Honest and upfront is what I do best. I’ve avoided blogging too much or connecting over the last few months because I’ve been hiding a lot of guilt and shame –
so I’ve been doing some thinking.
No stream of consciousness or poetry in this post…
Are you still with me? ha ha
I write for myself first and I always will. When I write for an audience I lose my way easily.
Apologies if this is old news to the more evolved spirits reading this. 😁
Daisy has an epiphany.
I’ve been contemplating on the saying ‘dig deep’
if you decide to use this quote to get you through an experience
Do you know why you need to dig deep?
My humble findings are what follows
Because whether we become aware and conscious, in this life (or not) about my proposed notion of the meaning of the ‘dig deep’ quote
(that’s a bit wordy. ha ha)
here it is:
from our very conception into this life
-Our first breathe – we start to dig our own grave.
We begin to design the lay out of where our final resting place or end will be.
It would epic and less stressful if from the moment we are born we knew what we are meant to be doing.
Many people never figure it out or, if they do its too late to ask them if they have for obvious reasons. 😞
Many people decide to choose a saviour be it in the form of an icon – a god, a person , goals – money, love, careers, addictions , etc…
We strive to find something to focus all of our seconds, minutes ,hours and years blatantly meandering about on this planet.
Be careful who you allow to support you – some people are so busy trying to save everyone else, ( we all do it at some point) we forget our first honour and duty is to save ourselves and know our own purpose.
It’s known in psycho babble terms as the dramatic triangle.
Most of use tend to flit between these roles depending on the situation we are in ,people we are around etc.
Many of us go on to have children who rely on us – depend on us to teach them how to navigate their own path – how to create their own resting place – and to be conscious that each action,
each decision they make has a hand in determining how they will die.
Teaching others to rely on themselves is blessing not a curse.
Only when we are faced with our own reflection and with no other help but our own resources that we have collected along our journey in life ; will we know how we will get to the other side or to our end in this characteristic form.
Some off us end up addicted, or come to our end at the hands of illnesses like cancer or dementia , car accidents etc.
Many of us are not aware that from the moment we are given independent life we are consistently (for better or worse) building our own coffins .
is it fair that we are not told this from our first breathe ?
I didn’t make up the rules in life or society.
We – I – can only govern myself and my actions.
Be wary who you try to help or who you accept help from.
Don’t get mad when people let you down
they are doing what they need to do – following their own purpose.
Some people never find out what their purpose is.
How comfortable and aware of your surrounding do you want to be when you take your last breathe in this life.
We create our own Elysium or heaven or utopia even –
sometimes it’s not what we want –
but we won’t know until we are swimming against the tide or even hanging ten and riding the wave.
I do know that I want to be as conscious and aware of my choices ,limits when the wave crashes .
My personal chosen Gods have always been tangible- in the form of fully crystallised human beings -flawed just like me.
I think I chose human idols to put all my faith in to
so that I can have a go at someone when “they” 😉 let me down. I want to face my own success and disappointments A-sap . Patience /Sabili is not a strength of mine.
I need to look at a reflection of myself to determine I exist.
it’s not easy to figure out life- there is probably more evidence for the saying that instead of trying to figure out life- it needs to be lived – consciously and with purpose.
We can live with purpose and not know if that purpose is right and we can live consciously and not know what out purpose is.
hopefully, with the aid of our experiences we can decide which of the tools or resources we need to use if/when we have a “I’ve possibly hit the bottom of my pit”.
How do I bypass this mythical minotaur I’ve read about?
We wonder how or,
if we can
are able to crawl out and up out of it to place where we can find some sense of comfort.
We wonder if we have the endurance, courage and motivation to get out of coal mine
Whether it’s worth finding a running brook of water to wash the soot from the I side out.
The alternative option is that our final resting place will be exactly where we decide to rest – in this case the bottom of a pit . State the obvious 😂
Only we can make our ending a place where we feel we have done everything in our power tosit amongst the angels or the gods of Olympus or whatever it is we believe in that will take us through from the beginning to the end, where we can feel at peace with ourselves.
Some of us – most of us never get to that point. Downerz 😁😁
I don’t know about reincarnation but I am aware.
Society tells us it’s a selfish idea
‘ look after yourself’.
