Always look up

Hola!

‘Always look up wherever you go – those who walk with there eyes to the floor miss out on so much of life’ 

DAISY XOXO

DAISY GOES INTO BUSINESS:

What a palaver!

I spent weeks working on trying to figure out a way to sell my products on a free WordPress template.

A lovely friend of mine suggested – Wix and e -commerce.

I was in entrepreneur, creative business utopia until I had to learn the system …

It’s been challenging. It is still a challenge but I am seeing progress and, I am getting so excited for when we finally go live.

 

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SMALL MOTIVATIONAL REMINDERS 

 

DAISY DOES HER MASTERS:

If you have followed my previous posts on from the start of doing my MA,  you will know it has been an ocean of tidal waves and tsunamis and, high tides and low tides.

These still waters of mine run deep.

My First TMA (tutor marked assignment)   Act one of a stage script about a homeless couple received a CLEAR PASS  of 62%

There were tears, miscommunication, fall outs, despair and I lost confidence in my writing abilities.

TMA 2 ( my second genre -Fiction writing)  I wrote a supernatural piece about a girl who (accidently) commits suicide.

Lat night, my tutor emailed me to say she was having an issue submitting my marks via the online system and she didn’t want me to start worrying, so, she copy and pasted all the feedback and my mark into an email.

She gave me useful and extensive advice on what I propose to write for my EMA ( end of module assignment due in May 2017)

The second act to the homeless couple script.

Eeeeek! 

I do feel more supported, understood, challenged and more confident in achieving what I want to do with my writing for this piece.

Oh, the results for my TMA 2

82%   a HIGH MERIT.

I’m back to the marks I was getting when I was doing my final year of my BA in the Art and humanities.

I need to keep this momentum going. I don’t want to find myself under merit territory again.

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I invest a lot of time in people and the things and causes I dedicate my time to.

 

DAISY DOES VOLUNTEERING:

One thing I have had to put on the back burner is helping to  co-facilitate 12 weeks of WRAP (wellness recovery action plan self-management program) with the EIP   ( early intervention prevention ) team for people diagnosed with at least one episode a psychotic episode

I’m gutted. There were many issues that led me to distance myself from this.

Two being:

Issues of funding and logistics.

I enjoyed meeting up the people I was going to work with. I loved their energy and enthusiasm.

A lot was promised and then not delivered.

 I felt the need to email my colleagues and tell them what I thought about how the course was put together- I was my usual blunt self and not very diplomatic.  Ooops…

I feel that if the NHS ( national health system) in the U.K. expects results from a new therapy or a new way of self-help/lifestyle and illness management program, then scrimping on pounds is not helping promote or inspire that WRAP works.

In the long term WRAP  (run properly) will most likely save the NHS money.

As far as I’m aware- nobody knows what is going on with this current  WRAP workshop. I haven’t fallen out with anyone. I can’t give all my energy into something if everyone doesn’t  have the same vision.

For me, it needs more planning and preparation and I’m not going to be that person who just turns up to volunteer at a workshop to go –

‘Oh look at me, I’m making a difference’ – when I know, in my heart, the results this particular workshop can have on people’s lives if  it is implemented properly.

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I’m currently putting my energy into other charities I work with to see how I can help them.

DAISY GOES TO HER FIRST SESSION AT THE  ACTING PROGRAMME WORKSHOP :

I wasn’t nervous until I got to the place. I arrived early. It was bitterly cold and I hate the cold.

It turned out to be incredible.

We did a few  Actor warm up activities such as being aware of filling the space and being aware of other Actors around us.

We did some improvisation and using our body exercises to convey emotion.  Loads of fun!

What a lovely bunch of people. I am definitely going to the next session next week. We all seem to have common goals and everyone is so unique and interesting.

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UNEXPECTED SURPRISE ALERT:

There is a possibility we may (or may not) put together a little something to perform to students at the university after the 8 weeks.  How awesome is that?

I do try and keep up with you all on here. It has been difficult but the more knowledge and confidence I gain in the above  areas of my life – the more time I will  get to have fun- one being reading blogs and blogging random stuff

DAISY LIFE UPDATE:

 It was my husbands birthday on Valentine’s day. We have a sleigh bed!

hi ho!  hi ho! it’s off to bed I go – ha ha! It’s massive – king size!

