Tag Archives: inspiration

Trail my Sole

https://youtu.be/RPS-Cq4uMFs

 

 

I followed that trail
my underbelly led it to a rock
Semi Submerged in seasick emotional flotsam invading my inner core.

What to expect?

Great waves crashing down all rage.
Great waves licking at my ignorance.

These once still waters bleaches out the silent promise of a future sapling tree.

Astrology serfs over destined seed in future sprout.
A reveller over imbibed on a sea of nostalgia

Caught up in the ebb of the past
Questioning this quest within.

Shirk off Encouragement’s reflection of this monstrosity.

The seeker detracts all light
Preventing it from bursting out into a blooming melody of melancholy.

Hushed by the primal scream of inflammation.
A shout
Unravel this life – its pathetic parody.

Self-doubt over spills
I see Antarctica.

It isn’t sole Lee fish from the Abyss leading ours to a final resting place.

It’s all about
Me
Me
Meme

Pronunciation vows clear
Lee clueless to his commitment.

Vagabonds vogue
Postering frigid between two sparring states
Hell is bitterly encrusted under layers of hot ice.

This Casual Tee
IOP[UHcaught in the middle of a fight or flee.
Its position caught in the middle of stagnating breathe

Overhead speech bubbles crystallise an outline of security.

*To be continued… 10 more pages to edit.  🤣😣.

Life -unbitten by bitterness

Don’t let life, and how other people treat you to allow you to become bitter. Don’t expect people who keep the same company to be on the same level as you. Be a good person.

Remain honest, full of heart and genuine.

You do not owe anything to anyone who chooses to disrespect you or your values.

Remember – we all have our own way of coming to a conclusive thought or opinion. We are human and we feel and it’s okay to talk about our feelings and thoughts.

People are influenced by the company they keep (an observation).

Protect yourself, keep yourself safe -especially when you are a person who has a lot of empathy, and time for others.

Let other people talk, critique, gossip about you. It doesn’t matter what people do or don’t say who isn’t in your life.

Remember who you are.

We learn every day of our life.

Stay around people who ask how you are, who cares, who stick up for you. Forget about those who don’t.

Give people the benefit of the doubt but don’t ever allow anyone to disrespect you or bring you down. Or make you feel that your values are being disregarded.

Don’t hate. Let people find their own path.

Lessons I’ve learned lately. Opinion is not always the truth. I can’t be responsible for what a person understands.

Copyrighted Natasha bodley

Pushing up Daisy

“… It’s passed on! This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet it’s maker! This is a late parrot! It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies! It’s rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot!”

Monty Python

In my darkest moments when air extinguishes all light

Hopelessness hangs heavy above me

It hovers

Spongy , dense

A Cloud with a fierce clout.

I scramble around seeking for a match

I hear the mirthful giggle of a child

The purrs of a blissed-out cat.

My senses are aroused -Suddenly

The rain pelts down, the wind whips, lashing my face, arms- my entire mortal skin.

Eyes filled with tears of rain

Eyes filled with tears of despair

I’m reminded to look up.

I see a glimpse of a silver lining

My soul is weary

yet

a form of hope crystallizes.

Sealed into my thoughts for this second

I’m the Daisy that keeps pushing up

I’m the Daisy that proves that Life must go on.

My soul is renewed with a melancholic joy

I’m not dead

still,

I’m rejuvenated once again

Disambigous immortality

The labyrinth is a Jungian symbol of the unconscious, the journey through the maze stands for the enigma of a discovery of ‘the Self’. This ties in with rituals and myths in which a cave is a symbol for creepy tunnels of exploration for the quest for knowledge or the hope to exit the cave metamorphosed.

The famous writer, Silvia Plath uses the symbol of a cave twice in her poem, Nick and the Candlestick. I was drawn to this poem after when I was working on my final project – an immersive art installation for my foundation degree in Acting Performance.

I didn’t know it’s meaning but I connected with it immediately. It is only in the last few years I’ve done more research into other meanings of her poem and startlingly it is seen as a poem that Sylvia wrote when she was pregnant. The tone of the poem suggests she rejects this baby. Sees it as an invasion of her body.

The cave appears to be a symbol of her womb.

Love, love,

I have hung our CAVE  with roses,

With soft rugs—

This poem partly inspired my final Performance piece when I was doing my Performance acting degree. I had my abortion on the 24/10/2010 & I had less than 2 months to finish my degree. It was a low ebb in my life. I didn’t want to give up so, I used my live art performance to try & make sense of what was happening in my life.

I found this picture whilst browsing on social media. It is a disturbing picture. To me, it appears like the girl is saying: I won’t be silenced. The blood-soaked at the bottom of her dress gave me a feeling of peace.

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The entire performance was a result of this picture, my intuition, making connections with other abstract stimuli and ideas that I could link to the original idea.

My aim of the live installation was to strip myself bare (metaphorically)  until people could see the raw, real part that makes up a part of who I am.

I wanted nothing to be hidden ( though I ended up having to adapt my initial idea due to a black eye given to me by an ex. I had to get more creative & I did.

I  felt /was so alone (everyone had turned their back on me but I thought ‘FUCK THE LOT OF THEM-PEERS, TUTORS FAMILY-EVERYONE’ I’m not going to let a black eye shame me not finishing my degree.

