Life nonsense Intolerance

*Complete nonsense trigger warning*  ( inspired by my out of tune singing of Smash mouths-‘all Star’)

 

Hey now you’re  afuckstar!

 I’m so bloody frustrated,

Orgasms in the office stopped mid flow,

 because my printer  got jammed,

And made life slow.

Everybody

Wants a piece of fame.

Fuck it.

 It’s dismal.

Its shallow.

These still waters run deep.

I’m swimming off to  get away from  ‘the look at me’ protestors  with their self-drawn,scrawled  picket’.

I’m frustrated.

Paper over load.

Jam makes me sticky .

I need more than cursing semen.

I’ve got energy  I need to burn up.

Let me feast like a queen-on  sushi and haute cuisine.

It’s not like I have nothing to do.

I have a to do list ,

Daisy in the Willows  believe  it or not.

I’m not getting my usual kicks from turning blue.

I’m talking nonsense cos I’m frustrated.

People are fickle.

So, here I  am

typing — wisely refusing to do any ass wiping-

  I’m worth more than a nickel.

Money is a means to an end

Credit – I’m borrowing on limited time only .

Interest served for  these corporations

Who turn my life into a hang mans noose.

 Game over.

cul de sac

loopy dead end.

Natural-

no makeup-

Everybody wants  a fake bake .

I failed the pencil test rule

I need to buy new lingerie for own my blushing breasts sake.

sexual and passionate-

extremist –

not a fan of

Being  Laid In.

Nonsense .

Not procrastinating.

look at me

I’m transparent-

Casper  the ghost has nothing  on this glowing  skin .

Free verse

I don’t fit in.—

 there’s no scene

Unless I acknowledge  it .

Let me be ignorant.

Insight is turning me into some evil mutant

Elementary.

I’m a music whore — to my very core.

Hell has nothing on me-

Sending tickets to remind them I am the serpent from mythic folklore.

Nudity.

Cover up

 Bare skin

 Shut your taboos up .

I have nothing to hide….

-except a few stretch marks and an imagined belly that resembles  raw pork in a butchers  shop

Shave my head

Take my dignity

Fuck that.

I’m feeling rather ranty.

So much to do.

Typing shit – I’m probably due my meds cos now I’m  on Electric Avenue.

Write to recover from mental imbalances.

I’m feeling better-

my memory’s erased from  CBT shock  therapy.

Thanks doc , I brought extra large diapers,

and now I’m better walking round like baby Huey-

quwackers,

with a

 toddler mentality of a pig.

SOS

Before I get diced into  a stew with other mashed up veggies.

 

*Apologies for this post* 

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

 

Advertisements

and so, they lived…

Life update

I’ve finally received my results for my 1st year, doing my Masters, in Creative writing.

Drum rolls.

PASS-with merit. I officially can use more random letters after my name — ha ha!

I  am now  in possession of a post graduate certificate in the Arts and Humanities!

giphy7

Wow! Amazing.

How’s this going to help me with what I want do?

I have a dream.

I do. 😀

One of my goals is to move back to France. They love people with diplomas. I hope to get a well paid job there. I need to book a trip to The French embassy later on this year. My husband has decided he is going to take on my surname and become a French national.  He’s English!

He’s not only English, he is  Northern, from  West Yorkshire.

d9ef31b42a30d50a71e1a3f446a1dfb5-yorkshire-humour

 

I need to register my Bella Bee as a French national because even though she is more English than I am. Born here.  English Dad and roots. The British government  will not give her a British  passport because I was ordered by her majesty’s court to  register her Fathers name on her birth certificate and now they won’t give her one!

Beauracratic nightmare.

I feel so uneasy about my family not having a passport. My entire life, It was drummed into me to always have my passport (in date)in case, we moved countries.

Which we did- a lot!

Moving on . ( pun unintentionally intended  :D)

What’s  happening in my life?

Loads of shit- ha ha! as usual.

I’m doing better –  I keep making a come back.  Oh, life – you little tease!

Dare me to live.

 Dare me to succeed!

