#BeInconvenient

Be a bad ass

roll around under grey skies — make out the back of a conservative party littering the sky with trials of rhetoric crass.

This is Glastonbury.

Where would you choose  to land for a stay in paradise ?

Choose to land in a vessel with a bunch of optimists — no happy clappers — crossing themselves — for having faith in an ecclesial being.

Scientific velocity.

Cause and effect

serendipity.

Late riser — godspeed little  Jahew.

The hare won the final battle — drop a batch of cat nip into that speed walker in denial of its  ferocity.

Dandelion mascots roar out visions of men staking out fresh empires.

Oxygen flavours-

Peach ,Melba , NICE custard, vanilla —the world we live  in  is an incovenient truth .

Mirror your actions.

Be inconvenient.

Rebel military children — turn left when the governments urge you to turn to the right.

Enfant terribles flash a revolutionary  selfie.

Write a summary of your own investigations.

Be the girl that silenced the world for 5 minutes.

United irregulation

 Nebulous globules whitewash  by contactless  autocratic judgment.

Nixon – made jokes about an assassination.

Impeach my derriere in circular tinned  seats — rest will fully for the sign cursive —

 at what point did we misunderstand that a squelch is a tall order  we’ve  asked our  hyper  sensory earthling dwellers to  endure.

Lament for nerves of each  slow death of crustacean .

Wilful blindness — what  degree of spirit level have you  leaned into for  crucification ?

Modern times call for a no nail nails celebration

Yellow roses indicate  a gesture of friendship without the illusion that life can’t be avoided by sudden pricks.

Little but often — tolerance build up  mops up all tears of  solo inaction.

It’s not just me syndrome –  Abandon the anti virus inoculation .

Germ free assholes plugging open mic for their 5 minutes.

colour of bleach –  distress call driven to cling to the skirtboards.

 Times picked up a pace

where even physics  misunderstands sound waves

not even  titled planet’s  children’s pleas of ‘when will we get  there?’   get’s an echo

unless played in reverse.

Influx  of Catholics  priests leaving trails of 30 year old pubic  hairs

Twisted grey –  Sexualised souls.

Perhaps a few of those clams had a chance to spit out a pearl.

The walrus put a stop to that .

Mother nurses her brooding loss over a swim in a tank of gin on the rocks.

7 days it took to rise to this state of rant ism effectual verbalism.

Ginger tea dispelled the myth that my expectations were indeed too great for a scorching third degree inquisition.

Latin languages pour  waxen lyrics  into my ear—honey orgasms.

dada ism and punk causes vertigo to incite a tremour of  silence-

Delirium tilts my glasses askance –

I’m living in world of dirty ole bastards spitting out words that rhyme with a shimmy shammy.

Take me to the broadway headline

 “she’s back in business now. “

Malefactions disorders under control not by  the kaiser state nor the twelve step oracle of fate.

Sobriety comes from a just say no policy.

Hermits don’t need a chorus of you can do it supporters.

matter over what’s on the mind

Mind over what matters.

we are family.

  chanting — watch your latest DNA   protege win the race to the finish post   with that line  in mind

Mystic  seance offering continental table wine and loafs of bread of support —

the language of OOK.  I cannot support.

Soft ware programmes for orang-utans. –

Let words never lose  their meaning

Sometimes we think we want to be understood

but remember how much more fun it is to have a few — put in their unoppressive input.

Sincerely lost all three egos to a winter in Calcutta’s harshest snow.

Climate change —

mood change — the moon has landed-

No body saw the side of Trump the media is willing to show

Messing about with a’ little boy’ – innocently having fun..

No king of the castles and dirty rascals

 Competition lay in who laughed the loudest.

A couple of dying stars gave birth to a twin set — millions of light years away

Name requests required  to ascertain their  current deformity.

Perfect dwarves-

Theseus and Selene

Godparents put up a banquet  on a strip arrested by brazen lights .

Bring your best boulder and limbo moves — Caesers palace  requests a baptism of fire breathing  adornments.

There she goes- walking in sharp angles

Mistaken identity-

Anorexic nervosa Dion mustard sings-

all by myself

stop throwing up regurgitated chunks of emotion.