Human beings are wired to reach out but how we do that and to know our boundaries and the boundaries of others is tricky and a part of the dance of life- the cha cha
one step forward backwards thing. I’m full of cliches in this post.
It’s scary to know we are ultimately alone – only we can change our selves – our emotions – our ideas – our path.
It’s hard not to resent others or life for making us so capable and resilient.
Damn you life! How dare you 😂
it’s easier to choose to not see the bigger plan – the idea that yes we govern ourselves and we must govern our selves and own our actions and our lives.
and at the same time understand that every move /choice/thought we make – has that butterfly effect –
we cause the ripples .
science has come up with a terminology -a language to help us understand our position in this world, our make up , what and how much we are capable of – how much responsibility we all have
How significant just one body made up if molecules is :to the rest of planet balancing out or toppling over –
We have nature to compare ourselves to – an example of what happens when we fuck up our ecosystems – when we put element a somewhere and take out element b from somewhere else.
It’s trial and error.
We repeat – the cycle continues.
The fear of being alone is a lot scarier than actually being alone
When I am alone left to decide -I choose to swim and come up for air.
I remember that I have walked the earth with legs , I’ve flown and seen the world from a bird’s eye perspective.
I’ve also stayed a rather unglamourous amphibian thinking I’m in a vast sea surrounded by a fellow hybrid form of alluring sirens
I choose to live another day. I don’t know if my choices are right or wrong – time is what it is.
People in my life , of my life
I love you but I don’t need any of you In the way I have allowed myself to believe I do.
Do i decide to fight the battle every day or fall back into walking state of slumber
Stop having a go at me, Miss ‘
Then use your intuitive and stop asking me if it’s okay to stop and have a piss.
I’m not your momma. I’m not your carer.
Any more of this inaction and I ready to to scare yer.
I’ve had enough of your lack of ambition.
Lack of adventure — you pierce my nerves with razor precision.
Take a risk, go gungho!
Dress to impress-
I’m telling you-to get on with the show.
I’m done having to prompt you to use your mind
Its like ,dude-honestly – I’m about to implode from frustration — storied deep inside.
I can’t think for the both of us.
Seriously,mate – I’m strong minded-had to work out my way to suss-out
Talk to people.
A random stranger!
Just don’t take candy off them unless you want to end up thinking you’re a KAKKA ranger.
I’m compromising with all the patience I can muster.
Yes, I’m hard headed, strong, independent-.
Blow the dust from your inner mind — here, take my new sublime duster.
You have all the tools. I can’t speak for you.
Have a go.
Life is for living the most Avant-Garde show.
There is nothing wrong with being different,
My hearts switching to scales that don’t under stand how to stay consistent.
Have some gumption.
Seize the day!
What is the point in demonstrating against the unsaintly, Theresa May?
I crave excitement, adventure, moments and endeavours.
My blood goes cold when I see you stumble-a face frayed it tethers .
I can just about carry my own daughter.
Get on with life — or sign yourself up for the slaughter.
I may seem cruel and misdirected .
Take on responsibility for your perceived sense of a pathway defected.
I love you, I do .
Yet, you infuriate me — these four walls are suffocating me. You should understand one word from all this “blue”.
A colour to drive terror into the minds of men
I’m living as a woman — a choked mind from within.
I have my own issues. I stumble on this path.
Leave your issues behind you or tell every fucker about them.
What they think is not relevant to you moving forward.
Have confidence in your own self .
I’m screaming cos you won’t make a move.
I know playing chess can take some rudimentary decision.
Can’t you just side hop the rules and get into the groove?
I’m not asking you to be Kylie.
Flirt with her if it makes you feel Styley Wiley.
I’m doing the best I can.
Summon up that courage-I know is inside you-
Take charge and be that man!
*Inspired by #peoplejustdonothing
Sitting on the roof top trying to tell myself I’ve not misbehaved.
Blush rose hues creep up my cheeks and I know my hearts desire is unexplained.
I look at the stars — one always stands out brighter than the rest.
I say to myself — there goes my next conquest.
With liberal wings and green peace in my heart ,
I know for the sake of inhabiting my skin-unconfortable feelings will always play a part.
Forgive me for being free spirited and seeking out a bon ami.
If I had testicles would my new gender let me walk free ?
to be me?