Challenge accepted.

quote-you-can-t-shake-hands-with-a-closed-fist-mahatma-gandhi-83-29-01

 

Daisy’s mental health 

Yeah, it’s been.

up and down,

down ,

down ,

down –

up again ,

very up –

insanely manic,

toxic,

low,

not quite sure

,emotional ,

aargh why did that and that and that and ..

did I do that?

Those kind of moments, really.

 

Surely someone can relate?

Not happy about a medication increase in my anti depressant.

I don’t of any person who is on  (high/ highest legal doses) of

Two antidepressants

Two anti psychotics

Two anti anxiety tablets,

and sleeping medication.

I know  my health posse want the best for me.

I don’t bullshit them.

I tell if I’ve been using shit coping mechanisms, good ones. Thoughts ,feelings…

I made my psychiatrist laugh.

Go me!

giphy8

HE LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE THIS 😉

He offered me psychology therapy — again .

I was like:

‘Look Dr J, seriously every time I sign up to a pyschologist , they leave!’

 All my psychologists have left me half way through  doing whatever new pycho babble, current trend treatment , is used, to deal with folk such as myself.

One dude, fell asleep in a couple of our sessions.

So, I was like

‘ Listen, I know how to use CBT/DBT, I know how to communicate and talk. I know what keeps me well . I just want a cure’

Another laugh escapes from Dr J.

He is a legend.

A legend ? yes, but not a wizard 😦

He totally gets me and I feel I have a choice in medication changes etc..

I’ve asked to come off one of my meds because I don’t see the point of being on it. It hasn’t helped me.

These meds have affected my memory. I’m terrified of getting Dementia. I’ve been on (legal) tablets since I was 13/14 and I’ve never been off medication.

Never!

Talking about memory.

c804e39286ead01e85ea26a0bd9e197c542cde955af0819b32d4751746a7fe41

I’m using my creative outlets to start getting into the open mic poetry scene .

I love performing but my memory is really rubbish. I’m going to brave it by doing more live poetry next week. I’m excited. Nervous.  It’s all good.

I have my final year of my MA to keep me — super  occupied.  There is a lot of work to do. For part of my thesis ( check me out)

I’m thinking of using my blog to interview creative folk who live in my community to talk about, their work,  (durr!)  Creativity and their mental health. My photographer mate is on board to take pictures. Some people have shown interest — yeah!

My heads occupied which is good.

Fab!

Awesome!

How will doing this  help me with my thesis and final work?

Well, I am going to use this year of discovery and research on the link between mental health and creativity as an alternative form of therapy to cope with life’s unpredictable moments.

Then I  will have loads of inspiration to write a film script (120 minutes) on a character ,who , is thrown back into society after a long stint in mental /prison  institutions , and who is looking to find him/herself  and another way of being  and expressing him/herself  positively, in society.

The opening scene will kind of look like this

I have an ending – (a bit abstract at the moment) – saying there words:

‘I look around for the first time with clarity. And see I’m exactly where I need to be. Around the misfits. The beautiful misfits just like me.’

DAISY’S UN NAMED CHARACTER 

It’s all early days and I still have  4 scripts to write, a critique and a character  analysis on a famous playwright to do before the final chapter.

All in all. I’m alive, optimistic-ish, full of emotion, drive, passion , a pain in the ass but just doing my thing. 

All terribly boring really… 😀 

So, I am back!

I can’t commit daily to blogging but I have joined a group on Facebook.  

Shout out to Gary @ fiction is food  for adding me.

It’s a website for us!

BIG UP YOUR BLOG!

Bloggers.

 I’m  a newbie, its good be around other bloggers again. I’m hoping it will keep me  off Facebook and keep me connecting with people like yourself. People who use their time more productively. Doh, oh the irony.

One rant before I go :   I wish people would stop leaving public posts about my appearance on my Facebook.

If you ever happen to read this

I know you are having a shit time dealing with your own weight issues. I’m well aware of mine. Please take a look at yourself. Look after yourself first. If you don’t – FUCK OFF! 

 

That is a wrap.  I know. Hilarious! ha ha!

Thank you so much for reading

Time to step out and live real life..

Catch up soon!

giphy9

What’s everyone else doing with life?  Blogging?

I’m genuinely curious to know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The other side of Fear.

Top of the morning to  you all!

WOW!

