The other side of Fear.

Top of the morning to  you all!

WOW!

It feels good to be able to type away with no  worrying about any trains or buses or rides to catch.

This weekend I get to catch up on reading your blogs -YAY!

I have missed you all so much. I can’t wait to throw myself into my  Masters.

I always feel  I come across so smug when I say it or type that word but I have worked my ass off to get to this point.

Proper catch up with as many of you as possible this weekend.

For those who know -I DID IT!

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I am now able to officially and skillfully co -facilitate WRAP groups(  wellness recovery action plan program) to help people who have mental and physical issues or have had at one point,to  manage their lives- holistically.

It’s not a therapeutic based program. It’s truly a chance to revolutionize the way we  deal with our health in the current Diagnostic,clinical, prescriptive , doctor is always right  model we use.

erm.. I nearly didn’t do this program because I felt I wasn’t in a good place mentally or physically, however by going back to my own WRAP plan  ,

I remembered a few of my own wellness tools ( things that keep me well) . To share a few:

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  • educating myself

  • putting myself out of my comfort zone ( public speaking alert/thinking on my feet/making myself vulnerable to empower others)

  •  volunteering my time to skill up and be a person who is an active part of my community and who is wanting to share my knowledge/experiences and pass information along with others.

     So, pushing myself by doing the WRAP facilitating mental health  recovery  program,  using the key concepts and ethics to show that  people who experience mental health( good and bad),  with support and  without judgement,  can find new ways of coping with life and their issues that empower and give them back the responsibility for their own mental/physical health.

    If that is what they want.

It is possible. I’ve seen it work over and over again. I work it.

It was heavy going. I was thinking on my feet a lot, not much time to prepare things ,put on the spot, practicing presenting skills, facilitating skills, listening skills.  There is so much I could put down.

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I lost a lot of my self-confidence -3 months ago. On a positive note,by pushing myself and challenging myself to do this program at the next level, it has helped me find my inner confidence again, I’ve started to believe in myself again, I remember how far I have come. The future has  so much in store for me because I choose it to be that way.

I want this to be a really positive post.  I have these lyrics in my head: ‘don’t be negative (negative) just be positive (positive)’

  ha ha! How am I doing?

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 Tbh. I am relieved the training is over. I can now concentrate on my next goal – my MA in creative writing. EEEK!

Then, I can start using extra hours in my Life to  help form a WRAP  community in Calderdale, U.K. ( which is where I currently live).

This is the wonderful group of individuals I had the opportunity to work with.  I have had their permission to put this pic up on my blog.

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 Here is me with a bunch daisies I found in the garden .

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I am going to end it on a  high.

I’m going to be  a bit selfish.

 Yesterday, we  (including the WRAP training facilitators who run the group) each  had a turn to write down our thoughts about each person we have worked with on the five-day training course, using strength-based feedback.

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It’s not as cheesy as it sounds because I know I am my own worst critic and I know I am not alone in that.

This morning, I have read the comments people wrote on my name tent.  I’ve decided to reinforce these comments in my mind, by typing them into this post.

Yes, yes I am bigging myself up – no one else is going to do it.  My husband says  I need to blow my own trumpet. In his Yorkshire accent, he goes :

” Ya bloody earnt it.”  ha ha!

Here they are:

‘Tasha, you have a passion for growing and will be great helping others’

‘vulnerable but strong,empathetic,powerful,enthuisiatic,’

‘Tasha, you are an absolute star! Your openness and insight are inspiring. I feel priviliged to know you.x’

‘You are an inspiration to us all- your story is one of Strength and Hope. It has been a real pleasure working with you this week. Thank you x’

‘Tasha, your courage and Strength has been a shining light in this group.I have seen you listen, learn and grow.’

‘Tasha, you have shown strength and individuality. Keep on going’

‘Great to meet you, warm and friendly person’

‘Well done Tasha, for having the courage and Strength to complete the training course. You will be an asset to any facilliator team. Share yourself and your journey so far.’

