I’ve been a bit of a mess – mood wise – this last month. I know I am the only person who can change this.
So time to move forward and look to the future.
THANK YOU Morgan @UNIQUELOVEHARMONEY for this awesome tag. I love your heart and spirit. You write straight from the heart and you are just a wonderful spirit I have connected with in the Word Press community. I have been saving it for a day like today. When I need to give myself a kick up the back side.
SIMPLE HAPPY RULES
1. Name 5 things that make you happy 2. Name 5 songs that make you happy 3. Nominate 5 bloggers to continue the tag
DAISY IS HAPPY BECAUSE:
I’m co producing and co facilitating my first Depression and Anxiety workshop for Parents, in Boothtown, U.K. , with Healthy Minds tomorrow 27/06. I did most of the ground work before the wedding and I can’t wait to hook up and finalise details and then roll on Wednesday and BOOM! We get to do something creative and hopefully helpful.
I have officially been given the go ahead to do the 5 day 9-5 pm WRAP Facilitator training in Mirfield , in September with Hope charity. I have done this 12 week WRAP course myself and I now get a chance to turn other people onto the power of WRAP- CHECK OUT WHAT WE DID .I am beyond excited!
WRAP PROMO VIDEO
I still have motivation to keep fit and do exercise. I had a really good one hour session this morning and my mood has lifted a little bit more.
I’m moving to France in the next two years. A new start. I a proud to be a part of the EU. I spent two days crying after the result. I am a humanist. I hate manipulation of the working class people and then them being told that they exercised their democratic right to vote. I love the French public because they give their government hell. The public demand to have their voices heard and I want to live in a place where my voice is truly heard and actioned
Finally I am married. I have a few more pictures from the day that just makes me smile every time I look at them. The people who were there made it even more epic!
Here’s what is getting me to smile:
FIVE SONGS THAT MAKE DAISY HAPPY
THE SONG I DEDICATED TO MY GAZ AND OUR FIRST AND ONLY WEDDING DANCE
EMPOWERING AND GODDAMN BOLD!
MY FUCK EVERYTHING SONG
JUST A GREAT TUNE
LOVE SNOOP – YEAH, IT’S SEXIST BUT I HAVE GOT A SENSE OF HUMOUR. – I’M A SUCKER FOR A DUDE WHO CAN MAKE ME LAUGH … SHOOT ME!
I could go on all day with music….
Oh okay – One more
5 BLOGS THAT NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME SMILE – TAG YOU ARE IT!
20 guests have been invited to our wedding on the 22/06/2016. Invitations were sent out ages ago. Everyone confirmed and then Life happened.
Everyone on the list is not expendable. In our books they are chosen for specific reasons.
Five of the guests -a family – are chosen for being the ones that brought me and my King together.
I don’t know if they will make it (I’ve asked them to tell us on many occasions) because of their current situation. It is a matter of life and death. I understand life happens but this is our wedding and after many phone calls and chats; I don’t think I will be in a forgiving mood if they don’t make it.
Another couple is literally family. I’ve asked repeatedly over the months if they are sure that their health issues won’t affect them from coming to the wedding.
A lot of mixed signals and I’m dubious.
I’m quite sure that my two bridesmaids will be there considering the money invested in making them feel beautiful on the day. I have not gone all bridezilla on them . The only thing I made clear was I wanted their hair to be flowy and boho – up and down , plaits and not fussy with loads of crap in their hair.
I don’t want to fall out with people I have known for many years and people I will get to know in the years to come; over something that is not life threatening.
Hair – unless it involves losing it should not be a big fucking issue!
I’m starting to doubt my own hair do and thank fuck I am having another trial soon.
I am quite positive that four of the guests will be there – unless some travesty happens and of course that would not be be their faults.
The final guests I am kind of hoping won’t have any kind of issue on the day- I understand people get sick. I would always put my friends and families health before my own happiness.
One guest is our daughter. She is coming.
The thing is: Our wedding day is a once in a life time event.
There are many people we wanted to invite but we had to be really strict so we could have our wedding day, and make sure that every guest is catered to and has the very best we have to offer them ,to thank them for celebrating our day: with us.