It feels good to be able to type away with no  worrying about any trains or buses or rides to catch.

This weekend I get to catch up on reading your blogs -YAY!

I have missed you all so much. I can’t wait to throw myself into my  Masters.

I always feel  I come across so smug when I say it or type that word but I have worked my ass off to get to this point.

Proper catch up with as many of you as possible this weekend.

For those who know -I DID IT!

giphy.gif

I am now able to officially and skillfully co -facilitate WRAP groups(  wellness recovery action plan program) to help people who have mental and physical issues or have had at one point,to  manage their lives- holistically.

It’s not a therapeutic based program. It’s truly a chance to revolutionize the way we  deal with our health in the current Diagnostic,clinical, prescriptive , doctor is always right  model we use.

erm.. I nearly didn’t do this program because I felt I wasn’t in a good place mentally or physically, however by going back to my own WRAP plan  ,

I remembered a few of my own wellness tools ( things that keep me well) . To share a few:

giphy-2

  • educating myself

  • putting myself out of my comfort zone ( public speaking alert/thinking on my feet/making myself vulnerable to empower others)

  •  volunteering my time to skill up and be a person who is an active part of my community and who is wanting to share my knowledge/experiences and pass information along with others.

     So, pushing myself by doing the WRAP facilitating mental health  recovery  program,  using the key concepts and ethics to show that  people who experience mental health( good and bad),  with support and  without judgement,  can find new ways of coping with life and their issues that empower and give them back the responsibility for their own mental/physical health.

    If that is what they want.

It is possible. I’ve seen it work over and over again. I work it.

It was heavy going. I was thinking on my feet a lot, not much time to prepare things ,put on the spot, practicing presenting skills, facilitating skills, listening skills.  There is so much I could put down.

truth

I lost a lot of my self-confidence -3 months ago. On a positive note,by pushing myself and challenging myself to do this program at the next level, it has helped me find my inner confidence again, I’ve started to believe in myself again, I remember how far I have come. The future has  so much in store for me because I choose it to be that way.

I want this to be a really positive post.  I have these lyrics in my head: ‘don’t be negative (negative) just be positive (positive)’

  ha ha! How am I doing?

il_570xn-456467419_hj6v

 Tbh. I am relieved the training is over. I can now concentrate on my next goal – my MA in creative writing. EEEK!

Then, I can start using extra hours in my Life to  help form a WRAP  community in Calderdale, U.K. ( which is where I currently live).

This is the wonderful group of individuals I had the opportunity to work with.  I have had their permission to put this pic up on my blog.

222

 Here is me with a bunch daisies I found in the garden .

111

I am going to end it on a  high.

I’m going to be  a bit selfish.

 Yesterday, we  (including the WRAP training facilitators who run the group) each  had a turn to write down our thoughts about each person we have worked with on the five-day training course, using strength-based feedback.

9f682844f9e1f617f5de86acd39a03f7

It’s not as cheesy as it sounds because I know I am my own worst critic and I know I am not alone in that.

This morning, I have read the comments people wrote on my name tent.  I’ve decided to reinforce these comments in my mind, by typing them into this post.

Yes, yes I am bigging myself up – no one else is going to do it.  My husband says  I need to blow my own trumpet. In his Yorkshire accent, he goes :

” Ya bloody earnt it.”  ha ha!

Here they are:

‘Tasha, you have a passion for growing and will be great helping others’

‘vulnerable but strong,empathetic,powerful,enthuisiatic,’

‘Tasha, you are an absolute star! Your openness and insight are inspiring. I feel priviliged to know you.x’

‘You are an inspiration to us all- your story is one of Strength and Hope. It has been a real pleasure working with you this week. Thank you x’

‘Tasha, your courage and Strength has been a shining light in this group.I have seen you listen, learn and grow.’

‘Tasha, you have shown strength and individuality. Keep on going’

‘Great to meet you, warm and friendly person’

‘Well done Tasha, for having the courage and Strength to complete the training course. You will be an asset to any facilliator team. Share yourself and your journey so far.’