‘You are a genuine individual. Never change x’

‘Natasha, I know you have had it hard.You are one strong, beautiful lady. Please look after yourself.x’

‘Tasha, your capacity to grow and learn means you are definitely   going too be a great facilliator. Your empathy stands out like a light’

‘Tasha, what a journey you have been on and I only know snippets. It’s clear to me you are a strong woman. I love your vibrancy and individuality.I also thought we made an awesome team x’

”Natasha, Don’t change who you are! Don’t doubt yourself ever again. You’ve shown kindess,compassion and consideration to everyone this week.I would love to stay in touch and see you again in the future.Girl done Good!. x 

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HAVE A FAB WEEKEND! 

LOVE DAISY XOXO

A jar of Hopourrie

Caught up on a few of your posts tonight. 😀

 

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A sense of accomplishment!

 

 

Short reflection (First day down) onWRAP( wellness recovery action plan) facilitator   training.

A stream of consciousness.

Heart beating, struggling to breathe, it’s my  turn next to have a go honing in on my  public speaking skills and being a co-facilitator, speaking about one core value and ethic  of what the  WRAP self-management program means  to me  and why.

  • Breathe.

  • Make a few bullet point notes.

  • Listen to what others are saying. Listen……. 

  • Don’t pre-empt what I am going to say while listening to others.

  • Try and understand where that person  who is currently in the hot seat,is coming from.

  • We are all nervous – we all have feelings.

  • Oooh, look!  A   squishy ,colorful  ball to play with,it lights up. I hope  there is no one who is sensitive to  flashing light in this room . Just Fucking do it. 

  • Remember, my reason for doing what I am  doing.

  • This is not about what others think but about how I develop as a person and what it  means to me,in my life – there is a bigger picture.

  • Smile.

  • wing it.

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  • Look people in the eyes when  I speak.

  • Acknowledge my nerves if need be.

  •  stick to the topic.

  • Believe in my  own worth.

THE PRACTICAL EXCERCISE:

Choose one out  of the 15, WRAP ETHICS AND VALUES  that form the basis and success  of the WRAP  self-management program, get into pairs to practice co-facilitating  (with someone I have never met before). Here is  what I chose and what I had to say.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED – YOU SHOULD BE 😀

 

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HA HA!

 

 

 CHECK OUT THE CORE  VALUES AND ETHICS CHECKLIST THAT MAKE WRAP WHAT IT IS

HERE   ( there are 15)

  Here’s another link if you enjoyed what you read 😀

VALUES AND ETHICS -MENTAL HEALTH RECOVERY

  MY CHOICE :

Difficult feelings and behaviors are seen as normal responses to traumatic circumstances viewed in the context of what is happening, not as symptoms or a diagnosis.

 

What I said: Three minutes starts now: tick tock

 

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MAKES MY OWN TICKER BEAT FASTER

 

 

“Long story short, I grew up in what is commonly referred to in society as a dysfunctional family and upbringing. Grew up around mental illness, addictions / people who used  bad coping mechanisms .

I , family members of mine were Stigmatized because of that.

The global / U.K. NHS model for dealing with Mental health is not working.

Change is needed.

Labels and diagnoses should be a guideline -not something that you are stuck with for life.

We all have feelings – not all  most feelings are irrational/impulsive.

Society is uncomfortable with  dealing with other  people’s feelings.

Feelings can’t be reduced to mere symptoms of illness 

We all have Mental health. We all have a mind and a body. 

We are all subject to episodes of good and bad MH on a  sliding scale spectrum.

People with Feelings should be encouraged  to share them. 

We are all unique. 

We share many similar qualities and are complex beings.

Our narratives – our  personal story.

how we came to be who we are today and who we will become should be  determined by being able to express our feelings and thoughts without being labeled in jargony terms ( if we want it that way).

We are human.  Let’s stop hiding it and act like it.

There is no shame in being human and feeling happy/sad/ insert emotion.

I believe,there is this cultural mentality that people with Mental Health “issues”  ( every human being on this planet btw)  who have come out or indeed still continue to suffer in silence are  deemed incapable of taking true, positive  personal responsibility for our own health in an empowering manner.

I think,We are afraid because we have been told we don’t have the mental capacity to manage ourselves in the current medical, prescribed  model set- up  that we rely on still to this day.