I can’t control this. It is bigger than me and I’ve got to the point now where I have to sing ‘ Let it go’ because I’m a fucking first time bride – worrying about making sure everyone else is happy while I don’t get a chance to worry about my own hair, make up, health state etc..
I know I am having a bride to be rant. I didn’t want to post it because it is so…..
I hate being predictable but I want my guests to be predictable.
Isn’t that a bit of a catch 22 ?
So I’m letting go and will have an epic day in spite of what happens on the day.
I love everyone who is going to be there but there are also a lot of other people I love to pieces who I wanted to be there too.
It’s all happening, folks -49 days until I leave my single status behind.
I’m kind of sad. I have a valid reason.
I’ve had my name for 34 years and my wild reputation precedes me and all that – Ha ha.
Lots of haters (and lovers) made over the years..
All the crazy shit I did. I own up to it. I don’t want to people to forget what a punk I can be!
Ha ha. just got to shrug these things off.
Seriously, I am in two minds about changing my name. First off ,I only just got my French passport renewed in London last year.
My daughter has my name and well…. things didn’t end up – peachy with the ex.
All I want is for my Bella Bee not to feel like the odd one out. I won’t take my G’s name if I can’t have Bella’s changed.
G has offered to take mine. I’m like
“are you sure you can handle all the haters?”
“The crazy labels?”
This is no Haute couture designer label brand I am talking about.
He is going to get stuck with the wild , reckless, push the boundary,break the law, Anorexic, psycho , bipolar, druggie, binge drinker (who tells the birds to shut the fuck up at 4 am in the morning). The bastard child. The female version of John Snow.
Yeah he will get stuck with that baggage.
I think he likes the idea of looking at the shiny colourful suitcase, as it goes around and around and around the carousal.
I don’t think he realises he has to pick up the luggage and take it home with him!
Oh what have I done to him?
Back to the bastard child..
Ha! I’m sure somewhere deep down my Dad loves me. People say he is not much of a communicator . I must be his worst enemy.
I communicate all the time!
I’m always hounding him.
“Dad look check this out . I can jump through hoops -they is high too “
“Hey Dad did you see what I can do with my ears –wiggle wiggle “
“Dad hey ? read thisarticle. Let’s get this relationship on the go . I don’t want to not know you and have you die on me, cos that would suck”
Yeah, people say he is a quiet one. He hasn’t done anything to make me think any different. 😀
So with my Dad – living all the way in Africa- he won’t be walking me down the aisle.
My Ma will.
We have different surnames so I do know the insecurity and feelings of displacement that comes with not having the same name as my own mother.
I’ve only just recovered from the trauma.
I’m probably going to have at least half another child . If I can bear the thought of getting fat pregnant again.
My Bella B needs some one closer to her age. I don’t want her to end up like me!
She may look like me but she is nothing like me.
Her personality is so cool.
She is frikking hilarious, beautiful, ,charming.
Everyone loves her.
Today she was went to go and play with some kid at school and the kid said
“I don’t wanna play with you”
My B – completely dead pan in the face:
anti social kid,
” Cos I don’t wanna”
B shrugs her shoulders and skips over to the next person. Totally unfazed.
She is awesome.
She went through a ‘Everything is about Cinderella’ moment not so long back.
One night after I had read the story for 1000000000000000000000000 th time she looked at me with those baby blues and said
“I love your Mommy. I love you with all my heart.” My heart swelled..
“Aaaw I love you with all my heart too baby,” – I replied.
Then she says,
“Mommy, I don’t want my heart to break- ever” that was it . I had got the haagen daz ice cream and two spoons out, tears streaming down my face, ready to let her cry over the heart break that may never come.
Where did she learn about hearts breaking ? She is not even 5 years old!
Yeah ,so the wedding dress fit went well.
I just fit into it. I want it taking out. I’ve had the dress since 2014.
I’ve worked my butt off to keep the weight off.
I’m tired sick to death of daily exercise sessions. I want to do other things.
I don’t want to diet.