I don’t know why I called this project ‘Disambigous Immortality” perhaps I was going through the motions of grief. Perhaps I  was looking for clarity & not to be judged by my peers.

My original idea was to be filmed in a cave or be on a swing in a park, blowing bubbles, dressed in white like the girl with blood on her dress – I suppose I wished to emulate innocence. Blissfully ignorant. That is how I WANTED TO appear to the audience. I had it pre-recorded & I edited it to run on a loop (via a projector) during the performance.

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I wanted my space to be set up to mimic a church setting (with candles lit) and I wanted to be kneeling in front of the recording -watching it. This was meant to symbolise myself entrancing into self-actualisation or more likely self- realisation though this is the opposite of how I felt about what I was doing, to be honest.

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The more I researched my ideas, the more fascinated I became with understanding the unconscious reasons for the ideas I used in the performance. Even specific choices such as the fabric I used, colour choice, words etc..

I decided to use blue for the blood and wore a white lace dress I found in a charity shop.

The colour blue, in chines symbolism, represents immortality.

The colour white  (according to Chinese symbolism) symbolises an end to mourning.

The notion of wanting to appear innocent is because I wanted to appear lacking in guilt, and youthful in a blissfully ignorant way often related to youth

I think at the time I was coming to terms with having aborted my son, who would have been called, Nicholas Raven. I wasn’t prepared for the guilt( though I know it was the right thing to do at the time).

I was walking in the park the one day and I came across a blue feather on the ground and it made sense to incorporate blue feathers into my performance.

Nicholas would have born in spring -I told myself at the time that his soul/spirit/energy touched this mortal world in the medium of my body for a few months & then went on to exist on a higher plane -effectively not dead but immortal. That was my perspective at the time.

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I then came across Sylvia Plath’s poem ‘Nick and the candlestick’. -a poem was written when Plath was heavily pregnant. I  initially interpreted the poem as her feeling bloated vessel carrying a parasite. These feelings about her unborn child caused her to became depressed. Though I also understood that while she felt her unborn child sucking the life out of her-she hoped it would be born without her failings.

When I researched what lace meant in symbolism I came across a metaphor that I’ver never forgotten

‘Lace seeks to hide & expose at the same time, like a veil to cover or lingerie to reveal’

I ended up making a mask covered in lace -it was grotesque-ish & the opposite of innocent looking. It did hide my black eye though..

Its reality & it is in the past. I didn’t know I looked so bad at the time. Life moves on. 😀

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To be continued with reflections from the night of the performance.

Passed Humanities degree

Life update

I’ve finally received my results for my 1st year, doing my Masters, in Creative writing.

Drum rolls.

PASS-with merit. I officially can use more random letters after my name — ha ha!

I  am now in possession of a post-graduate certificate in the Arts and Humanities!

 

Wow! Amazing.

How’s this going to help me with what I won’t do?

I have a dream.

I do. 😀

One of my goals is to move back to France. They love people with diplomas. I hope to get a well paid job there. I need to book a trip to The French embassy later on this year. My husband has decided he is going to take on my surname and become a French national.  He’s English!

He’s not only English, he is  Northern, from  West Yorkshire.

d9ef31b42a30d50a71e1a3f446a1dfb5-yorkshire-humour

 

I need to register my Bella Bee as a French national because even though she is more English than I am. Born here.  English Dad and roots. The British government  will not give her a British  passport because I was ordered by her majesty’s court to  register her Fathers name on her birth certificate and now they won’t give her one!

Beauracratic nightmare.

I feel so uneasy about my family not having a passport. My entire life, It was drummed into me to always have my passport (in date)in case, we moved countries.

Which we did- a lot!

Moving on . ( pun unintentionally intended  :D)

What’s  happening in my life?

Loads of shit- ha ha! as usual.

I’m doing better –  I keep making a come back.  Oh, life – you little tease!

Dare me to live.

 Dare me to succeed!

Challenge accepted.

quote-you-can-t-shake-hands-with-a-closed-fist-mahatma-gandhi-83-29-01

 

Daisy’s mental health 

Yeah, it’s been.

up and down,

down ,

down ,

down –

up again ,

very up –

insanely manic,

toxic,

low,

not quite sure

,emotional ,

aargh why did that and that and that and ..

did I do that?

Those kind of moments, really.

 

Surely someone can relate?

Not happy about a medication increase in my anti depressant.

I don’t of any person who is on  (high/ highest legal doses) of

Two antidepressants

Two anti psychotics

Two anti anxiety tablets,

and sleeping medication.

I know  my health posse want the best for me.

I don’t bullshit them.

I tell if I’ve been using shit coping mechanisms, good ones. Thoughts ,feelings…

I made my psychiatrist laugh.

Go me!

giphy8
HE LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE THIS 😉

He offered me psychology therapy — again .

I was like:

‘Look Dr J, seriously every time I sign up to a pyschologist , they leave!’

 All my psychologists have left me half way through  doing whatever new pycho babble, current trend treatment , is used, to deal with folk such as myself.

One dude, fell asleep in a couple of our sessions.

So, I was like

‘ Listen, I know how to use CBT/DBT, I know how to communicate and talk. I know what keeps me well . I just want a cure’

Another laugh escapes from Dr J.

He is a legend.

A legend ? yes, but not a wizard 😦

He totally gets me and I feel I have a choice in medication changes etc..

I’ve asked to come off one of my meds because I don’t see the point of being on it. It hasn’t helped me.