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After the mid-term school holidays in February, my Bella – my daughter will be joining Year one ( she is in reception at the moment)  for her reading and writing class.

She has two mates with her who are excelling just like her and she is a bit of a whizz kid at Maths.

DAISY’S MENTAL HEALTH UPDATE:

Long story short. Pushing other people’s buttons to get an honest answer has been difficult -emotionally- to sit with – without trying to avoid the emotions by self-medicating.

I’ve been angry at myself for nearly destroying the best thing  I have in my life- my family – because, I believed ( with help) that someone cared more about me than they actually did.I put a lot of my energy into helping a person when they had a meltdown last year. It all got thrown back in my face.

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I finally know the truth. That is all I ever wanted. Now, it’s time to let sleeping dogs lie.

That’s it – all very boring but it’s all happening

Physically. I’m eating better and I have more energy. I haven’t lost weight which is something that terrifies me equally as putting on weight does.

 

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I want to know the reason why

I should be working but I have a lot going on in my head. One of those things is the chorus to this song:

Everybody’s gotta live,  and everybody’s gonna die  

Everybody’s gotta live before you know the reason why…..

It’s an upbeat song. It’s a song that makes me think about all the times I want to hide under my bed and not be noticed, it is a song plays out an inner conflict between my fears and my dreams.

It is a song that helps me keep on at my dreams by turning them into goals.

It’s scary for me to commit to anything. I am the person who when I say – Yes. That is it. There is no turning back.

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GET YOUR ASS BACK IN THE LIFE GAME.

Hell might raise the roof off  my mind but I will work through the pain. I do it by doing everything  that screams:

 But I don’t wanna………

I think:

Daisy, how can you seriously think you can help people learn to manage their own lives and issues when I am a walking calamity on automatic?  

Well, that’s the thing.

These days, I may have more knowledge and skills of how to manage my problems and thoughts and feelings.

Does that mean I am suddenly cured?

Perfect?

Hell, no!

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This is the thought equivalent to the sleazy pickup line, I don’t need to hear in my own mind.

I do have a system in place that helps me manage stressful times, my illness, me.

Why can’t I be accessing things I know make me well before the government says you are dying – now we will admit you to a hospital?

No, I know how to stay out of the hospital – I know how to be as healthy as I can be when it gets a bit rough.

 I reach out.

There are a bunch of people who I will be working with for the next 14 weeks and I may have some uncomfortable moments.

If I am maintaining my health with support and need to drink a nutritional shake to get the energy I need to carry out what I want to do, people need to accept that and challenge their own ideas about Mental and Physical wellbeing.

Just because I am not 100% healthy ( I don’t think I have ever been 100% healthy or will be) doesn’t mean I have to hide away from the world and be ashamed.

My illness is not me. It is a part of me and because I have a Wellness Recovery Action Plan of my own, I know how to recognize when I am well, not so well, falling off the wagon, or possibly need support to pick me up.

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I have a plan. I know people get ill and people get well.

Do I think I can pull this MA off?    I’m half way there.

I had a mini meltdown last night because my tutor won’t engage with me in the forum (especially when I  felt I needed professional input) – I turned to other writers in the forum and yes, they helped a bit.

 Would my life be better if my Tutor didn’t hold a grudge against me because I am asking for my TMA1 to be reassessed?  Yes.

Would it be easier to back down and compromise my values and beliefs?    Easy for who?

 

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I’ve signed up to do an 8-week acting program in Leeds – in the hope, it will be a refresher to the acting degree I did in 2009-11. I was a different person then- with a whole lot of different problems at that time.

 I want the chance to use this opportunity to help inform my writing for my MA and any future work I do, I also want to give myself a confidence booster for when I  get anxious about public speaking.

Yes, it may look like I am super confident on the outside. I know about how to communicate nonverbal signs that indicate I’m okay. I know what to say to myself to psyche myself up.

In public, I can do an amazing impression of someone with confidence and flair – a lot of us do.

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What is wrong with people knowing that in private that sometimes I’m in tears, don’t want to leave the house, my husband hugs me till I feel safe again?

 I doubt myself, think of giving up.

Does that mean I will give up or fall apart?

My aim is, to stay as well as I can and reach my goals and achieve them.

I will do my best to make sure I damn well achieve them.