This links into another crucial value and ethic of WRAP  which is  what my co-facilitator will touch upon now”  

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CO -FACILITATOR’S  CHOICE AND TURN IN THE HOT SEAT.

Self-determination, personal responsibility, empowerment, and self-advocacy are key aspects of this program.

How I sum up what my three-minute co-facilitator said, in my own mind, is:

Understanding and wanting to understand how to manage your own issues in new ways – safe ways , different ways requires determination. One step and that is already a person taking responsibility for their path – their mind /their body. 

The result – I have found, is usually empowering.

I can do this.

Why ?

I have just done it.

WOW! Fucking shit man….. 

Carry on working on ourselves and focusing on what makes us well, unwell, etc…. is a great prescription. Self-advocacy is a prescription a person gives themselves. 

WHY?

Because I know myself better than anyone. I don’t care who believes it or not. 

You know yourself better than any Doctor, family member or friend. You live in your head and body.

I am the expert on me and I can be pretty fucking resourceful if I am pointed in the right direction.

That’s it.

I’m Knackered.

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My Bella Bee is  back at school.  Missed her  first day at  BIG  school. 😦

My GHD’s  said a big F U  to me this morning ……

but…..

I did it.

I can’t even focus on the words  on my MA in Creative writing   on the Open University website that is finally open and we have full access  to use.

Finally!

What do I want to write about?

Social issues/ issues that affect us as humans.

I do know that my first Tutor marked assignments  (TMA) is going to be an 18-minute play about a homeless person and how society and the community can succeed in aiding  a vulnerable person  to help him/herself.

Be kind to yourself.

Be kind and rewind. Remember that one?

 

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YEAH, PRETTY LAME…..

 

 

Catch up soon!

Loads of shout outs as promised  at the end of the week.

Can’t wait to explore all the new blogs and Bloggers in the Willows and beyond.

Good night!

Daisy ❤ ❤

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Date Interrupted

Some Dates – Not all men can handle a strong womare sweet when you remember them…

Valentine’s day.

One minute, you are planning for your big wedding day.

Three months later and your baby girl is going to BIG school and asking for a baby sister – not a baby brother .

Why?

Because Mommy may have told her boys stink!

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Mommy may have said

‘woah-easy- who do you think has to carry this brother or sister of yours?’

‘Daddy’ – came her reply.

If only……..

Oh, I  do wonder how excited men would get about making babies if they knew what they had in store for them ?

9 months of mind and body possession.

 

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I BET MEN WOULDN’T EVEN PUT ON WEIGHT IF THEY COULD GET PREGNANT!

 

All totally worth it of course…. 😉

I mean, then you look at this “cute” child of yours.

Then the compliments come flooding in –

“Just the spitting image of you”. 

Now, not only are you Fat- not pregnant – baby is out – but you have  an Alien baby who apparently looks just like you do!

it’s not like you can just go –

oooooh, Stork -here is some butter – take him/her away and bring me who I dreamed about giving birth too.

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Do or don’t.

My little lady turned out so delightful that, to be honest, if I hadn’t been at the birth – high on gas and air – and sick to my stomach- and felt that push and was stitched around my V.J. parts,all the way around like a hem of a skirt . I would tell you –

She isn’t mine.

I’m Night – she is Day.

Mending my ways – as the days go by.

Screwing up – with no need for any suicide squad of any kind to aid me.

 

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MENDING MY WAYS ONE SCRATCH AT A TIME.

 

 

Minutes.

What am I going to to do with my day ?

to

It is three fucking am in the morning and I am reading about training, my masters, worrying about mother /wife/daughter / friend /duties, bills, life…

SOCS got interrupted – this girl got interrupted by my little lady.

Storytime and Stream of consciousness . I did the bathtime and Bella  had lots of mommy time with me today.

Nope – she still won’t go away…..

Oh, she has gone.

I ignored my sweet child. well, I didn’t give her my full attention…

 

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Catch the kisses!

 

I have a head full – no space.

I’ve got more responsibilities coming.