These meds have affected my memory. I’m terrified of getting Dementia. I’ve been on (legal) tablets since I was 13/14 and I’ve never been off medication.

Never!

Talking about memory.

 

I’m using my creative outlets to start getting into the open mic poetry scene .

I love performing but my memory is really rubbish. I’m going to brave it by doing more live poetry next week. I’m excited. Nervous.  It’s all good.

I have my final year of my MA to keep me — super  occupied.  There is a lot of work to do. For part of my thesis ( check me out)

I’m thinking of using my blog to interview creative folk who live in my community to talk about, their work,  (durr!)  Creativity and their mental health. My photographer mate is on board to take pictures. Some people have shown interest — yeah!

My heads occupied which is good.

Fab!

Awesome!

How will doing this  help me with my thesis and final work?

Well, I am going to use this year of discovery and research on the link between mental health and creativity as an alternative form of therapy to cope with life’s unpredictable moments.

Then I  will have loads of inspiration to write a film script (120 minutes) on a character ,who , is thrown back into society after a long stint in mental /prison  institutions , and who is looking to find him/herself  and another way of being  and expressing him/herself  positively, in society.

The opening scene will kind of look like this

I have an ending – (a bit abstract at the moment) – saying there words:

‘I look around for the first time with clarity. And see I’m exactly where I need to be. Around the misfits. The beautiful misfits just like me.’

DAISY’S UN NAMED CHARACTER 

It’s all early days and I still have  4 scripts to write, a critique and a character  analysis on a famous playwright to do before the final chapter.

All in all. I’m alive, optimistic-ish, full of emotion, drive, passion , a pain in the ass but just doing my thing. 

All terribly boring really… 😀 

So, I am back!

I can’t commit daily to blogging but I have joined a group on Facebook.  

Shout out to Gary @ fiction is food  for adding me.

It’s a website for us!

BIG UP YOUR BLOG!

Bloggers.

 I’m  a newbie, its good be around other bloggers again. I’m hoping it will keep me  off Facebook and keep me connecting with people like yourself. People who use their time more productively. Doh, oh the irony.

One rant before I go :   I wish people would stop leaving public posts about my appearance on my Facebook.

If you ever happen to read this

I know you are having a shit time dealing with your own weight issues. I’m well aware of mine. Please take a look at yourself. Look after yourself first. If you don’t – FUCK OFF! 

 

That is a wrap.  I know. Hilarious! ha ha!

Thank you so much for reading

Time to step out and live real life..

Catch up soon!

giphy9

What’s everyone else doing with life?  Blogging?

I’m genuinely curious to know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hard work pays off

I think I am going to faint.

TMA 3  results back in for my Masters.

83% a high merit and incredible feedback.

Current score

  • TMA 1 62% (Script genre)

  • TMA 2  82%  (Fiction genre)

  • TMA 3 83% ( Script genre)

Here is the 700 -ish word commentary submitted for my  TMA 3 and the feedback.

I believed I couldn’t do this MA. I believed I was shit at writing but maybe…… with practice I can be a better writer and achieve great things.al.

Using my words to change society -however insignificantly, is a goal of mine.

mahatma-gandhi-almost-anything-you-do-to-help-humanity-will-seem-insignificant-but-its-very-important-that-you-do-it

COMMENTARY TM3 Approaching script writing the Aristotelian way.

My challenge was to write a whole play in 18 minutes. I believe that there is too much exposition and would suit as a longer script. When I cut, or slowed certain dialogue-it’s original appeal became lost to a different type of play. The characters lost what made them unique.  This is where I rely loosely on morality play techniques. This story could have started in many ways. I felt it best to reveal the turning point and the how and why’s at the end of the play. It is linear and has a beginning, middle and end reminiscent of Greek Tragedy plays.

I often use a stream of consciousness technique to get into a writing zone. For scene 1, I started typing on a blank page and let characters come to my head and speak whatever they wanted.  This was how the first scene was produced. I was tempted to discard it until I received positive and constructive feedback on the TGF forum.

A possible subconscious influence for early drafts came from reading the chapter on David Edgars’ how to write a play, (chapter 2 page 17). In TMA 2, I focused on creating characters to reveal the plot and as exposition. Upon reflection, after reading the on-going debate about the primacy of plot versus characters, I think to an extent this true of, e.g., medieval genre morality plays.

Difficulties arose to make the characters more 3-dimensional when using archetypical/universal characters. I relied heavily on a strong plot to drive the narrative and the characters through to the conclusion of the script. TMA3-  plot informed the characters and their motives.

Other influences came from conversations with my blogger acquaintance, Clarissa Simmens( Simmens C. 2017) who is from Roma gypsy descendant, and my own great -grandparent’s lineage who fled the Russian 1918 revolution to live a life in the slums of Paris. The setting and background gave the characters more complex motives and inner conflict. Panacea is an old woman who was left with her second sight and not accepted by society or her Nephew.

In this world, it seems society is lured by visual aids. Vladimir was more ready to accept Eve’s gift of soothing people’s problems because of how she appeared outwardly. Vladimir is complex, he was left with third-degree burns from the 1903 revolution, lost his parents, went to live with his “strange” grandmother.

