thing at night – again representing a link between two divergent domains.
It is a Aldous Huxley -brave new world, brain washing, narcotic to numb us.
All is well with the world.
I could go on and on so I will summarise what I have learnt about these symbols of freedom.
In my opinion,
True freedom can only be found within oneself. So far the best answer to coming up with a solution to this problem, is denounce all modern society and live in Nature and become self sufficient and independent. I don’t see many people willing to give up their mobile phones, flashy cars, collection of fine wines , burn up a bunch of millions of dollars to live a life of true freedom.
A snake has the power to kill yet it can be’ hypnotised’ by a snake charmer…
Does a snake have ears? can it even hear music?
A snake has eyes and responds to what it sees.
What do you see and feel when you see the word FREEDOM?