It’s a plea.
I love what I desire .
I desire what I love .
I hate it when my sanity decides to imitate a neat whisky on the rocks.
Truth be told – I know I’m getting old .
Disambiguous feelings about the path I tread.
May my daughter’s laugh always bring me round to the sound of present day clocks.
Murmurs of hesitation .
Live my life, have a voice, and sail away
Where else do you think I would choose for a holiday destination?
The one I never have to come back from.
It’s me inside me.
Dare to take a part of me — feel my anticipation.
The specials-the after math.
Told off for my impulsive reaction.
The fact I’m conscious I am typing these words-
I feel inauthentic in how they roll out my mind with a hesitant tense formation
Words rise up ,around me – Jab me and a jeer me to dare say whats on my mind.
I’m not a child and I’m not venerable just yet .
So I swim against the tide of the alphabet soup.
Clarity I seek.
One tidal wave from forcing myself to write these words down;
If only to reinforce I have my own sound.
Sound as a pound
Scared of clowns .
That’s better-Socs — that’s my deal.
How I get from a-z- without reaching out for the plan involving illegally, prescribed Ativan.
Banned from my perception of the elite.
Breached my licence to complete…
Should I hit delete?
This is my beat.
I won’t let me beat me down.
Self is the worst enemy-you know how it ages your reflection
scowling in a frown.
She’s back in business now . Wah da da da da — the song clearly has relevance in my sense of decline.
Fall 8 times — get up again.
Who am I to want merely blend in?
I was born to be a Bengal feline.
Character building — life coach ,I sense my patience won’t let me vote for your reality T.V. yoke.
It makes me sick.
Watch one episode and I will mutate into just one more cockroach.
I’m on the down line with a mean upper hook.
Priorities in order.
House work infected by the pox — aren’t you glad you vaccinated your park life children?
Let my demon free to infiltrate the anti’s, confront them with the disease bitten book.
Have a say — what’s the worst that can happen?
Speak your mind — illegal aliens might just descend from that planet called Saturn.
Write to recover. Write to escape.
Shake up your mind , dare to continue —an inner ongoing live debate.
Not for hate — you make your own fate.
Feeling Anxiety. Too worried about what John Sax’s might reveal to his munchie queen.
Know thyself and be true to yourself.
I’m not going to change my character to fit in with society’s latest heart melt.
Superstitious mind – I earned it in walking my path — did you see my black belt?
Stand up for who you are and what you believe in.
Some may consider me strange but have you had a look at your inner heathen?
The entity is back — no wheel-dealing with a bad batch of sugar coated crack.
6 million ways to die — choose one
That came from a song – Who am I to sit around and hide?
* DEADLINE for EMA Sunday night. *
The song -contains some cussing and may offend feminists ….. 😉 Maybe not this song 😀 Idk.
Honesty is courage
pride myself on not hiding behind kabuki masks
yet, I’m still hiding in the dark seeking out my whereabouts.
A familiar name being called from a place I know I felt zen.
I can’t manage to summon the courage to get in with the rest of them.
Success should be kite high skittle eventful,
not something that drains your blood, depletes energy,
life? I’ve become resentful.
If Honesty is courage
then I should be a maned lion.
Here I get to sit and watch the world roll on by
prefer to roll down the blinds. Shade the light from my remaining eye.
Shut out the sunshine.
how dare those bright beams try to tempt me.
Keeping up appearances,
easily done as long as you don’t have to face people in reality.
Has my reality become so virtual?
Is Second life all I’ve got?
Would I even register if I have ever logged on?
I haven’t felt the grass on my bare feet for so long.
I forget every hour that goes past I can’t go back and hold on.
Fooling who ? nobody only myself.
A pick me up just so I can wash my hair and maybe pretend to care.
Where did I lose my carefree air?
I eat more than 7 fresh fruit and veg a day.
I can’t control the outcome.
sit in the darkness listening to melodies that once soothed the soul I carved out of pure love
Hugging onto a unicorn- hoping for a fantasy to employ a mimetism of what I once sung.
clear skin , bright eyes and oh so much wit.
What is done is done.
We tell the world to learn from histories lessons
we struggle to learn from our own
A paradigm of obstinate sin.
No words can express how lost I am within
embrace me on a whim.