Usually, I am fucking chuffed to bits – it has dawned on me -what a  huge role being  a WRAP facilitator is –

Oh, don’t get me wrong, dearie… I have my pre-reading prep to do and I have been   giving  the opportunity to do this training.

  I get to give hope  to people in a manner  that a lot of people who have suffered abuse and trauma may  have never encountered.

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I’m no fucking teacher. They say : you are the best expert on yourself’ and that it 100% accurate.

One year ago I did this program as a student and now

…. well, shit just got different.

That brings me to the first ever Masters course with the Open university on Creative writing.

Of course, I can do this. No big deal.

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Just a thought  Sweet dates are just nom nom but my current  diet  intake needs to include more than 3 types of food.

Sugar  lows are a bitch.

Yeah, I want to come off the sugar.

Recovery is limitless.

No limits!

Trust, empathy and giving my time and working with others are a few  of my strengths- it took me a long time to realise it.

I lost my confidence these last few months. I lost some weight and it scared the crap out of me. I am not going back into any eating disorder clinic

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Time in there stops.

Dates become meaningless  but I was always the rabbit running around,with that ‘ off with her  head’ queen mentality of mine –

with things to do –

Things that I expected me to do

– and if I was late ?

Well…..  as much as my mind can drive me into  states of

‘I don’t want to be me today’ .

I know I have a great mind.

When I put my mind to it.

I achieve and succeed in ways that still impress me.

So, I am trying to write myself out of a panic attack of sorts.

I’m not the kind of girl who goes I will settle for a pass – I want a fucking first. My mind darts here ,there and everywhere-

HEADS UP!

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Talking about my degree again .

I still exercise -even though I don’t have a wedding dress  to fit into anymore.

The time is now for my inner fat lady to get my weights worth in Lard food!

I do know what makes me unwell and what makes me well.

I can’t fecking blame ignorance-

Aye , it is bliss ( I am suddenly Irish).

Thing is , I know that  I’m running out of time.

The battle has been taken into the arena and I am getting battered.

I’ve given a few uppercut ,hook  and jabs –

fist down –

no flicking at the elbows .

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Still, it is  my mind -so, either way, it is going to need bandaging.

I am a mummy!

That is so bad -crucify me, now, please!

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So the battle ain’t over until her majesty of hearts takes a chill pill –  an eternal one – like a ring -send her ass right up Uranus . Ha ,yeah you can have her.

I know my rights. I can divorce this bitch!

My energy  and drive and passion and

 

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FEELINGS.

 

 

 need to  be transformed  into a wielding sword of success.

Time.

Dates.

We make our own Fates.

there’s me doing that rhyming thing again.

I needed to get this out of my head before I ………….

No,giving up was never an option, so don’t worry about it ( in an Italian accent)

One last thing ,why do I get my Reds on a full moon?

Yeah, that  came out- exactly  how I wanted it to.

Reason being: well, it would explain why the hell I have been all over the place of late but I know the true reason.

Oooh, I have just gone all sexist on my own mind!

Conditioned or what – pass me the Febreze.

I need to be kind with myself, look after myself, praise myself, see who I really am, remember my true worth.

Shit like that

It does help.

I am living proof.

I am living proof.

I am still on this planet.

Succeeding.

Living. Proof.

That is me done!

LINDA G. HILLS #soCs WORD PROMPT :DATE 

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WRAP -OFFICIAL PROMO VIMEO

MY WRAP FACILLIATOR TRAINING STARTS SOON, SO EXPECT  SEPTEMBER POSTS  TO BE FULL OF NEW WAYS OF IMPROVING THE QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE.

ALL FOR FREE.

THE ONLY CURRENCY REQUIRED IS COMMITMENT

Daisy in the Willows

I have been quiet on the WRAP  front – wellness recovery action plan . Only  for the reason I knew this testimonial video would be available for YOU and others who want to take their life in their hands and have a plan for if it all goes down the toilet.  Eeeugh!