Men don’t understand the biochemistry  off set brewing under  three layers of endocrine.

Lunatics stain sheets with blood –

Curly sue inphallicaly  dismissed for a promotion to  children  balloon entertainer on grounds of not measuring up  to  histories greatest.

Still humming to the   blues -all I want is my equality. 

Mother Earth – in shah Allah

– poke,me ,turn me , burn me, piss on me, spread faeces-

defacate plastic attacks and call it Art.

The magic money tree   belongs in  the book of Exodus

A club house anthem – dropped by  a basket -case , sudden  short-lived career change  by MC  Moses .

Liar liar —    some morals  get the thumbs up for their choice in cider.

Live, love – consider the Joshua tree

Crush on   Dick in  vintage van’s and full  Dycke.

 supercalafragalistic expealdocious  attunes to the one man band  who sees the sultry  feline in that cat caught on the other side of the  brawl – with her weave on  AWOL

One painted fingernail cannot make  up for not   being able to  fist  with the patriarchy

How low can  this weed go?

Look around – inspiration doesn’t fall far from Gayes  grapevine .

Clarifaction?

Are we to trust all we hear via a grapevine or take it as a given that nobody up to any good will walk away unstained –

gossiping ,

Intoxicated .

Indeed feet offend  an entire  continent  predominantly ahead of the pack .

  • Stream of consciousness with a few word verifacartion  included
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Head Mace

*Inspired by daily human observation* 

Citizens arrest a seizure

exploding out of her chest

Detest the demise of optimism- look aT that crumpled face

bereft.

Raging carnival trying to stay straight

‘Nature welcomes me’

Though not blinded by an attempt on her savage drinking spree.

Moments owned  in contemplation

Detest she caught a Jack Wills scent  immersed is  his idealised rave nation.

How many  t – issues to imbibe.

Called her his inbred so he could remain high

Sensational arrest

No mirror to attest to the beauty she finds.

searched google maps for Scalifax’s finest hearth.

Should she lay down to rest?

Wait for a sudden epiphany?

Her mind can’t take twocker  ignition games from kids still wet behind the ears,

straggling their momma’s rancid pyjamas

Searching for a place to settle in between her knees.

Scrumpy Jack persona

she assumes

Is she really a cut above the estate who try to convince her they have answers to all the clues?

She’s not like them.

This species are not her brethren.

English cider tasters of blood from a irrefutable provider

Knock heads against tombstones and concrete walls.

Green-eyed,Winkie  slept behind a grill gate to keep out the flybys.

Vulnerable heart -veil lifted from day one.

Chinese whispers of some busy blasted scum

Common decency leaves the palm of her hand -slaps a face hard – its body turns

enthralled at the chance to appear overly occupied.

Enjoy chillled !at 6 percent 

Bad move to guide to her to her own whereabouts

She paid for her own calm connotation.

Guideline on  how to  avoid walking  into a web of sin

Tanned face betrays  that her heart hasn’t felt  akin.

There’s nothing of substance behind the beer goggled eyes.

Monotone life

get up

get dressed,

smoke a roll up

take a sip of the brew that simulates a disguise of content.

She’s not one to say she’s any better than these numbed, train fare skivers

Fun when a teenager…..

Numbers on the  increase –

She thinks they should at least have figured out how to suit up and boot up

Yes, use your all your  ties.

Bound up in this place of besmirching death

Positive energy sniffing up the vibes

conflicted as the amish addicted to meth

Red ant crawling up her thigh

more focused than most humans she has the pleasure to relate to

One mighty jump off this stony  hearth would not be

how she would want end her life

not nigh.

Sun in her heart

Moon never far to seduce her into a twisted cadence with

legs defiantly apart.

‘The settle’ calls her home –  shrieks filled with the ego of the Saint Lies -a Spinne.

What business has she pollinating with  the  bees?

It’s her playground too.

She won’t  let the bastards inject their humdrum existence –

unleash their quiet, unpalatable disease.

Point fingers at an indecipherable colour or sound

The ku klux clan live but one gate from the smack head who sleeps with the blood hound.

Remove these walls ineffectively

Family values, Adams apple samples the hit of threes company too

Humour her, she never  preached to know every pelvic beat.