Finally found the perfect head piece 😀
My mommy should become a wedding planner. You will understand after the wedding. When I put a few pics up. Trust me on this.
I’m having my 3rd make up trial . I loved the whole feline look but I think it needs to be a bit more understated.
Seems like there are quite a few coming to the hen do. YAY! I am loved .:)
There is a great mixture of personalities and well I can’t wait.
I kind of accidentally bought myself two new pairs of jeans and a pair of shoes today.
Don’t know how it happened.
One minute I’ve got my bus fare ready to get home and the next I am in a clothing boutique (not a wedding themed one) for the first time in like over 4 years.
So now I have an hen do outfit.
Silver linings and all that.
I’m sure there was some discount on certain items – up to 30% off on some items of clothing which was a bargain
– for the lady in front of me
-and the one behind me 😀
I’m blaming it on the sun. Sunshine has hit the U.K. and brought in the feverish heat with it.
I’m hormonal , the sun is out.
The receipt accidentally flew out my hand – it was that little breeze that did it when I made the left turn, passed the fish shop.
Did you know that we now can have the option to have our receipts emailed to us?
How fucking thoughtful. (heavily laced sarcasm here)
I’m busy researching for our personal vows. We have less than a month to sort out the ceremony bit.
It is looking like there is a good chance my Gran with Vascular Dementia will be able to make the ceremony with her carer. We are going to bling up her wheelchair.
I don’t care if she shouts out and is who she is today. I just want her there.
so it is ALL happening ….
I’m just sat looking at that last half finished sentence nodding. letting it sink in……..
Due to money not growing on trees and that kind of thing..:D
I wish I could invite everyone I love.
My G doesn’t drink and I don’t drink unless I go out which is never! So we are not having the whole night shebang.
I have ordered canapes and a cocktail for after the ceremony which will give the lovely photographer ,Hannah a chance to get some intimate shots and just do her thing.
There will be a champagne toast with the speeches and a mojhito waiting for me at the reception table so I will be well on my merry way in no time.
MET THIS EPIC LADY-who will be leading me like the blind on the day
Here are a few pics from our food taster session
I got to chat with Claire the fabulous wedding planner. She has been so lovely and I feel like everything will go perfect now, we have had an update chat.
I would love to show you my bouquet and dress and all the other details and bits and bobs. There is so much!
But I may hold out on that for a bit longer..
I did get to see the interconnecting double and twin room for the night before and for the day so ,Laura,can do my make up, Sianwill be doing the bridesmaids -my beautiful niece and my God daughter,my Ma’s hair and my Nan’s and mine.
My G and his best man will be sleeping at our house the night before. The car is booked.
The rest of the party are the best man’s wife. I went to their wedding 2/3 years ago and I cried like a baby. It was beautiful.
We have my quirky in laws- Julie and John including my soon to be sister in law Tami.
The couple and their 3 with another bun , called Layla in the oven. They introduced us officially.
I had actually met Gaz way back in 2009. He was working as a barman and I rocked up at the place he was working to meet some mates one night and my jaw dropped. This man with olive skin, dark flowing hair , a real man – A Greek god like looking man behind the bar.
I tried everything to get his attention but he didn’t fall for it or me until that day at our mates house in 2011.
This time I got his attention and he had mine. Got to give the guy a break – he was working when I first encountered him and he probably had a girlfriend at that time too.
Oh my god.. My Bella Bee’s outfit – I have turned into the gushing bride. It’s all becoming real – at last.
THANK FUCK FOR THAT. I am a human!
So many things going on in my head.
My wedding dress. What a find – all vintage lace. -long sleeved..-no long trail.
IT IS TRULY JUST DARLING!
Okay here is a peak. I am not superstitious and you haven’t seen all the other tiny details
Got it for less than £500. Considering dresses start at over £1000 and much more. The bridesmaids dresses are pale lemon. That is the colour theme.
Yellow roses. I love yellow roses
I think I showed a pic of the look my G is going for on another post but here is another peek
Oh one last pic…
I got to see the bridal suite today – eeeeeeeek.