WRAP TESTIMONIAL PROMO VIMEO

Anyway here it is. I think it will have more of a powerful effect on those of you who do decide to watch it. Instead of me waffling about it over 12 weeks on camera. If you want to  to do WRAP and are not in a physical place close to where I live. You can still do it via my WRAP page. No costs – for free.  Or you can go to the founder of Mary Ellan Copeland and pay for the various material (if it is not free) that can be…

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State of Dis Orient

Ladies dressed up to watch the jockeys race, not on but  against  their steed.

A befitting bet ,the only time you will see her bow down, wearing a fascinator – laid on the mud- sacerdotal, on her knees – lunacy fanned out in a stylish turn  of the century plead. 

Mixologists stir up  a great spectacle – 50  percent proof . This skulls hidden unconscious is about to  set  Ablaze

Four straws facing north ,east ,south, and west. It’s nearly 8 o clock and she is losing all sense of walking along cobbled streets – eyes misty -sultry in her glaze.

Somewhere, busy – night rolls her  up in its fringed tapestry. 

Abandoned,lost. Cries of her child – don’t let them take her . 

Don’t let them know she is the true reason the station has become a living catastrophe.

How did she make it past the patrolled border?

An elevator –

dizzy ,

disorientated ,

confused – out of order.

A wack to the mouth causes bones to elementary fracture .

Spewing out pieces of  ivory tooth and red rotten metallic pulp  . She has become the victim of a  mere capture.

No eyes, no mouth, no voice.

How can an  invisible entity  cause so much blood to make enough for  a devil   Mc flurry?

She stumbles about – finally free – absorbing kleenex tissues to stifle the color  of Florida’s orange   rain . 

Elbows, whistles, laughter  – a short dwarfed jockey, begs, catches her eye – nods at her in  mocking disdain.

Maybe just this  once she could wish for  a  platform called nine and three quarters. 

She knows the wizard told her to click her shoes thrice and think of home. How is that nothing resembles a place she knows holds the faces of  her loving daughters?

Chiming spinning, no change, no credit card ,no ticket. 

Ringing,coming from her leathery bag – could it possibly hold  the conscious of a good hearted  Jimney cricket?

Where are you ?

Where are you ?

Where are you ?

Where are you?

Familiarity breeds a set of stifled sighs .

Eyes veer to her left,  a drunken, matted hair women screams to her brood “don’t let these people put you down . You are who you are – Never be ashamed and don’t fucken frown.”

” Let’s have it.”

I’m home !

I’m home!

I’m home!

I’m home!

Nothing seems familiar. She  doesn’t recognize a face , a place , not even the sound of the underground.

Train tracks look as slumber full  a place to have a reality dysphoric fit.

All of you attempting  to copy her  brand of me -tooism.

Not even the darkest version of voodoo blended with rum can get you to her level of cuckooism 

Her  child appears. Disappears in the arms of another blur .

A man who says he is her husband is here to take her home – in his arms – he attempts to gather her.

Not without my daughter . She  knows what these child traffickers are doing. 

Police form  a ring around  her – all  flashing lights- yellows   and  blues.

What happened Miss – Miss? 

She breaks down into a misfit of  boo hoo-ing. 

Assaulted by her mind and  the evil hands of time. 

Destroy the ones she loves – her gaping  heart – her child won’t come near  her,  not even if  the thought crossed over to bribe her child  with  a dime.

Rage, fury, vengeance and betrayal – a feud with her family- the ones who have stuck by her to the very end.

Divorce on grounds of stationary inebriation . 

Rings are thrown  to the ground . Frodo come get what is rightly yours and have your eternal salvation.

Clean sheets, a bottle warmer tinkers at  her feet, a hug from the husband who she tried to chase away and defeat. 

A portrait of a framed  married couple- Cracked and jagged  on the side of this man . Fragmented glass distorts a smile, rendering it obsolete. 

So it is true she is the one encrypted with a  learned evil, the one who  holds the reigns of the one who goes by the name  Deceipt?

She picks ups her lace parasol. It can only hide little and only reveal so much – she still has the fascinator and her original  brand of  receipt. 

A Potion for Complicated Emotion.

Moving forwards is easy to say.

Doing it though is rather dreary and I must ask is their a fixed pay?

 

Moving forwards helps take you from the now into the future.