Don’t you find it strange how, one minute, the world can seem to fall in on itself and then a couple of hours later, a little fire sparks up and blazes up your entire being?

It’s that little bit of hope.

Hope means: it is possible.

It also means I/we need to work hard to achieve our goals, get scared and have that awkward conversation and feel the anxiety and stay with it.

It also means we get to experience the times when we are “in” the moment, laughing, listening to others, learning, seeing what we can do when we just do it.

No one said life is easy. I have screamed this at the world hundreds of times:

I NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN! 

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I’m still here.

You are.

Whatever shit we have done that should or could have been the moments when it all flatlines- isn’t here- yet.

Yes, I will die one day. So you will you.

Whatever your beliefs about the afterlife – they are yours. If they comfort you – keep them.

If they help you put one foot in front of the other- use your faith, and your beliefs to be your best champion.

It’s so fucking cheesy, I know. ( face in palm) I feel like one of those square sandwich cheese melts.

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My point is this:   it takes courage to decide to live, it takes a lot of courage to decide to take or consider ending our  own life.

Like the song goes: while I’m here I want to know why I’m here.

I can only do that by living life.

I don’t want to merely exist. I want to look back and go – it makes sense now.

These are my words.

Have a great week all.

DAISY XOXO

Here’s the song.

 P.S. and here is a poem I discovered when I was about 13/14 years old. I have used it and read it and carried it with me for over 15 years to see me through some pretty fucked up times.

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Date Interrupted

Some Dates – Not all men can handle a strong womare sweet when you remember them…

Valentine’s day.

One minute, you are planning for your big wedding day.

Three months later and your baby girl is going to BIG school and asking for a baby sister – not a baby brother .

Why?

Because Mommy may have told her boys stink!

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Mommy may have said

‘woah-easy- who do you think has to carry this brother or sister of yours?’

‘Daddy’ – came her reply.

If only……..

Oh, I  do wonder how excited men would get about making babies if they knew what they had in store for them ?

9 months of mind and body possession.

 

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I BET MEN WOULDN’T EVEN PUT ON WEIGHT IF THEY COULD GET PREGNANT!

 

All totally worth it of course…. 😉

I mean, then you look at this “cute” child of yours.

Then the compliments come flooding in –

“Just the spitting image of you”. 

Now, not only are you Fat- not pregnant – baby is out – but you have  an Alien baby who apparently looks just like you do!

it’s not like you can just go –

oooooh, Stork -here is some butter – take him/her away and bring me who I dreamed about giving birth too.

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Do or don’t.

My little lady turned out so delightful that, to be honest, if I hadn’t been at the birth – high on gas and air – and sick to my stomach- and felt that push and was stitched around my V.J. parts,all the way around like a hem of a skirt . I would tell you –

She isn’t mine.

I’m Night – she is Day.

Mending my ways – as the days go by.

Screwing up – with no need for any suicide squad of any kind to aid me.

 

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MENDING MY WAYS ONE SCRATCH AT A TIME.

 

 

Minutes.

What am I going to to do with my day ?

to

It is three fucking am in the morning and I am reading about training, my masters, worrying about mother /wife/daughter / friend /duties, bills, life…

SOCS got interrupted – this girl got interrupted by my little lady.

Storytime and Stream of consciousness . I did the bathtime and Bella  had lots of mommy time with me today.

Nope – she still won’t go away…..

Oh, she has gone.

I ignored my sweet child. well, I didn’t give her my full attention…

 

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Catch the kisses!

 

I have a head full – no space.

I’ve got more responsibilities coming.

Usually, I am fucking chuffed to bits – it has dawned on me -what a  huge role being  a WRAP facilitator is –

Oh, don’t get me wrong, dearie… I have my pre-reading prep to do and I have been   giving  the opportunity to do this training.

  I get to give hope  to people in a manner  that a lot of people who have suffered abuse and trauma may  have never encountered.

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I’m no fucking teacher. They say : you are the best expert on yourself’ and that it 100% accurate.

One year ago I did this program as a student and now

…. well, shit just got different.

That brings me to the first ever Masters course with the Open university on Creative writing.

Of course, I can do this. No big deal.

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Just a thought  Sweet dates are just nom nom but my current  diet  intake needs to include more than 3 types of food.

Sugar  lows are a bitch.