Extend a hand

Forget not

that one gaze will settle reflectively

Don’t make another feel uneasy

Solely because it’s you who feels Queasy.

Smirking at them playing it cool

Do they think she is a brassic , court  jester fool?

Indulge  them she does.

but only because she knows the truth

They live a life that’s  ambiguously impenetrable.

The difference between the simple life and herself ?

Empathy.

Compassion.

An open mind.

Sentiments branded on her – costs three lifetimes in wages to wear her kind of fashion.

Attempts at making her feel she is wrong and potentially illiterate.

It’s beyond a joke – she plays naive – she knows  they are a hoax

She treads through a land full of tossers

Pity not more of them get fired off into a land of terrorist moshers.

Feelings misgiven

This drink was an attempt at a pitch

It’s not her style.

impetigo limper

brewed up to tease pacman eating jack and jills in a ditch .

Irate she  saw integrity  in one other smothered core.

Ineffectual – yapping up intoxicated mummies three day old pyjamas.

Think it’s an accomplishment to shove her mistrials in front of her face?

How many more fuck you’s  and put up’s must to deal with?

Momma doesn’t need their  drama’s?

The issue with people who stick together in stitches

is that without an audience -without a chase

they will dangle that carrot

especially when their  life is on the down

squinting them  into the glitch.

They need her kind more than her kind needs theirs .

Empty out  the contents of a full can of scrumpy poison

One factor in blurring all boundaries.

Is it fair to intoxicate nature with man -made hootch?

She’s repulsed – she sees them all  their stark naked  form

such is her clarity

who to label as a warning ‘ there goes another douche’ ? 

ethics, medics, system of values- it’s an appeal to their humanity.

Need to get out

Get out of this space

She can see she’s playing into this heinous fate.

She makes her rules

She breaks the rules

only because she knows them so  well- lets state she knows how to present the look of

I’m off my face 

Temptation heel to her command

She regrets inaction of  strength she  usually ordains

only this time she lacks

Fuck it , she is done with the cloud of visual  mace

She’ll get hammered at a location ,

on her request,

digest

satiate

Can she have a mirror?

Third eye awaken to  the true head case.

Photocredit Francessa woodman

 

 

 

Found: Inner Panacea

*only you can decide which oddities are worth keeping or eliminating some most definitely are worth keeping- the ones that make you feel alive keep- the ones that make you feel ugly and insignificant -discard*

TIP  FOR  A SENSE OF EMPOWERMENT:

Expose

Detox

Eliminate

Cleanse

 repeat regularly. 

Bonjour tristesse, I leave you without a second glance.

6hours to go until a new dawn greets me with its fiery dance.

No amount of Moons ago,  could I  foresaw this trip to  such a  bodacious planet.

Lavender dreams interrupted by the need for a bubble bath to cleanse my soul,

enrich my palate.

How it  leaves me in stark clarity,

 other daisies grow wildly in meadows.

2 am cleanse off- eliminate others’ unwanted worries and troubles.

Herbal tea infusions – a meet up with friends who know about life’s true haggles.

Comments intended to cut to the core.

Manage to lick-up   one salty tear

begging for more.

A soul is awoken when it faces all directions.

Never blind yet always courageous to evoke dear affections.

Common goals shared by trolls made by the same finger pointing corporation

Pity those who continue to live not a decade but over half a century in miserable devastation.

Hot water filling a tub – a sauna to enlight.

Voices

You are “divorced”, a drama queen, I only wanted a  shag.

It tickled your delight to dangle carrots when I was newly married

you are most certifiably unbecoming the state of inner jihad.

I’m  having fun acting in a workshop.

That accent is dreadful I can sign you up for electrocution elocution lessons.

Don’t mind me having a gas- the whole purpose of improvisation is to get involved.

 Don’t use me as a pawn for fear of being put under your harsh self-imposed scrutiny.

You are ugly.

 the biggest topic under dissection in a house full of self-confessed millionaires.

All those beatings, and  Sangria holiday hangovers yet,

 still, no permanent fix for happiness to last longer than a child’s joy at the penultimate of funfairs.

