All we need to survive is the hope that we will get better. An insight into my mind when I feel like escaping from reality forever.
*writing to recover-writing to remember who I am. Writing and shrugging off the insults of so-called friends/family
The drole of this world’s a part of my repertoire
Seek it out
I observe the stars bluster out a cosmic sigh
Sun ushers in to greet me then says to me high
Sunshine deflated-slips behind
Coy eyelashes flicker
An elusive goodbye
Landscape sightings report the sun’s trickery
It can’t revolve above or under the sky.
Planet earth is a cookie cut out
flattened into shape
Dictated to — its norm of a lay by
infinite stutters unlace
creating ripples across water
wanton to view her beguiling manner this eve
Don’t watch this space
It leaves room for an innuendo
budgie budgets cos it’s an indie myna on the fly by
Gutted cos this reads across as a novice flatulently windy
Lost confidence in his nature.
Stole a spirit
it wasn’t even mine
Finale parts the legs of barbie inbreds in-laws.
underwear-blatantly reveals the remnants of a hookah smoky blows
secreting a house ablaze
brush off an ashen doll-
vented as Cindy.
Quality remains third-degree sightless
to the echelons taken over in a hazed quantity;
I think I died.
I have imposter syndrome
These words dictate I’m a genuine illiterate.
Forgive me for attempting to write
I forgot about that critter sitting amongst its fellow mate-the 5 10 midget
Oi ‘Arry Potter quick diversion tactic-start finding the golden quidditch
DAISY LIFE UPDATE
Life has been and life has not been. I’m still here. No amount of suicide attempts or general mismanagement of my health and life has worked. No grave filled. I’m alive! . I matter. I can. Miss being on here.
I thought today would be a good time to get a bit closer to home with the animals that we choose to adopt into our family.
Here is a word
What does this mean to you?
What does it bring to mind?
Sometimes these words conjure up images and words of
Setting an animal on fire
A lot of animal neglect may not be deliberate.
It can be as something as simple as forgetting to put out fresh clean water for a pet or a farm animal.
There is a strong link with animal abuse and violence. My ex partner was violent with his dog.
Is there a relationship between domestic abuse and animal abuse?
When I sought out my local woman centre about the violent relationship I was in. I had to do score test to find out which band or stage of severity my abuse I was in.
One of the questions was if my ex-partner ever hurt an animal. Animal abuse
This is one of the four predictors that may indicate that a partner will be violent to a child or a partner.
I remember a long time ago, I can’t remember where I was living but there was a man who was always abusing his dog. I don’t know what he did to it but the animal was clearly distressed. So much so I reported it.
So can animal abuse give some indication towards abuse to people?
Social workers /professionals are supposed to be trained to look at an animal’s living conditions in a household and gauge how they are treated to indicate if they’re some kind of clear break down in a family. There can be many reasons for this.
Poor mental health
Unable to have Empathy
Animal neglect does give a better picture of any child /Domestic violent abuse that may occur in a household.
It seems like a no brainer and it is..
I remember when I was about 4/5 years old. I was playing with my ‘My little pony’ kingdom and the kitten we had at that time came to say hi. I don’t know what I was thinking but there was a ribbon on the floor- the memory is a bit blurred.
I tied the ribbon around my kitten’s neck and then tied it to the leg of the table my pony kingdom was on and I kept on tightening the ribbon until my kitten was hanging.
Something in my brain shattered. I realised if I didn’t do something my kitten would die because of me. I scrambled to get my kitten free and I was in tears- horrified that I had nearly killed my kitten.
My kitten was fine by the way.
What if my mother hadn’t been a mad cat/animal lover like me?
What if she hadn’t taught me to love and respect animals?
Just a thought I guess….
She doesn’t know about this event.
So is animal abuse normal in children?
This can indicate that a child is a high-risk youth. Children from violent homes of abuse and neglect can act out abuse on animals.
I don’t know what this says about me.
Was I acting out on some unconscious level what was going on in my home at that point?