Hopefully, a writer will get a true sense of Vladimir’s character by the end of the play. He did what he had to do to survive. He is human. Flawed. He didn’t stop and analyse whether he should save baby Eve in the Revolution; instinct took over.  My inspiration for how he and Eve arrived in Paris (maintaining a high-status life during and after WW1) is taken from George Orwell’s book ‘Down and Out in Paris and London’ set in 1925.  There is a reference to espionage and a secret Russian society, whom paid people to convert to communism after the war (Gutenberg.net.au. (2017).

The music in the piece serves as a device to vary the pace of the play. I hope that the melancholy moments of when Eve/ Panacea plays will give the audience a time to pause, or at the very least, vary or change the pace of emotion.

Genre: this play is not one type of play. I describe it as an experimental, immersive drama with elements of morality play themes because the characters do indeed impart the audience with a strong message.

Humans are complex. There is a clear theme of choices and consequences.

I don’t want to ignore any doubts about this piece: H.R. made constructive comments on the language and the exposition of the piece (refer to XX FEEDBACK (2017)).   I hope that the timelessness of dialogue and language could very well take place in Paris, or indeed a modern society setting of today. My choice of setting reinforces to emphasise that these stereotypical characters still function inside time. Does Eve deserve her fate? Probably not.

Time has moved on, wars still occur yet society still seems to dwell on escapism i.e. Piano music metaphor to deal with life, dwelling on people who seem to have the illusion of the perfect life/ status. Society still struggles with acceptance of identity, race, ethnicity, mental health status etc. We’ve made advancements in technology/society but what about advancements in what type of human we should strive to be?

 

MY TUTORS FEEDBACK –I have kept her name anonymous for obvious reasons.

PT3Thank you for handing in TMA03.

This TMA accounts for 35% per cent of your continuous assessment mark for the module.

There are three parts to TMA 03:

a creative writing element;
a commentary;
extracts of peer review contributions.

Write a stage script ?18 minutes running time.
Write a radio script ?18 minutes running time.
Write a film script ?18 minutes running time.
Please state clearly on the first page which medium (stage, radio or film) you are writing for.

Your script can be either a stand-alone work, complete in itself, or it can be part of a longer play or film. If the latter, it should be structurally resolved (e.g. it might be a complete act from a larger piece; it should not finish mid-action or mid-scene). If providing a section, provide a summary of the larger project ? no more than 200 words ? situating the submitted section in relation to the larger work and offering some context. This summary will not be assessed in itself, and it won’t feature in the word or page counts.

Your script should not be an adaptation of work by another author or an adaptation of a piece of your own work which has been submitted for an earlier TMA.

This part constitutes 15% of this TMA?s grade.

Write a commentary (700 words) about the process of creating your work, the context in which it was developed, and your relevant further reading.

WHERE YOUR TMA SUCCEEDED

A Fair Wish World is powerful piece about loss, vision (actual sight and second sight), mental health and how war and conflict shapes or rather twists people.  It’s full of big ideas and you work within a very imaginative immersive theatre setting.  Also you have two people, one of whom has apparently saved the other, when it turns out that Vladimir is more reliant on Eve.  History is full of unusually talented women who have surrendered their power to a man (Doris Day’s third husband was abusive and stole her money, Billie Holliday was permanently attracted to abusers).  There’s a link here to the depressing litany of young women and their exploitative lovers, so this theme has a timeless resonance (although Vladimir isn’t a villain).

https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/the-music-industry-men-who-got-away-with-exploiting-female-pop-stars

There is an interesting piece I’ve linked below here about Peter Brook (he’s 91!!) and his latest production – how stripped back and bare it is and how for example a single piece of cloth can represent several things, eg a piece of cloth is twisted into a snake at one point.  This is, in my opinion, a true sense of live theatre, where the audience invests their imagination as opposed to being passive observers – as we are a bit with television. (Also it keeps costs down!)  So your idea of the immersive, promenade production is a good idea as well as showing that you are using the medium of theatre as fully as you can.

https://dctheatrescene.com/2017/03/31/peter-brooks-vision-battlefield-stage-kennedy-center-review/

All the characters resonate, but none more so than Panacea (I’ve got this image of Coco Chanel in my head) and Vladimir, the Russian aristocrat.  Panacea because of her contrasting powers and down to earthiness but Vladimir because it was only a few years since the entire Russian imperial family, the Romanovs with their five children were murdered at Ekaterinburg in 1918.  The British royal family offered mealy mouthed excuses for not offering them shelter but the real reason was they were afraid of a similar revolution in England, as I’m sure you know.  I read the play a couple of times before I read the commentary, so I wasn’t pre informed. I really like the way that Eve can ‘see’ certain things and how when her sight returns, it becomes a curse.  You may to have to indicate this quite strongly to the audience but it’s a bold and exciting idea.

CONSIDERATIONS FOR THE NEXT DRAFT

I have a few suggestions for the next draft (and I really hope you continue with this play).  Firstly it would be to add some more movement to scene one it as it’s currently a little static.  I’m wondering if Eve could get up from the piano and be doing something – getting dressed perhaps in her evening finery?  Panacea could offer to help her lace her boots or maybe at some point she could loosen Eve’s corset so she can breathe or brush her hair?  You could even have Eve trying to find things which have been placed among the audience – depending on whether you want the audience involved or not.

(I recently went to a promenade production of ‘Jane Eyre’ in a stately home.  At one point, the actress playing Jane had placed the sketches she was going to show to Rochester on a piano and an audience member was leaning on the piano without realising.  There was an awkward un-Bronte moment as Jane tried to yank the sketches from under the audience member’s elbow!)