‘You are a genuine individual. Never change x’

‘Natasha, I know you have had it hard.You are one strong, beautiful lady. Please look after yourself.x’

‘Tasha, your capacity to grow and learn means you are definitely   going too be a great facilliator. Your empathy stands out like a light’

‘Tasha, what a journey you have been on and I only know snippets. It’s clear to me you are a strong woman. I love your vibrancy and individuality.I also thought we made an awesome team x’

”Natasha, Don’t change who you are! Don’t doubt yourself ever again. You’ve shown kindess,compassion and consideration to everyone this week.I would love to stay in touch and see you again in the future.Girl done Good!. x 

0e1082805_tlp-believe-no-live-event

HAVE A FAB WEEKEND! 

LOVE DAISY XOXO

A jar of Hopourrie

Caught up on a few of your posts tonight. 😀

 

giphy (7).gif

A sense of accomplishment!

 

 

Short reflection (First day down) onWRAP( wellness recovery action plan) facilitator   training.

A stream of consciousness.

Heart beating, struggling to breathe, it’s my  turn next to have a go honing in on my  public speaking skills and being a co-facilitator, speaking about one core value and ethic  of what the  WRAP self-management program means  to me  and why.

  • Breathe.

  • Make a few bullet point notes.

  • Listen to what others are saying. Listen……. 

  • Don’t pre-empt what I am going to say while listening to others.

  • Try and understand where that person  who is currently in the hot seat,is coming from.

  • We are all nervous – we all have feelings.

  • Oooh, look!  A   squishy ,colorful  ball to play with,it lights up. I hope  there is no one who is sensitive to  flashing light in this room . Just Fucking do it. 

  • Remember, my reason for doing what I am  doing.

  • This is not about what others think but about how I develop as a person and what it  means to me,in my life – there is a bigger picture.

  • Smile.

  • wing it.

giphy (8).gif

  • Look people in the eyes when  I speak.

  • Acknowledge my nerves if need be.

  •  stick to the topic.

  • Believe in my  own worth.

THE PRACTICAL EXCERCISE:

Choose one out  of the 15, WRAP ETHICS AND VALUES  that form the basis and success  of the WRAP  self-management program, get into pairs to practice co-facilitating  (with someone I have never met before). Here is  what I chose and what I had to say.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED – YOU SHOULD BE 😀

 

giphy (4).gif

HA HA!

 

 

 CHECK OUT THE CORE  VALUES AND ETHICS CHECKLIST THAT MAKE WRAP WHAT IT IS

HERE   ( there are 15)

  Here’s another link if you enjoyed what you read 😀

VALUES AND ETHICS -MENTAL HEALTH RECOVERY

  MY CHOICE :

Difficult feelings and behaviors are seen as normal responses to traumatic circumstances viewed in the context of what is happening, not as symptoms or a diagnosis.

 

What I said: Three minutes starts now: tick tock

 

giphy.gif

MAKES MY OWN TICKER BEAT FASTER

 

 

“Long story short, I grew up in what is commonly referred to in society as a dysfunctional family and upbringing. Grew up around mental illness, addictions / people who used  bad coping mechanisms .

I , family members of mine were Stigmatized because of that.

The global / U.K. NHS model for dealing with Mental health is not working.

Change is needed.

Labels and diagnoses should be a guideline -not something that you are stuck with for life.

We all have feelings – not all  most feelings are irrational/impulsive.

Society is uncomfortable with  dealing with other  people’s feelings.

Feelings can’t be reduced to mere symptoms of illness 

We all have Mental health. We all have a mind and a body. 

We are all subject to episodes of good and bad MH on a  sliding scale spectrum.

People with Feelings should be encouraged  to share them. 

We are all unique. 

We share many similar qualities and are complex beings.

Our narratives – our  personal story.

how we came to be who we are today and who we will become should be  determined by being able to express our feelings and thoughts without being labeled in jargony terms ( if we want it that way).

We are human.  Let’s stop hiding it and act like it.

There is no shame in being human and feeling happy/sad/ insert emotion.

I believe,there is this cultural mentality that people with Mental Health “issues”  ( every human being on this planet btw)  who have come out or indeed still continue to suffer in silence are  deemed incapable of taking true, positive  personal responsibility for our own health in an empowering manner.

I think,We are afraid because we have been told we don’t have the mental capacity to manage ourselves in the current medical, prescribed  model set- up  that we rely on still to this day.