Three perfect lessons in all that is wrong not  with me, but with others,

who can’t equate strength alongside vulnerability.

How can it be true that the two run side by side like rivers?

 merging into one ocean of clear waters.

Confucianism arise in accountability.

No one can possess opposing characteristics!

 She does not conform to why we hate her

so, now we must turn up the  gas lighter

 justify our vexes and vehemence to assure we are credible witnesses, to attest, this Red lettered calamity remains  hidden,

 In dead carcasses.

Oh, Shame!

we shall honor you and remain her loyal Foe.

A few written words, at an ungodly hour.

I’ve never been one to conform to another with power.

Time is up, my bath tub is run.

Imagine it freestanding.

careless in an era where it is encouraged to be eccentrically unique. cartwheeling in a  quest to not only live and work hard,

 remember to have fun.

*inspired by toxic people.

Daisy, how can you just assume it’s other people who are toxic and not you?

Well, I say it takes one to know one.

I know how to be toxic, I’ve been toxic and I know how it feels to live away from toxic vibes and people. *

Twirl cray cray Daisy

*Please feel free to throttle me/ unfollow me. This is worse than Trollope tripe -it would be more pleasurable watching a live abortion. Maybe that is inappropriate. I don’t think there is anything pleasant about what I have just let myself type.  Apologies*

I think I feel a little sick.

Success is opening up her arms and people waving flags with my initials on it.

Sounds narcissistic but I guess I am afraid of the things I want most.

Success, Praise love, and Happiness.

Seamless drama is never far from a molecule in a foreign body on an abstract shoreline.

Possibly an inch closer to the imperial mix.

Take me up to shallow waters to bubble blowers and fellow talkers.

Don’t say it was me who created this venture.

I should have known ‘off the bat’ how it all works,

I’m feeling the inferiority rapture.

No, I don’t think I’m grand.

I don’t have time to glance in my Id crescent- shaped reflector.

I’m too busy overtaking the speed of light

working on the next bender, I mean.. adventure.

Praise me. I say thank you. I might even put a smile on for the finale.

Inside I’m thinking:

If you knew me I would be the one laughing when I hear some dude pronounce the G – in the word gnarly.

This is how I push people away. I make them think I have the flair to take every offer going spare.

Ditch me.

Hitch me.

Guaranteed, I will hike up the rent on the boardwalk by the glitchy sea.

I don’t know who to talk to.

These four walls and a cerebrum of characters have overspilled,

bulging out of their zippers.

appealing for me to gaze down to the center of all taboo.

Replace this mind below the gentry hippers.

Inside I need a pressure valve replacement.

Are they right?

the ones who make me feel I’m wrong like I’m a pyscho.

I tipple over the mountain edge in fright.

Who to believe?

The ones who make me feel I’m ugly inside?

an object on the outside – something to be used – an animated tool.

Or,

do I believe the ones who make me feel like the sun shines?

every time I reach out

generously,

pouring my words over anyone who feels the need for a breeze of air:

Brand name:

Legit fresh cool 

Inside I’m tumbling.

A Scotsman in true fashion – rolling down hills with wee scant from a below eye level.

The mailer in this ale is taking its time to zoom around this corpus Christi.

 The one in whose image we are declared.

 Hear them all rebel when I tell them to leave my goat- she has her own bell.

I don’t believe in religious carnality.

I  believe I’m here.

Think I can only post something reeking in banality.

I wonder.

All the time.

I look for a reason for why people are wrong to love me.

I get bored and frustrated.

I look back when Evolution dictates to reason that I must move forward to reach the charlotte caramelized sea.

Don’t look back in anger.

Ska- lites.

Beats drop.

Avalanches of prejudice awaits me.

Raging in a carnival of colored palettes.

Two-tone is a note to hear something based on sweet civility.

Chivalry crept up on me and I made a splash.

Juxtaposed in the style of the clash.

More whale than mermaid -not quite the sight I was hoping you would remember me.

Vacuous timing.

bobbing on a skyline.

Can  I stand up or will I end up putting myself out?

Surprised at how I manage to keep the white cloaks from rapping at my window.

 I’m sure  I made a terminal agreement to sign myself in if

my face didn’t resume back to timeless position after a session of ‘the heavy pout’.