Isn’t that better than being stuck in some outdated timed out computer?

 

Moving on helps you reconnect with family and friends.

Who knew reaching out would receive such a variety of hugs and vocal extends.

 

Moving forwards to heal the heart.

Is not easy when some one has wormed a way in and jolted it to jump start.

 

Moving on is the only way to go .

Its hard, especially when the tears refuse to flow.

 

Moving on when you still want to shake hands with your past .

Sounds mad but the heart doesn’t come with a free pass..

 

Moving on and each day will create more  distance.

Not exactly what I want but some other minds  can’t be controlled by my persistence.

 

Moving on need not mean to forget;

but it allows a space for that person to come back when they are ready to let go of their demonised, imagined debt.

* LEARN AND CARRY ON LOVING. LIFE LESSONS*

Finally,

I am trying to increase my word vocabulary so here goes: Use the word ‘selenotropism in a sentence or phrase.

“My biological make up, dictates that I can’t fail ,for like a flower, even on the darkest of nights, the moon will still shine and guide me to a state of selenotropism” ‪#‎wordoftheday‬

DAISY WILLOWS

The harlot

*A BIT OF A MESS BUT MY MIND STATE IS IN THE NON -PAIN ZONE.  FUCKING PATHETIC. I DID WHAT I NEEDED TO DO. I  got answers*

Heathen !

Thieving!

Scheming!

A women who professes to be authentic

yet all she does is  making her self look pathetic.

The heart connects with what it wants.

Mind comes in with that rational  thought of ‘you can’t’.

Deserve to be  kicked to the gutter.

She can’t even summon up the courage to  talk about it. It all comes out in a garbled a stutter!

“Believe in your self.”

“I know you are scared.”

She only ever wanted to see him fare and succeed in the his own concept of desired wealth.

He says:   “We can’t be in the same room as each other”

For he and her  may just tear their clothes apart again and enjoy skin on skin contact  -She loves to discover.

She walked out like a harlot.

Made her bed and

Oh how she lay in it!

Thorns are necessary to feel the pain of her errant milk maid ,hay, rollicking  moment as Charlotte.

She  is not some good little girl  who knows  how to carve a lie out of  it.

A piece of her heart is not with her.

She left it with another  soul she is not allowed to  bother.

What one wants the other has,

what the other wants the other has.

Slow down.

Be a happy family.

You are going to have to rip this ‘party girl’ crown off her to get some sense of loyalty.

She is the betrayer.

She sows what she reaps.

If that means loss.

Then I guess she needs to stick to her decisions and take the leap.

Questions?

Answers!

“Look into my eyes,”

“did you feel it?”

Or is that her reading into things too much and getting smogged in the thick of this illusory bet?

Illusions and fantasy are all played  out fantastically in the mind.

Put it into practice and she gets to be the one has to deal with her foibles and  his  own “diplomatic”declines.

She am going to make it through it,

no matter what she does.

She is here for a purpose.

Lets make sure it counts and is worth it.

The harlot – the whore.

The one who felt wanted for a whole hour more.

No payment.

Just talk .

Do the right thing.

She  tries but her heart fucking stings.

Blue eyes that pull her closer.

She pull away because she knows that he can let this go and  invite around   medley of his most champion party voters. 

She champions you as she always has,

 She respects your need to get you life in order.

When you  left you,

You never even looked back.

Just another 2 week of holding  onto  your sac.

Its cool..

  When she plays with fire, what must she expect?

 a bunch of  free fries to go with her  Macccie D?

Had more time to cuddle.

The best part was the silence.

It didn’t feel awkward it felt right in the wrongest circumstance.

Feeling alienated from my family .

My friends.

Blue pills and champagne soften the blow.

 Why are we celebrating?

Her perfect timing on how to right and sort out the logistics of it all and tamper with a heart is an epic disaster

-given to me by another.

No butter required!

The harlot pays her own way,just for the record.

Feeling impulsive, doped up and feeling not too shit. She thought she  would wake up in A&E –

Some source has greater plans for her .

I don’t how he can bear to look at her .

She want’s you to know that she  loves You G .