Yeah, I want to come off the sugar.

Recovery is limitless.

No limits!

Trust, empathy and giving my time and working with others are a few  of my strengths- it took me a long time to realise it.

I lost my confidence these last few months. I lost some weight and it scared the crap out of me. I am not going back into any eating disorder clinic

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Time in there stops.

Dates become meaningless  but I was always the rabbit running around,with that ‘ off with her  head’ queen mentality of mine –

with things to do –

Things that I expected me to do

– and if I was late ?

Well…..  as much as my mind can drive me into  states of

‘I don’t want to be me today’ .

I know I have a great mind.

When I put my mind to it.

I achieve and succeed in ways that still impress me.

So, I am trying to write myself out of a panic attack of sorts.

I’m not the kind of girl who goes I will settle for a pass – I want a fucking first. My mind darts here ,there and everywhere-

HEADS UP!

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Talking about my degree again .

I still exercise -even though I don’t have a wedding dress  to fit into anymore.

The time is now for my inner fat lady to get my weights worth in Lard food!

I do know what makes me unwell and what makes me well.

I can’t fecking blame ignorance-

Aye , it is bliss ( I am suddenly Irish).

Thing is , I know that  I’m running out of time.

The battle has been taken into the arena and I am getting battered.

I’ve given a few uppercut ,hook  and jabs –

fist down –

no flicking at the elbows .

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Still, it is  my mind -so, either way, it is going to need bandaging.

I am a mummy!

That is so bad -crucify me, now, please!

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So the battle ain’t over until her majesty of hearts takes a chill pill –  an eternal one – like a ring -send her ass right up Uranus . Ha ,yeah you can have her.

I know my rights. I can divorce this bitch!

My energy  and drive and passion and

 

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FEELINGS.

 

 

 need to  be transformed  into a wielding sword of success.

Time.

Dates.

We make our own Fates.

there’s me doing that rhyming thing again.

I needed to get this out of my head before I ………….

No,giving up was never an option, so don’t worry about it ( in an Italian accent)

One last thing ,why do I get my Reds on a full moon?

Yeah, that  came out- exactly  how I wanted it to.

Reason being: well, it would explain why the hell I have been all over the place of late but I know the true reason.

Oooh, I have just gone all sexist on my own mind!

Conditioned or what – pass me the Febreze.

I need to be kind with myself, look after myself, praise myself, see who I really am, remember my true worth.

Shit like that

It does help.

I am living proof.

I am living proof.

I am still on this planet.

Succeeding.

Living. Proof.

That is me done!

LINDA G. HILLS #soCs WORD PROMPT :DATE 

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WEEK 8 WRAP

Morning all fellow bloggers and wrappers.

Week 8 down!  Here is the link to the all the other weeks covered so far. CLICK HERE  I’ve learned so much. I hope that you have got or will get as much as I’m getting out of doing this course. This week one of our highly valued groupies could not make the group so we decided to put the second part  of Action planning our triggers on hold, until next week. We focused on Early warning signs. These can be rather subtle or they can blast up seemingly from nowhere. If you have been doing this course over the weeks. You will know  that Early warning signs can and often are linked with our triggers. Sometimes in life there may be many indicators that things are not going so well, perhaps you are not coping or managing your thoughts and feelings so well.  Identifying your Early warning signs can help you from going into full crisis mode.

I found this session tough as I have never really looked at my early warning signs that may off set my mental health- negatively. If you have one or two supportive friends or family members, they can help you identify you EWS. Sometimes another persons perspective and how they experience your mental health- good and bad is something you can’t identify because you are in the ‘thick of it’ so to speak. Their view is external to your own. So it might just be worth asking someone what they think are your EWS.

EWS are  usually thoughts and emotions that are going on inside. They are internal and seem to have nothing to do with a distressing  situation. Here is a good way to see how EWS are related. Imagine that your mind is a bucket.  From day to day you will come across many different stressful situations that fill your bucket.

So as an example: Your car breaks down- the bucket fills up a bit. You have a bad day at work, the stress bucket fills even more. Your child’s school call you in to discuss behaviour issues. The bucket is nearly brimming full. Then your partner accidentally breaks your favourite coffee mug. You bucket over flows. You then  go crazy at your partner. Perhaps you shout at  him or her and break down crying. It can seem like the coffee mug is the one thing that tips you into a negative mind state/crisis mode but as the diagram shows; it is an accumulation of events that fills up the bucket,  until it is so full, that it seems something quite small can tip you over. This is why it is always important to recognize your Early warning signs. You can put in place a tap to drain the water (an action plan) so that your bucket (stress levels) never reach that tipping point.