To make up or not to make up.

To share and be open or hide and whisper Goethem.

Reeled back to a cause – a club with red tape around the chill out room.

Stumped, I could be in a forest, for all you know, I could be higher than that blue kite.

Erect like her witches wooden broom.

My minds a place of genuine fear at times.

I can feel people waiting to hear what will come out every orifice.

Laugh with me or at me.

Make sure you got a clue what you on about – in every topic up for discussion.

don’t look around for a bar room tit,

just so you can feel a head higher than the king of Epileptic fits.

Rudimental,

judgemental.

The most viscous harness whip I encounter is my own corpus callosum.

It comes out at me, at you,

at the crowd.

Prey eyes – fear the bird with the talisman.

Some days I think about being ordinary, then I think,

of course, I’m beyond that station of being so free.

I let fools rush in – I make a meal with plenty of meat and two servings of potato

I doubt myself too much.

I talk way too much shit to get any credit for how this piece ends

Did you know I have long toes?

My favorite ice cream is the one with the little Eskimo.

Always look up

Hola!

‘Always look up wherever you go – those who walk with there eyes to the floor miss out on so much of life’ 

DAISY XOXO

DAISY GOES INTO BUSINESS:

What a palaver!

I spent weeks working on trying to figure out a way to sell my products on a free WordPress template.

A lovely friend of mine suggested – Wix and e -commerce.

I was in entrepreneur, creative business utopia until I had to learn the system …

It’s been challenging. It is still a challenge but I am seeing progress and, I am getting so excited for when we finally go live.

 

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SMALL MOTIVATIONAL REMINDERS 

 

DAISY DOES HER MASTERS:

If you have followed my previous posts on from the start of doing my MA,  you will know it has been an ocean of tidal waves and tsunamis and, high tides and low tides.

These still waters of mine run deep.

My First TMA (tutor marked assignment)   Act one of a stage script about a homeless couple received a CLEAR PASS  of 62%

There were tears, miscommunication, fall outs, despair and I lost confidence in my writing abilities.

TMA 2 ( my second genre -Fiction writing)  I wrote a supernatural piece about a girl who (accidently) commits suicide.

Lat night, my tutor emailed me to say she was having an issue submitting my marks via the online system and she didn’t want me to start worrying, so, she copy and pasted all the feedback and my mark into an email.

She gave me useful and extensive advice on what I propose to write for my EMA ( end of module assignment due in May 2017)

The second act to the homeless couple script.

Eeeeek! 

I do feel more supported, understood, challenged and more confident in achieving what I want to do with my writing for this piece.

Oh, the results for my TMA 2

82%   a HIGH MERIT.

I’m back to the marks I was getting when I was doing my final year of my BA in the Art and humanities.

I need to keep this momentum going. I don’t want to find myself under merit territory again.

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I invest a lot of time in people and the things and causes I dedicate my time to.

 

DAISY DOES VOLUNTEERING:

One thing I have had to put on the back burner is helping to  co-facilitate 12 weeks of WRAP (wellness recovery action plan self-management program) with the EIP   ( early intervention prevention ) team for people diagnosed with at least one episode a psychotic episode

I’m gutted. There were many issues that led me to distance myself from this.

Two being:

Issues of funding and logistics.

I enjoyed meeting up the people I was going to work with. I loved their energy and enthusiasm.

A lot was promised and then not delivered.

 I felt the need to email my colleagues and tell them what I thought about how the course was put together- I was my usual blunt self and not very diplomatic.  Ooops…

I feel that if the NHS ( national health system) in the U.K. expects results from a new therapy or a new way of self-help/lifestyle and illness management program, then scrimping on pounds is not helping promote or inspire that WRAP works.

In the long term WRAP  (run properly) will most likely save the NHS money.

As far as I’m aware- nobody knows what is going on with this current  WRAP workshop. I haven’t fallen out with anyone. I can’t give all my energy into something if everyone doesn’t  have the same vision.

For me, it needs more planning and preparation and I’m not going to be that person who just turns up to volunteer at a workshop to go –

‘Oh look at me, I’m making a difference’ – when I know, in my heart, the results this particular workshop can have on people’s lives if  it is implemented properly.