I think for me what is important is my instinct kicked in and I knew this was wrong and I never wanted or tried to hurt an animal again.
Some experts would agree that intervening early with a child at risk of developing abusive traits can be more therapeutic in stopping the cycle of violence.
Why should I get involved in reporting animal abuse if it is not my business? How can I possibly be making any difference at all?
It is about looking at the bigger issues. If you report to the police/animal protection society of any abuse that you see, then this will be recorded on the crime database and it can lead to investigations and prosecuting dangerous criminals, keeping them away from society-ie in prison.
People who act out on crimes such as
Violence against humans
Drug and Disorderly offences
can all be linked to animal abuse
WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP? I hear you ask
Report all animal abuse. Animal abuse can indicate that there is something seriously wrong with an individual. It is not normal or acceptable.
The more we as a community alert police and the law to animal abuse, it becomes a clear message that this is an issue that needs to become more of a priority. It is a stand we take- that we will not accept to live in a violent community. Law enforcers will need to become more serious about how they deal with this crime because we won’t ignore it anymore.
The result will be a safer community for our families.
When it comes to looking after my own mental health; the one thing I have found hard to control is self-medicating.
- You know -a few drinks mixed with some hardcore benzodiazepine and possibly a smoke of weed -all night and into the morning: is probably not going to do me and my mind and body any good.
I used to self medicate for years. I’ve been mostly stable these past 5 years. Taken my meds as prescribed and trying more holistic ways of coping.
So mindfulness- staying in the moment is a good discipline to practice. CBT -distraction. Finding out what my interests are.
These days I work with mental health charities. I’m trying to make a full-time career from it. It’s amazing what experience and a better state of mental health have done for me.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not magically cured. On New Years Eve, I met up with a guy I knew would be up for a mad session of partying. Something in me needed to connect. I needed to plug into that buzz I used to get.
Lesson learned for me
Going back to old coping mechanisms to ease my mental health issues is mostly going to end up in tears.
With me walking home after ‘my friend’ kicked me out of his house saying I was psycho. I can’t remember a lot of the night but I do know that is one heavy accusation coming from someone with his back ground and record.
I don’t usually mind casual use of words like ‘psycho’ and ‘loony’ in certain contexts, although I am mindful when and who I use them with. What did hurt more than anything was him telling me I am a psycho.
These acts of rebellion as I like to call them are few and far between these days. When they do occur I learn the lesson quicker. Go on a downer and then build myself back up within a day or two. I exercise. I do a lot of positive self-talk and I cut ties with the negativity.
I’m pretty chilled and easy to talk to in real life. I am getting married in 6 months to an incredibly supportive man who gets my turbulent acts of rebellion. Of course, they can’t happen too often otherwise the disrespect in our relationship would kind of snip in two.
It is hard not to self medicate and get on the right medication. My illness requires tweaking here and there.
The main message I want anyone to take away from this post if any is, that I don’t feel ashamed for having an illness..
I am ashamed of how reckless and out of control I get when I take my mental health for advantage.
It’s 2016. A brand new page. Well, we are four pages into it 🙂
No more parties and highly overrated expectations to waste my money. and act like a woman with no responsibilities.
As long as do what I can to keep myself on the upper end of the mental health scale,then I know I am doing the best I can.
I could have used other ways to deal with New Year’s Eve but I chose to get ‘crazy’ and relinquish myself and power to my illness.
Mental health issues are hard to gain control of. Sometimes I just live as best as I can. Keep things simple. Keep my life simple. Be a Mum and a sort of responsible person. I have learnt quite a few tools to cope over the past 5 years.
I am more than happy to pass on some tools and ways to cope other than medication. I use a combination. This is my first post so I will go easy.
Get rid of the negative shit in your life. It is so empowering! Once that negative bubble has been popped and you take the first step to the other dark side- lots of cookies, hot chocolate, movies. Simple pleasures. If you take that small step you will start to attract positive people and have positive experiences in your life.