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 MY LIST OF EARLY WARNING SIGNS

  1. I stay up until the birds are tweeting working on projects
  2. I get irritable
  3. I become overly obsessive with cleaning, my weight, everything.
  4. I miss taking my medication or stop using it 
  5. I cut down on my food/fluid intake
  6. I over exercise
  7. I’m unable to see anything else that is going on around me that is outside of my own problems
  8. Avoidance- people, places, things. emotions
  9. I go onto auto pilot- I can’t stay in the present moment. I look to the past or to the future. I  find it difficult to be in the present
  10. I isolate myself from people even family and lose friends
  11. I’m not able to give my full attention to my family
  12. I become focused on de cluttering my home (even thought it isn’t)
  13. I lose my sense of humour
  14. I’m resistant to all affection
  15. I focus on the negatives in my life. My ‘silver lining’ mantra disappears
  16. I trawl through social media websites comparing my entire life with the lives of what social media website users choose to present to the world and how they wish to be portrayed. I lose sight that this is only one dimension to their lives. 

 Brilliant!  What  do I  do now? Unlike triggers, where I would need to make an action plan for each one. When it comes to action planning for my EWS I only need one plan. So here is a comprehensive list of what I must do if I do start to experience any EWS. It would be a good idea to go back to  your WELLNESS TOOL BOX  and try any other techniques that I/ you have learned over these two months. download (6)

Here is my list

  1.  not over blog/write
  2. Disconnect from all technology
  3. carry on volunteering/working
  4. enjoy and give my full attention to ‘Date nights’ with my partner
  5. Spend more time with family/ friends-especially my daughter 
  6. Book to go do something I enjoy. It could be something as simple as watching stand up comics at home or  going to the theatre, cinema etc.
  7. Meet up for coffee with family and friends
  8. Exercise for no more than  an hour and a half
  9. Lay back and chill and listen to my favourite music
  10. Communicate or at least try to communicate my thoughts and feelings no matter how jumbled they may come out 
  11. have a clear out at home- don’t go over board
  12. face the day
  13. Keep in contact with my C.P.N.
  14. Use mantra’s and positive affirmations
  15. tell myself that ‘whatever happens I can handle it’
  16. Look for my silver lining
  17. Be kind to myself- a bit of TLC – go for a manicure, facial, massage
  18. RING MY LOCAL SAMARITANS      if I feel there is no one else I can speak with 
  19. A great technique to use is to alter my physical space which automatically alters my head space- it can be a simple as getting out of bed.
  20. Be creative- read books, write, paint, draw, do crafts
  21. Try the technique I describe in my video clip of week 8.
  22. Another good technique is this:

If you have a negative thought. Here is an example.

‘ I cannot cope.’

Write that thought down.

‘I cannot cope’

Notice that you have written done the thought

‘ I cannot cope’

The aim of this technique is that by writing the thought down you create a mental distance from it. It becomes not a fact but just a thought. 

Finally I would just like to add and remind people of the 5 key concepts of WRAP. Another exercise you can do is based around these 5 key concepts. 

HOPE. – write down  one experience from your life that gives you hope for the future.

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY -Write down one way that you take personal responsibility for your life.

EDUCATION- Write down something you have learnt about yourself on this journey.

SELF ADVOCACY- Write down one area of your life or situation where you would like to assert yourself more and a step you could take to achieve this. 

 SUPPORT- write down the name of one person who supports you and how they d that. 

If you feel this is a tricky  exercise and need an example. I will gladly use my examples. All you have to do is comment ‘EXAMPLE’ 

That is it for week 8. Go away and feel empowered. You are creating a powerful plan to help you in every life situation you face. 