Because Panacea comes across as a slightly mystical character who just shows up, I wonder if she could be slightly earthier, in contrast to Eve’s more romantic language.   She does have some lovely moments such as her laughter over how useless mirrors are to her, but as much of the play is between her and Eve, and she is a magical creature, perhaps making her the more down to earth seeming would contrast more brightly with her supernatural gifts.  See my L4 comment.

In the final scene there is quite a bit of explanation and it feels just a bit squashed.  With maybe ten or fifteen minutes more you could find a way to blend in the back story a little more but I understand the difficulty of covering an entire play in eighteen minutes.

Overall, I think you’ve written a big, brave play, which tackles big subjects.  It has flaws and needs some development but it’s part of your development as a writer that you take some risks, and personally, I don’t think you can really tell whether a play has legs until you’ve heard it spoken out loud by other people.  But I’ve read it out loud and it packs a punch.

You’ve probably already heard of the London Playwrights Blog but if not, they publish opportunities every week.  There’s no substitute for

COMMENTARY

In your commentary you discuss the process of writing the play, in comprehensive detail including the difficulties, and with references to course materials and a commendably large amount of outside reading.

As this is an MA, a high level of both analysis and presentation is required, and your presentation is fine here.  It can be helpful when you are sick of the sight of your script/story to give it to a trusted friend or at least leave it a while to give yourself some space.

You don’t have to agree with course or outside materials, either, just show that you have reflected on the ideas within and show how they might have affected your own creative choices.    It’s also helpful to explain briefly what you intend to reflect on – such as characterisation, structure and dialogue (maybe picking one area you feel confident in and another where you may feel less confident).  Your tone is good, in that you are aware of your own style and what you are trying to achieve without adopting the I-have-achieved-a masterwork-and-now-I-will-reflect-on-aspects-of-its-awesomeness. Instead your tone is curious and questing and always willing to learn.

Thank you for the peer group references.  You have always been very active on the forums.  Also your references are very good.

I’ve given you a high merit for both the script, and the commentary, an overall high merit pass of 82%  As mentioned, scene one is a little static, and the final scene has a slightly ‘expositiony’ feel, but these are very fixable.  What I would suggest now for the script is to read out loud and perhaps workshop it as the most difficult bit is letting it out of your head and into the mouths and bodies of actors.  You’ve done really well Tasha and taken risks with your writing.  Well done.

If you have any questions please feel free to get in touch.

Kind Regards

MY  TUTOR

I can’t believe it’s Easter already. This will be the first Easter where me and my family don’t go and see my Gran in her care home. I’ve mixed feelings about this.

I don’t get to see my gran – 😦

I don’t have to go into a care home this year 🙂

credit to all the care workers out there who deserve a hike up on their wage. We should invest gratitude and time and resources to the people who look after the vulnerable people in society – in my opinion- of course.

We are all going to my Ma’s house on Sunday (family tradition). Gran will be in our thoughts.

How do other people celebrate Easter?

Happy-Easter-300x182

❤ Daisy xoxo

Indebted student :D

Yes, I am still plowing my way through year one of my Masters.

Woop! Running around like a yam shouting May day May day!

That is the month, Year one will be over and done with.

Aren’t you enjoying yourself, Daisy?

I enjoy myself when I see results! Deadlines keep my pressure up and my heart racing.

My next deadline is 2nd of Feb!

I started off with what could potentially turn into a novella with a heavily dense, plotted story about a woman with DID  and an Alter ego that wants revenge on a past attack.

All super fab and exciting to research and write but I only have 2000 words I’m allowed to write give or take 10%

I was then  inspired by this quote:

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JUST KIDDING!     IT WAS ACTUALLY THIS ONE.

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I spent 12 hours drafting a whole new story about a woman trying to come to turns with an affair/ obsession/fantasy she has (in a group therapy setting). Plenty of surrealness.

Then Christmas happened – Alan Kaprow -‘ it’s a happening baby!’

Not my kind of happening, however, I will admit I enjoyed spending time with my family and friends.

There is a lot in the media – specifically social media about suicide prevention and keeping us humans safe, with telephone numbers to sign post us to organizations who may help if we are having a shitty time.

I think this is fantastic!

 It also prompted me to put story two on the back burner and delve into my current draft which is some kind of supernatural -esque piece. I feel I can plot (without unwittingly out plotting myself or my character/s)

There is a lot of internal conflicts which contrasts with the Main characters environment/ the other characters in the piece.

It’s ahem.. fucking depressing to write.

Today, I had to stop twice for a break, it was that emotionally draining to finish the second draft.

It ends in death and a resolution that is reflective, real and tragic.

This is all just my opinion, of course – ha ha!

I’m currently taking advice off of my own Mummy -dearest!

 inject the piece with humor, darling.  Be witty. You’re a hoot in real life.

 People laugh at me not with me. The people who know me really well and see the real me- sometimes do laugh me with me. 

I have got a twisted, dark sense of humor and well, let’s hope I can convey it so it translates to the reader marking it. Must work on being funnier. I can do funny in real life

 Yes, I’m still going for my first TMA to be reassessed.

OH MY WORDY  HAT!

Then, I have the constant worry of my third TMA – another 18-minute play.