This links into another crucial value and ethic of WRAP  which is  what my co-facilitator will touch upon now”  

giphy (6).gif

CO -FACILITATOR’S  CHOICE AND TURN IN THE HOT SEAT.

Self-determination, personal responsibility, empowerment, and self-advocacy are key aspects of this program.

How I sum up what my three-minute co-facilitator said, in my own mind, is:

Understanding and wanting to understand how to manage your own issues in new ways – safe ways , different ways requires determination. One step and that is already a person taking responsibility for their path – their mind /their body. 

The result – I have found, is usually empowering.

I can do this.

Why ?

I have just done it.

WOW! Fucking shit man….. 

Carry on working on ourselves and focusing on what makes us well, unwell, etc…. is a great prescription. Self-advocacy is a prescription a person gives themselves. 

WHY?

Because I know myself better than anyone. I don’t care who believes it or not. 

You know yourself better than any Doctor, family member or friend. You live in your head and body.

I am the expert on me and I can be pretty fucking resourceful if I am pointed in the right direction.

That’s it.

I’m Knackered.

giphy-1

My Bella Bee is  back at school.  Missed her  first day at  BIG  school. 😦

My GHD’s  said a big F U  to me this morning ……

but…..

I did it.

I can’t even focus on the words  on my MA in Creative writing   on the Open University website that is finally open and we have full access  to use.

Finally!

What do I want to write about?

Social issues/ issues that affect us as humans.

I do know that my first Tutor marked assignments  (TMA) is going to be an 18-minute play about a homeless person and how society and the community can succeed in aiding  a vulnerable person  to help him/herself.

Be kind to yourself.

Be kind and rewind. Remember that one?

 

giphy (3).gif

YEAH, PRETTY LAME…..

 

 

Catch up soon!

Loads of shout outs as promised  at the end of the week.

Can’t wait to explore all the new blogs and Bloggers in the Willows and beyond.

Good night!

Daisy ❤ ❤

giphy-10

Date Interrupted

Some Dates – Not all men can handle a strong womare sweet when you remember them…

Valentine’s day.

One minute, you are planning for your big wedding day.

Three months later and your baby girl is going to BIG school and asking for a baby sister – not a baby brother .

Why?

Because Mommy may have told her boys stink!

maxresdefault.jpg

Mommy may have said

‘woah-easy- who do you think has to carry this brother or sister of yours?’

‘Daddy’ – came her reply.

If only……..

Oh, I  do wonder how excited men would get about making babies if they knew what they had in store for them ?

9 months of mind and body possession.

 

giphy.gif

I BET MEN WOULDN’T EVEN PUT ON WEIGHT IF THEY COULD GET PREGNANT!

 

All totally worth it of course…. 😉

I mean, then you look at this “cute” child of yours.

Then the compliments come flooding in –

“Just the spitting image of you”. 

Now, not only are you Fat- not pregnant – baby is out – but you have  an Alien baby who apparently looks just like you do!

it’s not like you can just go –

oooooh, Stork -here is some butter – take him/her away and bring me who I dreamed about giving birth too.

images

Do or don’t.

My little lady turned out so delightful that, to be honest, if I hadn’t been at the birth – high on gas and air – and sick to my stomach- and felt that push and was stitched around my V.J. parts,all the way around like a hem of a skirt . I would tell you –

She isn’t mine.

I’m Night – she is Day.

Mending my ways – as the days go by.

Screwing up – with no need for any suicide squad of any kind to aid me.

 

giphy (1).gif

MENDING MY WAYS ONE SCRATCH AT A TIME.

 

 

Minutes.

What am I going to to do with my day ?

to

It is three fucking am in the morning and I am reading about training, my masters, worrying about mother /wife/daughter / friend /duties, bills, life…

SOCS got interrupted – this girl got interrupted by my little lady.

Storytime and Stream of consciousness . I did the bathtime and Bella  had lots of mommy time with me today.

Nope – she still won’t go away…..

Oh, she has gone.

I ignored my sweet child. well, I didn’t give her my full attention…

 

giphy (2).gif

Catch the kisses!

 

I have a head full – no space.