So. I’m starting to feel the wedding vibes now.
There is so much I haven’t shown you but all in good time.
I’m getting married!
The most non traditional person I know is getting married.
“All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece, but not too much.” George Harrison
WHY I HAVE CHOSEN THIS QUOTE
To be my natural 1oo% transparent self. I do promise too much. I demand too much of myself. I get bummed out if I don’t do everything I set out in my head to achieve for the day. . #FollowGreatFootsteps
Take yesterday as a fine example,
I’m up at 5 a.m. going through my emails , comments, start finding inspiration for the blog/s I want to write for the day. My hubby makes me a coffee every morning. I think he has a similar condition to people who have been kidknapped by weirdos annd develop Stockholm syndrome, except in our house it is called
He is a bit of a super star when it comes to little small gestures. My Bella Bee and and other non human child usually come bounding into my bed at about 6-7 am.
Cuddle time and I have to listen to the diatribe of events that occurred in my daughters dream. Along with say the 5 or 6 other things that come out of her mouth which can seem like such a perfect and nonsensical thing at the same time.
She is the, Martin Luther King , of her generation
” I have a dream……..”
I usually then do any challenges or whatever blogs I need to. I then get ready for a good blog catch up.
I’ve realised that saying yes to everything means I’m fucking knackered when I get home. I love volunteering. I had a blast at the training yesterday. It was intense( 10- 4 pm. )
We did a lot of practising how to facilitate in a support group group. I never realised how hard it is to hold the space, let the group lead and support each other, speak as little as possible , make sure the support group sticks to boundaries and their ground rules, time keeping and choosing what to disclose about myself.
We did a lot of ‘what you would do if? ‘ scenarios- where we were timed 30 seconds to come up with an answer.
My head was blagged and ready to implode by 3: 30 pm.
On the way home. Thoughts of going to put the heating on and put my feet up, eat and chill enter my mind. It’s cloudy, raining and cold….. I’m going home to chill…
erm, we are talking about me -Daisy.
I have a massive gym session to do.
There is no time to pause.
I’m at it like a boss.
Throwing my punches and my best kick boxing moves to the imaginary prick/opponent I am uppper ‘hooking’and jabbing and crushing with my awesome knee jump -like a ninjaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
I wish it were this easy
These imaginary opponents can take on a human form or an animated form of
oh let me think now….
So hard core session is complete.
Steam is eking out of my pores.
I have a moment of panic that I might be one of those rare individuals you read about,in some obscure magazine,, who just spontaneously combust into flames.
I can see the headline:
‘Girl works out – with epic awesomeness and bursts into flames and then she arises from the ashes like a phoenix bird because she is awesome like that’
I decide that I’m being overly dramatic and then smell myself and think a quiet bath with a face mask and a hair mask will be the Dogs bollocks- the best way to treat myself.
Erm……………………… I have a four year old who wants me to play princess Jasmine, Elsa, Raja and whoever else she can think of -all at the same time . Remember
… AND THAT IS WHY I AM SENDING MY LITTLE BELLA BEE TO AN ASYLUM BEFORE SHE DRIVE ME CRAZY TOO.
Ooh and don’t forget she wants to help clean me.
Aaaaah how sweet.
More like, please piss off and give me time to myself. 😀 .
The last of the bath water remnants swill down the plug hole and I look down at my hands –
shiiiiiiiiiiiiit , my nails are in a state .
I’m also thinking the blue colour totally out- rocks the orange I have on them.
I then have to simultaneously dry hair an nails at the same time.
To say I’m slightly talented is well a bit modest 😉 Ha ha!
WHAT CAN I SAY 😉
Ooooh. Tummy starts growling.
FOOD. – THE MISSION BECOMES DAISY GET FOOD NOW OR I WILL TURN ON YOU AND EAT YOUR BODY ORGANS.
I’ve got way too much living and things to do for that to happen.
Get sat down in bed and I think of all the promises I made to catch up with y’all.
Before I can get any kind of decision made in my head.
It’s story time and it is not my turn to read 😦 very sad face- because Bella Bee’s reading can take what seems a very long time.
