Tag Archives: love

Pluck my feathers.Watch me fly.

Life is not a list to check off.

Have goals .

Have dreams.

Don’t allow bitterness and the pursuit of wealth or  the desire to look like a touched up picture of a model detract from  the meaning and the true purpose of  your life.

Easy to do. I do it too.

Figure out your purpose.

If you are not dead yet  and have tried killing yourself many times.

You have a purpose.


Life is a gift and a curse and today and tomorrow may not ever be the same.

One moment, one word, one test result, one decision can shake your core and world from the inside out.

A  Career- is doing something I love.

Money is a means to an end.

I can’t take all my material belongings with me to another world.

Stuff is just stuff.

Everything is replaceable except for a life and your health. Houses are demolished by hurricanes, weather freaks of nature every day.

Happiness is….. whatever the fuck you make it.

Make each day count. my Uncle taught me that saying. 

If money is your God. Make sure you have a good deal with the money God or make sure you are that God.

Chances are you won’t permanently succeed    over toppling that son of a biaatch.

Happiness -now that is a choice.

Choices are hard to make at times. We can convince ourselves we have no choice.

See this world through  the eyes of  a child, an elderly person or someone who is ill or someone who is grateful to have a bed  to sleep on.

To  the person who told me all homeless  people are homeless because they are drug addicts or alcoholics.


I recall a time when said person was made homeless because  they couldn’t pay their rent. No drug issues apart from an Eating disorder, diet pills and codeine and junk food and an illness and no support from anyone to help her.

I was 5 years old and I came home from school,I was told to sit on the step while I watched 2/3  men throwing our stuff out.

Literally throwing our stuff out the window.

The weekend before it was beautiful sunny day. I swam and we  sat around the swimming  pool. I don’t know how I knew or who told me that the landlord was going to throw  us out.

I left said person to sunbathe and I decided to fight for our home.

I’ve always been a trouble maker. Some one who has the audacity to challenge people bigger than me.

I don’t shut up.


My Mother made sure I knew how to write my name and read before I was in kindergarten. She taught me how to read and write.

I wrote him a letter and posted it to him.

I asked him to not throw us out. Give us more time. We promise we will pay the rent.


I guess we can all be  dickheads and worry about money and looks.

YUP- they are and will fade. 

I’ve seen people I love become millionaires then become paupers over night and then millionaires again  and die with nothing.

Not even their dignity. A papers funeral.

Money and looks are in a constant state of flux

Make sure you have character to back you up. HarDships make character – It’s easy to be bitter, its easy to be hard and emotionless.

Its easy to moan because I walked in the rain (again)  in england.

I decided to put my face to the sky ,watch  the birds fly and allow the rain to  soak face and hair.

I smiled and smiled – in spite of not having cent to buy food or anything until next Thursday.

I’m not a fool.

I looked like one walking in the  the rain with a  grin on my embracing the rain and the cold.

Just like I did when I was a child.

Not comforming to  looking downwards ,scowling  -at the damn British  weather.

Look for signs of life. Flowers are blooming again.

I’m scared.

I have to have hope.

Hope is the only thing that keeps me going.

My mother refuses to tell me she loves me. We argue. She’s ill.

I tell her I love her no matter what.

LOVE BEAUTIFUL SOULS, FLAWED SOULS. Help those who can’t see past a dollar bill or the next selfie or the this day to get through life. YOU WILL NEVER LOOK OR BE AS GOOD AND BEAUTIFUL AS YOU ARE TODAY. 

Don’t let the bastards whether family, friends or foe blame you for their problems  and for making mistakes.

We are all human.

I don’t need a God to pray to for strength .I have love in my heart and I don’t give up on the people I love. I include my Dad in that.

These are my words


Ma petit fripon 

via Ma petit fripon 

Death rattle

Reminiscent of an uprising of crickets ready to battle

Stare at a puffed updiamond heart

Drumming inside an empty cage. Birds ripped apart.

Gargoyle  stares ignored.

Folk bumble about unaware what is in store for us all- eventually.

The breathe of Hades-

Lingers then makes a dash for scant flesh and bones.

Meat is not this gods instrument. Lust causes call for more drones

Sponge, moisten  parched parted  lips

Raven signals the ire of its whips

The ones who don’t loose it in bedlam excite


Invites all loved ones to rally round

Stands by door. Stands back.Admires its ownpower.

A moment to savour for a while more.

Every door closed,  each breath cloys

Begs for enough fare to cross the distance to embrace elysium air.
Today everyone shall know how close we are to parting from brown soil

Lamb,hatched chickens,babies born in  Cumbersome air.

the cycle must  complete before we can emerge reborn

Death is inevitable  as necessary as life is to the Cumbaya

of springs first show of petal.

When you look at the beginning of this  new dawn

Know that when you stand back in awe

It is because you have felt the chill of winters soul depart

Shed a tear for the snowman who brought  our youth so much joy.

Appreciate death. Stare it in the face

The sun chants

 count in rosary beads

tomorrow never dies.

Trying to type something while listening and watching my  grandmother dying.



I support the assisted dying law.  This is inhumane.

A selfish farce.
Happy mothers day

Wherever  you go

Wherever  you roam

I hope that it is a place as magnificent as earths revellers make it out to be

Ma petition fripon. J’taime xxxx

* What I wrote waiting and comforting my ma and my gran before she passed over.

It is what it is.

Where is my mind?

The weed who has every right to declaim — life’s not fair.

I’m back , I’m here . And a round of applause for me.

I’m reclaiming my life!

Life is like tax credits. We have to keep on reclaiming it to make sure we get it.

For one reason only:

This is my life and I care.

I’m  newly single, separated from the one I thought I loved  needed.