I’ve got more responsibilities coming.

Usually, I am fucking chuffed to bits – it has dawned on me -what a  huge role being  a WRAP facilitator is –

Oh, don’t get me wrong, dearie… I have my pre-reading prep to do and I have been   giving  the opportunity to do this training.

  I get to give hope  to people in a manner  that a lot of people who have suffered abuse and trauma may  have never encountered.

5648b0a6dd1084cdb69f1eeffa577e6886b406cd8bd0c4a0eac2ce7b59f0a319.jpg

I’m no fucking teacher. They say : you are the best expert on yourself’ and that it 100% accurate.

One year ago I did this program as a student and now

…. well, shit just got different.

That brings me to the first ever Masters course with the Open university on Creative writing.

Of course, I can do this. No big deal.

giphy (3).gif

Just a thought  Sweet dates are just nom nom but my current  diet  intake needs to include more than 3 types of food.

Sugar  lows are a bitch.

Yeah, I want to come off the sugar.

Recovery is limitless.

No limits!

Trust, empathy and giving my time and working with others are a few  of my strengths- it took me a long time to realise it.

I lost my confidence these last few months. I lost some weight and it scared the crap out of me. I am not going back into any eating disorder clinic

giphy (4)

Time in there stops.

Dates become meaningless  but I was always the rabbit running around,with that ‘ off with her  head’ queen mentality of mine –

with things to do –

Things that I expected me to do

– and if I was late ?

Well…..  as much as my mind can drive me into  states of

‘I don’t want to be me today’ .

I know I have a great mind.

When I put my mind to it.

I achieve and succeed in ways that still impress me.

So, I am trying to write myself out of a panic attack of sorts.

I’m not the kind of girl who goes I will settle for a pass – I want a fucking first. My mind darts here ,there and everywhere-

HEADS UP!

181941-rect-220

Talking about my degree again .

I still exercise -even though I don’t have a wedding dress  to fit into anymore.

The time is now for my inner fat lady to get my weights worth in Lard food!

I do know what makes me unwell and what makes me well.

I can’t fecking blame ignorance-

Aye , it is bliss ( I am suddenly Irish).

Thing is , I know that  I’m running out of time.

The battle has been taken into the arena and I am getting battered.

I’ve given a few uppercut ,hook  and jabs –

fist down –

no flicking at the elbows .

giphy (5).gif

Still, it is  my mind -so, either way, it is going to need bandaging.

I am a mummy!

That is so bad -crucify me, now, please!

giphy (6).gif

So the battle ain’t over until her majesty of hearts takes a chill pill –  an eternal one – like a ring -send her ass right up Uranus . Ha ,yeah you can have her.

I know my rights. I can divorce this bitch!

My energy  and drive and passion and

 

2781187352_small_1.jpg

FEELINGS.

 

 

 need to  be transformed  into a wielding sword of success.

Time.

Dates.

We make our own Fates.

there’s me doing that rhyming thing again.

I needed to get this out of my head before I ………….

No,giving up was never an option, so don’t worry about it ( in an Italian accent)

One last thing ,why do I get my Reds on a full moon?

Yeah, that  came out- exactly  how I wanted it to.

Reason being: well, it would explain why the hell I have been all over the place of late but I know the true reason.

Oooh, I have just gone all sexist on my own mind!

Conditioned or what – pass me the Febreze.

I need to be kind with myself, look after myself, praise myself, see who I really am, remember my true worth.

Shit like that

It does help.

I am living proof.

I am living proof.

I am still on this planet.

Succeeding.

Living. Proof.

That is me done!

LINDA G. HILLS #soCs WORD PROMPT :DATE 

socsbadge2016-17

WRAP -OFFICIAL PROMO VIMEO

MY WRAP FACILLIATOR TRAINING STARTS SOON, SO EXPECT  SEPTEMBER POSTS  TO BE FULL OF NEW WAYS OF IMPROVING THE QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE.

ALL FOR FREE.

THE ONLY CURRENCY REQUIRED IS COMMITMENT

Daisy in the Willows

I have been quiet on the WRAP  front – wellness recovery action plan . Only  for the reason I knew this testimonial video would be available for YOU and others who want to take their life in their hands and have a plan for if it all goes down the toilet.  Eeeugh!