I’m exploring doing a piece on a couple who decide to have a baby or try to and maybe the mother can’t make up her mind whether she wants the child or not.

Does she lose the baby?

Does she have an issue with boys?

Does she only want a girl?

What does this bloody woman want?

I’m good at putting in obstacles in the way and creating tension – I put my characters through hell.

Oh, and then we have the final piece due at the end of May.

DareI state, I’m continuing with the second part (or act if you like) of my homelessness couple piece, I started in TMA 1.

I’m swotting up on Brecht, Stanislavsky, Meyerhold, Grotowski, Artaud etc…

Here’s a question:  All these (and more) playwrights of the 19/20th century inspired and evolved theater into what we have today.

Immersive theater/street theater/ forum theatre=- the list goes on and on.

These playwrights wrote about and performed plays that reflected the historical time that they lived in.

Why if I say in my commentary that I’m inspired by certain Brechtian techniques?  does that automatically translate that  I am doing a complete copy cat Brechtian play?

Don’t many successful modern/contemporary playwrights of our time take a bit from different (even contrasting theories about theater)  at times, to make something that is relevant to what they want to see performed?

SMALL rant-  😉

Can’t I be inspired by say; Brecht and his ‘estrangement’ techniques and ‘Gestus’  (without using it to the extremes he employed his techniques in his era?

He essentially hated the overly dramatic  French and the German style  theatre in his time. He lived in one of the most insane times- the communist era, wars, exile etc..

Of course ( because I know what he was thinking -sarcasm alert), he wanted the audience or just one audience member to go home and think a bit more about what they went to watch.

Perhaps, Brecht wanted witnesses 😀  to  get the cogwheels turning with questions like

Does it have to end like this?

Did it have to end like this? (in a historical context) 

What can I do as a person who has just gone to see a play themed around social issues?

Maybe an audience member/s could come to a conclusion  (or not)  that maybe their previous ideas (if any) about social change issues comes from within.

Not a government, not other people but from me, you?

Politics are heavy going so a play/ production does need to be entertaining – it’s a tricky pair up to get right.

Sometimes, a member of the audience may (or may not)  think:

‘What I am seeing here can’t be a representation of a real person or what goes on in real life   -or can it? 

That is cool – they are in a theater watching something made up essentially, no?

I don’t know anymore. I’m up to my ears in theories and being creative and trying to stay true to myself and my reasons for writing.

I do have enough sense to think about doing a full on Brecht/Grotowski/insert playwrights name here to show I can do it.

I may struggle- it might not be amazing or great but I can bloody well do it.

My stubbornness does serve me well at times.

Right, rant over.

Tomorrow, I get a small break from thinking about fictional characters. I’m off bright and early to talk about if/how I can help my community with the skills I already have. I don’t need to be a BA graduate or a business owner or a  mother or someone studying their Masters.

I merely have to be me! Full of flaws!

I feel so passionate about this project. I don’t want to jinx it by talking about it. I can’t talk about it- It would have to go in my volunteering page- Ha ha!

Please send me your positive vibes, mantras, empowering thoughts – all of that positivity shit. I fucking love it!

I need it – it helps me – it keeps me on the right path.

So, to end this ranty and rather a profane post

I will end in my mantra ( Second year of using it and it hasn’t let me down yet)

” I am successful at whatever I do”   

I put the hard graft in too.

Thanks for reading my ranty post.

Peace, love, light and a bit of attitude embellished with hearts ❤ and fleurs.

DAISY XOXO

 

 

 

Symbol:The moon

After last nights meltdown of a post, I finally managed to fall asleep. Thank you,the moon. The moon is often associated with our intuition, sleep and dreams. It is also connected with unconscious wishes. It’s the feminine to the masculine sun.

I received many supportive comments from She bares all she can bear

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http://withlove.io/

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https://advancedresearchtechnology.org/

THANK YOU!

 

It is a new day – a new a dawn – a new life’ Nina Simone.

 So today I want to focus on symbols connected to out emotions and instinct.

Yes, I had a shit day yesterday. The beauty of life is: just like the moon will always make its appearance so shall the sun. Until the Apocalypse of course. 😀  I’m not suggesting that men equal happiness (sunshine). Some do but so do women.  :D. That’s my equality awareness comment out of the way.

Some see the moon as representing the soul.  The moon has so much power over  us. It controls the rain, the tides of the ocean, all four seasons.

There are 8 phases in the Lunar or moon cycle , we are currently in the third quarter of the phase of the moon. This is meant to be a time for letting go and to forgive. Time to clear the cobwebs from the mind, tidy up and surrender to my emotions.

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I understand now why my feelings have been jumping all over the place. It is interesting how I chose last night to share the post where I felt like I was going ‘mad’.  My brain was feeling pressurised. I felt burdened. I felt like  I had a myriad of thoughts stuck in the vortex of my mind and not enough resources to process them. The paper of my printed thoughts was jammed and the switch to turn it off was broken.

 I need to get my shit together.  Time to buy some new ink. The new moon is on it’s way and this will be a time for a fresh start. So no point ruminating over things I can’t change. I am already thinking about the things I need to do, what jobs I need to start. Training courses I need to prioritize. I need to shake out the dust of any excess useless energy leftovers. Only then I can move forward with confidence and  make March a month where I achieve what I want to achieve. To use the moons power to aid me instead of being merely governed by it.