I then get all sparked up with my laptop fired up, I’m under the duvets ready to enter the blogospheare. Cue – Epic music.
I must say these clean sheets are mighty comfy – only 7 pm .If I just close my eyes for a sec….
“Daisy wake up ,take your meds and brush your teeth it is half ten ”
Yes my other half does say this to me.
My mind is scrambled. I have a bloody bloggging z-z challenge to do and I have to read over 200 posts of the people I follow.
No I am not going to cheat myself and just like them.
I am going to read every. single. one. Comment on every single one.
Two a.m. and I finally can hit the pillow almost guilt free:
I didn’t do my blog challenge
or my gratitude surprise challenge for my readers and peer followers
useless, take yourself out with the trash incompetent being.
My thoughts are retired drill instructors. they paid a membership to lease out my mind and now that won’t fuck off -pardon my sewerage mouth talk.
It is now 5:50 am and I am going to edit and polish off this post and hit the publish button -blast it into the blogoshphere.
Today I can imagine the set up being similar.
I will not give up.
Can I just say coffee is a truly my best friend. None of the crap shit.
I mean proper coffee made from some little village in Columbia with it’s fair trade stamp on.
So, I’m a greedy Bee with an itch ( bitch) . I want big slices of the cake. Hell, I want all the cake.
Sharing is something my four year old daughter has to do. This does not apply to me. I am an adult.
Okay, luckily my days are not always so full on – my mental health is important and it should be for everyone.
This is not a long term solution to living for me. I have committed myself to various projects and (coughs) a wedding and all that. Nothing major….
Look just take care of yourselves, please. We all live busy lives and have our shit to deal with but be kind to yourself. 🙂
Happy mid week!
Want to be a part #FollowGreatFootsteps? You can do it! I will review your blog -check out the link above. It”s easy peasy.
“I have to keep facing the darkness. If I stand tall and face the thing I fear, I have a chance to conquer it. If I just keep dodging and hiding it will conquer me.”
― Mary Pope Osborne, My Secret War: The World War II Diary of Madeline Beck, Long Island, New York 1941
WHY I’VE CHOSEN THIS QUOTE.
I’ve been letting the dark extinguish all light. I have basically been a wuss. It is the start of a new week. Unfortunately this day starts with an M. but go look outside your window. check that cloud out and look for the silver lining..
My passion for life, just recently got ran over by a steam roller and flattened me out, Rolling me out like a piece of dough, taking all the air- like passion out of me.
We all have our struggles. Shit, it sometimes a lot of the times may seem like hiding under the duvet covers and growling at anyone who dares to step their big toe into my bedroom like a good idea.
How many times have we done that one?
What did we achieve?
what did we learn?
So how can I big myself up?
I could hire out a cheerleader and personal mascot to follow me around for the week shouting
GO DAISY! GO DAISY! D.A.IS.Y. -WHAT DO YOU GET ? DAISY!
If I did this I may end up in prison by the end of the week under murder charges for temporarily losing my mind and killing a cheer leader and mascot.
Imagine it. All week. That would drive me nuts!
I’m going to use my busy week to learn.
I know for a fact,that if I 100%
engage in my life this week;I will become bigger in spirit and character and I will learn more. I will evolve.
Come Sunday . I will no longer be who I am today.
I’m kind of nosy how that is going to turn out.
Change is good . Push yourself.
I think the idea of being conquered sucks. I know how much of a buzz I get when I push myself and I DO what I set out to do. I go on a natural high.
I am usually quite successful in all that I take on.
I’m worried that I won’t have enough time to be a Mom, partner and put the effort I usually do into my blog and reading other blogs because:
I’ve got my hair trial
Make up re trial
Food tasting for the wedding
Run through for the wedding
Bella Bee back at school
long hours of group facilitating training on Tuesday and Wednesday
More long hours of training with a different organisation on Friday
Exercise every day
I know it may not sound like a lot. To me it is a huge challenge considering how I have been feeling lately.
I’m so going to own this week.