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I’m currently putting my energy into other charities I work with to see how I can help them.

DAISY GOES TO HER FIRST SESSION AT THE  ACTING PROGRAMME WORKSHOP :

I wasn’t nervous until I got to the place. I arrived early. It was bitterly cold and I hate the cold.

It turned out to be incredible.

We did a few  Actor warm up activities such as being aware of filling the space and being aware of other Actors around us.

We did some improvisation and using our body exercises to convey emotion.  Loads of fun!

What a lovely bunch of people. I am definitely going to the next session next week. We all seem to have common goals and everyone is so unique and interesting.

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UNEXPECTED SURPRISE ALERT:

There is a possibility we may (or may not) put together a little something to perform to students at the university after the 8 weeks.  How awesome is that?

I do try and keep up with you all on here. It has been difficult but the more knowledge and confidence I gain in the above  areas of my life – the more time I will  get to have fun- one being reading blogs and blogging random stuff

DAISY LIFE UPDATE:

 It was my husbands birthday on Valentine’s day. We have a sleigh bed!

hi ho!  hi ho! it’s off to bed I go – ha ha! It’s massive – king size!

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After the mid-term school holidays in February, my Bella – my daughter will be joining Year one ( she is in reception at the moment)  for her reading and writing class.

She has two mates with her who are excelling just like her and she is a bit of a whizz kid at Maths.

DAISY’S MENTAL HEALTH UPDATE:

Long story short. Pushing other people’s buttons to get an honest answer has been difficult -emotionally- to sit with – without trying to avoid the emotions by self-medicating.

I’ve been angry at myself for nearly destroying the best thing  I have in my life- my family – because, I believed ( with help) that someone cared more about me than they actually did.I put a lot of my energy into helping a person when they had a meltdown last year. It all got thrown back in my face.

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I finally know the truth. That is all I ever wanted. Now, it’s time to let sleeping dogs lie.

That’s it – all very boring but it’s all happening

Physically. I’m eating better and I have more energy. I haven’t lost weight which is something that terrifies me equally as putting on weight does.

 

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loop of mankind

When I think of the word History, I think – ha ha!

No- erm….

I think of all my experiences.

I think of all the times I never listened to others, all the adventures -risky and dangerous -that I took myself on.

I think about where I am today – or rather how I think about my personal history.

I find it useless to blame my parents or ex-partners or people who abused me at whatever age- not because I don’t think they had an impact on some of the decisions I made in life.

Some people were held accountable either by the law or good old karma and others went and still continue to go through their own life shit.

I can’t do anything to change my history. I can’t make a person talk me  ( I can try to and have done) or love me or want to know more about me.

I find the more I rag at my past or people in my past – the less productive I am in my present life.

When I come to terms with say, a childhood experience or heartbreak/betrayal and  I decide to forgive (not forget);

I’ve seen how this conscious act to look ahead instead of looking backward has helped me deal with my past, in unexpected ways.

Classic example:   I was very hurt about the relationship I had with my Dad for many years and then, when I decided to focus on how I could try and move our relationship forward, Life found a way for us to have some kind of relationship.

He lives in Africa. I’m in the U.K. and I really love those silly IQ tests /knowledge tests on Facebook and so does my Dad!

 It’s our time together. It’s a way I have found to get to know my dad, have a laugh, feel connected to him and it’s helped me see my Dad as a human.

 I have been able to talk with him  on skype and let him see who I really am- Who I have grown up to be. I’ve had the uncomfortable ‘I don’t know what to say’ and worked through it. 

This is just one example.

I think if I had carried on being on the offensive – not being contact with him and thinking and feeling whatever it was I did, I don’t think I would have some part of my Dad in my life today.

Should he have reached out? I’m not even going there.

The point is I know how to reach out to people, I know I’m in control of me.

I don’t always get it right.

When I think of certain people and situations I’ve caused or found myself in- I can be confrontational and maybe those people aren’t ready or in a place to be a part of my life in a way, I want them to be.

It’s hard for me to accept other people’s choices.

 I don’t give in.

I’m stubborn.

The people I make time and effort for in the past or now- I do genuinely care about these people.