Last Quarter MoonNow is the time to let go, release, and forgive anything and everyone that you may feel has hurt you in any way.  It is a time of emptying self and allowing the universe to take over or whomever you trust in your faith.  It is out of your hands and no more action is needed from you.http://www.astrologizing.net/lunarcycle.html

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Maybe I am scared of things being ‘taken out of my hands’ . I want to push forward but the natural cycle and rhythm of nature is  compelling me to take no action. To rest, to find peace.

Something I struggle with a lot. I’ve never looked at my struggles in the context of symbolism before. It makes sense why I am exhausted and all over the place emotionally. Natures message is clear:

 I need to prepare for the new moon and what I want to achieve.

Balsamic Moon Peace.  This is the time to surrender, rest, and recuperate.  No more thinking, planning, getting in your own way, or action of any kind; just peace. As the Moon slowly enters “the dark of the Moon,” we allow our visual minds  to become dark, too, and still.  Peace

http://www.astrologizing.net/lunarcycle.html

I’m sure a few of you have heard the connection of our monthlies with the moon. Many moons ago women would retreat into their homes and take a kind of sabbatical. Doors closed with a huge -‘DO NOT DISTURB’  sign hanging on the doorknob.  What a perfect time to tell people what is really on your mind and then we can blame it on the natural cycle of the moon.  We can call it  ‘Monthly madness truths’- what a great therapy technique, ne  ce pas?

 

 

This is really interesting and a bit gross too  but we are all adults? I   started my monthlies yesterday so I am getting rid of physical and metaphorical  debris. By the time the new moon arrives. I will once again have my fertility powers restored. I can create new life– again metaphorically or physical  I wish Science would give Astrology more credit.

So what can message can we take away with us?  Well, I have discovered from this post that I need to be more aware I am of my surroundings,  what is happening not only within me but to also look and be more aware of what is going on outside of me. This knowledge can help guide me to focus and get the maximum results out of my life.

We never stop learning

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(ALL IMAGES SOURCED FROM GOOGLE IMAGES)

 

 

Four quotes that get me through the day

The featured image quote is a random one I found this morning. It’s not a mantra of mine but it is possibly a good one to filter into our thoughts. So when I came across it I thought

“How apt-  you lovely quote is my post feature image.”

 These three mantras keep me going – sharing is caring right?

They work because I tell myself this every day, as many times in a day as I can. A lot of the times I don’t even believe them but I keep saying them out loud or in my mind. I never stop telling myself these.

Think of mantras as mini prayers you tell yourself.. I find this way of looking at mantras makes sense to me.

 

 The other one I say to myself is

“If I am going to do it give it all I have got..”

(All images sourced from Google images)

 

 

HAPPINESS TIP: HOW TO LET GO-

, yesterday. I was too busy posting about my cat’ Tatiana. I am just a tad happy at the moment. Right, this minute she is sleeping under the quilt with me. Epic moment -which will make more sense if you read the post about my Tatiana. Feel free to read and of course not read (I am merely updating my fellow cat lovers).  Owned 100%. Enough about me. Let’s get on with sharing how you can drum up some happiness of your own: in your own life.. 

 Lately, I’ve been reading a lot of posts and speaking to a few special people in my life. People who can’t seem to ‘sweat the small stuff’ out. Stop the ‘little thing’ thought’ critters from holding you back and moving on with your life. I’m guilty of it too.

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SECRET TO HAPPINESS: Let go of your grudges/fears/doubt and heartache 

TRADITION: Loy Krathon ( Lantern festival)  – I  am aware in countries like the U.K. laws are trying to be passed in  regards to using  lanterns CLIMATE ACTIVISTS CLICK ON LINK HERE FOR SAFE WAYS TO USE LANTERNS

DATE: Usually November – whenever the 12th full moon is according to the Thai lunar calender

CELEBRATED IN: Thailand

Many of us (me included) sometimes tend to speak before engaging the brain and really think about what we are saying to some-one. I’m learning that by me being rather blunt at times. Hurts. There are other ways to tell the truth without leaving a person feeling a bit crap and thinking less of themselves and stop people thinking that others now think less of them.   Most of us mean well and are do not go out of our way to be malicious. 

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Shutting up and ruminating over unhelpful thoughts, creates so much pressure in your brain; that it can leave little room/space in our minds for anything else to help challenge these negative thoughts. Keeping everything inside means all these thoughts accumulate and have nowhere else to go. This can be a major trigger for off- setting Anxiety.

 

I’m sure that whoever is reading this will possibly know about the Thai tradition of symbolically letting go of all negativity (anxiety and worries)by lighting lanterns. Thousands of them drift up into the sky, creating a cosy golden glow effect. The simple act of doing and of seeing all these lanterns fly away and disappear-  can create a compelling and magnificent sight.

So, I am only assuming here, you have probably heard this way of getting out negative thoughts from your mind before. What is that? Well, how can you create this same kind of act of ‘letting go’ wherever you are in the world. You may not be in Thailand and it is only February.

 

  • Write every unwanted thought down on paper or whatever you wish ( in this example paper is a good medium) .

  • Make sure each irritating thought is on separate pieces of paper.