 

WEEK SEVEN WRAP- TRIGGERS AND ACTION PLANNING

This is the week everything  has started to come together for me and I 100% feel I actually have been doing something that will help me in so many different situations in my life. Yet again I am so grateful to have been given this ‘gift’ . LINK TO ALL WEEKS COVERED SO FAR AND VIDEO CLIPS

EMPHASIS ON WHAT 'YOU' WANT

EMPHASIS ON WHAT ‘YOU’ WANT

Following on from Week 6 and ‘identifying triggers’. Today we looked at a specific example of a trigger and we started looking at how we could get an  Action plan together of how we would deal with this trigger. Remember that triggers can affect any one or a multiple of our five senses- sight, smell, taste,touch,sound. We are all human and flawed. There is a lot of stuff in our world that we can’t control: how other people behave or certain events that may happen. What a person can do is to decide how he/she will respond to the triggers. I say respond because it implies some thought behind it. As humans we do have the tendency to react to uncomfortable people and situations and events which is more impulsive.

Here is a vast list of triggers that can tip a person into feeling like crap. There is a lot on this list that I would never have thought of as a trigger,so it is worth having a look. Below this list is brief look at how a person can Action plan. The whole point of an Action plan is to keep you from getting unwell or feeling worse. What’s the saying? ‘Hindsight is a bitch’.  – there’s a few quotes like this. Well ,it doesn’t have to be any more because we have got a plan. Okay,so today I ‘digged’ real deep and I exposed a huge fear/trigger for me. Before we get going,one of the group co -facilitators explained a vivid metaphor/analogy of what is likely to happen if we ignore our triggers.

Referring back to the butterfly metaphor I spoke of  on my LINK TO WEEK SEVEN VIDEO CLIP Unfortunately,I  couldn’t come across the exact version our group facilitator told us today. However,I am not one to give up so easily and I have found something just as good that explains the concept in the same kind of context- i.e. don’t ignore and hide away from life events and how you respond to them. Respond to them in a way that empowers you!  This is the gem I found;

Imagine two caterpillars looking on As a beautiful butterfly floats on by

One turns saying, after it is gone,“Not ever me as a butterfly that high!”Push away Resistance and be open for Change.

STOP and be more than just a caterpillar, ho hum.Start by envisioning ideas beyond your rangeAnd gain The Answer to what you can become.

As with the Caterpillar, it could be a gooey mess But you’ll improve and gain self esteem, for sure Change is about letting go, trusting the process

Of becoming more than you are with things you were.The caterpillar was quite resistant and content;Causing him to ignore what the change involved.He thought his answer would stop the event–His Mother is a moth—his problem was solved!

Can we all learn from this? What can we try?Fight it as we might, Change will come our wayThe caterpillar’s colors are in and on the butterflyWe, too, can transform with our colors still in play

Source: Teaching the Caterpillar to Fly – A poem about a Work in Progress | Performance Management Company Blog

ADDITIONAL TRIGGERS LIST

  • TO IMPRESS A PARTNER
  • SITUATION WITH A ‘FRIEND’ WHO HAS A NEGATIVE EFFECT ON ME
  • BEING STEREOTYPED/ PUT IN A ‘BOX’
  • BEING JUDGED AND HOW A PERSON RESPONDS. I TEND TO CATASTROPHIZE.
  • SAYING NO
  • CAR RAGE/ISSUES –SOMEONE PARKING IN A DISABLED SPACE AND WHO IS NOT DISABLED
  • PARTNERS MOOD SWINGS
  • ABSTAINING FROM ALCOHOL OR DRUGS
  • INTIMACY WITH A PARTNER
  • BEING OVER-TIRED
  • TRAUMATIC NEWS-HIGH EXPRESSED EMOTION– POSSIBLY FROM FAMILY MEMBERS
  • TRAVELLING TO AN UN FAMILIAR PLACE/ABROAD/DELAYS
  • EX WIFE/HUSBAND CONFRONTATION IN RELATION TO CHILDREN
  • PHYSICAL AND MENTAL PAIN
  • FAMILY DYNAMICS INCLUDING THOSE WITH CHILDREN INVOLVED
  • TRYING
  • SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME ALONE
  • FINANCIAL PROBLEMS
  • BENEFITS /SOCIAL SECURITY BEING QUESTIONED OR DENIED

so once you have identified all your triggers, we need to do something positive with it, right? What you need is a plan to stop your triggers having too much power over you and your feelings. It is about stripping these triggers down-  some of you who have come across CBT and DBT will be familiar with this way of action planning but this is the more awesome way of doing it. TRUST ME!