WRAP TESTIMONIAL PROMO VIMEO

Anyway here it is. I think it will have more of a powerful effect on those of you who do decide to watch it. Instead of me waffling about it over 12 weeks on camera. If you want to  to do WRAP and are not in a physical place close to where I live. You can still do it via my WRAP page. No costs – for free.  Or you can go to the founder of Mary Ellan Copeland and pay for the various material (if it is not free) that can be…

View original post 64 more words

State of Dis Orient

Ladies dressed up to watch the jockeys race, not on but  against  their steed.

A befitting bet ,the only time you will see her bow down, wearing a fascinator – laid on the mud- sacerdotal, on her knees – lunacy fanned out in a stylish turn  of the century plead. 

Mixologists stir up  a great spectacle – 50  percent proof . This skulls hidden unconscious is about to  set  Ablaze

Four straws facing north ,east ,south, and west. It’s nearly 8 o clock and she is losing all sense of walking along cobbled streets – eyes misty -sultry in her glaze.

Somewhere, busy – night rolls her  up in its fringed tapestry. 

Abandoned,lost. Cries of her child – don’t let them take her . 

Don’t let them know she is the true reason the station has become a living catastrophe.

How did she make it past the patrolled border?

An elevator –

dizzy ,

disorientated ,

confused – out of order.

A wack to the mouth causes bones to elementary fracture .

Spewing out pieces of  ivory tooth and red rotten metallic pulp  . She has become the victim of a  mere capture.

No eyes, no mouth, no voice.

How can an  invisible entity  cause so much blood to make enough for  a devil   Mc flurry?

She stumbles about – finally free – absorbing kleenex tissues to stifle the color  of Florida’s orange   rain . 

Elbows, whistles, laughter  – a short dwarfed jockey, begs, catches her eye – nods at her in  mocking disdain.

Maybe just this  once she could wish for  a  platform called nine and three quarters. 

She knows the wizard told her to click her shoes thrice and think of home. How is that nothing resembles a place she knows holds the faces of  her loving daughters?

Chiming spinning, no change, no credit card ,no ticket. 

Ringing,coming from her leathery bag – could it possibly hold  the conscious of a good hearted  Jimney cricket?

Where are you ?

Where are you ?

Where are you ?

Where are you?

Familiarity breeds a set of stifled sighs .

Eyes veer to her left,  a drunken, matted hair women screams to her brood “don’t let these people put you down . You are who you are – Never be ashamed and don’t fucken frown.”

” Let’s have it.”

I’m home !

I’m home!

I’m home!

I’m home!

Nothing seems familiar. She  doesn’t recognize a face , a place , not even the sound of the underground.

Train tracks look as slumber full  a place to have a reality dysphoric fit.

All of you attempting  to copy her  brand of me -tooism.

Not even the darkest version of voodoo blended with rum can get you to her level of cuckooism 

Her  child appears. Disappears in the arms of another blur .

A man who says he is her husband is here to take her home – in his arms – he attempts to gather her.

Not without my daughter . She  knows what these child traffickers are doing. 

Police form  a ring around  her – all  flashing lights- yellows   and  blues.

What happened Miss – Miss? 

She breaks down into a misfit of  boo hoo-ing. 

Assaulted by her mind and  the evil hands of time. 

Destroy the ones she loves – her gaping  heart – her child won’t come near  her,  not even if  the thought crossed over to bribe her child  with  a dime.

Rage, fury, vengeance and betrayal – a feud with her family- the ones who have stuck by her to the very end.

Divorce on grounds of stationary inebriation . 

Rings are thrown  to the ground . Frodo come get what is rightly yours and have your eternal salvation.

Clean sheets, a bottle warmer tinkers at  her feet, a hug from the husband who she tried to chase away and defeat. 

A portrait of a framed  married couple- Cracked and jagged  on the side of this man . Fragmented glass distorts a smile, rendering it obsolete. 

So it is true she is the one encrypted with a  learned evil, the one who  holds the reigns of the one who goes by the name  Deceipt?

She picks ups her lace parasol. It can only hide little and only reveal so much – she still has the fascinator and her original  brand of  receipt.