I didn’t .

I woke up and I  saw my life for what it really is, or was…

If that makes  me a hard bitch, emotionless or selfish.

I’ll take every adjective and I’ll  mix it in with my next meal.

Add  an extra portion of muscles and plenty of shellfish.

One life to choose.

Mine or another?

I choose me and  my daughter.

Every. Single. Time.

I’m a cheater, I’m a druggie .  I’m crazy . I’m a …what? 

I ain’t got time for your nonsense,

Pack your shit up and get out;

so I can raise my family

to understand

people are entitled to be human.

Some  people keep  on building the same rickety , useless fence over and over and over.

And then die.

If my vices-when activated

render  me  a misfit of society?

Bah j’en fiche!

Translation –

Whatever!  I don’t value your opinion.

I’m not suicidal .

I’m not a sheep.

I’ve been  swimming since I was living in an amniotic sac.

Water baby.

Born and bred.

The water life chose me.

Life is not fair — don’t be patronizing. 

Boy ( you’ll be a man soon)

 Listen .I don’t need you  or you  type .

I sure as hell, don’t want you.

What about all I’ve done for you. 

Well,I literally picked you off the street.

Must I go into detail ….

nah! Bro.

My issues.

My mind.

I’m dealing with it.

I can’t   hit  a button and go on the rewind.

My daughter.

My daughter. 

Her bond  to me- is first and foremost.

She’s already living a lie.

One day – I have to explain to her  who her biological father is.

Parents walk away every day from their children.

Others do step  up

and do  good by them.

Until… abuse and disrespect starts again.

 I refuse to have a list of all the men or people she has  had a bond with

or  who has bought her a  birthday or Christmas gift

or who she likes playing with

To deal with.

She is 6 years old.

Back off and deal with your own emotions.

Cut the strings. Grow a ..ahem

Pair of wings.

Fly – be ambitious — live your life.

You want to be role model?

Live your life.

Make something.

Any thing.

That is the greatest show of love you can bestow on a child.

Show them that-

yes, life is unfair.

No one ever said it was easy.

If they did ..

Who have you paying or relying on to make it so easy?

No body wins a prize for it.

Depending on your religion.

 If you want a prize

go  pick one and go with it.


We just  gotta keep going on ,

Don’t lose sight of that light house.

It will bring us back to shore.


I can’t carry another dead weight.

I need to save myself and my child.

I was drowning in all of  your shit.

Little boy one , two ,three, four  and there girlfriends/friends  or lack of it and their  opinions.




The ones I chose to sleep with, and  play a game of  common whores.

We can all do  chores

We can all be whores.

We can  all be bores.

Genderize it. Put it into context.

I look around me and everyone with ‘a stick to throw’ has disappeared.

I’m on my knees.

Thank you! 

A new dawn , a new day.

New gossip to come —  Lodi Dodi  -there’s some tussle or gossip to come from some other party.

(Slick Rick reference)

Fodder for the foraging  masses.

To keep them brainwashed  or sane  enough

from looking at their own lives and problems.

I don’t owe anyone an explanation,




I have nothing against men,



If  being busy is a sign of vindictivness

If saying NO – is a sign of vindictiveness-

Throw  that hoop on me.

And I’ll hula hoop my way into ‘the vindictive dance award’s category.

What else can you/people  throw at me?

It hurts more when I’m unstable, high – not using my resources.

When I’m me. I can take it.

It doesn’t hurt.

MY heart is big,

I’m generous,




and …



This is my journey , this my life — this is where I am at.

Live for yourself.

You are going to be a miserable human living for some one else’s approval.

Trust  me, I’ve tried.

I’ve never lied. I have nothing to hide.

I have everything to gain by taking this risk.

To lose my sanity , possibly  my child ?

That was my Biggest gamble.

I was willing to take my own life.

You’re stood there  crying like you are’ the shook one.’

I’ve stepped into reality.

Scraping dog shit off  my shoes every day.

I’m willing to believe that dog shit is a sign I’m going to receive good news.

I’m willing to believe that  I have what it takes to make it — Again.

I’ve gasped my first  breathe in months . And I look up and I see beauty,  the stars, I see promise.

I’m willing to crawl, walk, hobble, limp.

I see another way-another route.

I’m not saying I never cared about you or him or that.

I probably did.

I probably did -I probably do. That is not where I am at.

It’s not your business who or what I’ve had or have feelings for.

I do not answer to you .

Or you –

maybe you.

I know who I have to answer to.

I’m not saying I think I think you are a bad person-

I’m saying. ..I’m done with telling myself I am the problem.

Pass me more tissues, please.

I am aware of my issues.

I’m not a bad person.

I am intense,


high maintenance,

fussy, and worth it .

My life OR yours?

I’d be certifiable insane if I carried on letting you — allow me to take  more attempts on my life.

On a final note.

‘I am an artist and I’m sensitive  about my shit ‘


I swear this song has kept me  going-all for the wrong reasons. My warped sense of humour has made this song-my song for  couple a weeks.


vervain time

free writing mind mapping style.

“I weighed things up in my mind…” vervain

I look on at it.

Moved by my sentiment of


Its  just a broken teacup.

 merely spilt  milk.

A tea towl, cleaning spray will fix this inconvenience

I look on at it. Not quite sure when the  fear of  inability became my  creation .

Became the start of  Depressive retardation setting in

This head ache  could go away

I’ve painted over it in my mind

over and over


Then it would never have existed.

Nobody would know it was a hornets nest

This is not a painting.

This is reality.

I can’t make others pretend not to see

It never  exsisted.

The power of denial

it makes us think life is stagnant

an imitation

we can cover up with a  single brush stroke.