This is my moment. Here is where I make myself vulnerable to demonstrate that this plan can work for you if you put in the work.  From  the above list, the trigger that holds so much power over me is:

BEING JUDGED AND HOW I  RESPOND. I TEND TO CATASTROPHIZE EVERYTHING RELATED TO MY TEETH.

What is going on in my head? what am I thinking ? PEOPLE ARE LOOKING AT MY TEETH, IAM GOING TO FAIL, I AM GOING TO BLOW MY ONE CHANCE TO SUCCEED. I CAN’T COPE. I’M SCARED MY THOUGHTS WILL STOP AND I WILL FORGET WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM THIS PERSON/SITUATION.

I can see that this is all negative chatter. I want it to stop so I need to think really hard about how I am going to deal with these thoughts when they arise. It was a really tough thing for me to do. Brainstorm ways that I can help myself? What? Never!  But I forced my self to think. I went back all the way to week two. I have a wellness tool box- link. The problem with this specific trigger is that it catches me off guard when I’m already in the thick of it. Part of my plan needs to address this and I do. 

Before I can do this I need to find a way to get into a zone of thinking that quietens down the negative thoughts. 

HERE IS MY ACTION PLAN8263619760_3ebee2c983
  1. I CAN TAKE ‘MY THOUGHTS TO COURT’ –  The link for this is at the end of my list.
  2. I CAN SIT WITH THE FEELINGS UNTIL THEY PASS- A TOUGH ONE FOR ME TO DO
  3. I CAN MAKE A PROS AND CONS LIST OF ALL THE THINGS I WILL GET OUT OF ME NOT OVER THINKING AND JUDGING MY APPEARANCE OR WHAT I THINK ALL PEOPLE ARE THINKING. I’M NOT A MIND READER BUT I TEND TO THINK I AM IN THIS PARTICULAR SITUATION
  4. I CAN USE WISE MIND/ PRACTICE MINDFULNESS – SORRY ABOUT ALL THE JARGON -IF YOU WANT TO EXPLORE DIFFERENT TECHNIQUES THEN DO. IF YOU DON’T -THEN DON’T  –  LINK – the link can be found at the end of this list.
  5. MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE ONE IS WHEN I AM ALREADY IN THAT SITUATION WITH A PERSON AND THE THOUGHT TAKES OVER MY MIND I FEEL COMFORTABLE ENOUGH SAYING: SORRY, IF I APPEAR TO BE ACTING STRANGELY ( SOMETIMES I’M NOT BOTHERED BY MY TEETH) I HAVE A FEW ISSUES WITH MY TEETH’.  I BELIEVE THIS IS SUCH A POWERFUL TECHNIQUE AND A BRAVE ONE BECAUSE I LAY IT OUT AND I VERBALISE IT AND THEN THE THOUGHT IS OUT OF MY MIND. I HAVE MADE THE PERSON AWARE OF WHAT IS MAKING ME NOT ENGAGE LIKE I USUALLY DO AND THE POWER COMES BACK TO ME. I HAVE MORE SPACE TO THINK AND TALK ABOUT WHATEVER IT IS THAT I WANT TO REALLY TALK ABOUT. 

TAKE MY THOUGHTS TO COURT LINK -If you would like me to do an example please let me know. It can be one of your triggers or one on the lists. TAKE YOUR THOUGHTS TO COURT.

IF YOU ARE RUSHED FOR TIME THIS YOU TUBE CLICK IS PRETTY COOL. IT IS AN ORIGINAL TAKE ON EXPLAIN WISE-MIND- you can access it anywhere- in your car wherever and listen to it. I love it! 

CLICK ON THIS WISE-MIND LINK– I like it because I find it helps me understand wisemind – I find a mix of images and dialogue easier to understand. PLEASE NOTE I AM NOT PROMOTING THE PURCHASING OF ANY PRODUCTS ON THIS WEBSITE. IT IS BEING USED AS POINT OF REFERENCE AND A GUIDE. 

WEEK 6 WRAP- TRIGGERS

If you want to find what was covered in other weeks of the WRAP sessions then CLICK ON THIS LINK  and you will find the links and video blogs on the on the other topics  I have covered for each week.

Week 6 already!