Make a list of what you have to do. By all means focus on one day at a time. You don’t want to freak yourself out
Oh and please be fucking kind to your self. I hear this a lot.
GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT FOR WHAT YOU DO GET DONE
Want to be a part #FollowGreatFootsteps? You can do it! I will review your blog and link it to your blog website -check out the link above. It”s easy peasy.
Had I gone for my hair trial today with my family and bridesmaids may be I could have shut out the big Ha! ha! ghosts floating through the mansion of my mind. It may sound like a great thing to own a mansion as a mind.
I can tell you. It is a place that never sees sunshine, there is dust everywhere, the piano remains out of tune. Every room has something magnificent to find
Dresses in one, jewels in the other, mothers little helpers pills scattered everywhere.
There is always a ghost on standby ready to haunt me.. It’s like an old familiar melody.
I find no pleasure in any of these rooms. There are too many rooms, not enough signs and I am always losing myself in it.
Instead of running from my mind. I sit in the creaking rocking chair. Legs splayed,opening myself up to become possessed by anything .
They sit down on my favourite grey chaise longue and puff cigars that smell of lavender and twirl full bodied wine glasses filled with a deep maroon Beaujolais or a chateux neuf de pap.
I seem unable to move. I can’t move. If I could just ask them to leave .
One places a daisy chain on my head and tops up my glass of southern comfort. I’m sure I have stopped drinking. They know this as well as I do.
The irony is they are trying to make me live again. Drink if you must- anything to live, they urge….
This is their home. How can I cast them out?
They drain me, yes it is true, but they have been a part of my life, guarding me when I was still growing in my mothers womb.
I let them stay,
“SIT DOWN”., I say
Foreplay remnants stain the sheets on the various four poster beds. There is a new guy in town.
Has a bit of a opium habit. He hides away from everyone ,including me.
I have become desperate in my misery,
I seek him out .He won’t show himself.
I beg him to show me how. He can write the directions on a paper……
I think he cares. He doesn’t want me to go that far down.
I think if I am so far down the dragon’s pit;chasing ,what is a few more inches to the bottom?
Isn’t the bottom or top better than half way neither up or down?
I think he hid the ouija board too. He doesn’t want to be summoned because my will will break his……
In all honesty I think they all want the best for me. Oh of course they have their own agenda’s too.
They know how down I am but they need to go on outings too. They get bored so I get to be their cruise liner- my eyes are their oval windows ,to peer outof, their mode of transport, that shows them life still carries on even if they can’t be an active part of it.. ..
They called me a party pooper today. Sounds a bit lame.
They held a special party pooper party for me.
My least favourite party of all times- they all congregated in my drawing room whistling and pulling crackers and the incessant chatter nearly drove me out of the house.
Usually, the louder they are the quicker I try to escape – This time they lucked out. They will not help me find Opium boy.
I only want to escape with him.
I will continue to follow his musky scent until another scent sends my pulse quickening.
Another ghost starts to ask:
“Why do you want to be dead when your heart still beats?”
“Oh fuck off and cross over – you can live in my mansion of a mind but I will not be questioned – my mind my rules.” I reply
If I had gone would I have lost the scent of Opium boy?
Would I have cared?
Usually when I chase a boy that needs saving , I get into trouble….
“Interviewer: ‘So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?’ Frank Zappa: ‘You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?” -Frank Zappa
WHY I HAVE CHOSEN THIS QUOTE.
It is my wedding hair trial today. Less than nine weeks until the wedding. I chose this quote well ,because it tickled my humour and my gorgeous hubby to be is a man what has longer hair than I. ( think the grammar police would be proud!)
Oh and he wants me to write more blogs about him. I think his exact words were:
“In our vows I want it to be written that you will write more posts about me. In fact every post should be about me. ” Quote by my G.H. (no D’s at the end) and sadly he does not have as much leverage as my hair straighteners.
What a modest man I am marrying 😉
It is so scary because all of a sudden he has started revealing his – mmmmmmmmmh how should I put this..
His less desirable traits.