Eventually, I have to respect that not everyone wants me around or likeS me or …..who knows what they think!

 So, I have to suck it up – cry, refocus my energy and live my Life.

I don’t forget these people.

I often want these people to succeed even the people who made life hell for me.

The people who tried to bring me down – one  example,

At my hen do. I was looking good, my mental state was great and I felt good about me and I had an energy around me. I invited a bunch of friends out and one of the girls who I met through a relative – made the remark

” You’ve put on weight haven’t you”  

My mates were horrified knowing how far I’ve come with my issues.

 It took a couple days for my rage to kick in. I had it out with her and then I decided this girl has a LOT of her own issues.

Her life hasn’t been easy and isn’t and I’m not going to fall for it.

So even today, I big this person up. I encourage her to achieve dreams. I’m not best mates with her!

  Fuck, I’m not stupid. ha ha!

I need positive people around me.

I just realized that she saw something in me that maybe she didn’t have and it’s easier to try and bring a person down than be happy for someone.

Not everyone is on the same level of thinking you and I are on.

We all have a narrative, a past, a history. We deal with ourselves 24 hours a day.

Sometimes we try to escape from ourselves,

We drug ourselves to get away from ourselves.

Be it with sugar, food, cigs, weed, prescription meds, alcohol, crack, spice, legal highs, extreme sports, sex, porn, money.

I’m glad I’ve had people run me down in life.

 I’m not ecstatic about it but I can see the benefits of it – looking baaa ack over my shoulder…. ( like the song)

I am a person who is genuine, I have empathy, I filter my judgments, I forgive, I set boundaries, I reset boundaries.

I know what I believe in- what I am passionate about.

People do still challenge me.

 I’m  an observer and I ‘ve learned how to respond to certain types of people. Some people need to be spoken to how they speak to others.

If someone doesn’t get me -I’ve learned there are many who will and do.

I just put myself out on a limb and it feels like torture but I hang in there -until I’m just about to give up, then somebody or something comes into my life and reaffirms what I believe in.

I’m not saying my beliefs and values and the way I live are right for everyone but they are right for me.

I know what I need to work  on and I do ask for help.

January is coming to a close –

no more Just January Jots.

 

 

I’ve enjoyed the word prompts. I never know what will come out of my head.

 

It’s sunny and I have lots of work to do and I’m feeling optimistic, scared and determined.

Thanks for reading

 

unlike a Patsy in the woods

Every door closes on him.

Preying on vulnerable open wounds -healing will never begin.

Investigate those eyes before committing to a reprise.

Listening to melodies – Sirens come with mixed genitalia -long hair is but one disguise.

take a ruler to the heart – measure the worth of sufferance again.

Sever the connection – scatter archaic ashes in rivers – imposing artificial zen.

Follow your path. Look at how far you have climbed.

Never forget the struggle of clinging onto that mountain – raging, over-imbibed.

How many tears must you swallow before realizing he only wants you to taste his edifice?

He will spin webs of verse -words veiled in lust just to share his murderous impotent vice.

Remember the reality – the aftershock of his insults.

Remember the silence- the disrespect – the calculated spasmodic my mind has no google map  whereabouts

This is a wake-up call – a reminder – It is not just you- he has chosen in an attempt to toast with a contrived roast.

He suffers from genuflecting self-esteem issues that cause the desertion of Hells own residential ghosts.

You and he are not alike.

You and he are not alike.

You and he are not alike.

You have a mind that looks for the good- seeks to find friendship without shame.

He has a mind that will convince you are ruined to think two genders can reasonably rhyme or mime  without the bane of another unfulfilled echo of  ‘I just came’

Take this negative,

filter out all color from this overspeeding thought.

Look at the skeletons – black and white – bones tell the history of those who he tried to thwart.

He’s alone for reasons he alone can only answer for.

Keep hold of your bright light for those who offer you a light when they sense a dull veil surround your core.

Gentle men and women don’t give ultimatums laced with sexual innuendos.

Sing this kumbaya to those ready for climatic conscription conditioning,

volumize the colony of desperados.

*dedicated to all the toxic pricks I’ve ever met. You taught me how to recognize your kind well.   Namaste*