  • Allow yourself a moment to reflect on each written thought

  • Then scrunch up the paper into a a ball 

  • Then throw it into you bin/ wast basket -the point is wherever you throw you junk

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  • The not so climate ethical  alternative is to go out side and for a few moments release your inner arsonist- that little ‘firebug’ come out and burn each paper – one by one. This a more gradual and meditative way to release all those burdensome worries and anxieties go.  Make sure you lock away your inner pyromaniac, before entering the house and make sure the fire is out! 😀

 

 

I remember a person told me of a really powerful mind exercise to do : Put each thought in a cloud and watch it float away and then watch it fly away and imagine it bursting and dissipating into the atmosphere far away from your mind.

 

The message is simple: It is not how you do it- you may come up with your own epic way to let all the crap go. The most important part you need to take away with you from this post. Is DO IT! Don’t put it off. 

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HAPPINESS TIP:Do you know where you are going?

SECRET TO HAPPINESS: Verbalise in words exactly what is is you want

TRADITION: Shinto ema (consecrated/dedicated vow plaques)

DATE: Any -time

TRADITION: Japan

Who wants to be happy? I do. That is why I created my ‘Global happiness’ page and I know I am not alone. We all want to be happy. What does happiness mean to you? Happiness is not permanent and is rather fleeting – episodic. I know that money can make me happy for a bit. I mean I don’t need loads of it but in our world to have a bit of money helps. What about things like being good in your job? Being in an awesome relationship?

Here is the plain fact, if you are unable to define what makes you happy-then you are going to find it rather exhausting to find it. Through-out Japan dotted about are what are called Shinto temples ( which are kind of like shrines –Shinsha means ‘place of Gods’.

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For a few hundred yen, people write down their wishes, wants and what they hope for, they decorate these plaques, or ’ema’s’ as they are officially called, with  images -a popular one being a horse

In a fascinating article about connections with the rest of Asia, Mark Riddle looks at the subject through the lens of the Indo-European cult of the sacred horse. He identifies the principal features as follows: Horses were sacred symbols which were associated with a fertility cult and with rain. A white horse symbolised the sun and was often used in ritual sacrifice. Horses were also associated with death and funereal symbolism.

If one thinks of Mongol warriors, then clearly the horse was a vehicle of power that enabled its rider to dispense death and destruction over wide areas. It was quite literally a seat of authority. To a lowly peasant, the fast moving creature must have seemed imbued with an air of divine power. It’s but a short step to imagine the horses descending with their godlike riders from heaven. Something of this clearly entered Japan at a time when Shinto was still in the process of formation

http://www.greenshinto.com/wp/2013/02/09/horses/

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People ask for a number of things. They are very specific in asking and writing down what they want, so it can be

  • To get a new car

  • get a job that a person wants

  • It could be to want some one who is going through a bad time to change it into a good outcome.

Each plaque or ’ema’ hung up , adorning the temple for the Kami or the Gods to read ( a loose interpretation)

I know that for myself that when I don’t know where I am headed in life -life can almost feel paralysing. Questions like what am I doing here? What must I do with my life? can drag you further and further away from happiness. In my own life I have gravitated to drugs and to becoming so unwell mentally because I didn’t know what would make me happy. I had a bow and arrow (tools) but I was aimless. I didn’t know what or where to aim to achieve a sense of happiness.

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The ema plaques can easily be adapted to the western way by wrting a wish list.

Where do I begin? you ask.

Go deeply into your mind and think how you want your life to look.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE?

I want to be at peace with my body, I want to move away from my current home and work in the mental health sector – specifically I want to be employed by a mental health charity to help support people who are struggling with their mental health and I want to be a part of eradicating the stigma attached to mental illness. This is why I volunteer with mental health charities. It is why I put so much effort into going to every meeting, to do any workshops and training to achieve my goal at what I think will make me happy.

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WHAT EXPERIENCES DO YOU WANT HAVE?

I want my wedding day to be a happy experience, I want to experience being pregnant in the relationship I have now. I want to have another child and have a chance to embrace motherhood in a way I couldn’t imagine when I was pregnant with my daughter. I want to move away from ling in a council home and be able to afford to live in a bigger home -a family home that is decorated to my tastes. I want to get out more. I want to go visit my family in South Africa and Miami.

 

 

WHAT KIND OF PERSON DO YOU WANT TO BE?

I want to be a person that is easy to talk to, someone who see’s the silver lining in every situation no matter how bad the circumstances. I want it inspire people that life is liveable and happiness is within their grasp. When people see me I want them to be glad to see me. I want to be a person who laughs a lot, is affectionate. I want to be the person who feels the fear but goes with it. I want to not be caught up in how I look all the time. I want to be emotionally secure and to let go of the past completely. I want to be spontaneous and go out and see more of the world. I want to be a person who people who find me comforting. I want to be a person that is successful in my career, being a Mom, wife, daughter, grand daughter. I want to be a person who has more friends. I want to be that person who is always physched up to be healthy and active.

 

WHO DO YOU WANT TO SHARE YOUR LIFE WITH?

My family- my partner, my daughter and other children I hope have, my Mom, my cousins, my Dad and sister and step Mom, my Nan, my uncles and my friends old and new. I want to be a part of peoples lives who are in recovery or trying to become mentally well. I want to work well with work colleagues.

 

 

All you need to do is what I have done. Write it or type it! Do it! Aim that bow in some direction -a direction you want it go in.

The  message is this: by expressing your inner desires in a more crystallised form -something you can see down on paper or in front of you ; the more likely you will know in which direction you want to go.  You will have goals and these will be you own set of landmarks on your journey to be happy in life.