This week we looked at identifying triggers that can make a person feel a variety of unhelpful emotions such as anxiety, guilt, anger, shame. Triggers need to be identified and not ignored,especially if they cause mental anguish or distress that affects your everyday life,  how you treat yourself and what you do with your thoughts and emotions. Today’s group was rather enlightening because most of the the triggers each of us identified, all seemed to be tied up with judgement and criticisms of what we think a person thinks of us or what we think  they expect from us. This could be good or not so good behaviour. We also discussed different self help calming techniques . One particular technique that resonated with me was and I quote ‘to consider the value of what is being said (about you or to you). An example of how this technique works in everyday life:

There may be someone or many people who trigger unhealthy emotions and thoughts in you.If you prepare yourself and  tell yourself ‘you are a good enough person’ or anything else that is a positive affirmation about yourself. You can then pre- empt what you think others expect from or think of you, in whatever situation that causes you distress. When you are confronted in a situation with a particular person then you can automatically  ‘reduce the value of someone else perspective’ because you have already assessed the situation and you already know your own worth and who you are and it gives the power back to you. Your thoughts are then  based on fact. Facts that can be verified by you. I think this is a great reverse psychology technique and I will certainly be using it myself.

Another great technique someone brought to the group is something called  ‘BRAIN GYM’ click on this link  – for the science behind it. In simple terms the mind and body are intimately connected and when the body and mind are in harmony -studies indicate we as people are more healthy. Certain physical activities can help reduce certain emotions or increase more positive aspects like creativity.

An example.

This is the exercise I  did in group today and (tried to ) re-enact   in my video clip for week 6.

CROSS-CRAWL:Standing up, “march” in place, alternately touching each hand to the opposite knee.Continue during the course of four to eight complete, relaxed breaths.**  This exercise is wonderful for improving reading, listening, writing and memory.  It co-ordinates the whole brain There a so many simple exercises to help with a range of mind sets and feelings. I would encourge aybody and everybody to check out the blog link below

Source: Brain gym – simple exercises for a better mind and body | Jane Alexander

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THIS PERFECTLY ILLUSTRATES HOW PERCEPTION CAN AFFECT EMOTIONS ATTITUDE AND BEHAVIOUR

I have put down a list of my triggers and I invite you to do  the same and next week we can look at action plans. I have a long list -how complexed am I !? Haha.

TRIGGERS

Identifying Values

WEEK 5  of WRAP  and we had a look at what our values are. Values as you may or may not know are things that hold an importance to us. It is a set of principles that help determine the decisions you make in life.  When you identify your values – it can help you find out more about who you are as a person and what makes you do the things you do. In today’s session we were asked to be more clear about identifying our values and what sort of things we believe in. The point being: when you are clear about what is important to you (values and beliefs) then you will have an easier time making decisions because your decisions will be based around what is important to you .  I read somewhere that our thoughts are like mantras or mini prayers and whatever we tell ourselves can become our beliefs and that the  thoughts we tell ourselves can manifest in our lives- good and bad. 

CLICK HERE FOR A DEFINITION/ MEANING OF A MANTRA

So, as an example. When my daughter was in care and the local authorities were wanting to have her adopted. My Nan and my Mom inspired me to tell tell myself a mantra as many times in the day as possible. It didn’t matter if I believed it or not but I had to do it. My mantra was : I AM A GOOD MOM, A WONDERFUL MOM AND I’M GOING TO GET MY DAUGHTER BACK.

I told myself this as many times as I could remember until I got my daughter back . I looked in the mirror and said it out loud to my reflection. I said it when I cried with hopelessness. I 100% believe that creating this sense of HOPE and self-affirming this mantra to my mind, helped me to focus on what was important and also it helped me mentally. I won’t go into the science or spirituality part of creating positive thoughts and beliefs but I can say it helped me when I had lost everything. I still use mantras today and I do feel the benefits.  If you do want to understand more about mantras  check out MANTRAS IN- DEPTH

Okay, I hope you can see the importance of identifying  your values, by putting it down in some kind of written or tangible form. 

Here are my top 10 values

MY TOP 10 VALUES

MY TOP 10 VALUES

Here is the link to an abundance   list of values-from -A-Z –PICK UP TO TEN VALUES  from   the list. It doesn’t  have to be in order of importance. The most important thing you get from doing this exercise is you get it down and are specific about what is valuable to you.