He has 100% convinced me not to do a first dance. I have caught him dancing to my work out D.V.D’s – a white man , solid weight long hair , huge beard- looks like Jesus and a dude doing the Steve erkul on me
HELP! I AM MARRYING THIS..…. ha ha I jest , I jest.
What a mistak-ah I make- ah.
Seriously, his dancing requires at least 3 years training in the circus before I can watch him dance with a combination horror and a hint of amusement and not walk away shuddering….
I’ve almost had to get on my knees to get him into something resembling a suit. A friend found a pic of Johnny Depp and well finally G was sold on the idea.
Now trying to get him to do the whole shave mustachio a la Jonny Depp with out losing too much manly beard. I’m still working on him. I don’t mean that, like I am charming him with my wily ,seducing female technique.
I am. Sex ban! Ha ha!
I am finding every opportunity to casually be naked around him and then so subtly get dressed like a Geisha. I have the sexy lets ‘get the stocking/ pantihose on’ down to an art.
I always end up falling over when I try and put tights on. I don’t have time for all that rummaging to find the exact place my foot should go, so I usually think my tights have shrunk or I have bought a pair for a person with no butt. So still got the Geisha look going but one that resembles a novice trying to walk in those shoes.
So back to hair. It’s going to be fun with my bridesmaids ,Ma and Nan..
My partner is 31 and as much as I love him,
Can you tell I love him?
He has already turned into my new Dad in law to be . He whistles like his Dad- just picks random moments. It like being in a horror movie. The evil monster is close because you can hear his whistle getting louder and louder.
We have a relationship built on a great system of laughter and jokes. He now thinks all his jokes are funny -Examples?
He thinks it’s funny to get a cloth and give it to me telling me to clean up my act!
He on purposely never puts the tea towel to hang on the oven- straight . I know it is on purpose and that it what matters. He knew about my O.C.D. from day one.
He is a straight out Geek: into Star wars, dungeons and dragons and he has the most weird mind. He comes out with the most bizarre facts. I’m not the only one who thinks this. I’ve seen everybody who has that look on their face, thinking:
–where do you come from? How can you know this? Why would you research this?
I literally woke up two hours later than I should have. Yes, it’ s the weekend but I have a blogging ritual that puts me in a crappy mood if it isn’t fulfilled
Kids grow up quickly , any one noticed? ,
That has been a huge slap across the face lately, from a little baby who was just bigger than the palm of my hand has now grow into mine like Gozilla- who can do things independently – it’s like having a deceptively cute monster . I want to shout
” Stop growing or else…… you will grow up and that sucks and then you will blame me for all your problems” –I’ve been through years of therapy and I have just got my shit together.
Everyone is saying how quick my wedding day will go. That I won’t remember it. I know I’m on medication that can make me less alert but what was up with all of you on your wedding day?
Were you like shit faced drunk? Ha! Ha!
I’ve realised my friends have little faith in me.
When in all earnest, I declared that I will find a way to stagger time until and on the wedding day.
“If you spent your life concentrating on what everyone else thought of you, would you forget who you really were? What if the face you showed the world turned out to be a mask… with nothing beneath it?”
― Jodi Picoult
I don’t know about you but I expect only the best from myself. I do this and I set myself up to fail or I am shocked when I succeed. Can you believe that a lot of people who’s aims and expectations are to succeed,when we do succeed -this is the one thing that terrifies them? SUCCESS.
We all have expectations and they have a habit of reflecting yourself and your expectation in other peoples eyes.
Now not only do you have expectations but you interpret that everyone has these expectations of you. Not necessarily true.
It is scary when some one decides to lean on you for survival
Some one you love gets ill
You suddenly start achieving your goals and you have finally got peoples attention. EEEK. Now what? you feel under qualified
You have to get Triple A+’s on your exams or papers
You need to blow your work targets through the roof
Work like a demon,Get into shape and look like a boss on your wedding day 😀
The list is endless.
This quote reminds me to do only what I can. I don’t want to lose myself in ‘I shoulda and I coulda’s
I don’t want to ever have to wear a mask again. I’m transparent ,what you see is what you get. I like being this way.
There is more than something going on inside me but I and you need to be kind to yourself.